ALL THREE PARTS HAVE BEEN UPDATED
First, thank you very much for stopping by to hang out. I know you have many other options and fanfics to read so I appreciate every one of you. 😊
A/N I wasn't going to do a post-shooting, but this has been rolling around my head and I don't think it's going to go away so here goes. I'm going off the main road and into the woods. :o) This picks up after Buck talks to Christopher at the house.
***There is some language and a lot of hospital trauma in case that might be a trigger for some.***
Several agonizing hours later, Buck tried to wear a hole in the floor. Bobby, Hen, and Chim arrived and were sprawled out in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs watching the news on the TV in the corner. Christopher was home with Carla, and Bobby had promised to call Pepa and Abuela as soon as they got any information. Taylor came by, but he sent her away. Ana, too, although she protested, clearly not appreciating being what amounted to him ordering her to leave. He wasn't letting anyone stay with Eddie but him.
"Family of Eddie Diaz?"
Buck whirled around to find a slim man in green scrubs pulling a cap off his dark blond hair. He walked straight for him.
"Dr. Carter," he announced, holding out his hand. Buck shook it briefly. "If you want to step over here so we can talk…?" he motioned to a small area away from the seating.
"Captain Nash of the 118. It's okay to talk to us."
"We're Eddie's family," Buck answered.
Dr. Carter nodded as the group gathered close together around Buck. "I'll be frank. Eddie's condition is critical. Truthfully, I can't quite believe he isn't dead. He lost a lot of blood, and the bullet ripped up his shoulder pretty good. I see no reason not to expect a full recovery, but the more important thing is for him to wake up. He slipped into a coma in the operating room, so now we wait and see. I'm sorry I don't have better news," he said, his eyes kind.
Buck felt the words slice straight into his heart. His fists clenched tightly, and the room took a wild spin before his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he met the doctor's eyes, but blackness bloomed at the edges of his vision, and the room shrank. His knees give way, pitching him into Bobby's side. He felt the other three, Bobby on his left, Chim on his right, and Hen at his back, catch him, their solid strength propping him up. "I want…want…" he stuttered. His lips flattened into a straight line as he inhaled sharply through his nose. "I need to see him."
"As soon as they move him out of recovery and into the ICU, I'll send a nurse to get you."
Dr. Carter left the waiting room, leaving them grouped. Buck stared at the floor where the man had been standing. He blinked rapidly to dispel the tears that flooded his eyes, not wanting to break down and sob like a baby in front of everyone. That wouldn't do now. No…it wouldn't do at all.
"He's dying," he whispered harshly. "He's dying, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it." His voice cracked, and he tried desperately to swallow down the tightness that closed his throat, jaws aching, blood pounding in his ears.
His grief was palpable, spilling into the room like a shroud. Without a word, Bobby slipped his arms around the younger man, turning him forward and holding him tight. Buck clutched the back of his shirt in his fists and tried desperately to draw a deep breath to ease the constriction in his chest.
"He's not dying," Hen whispered fiercely, rubbing his back.
"Sit down for a minute before you pass out," Bobby stated, shifting away. He looked over at Chim. "Go get him some coffee or a soda."
"Got it."
Buck sat down and leaned forward, bracing his hands on his knees, letting his head drop. Chim came back with a can of soda, popped the top, and handed it over. Buck tipped the can back and downed half the contents. His phone rang, and he glanced down at the number. It was Maddie.
"Hey, Mads."
"Any news?" she asked.
Woodenly, Buck gave her the details.
"Do you need me there?"
"No, you need your rest, and there's nothing to do here but sit."
"Keep me posted and call me if you need anything," she stressed.
"I will. Thanks."
XXXXXXXXXX
Another hour passed, and it was Dr. Carter who came back instead of a nurse. Buck leaped up to greet the man. "Can I see him now?"
"We have him settled in the ICU. Come with me."
Buck glanced back at the others. "Go ahead. We'll be here," Bobby promised.
Buck nodded and fell into step with Dr. Carter. "Can I stay with him?"
Dr. Carter studied the floor as they walked. "Normally, we would only allow you to stay a few minutes every hour, but I'll let you stay in there. I'd like more than anything to see him make it. I understand he has a young son?"
"Yes, Christopher. I've already been home to tell him."
"As I'm sure you've heard, coma patients have been known to hear and respond, so my advice is to talk to him. Maybe it will help bring him around."
Buck nodded. "I'll do whatever it takes. I can't lose him," he finished, the words more for himself than the doctor.
Dr. Carter came to a stop outside one of the ICU doors and hesitated. "He looks really bad," he warned.
"I'm good," Buck returned, proud of how steady he sounded.
The doctor stepped back, and Buck slipped inside the door, getting his first good look at Eddie. Sour liquid came rushing up his throat, and he heaved, eyes scanning for a trash can. A blue bag was shoved into his hand, and he puked until his sides ached. He dragged in a ragged breath, tears stinging his eyes and nose running. A nurse he hadn't noticed in the room handed him some wet paper towels and a plastic cup of water.
"Take a few deep breaths," she murmured. "There's a bathroom right there."
He nodded numbly, tossing back the water. He splashed cold water on his face several times in the bathroom, rinsed his mouth, and washed his hands. Back in the room, heavy steps took him to the edge of the bed, his eyes riveted on his best friend - not quite believing this was the same vibrant, easy-going man. Buck could see the edges of the bandages, and without a thought, he carefully pulled the hospital gown from Eddie's shoulders. He was nothing but bandages from neck to waist.
He gently pulled the gown back up before he collapsed in the chair beside the bed, burying his face in his hands. The nurse was right - there was no preparing for this. He'd seen plenty of terrible injuries…death, but…but this was different. Ever so carefully, Buck slipped his hand under Eddie's and gripped it in both of his.
"I'm so sorry, Eddie…God, I'm sorry," he whispered harshly. "I pray you can hear me. Hold onto my voice, and don't go trying to head for the light. You're not ready, understand? I'm not ready," his voice softer. "I'll never be ready."
The words choked off when Buck felt the rock back in his throat. He swallowed hard, trying to force it down, clenching his jaws. Burning tears still pricked his eyes. Damn it! His chest grew tight from trying to hold it in, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. Wheezing, he dropped his head down on their joined hands, battling for control.
XXXXXXXXXX
A slight tug on his hand brought him out of the exhausted stupor he'd fallen into. Jerking his head up, he looked at Eddie. His hand tightened fractionally around his, and he leaned forward.
"Eddie? Eddie, can you hear me?" he called softly.
"Buck?"
"Shh, don't try to talk," he whispered, sliding one hand over the other man's head.
"Have to…have to tell you." Eddie closed his eyes, struggling to breathe. "Love you…" he mumbled.
Buck struggled to blink back the moisture gathering in his eyes. "I love you, to…"
A shrill alarm pierced the air, jerking Buck out of the light sleep he'd fallen into at Eddie's bedside, and he jumped up, startled. Instantly, he realized the heart monitor registered a flat line. And he'd been dreaming that Eddie was awake.
"Eddie!" he cried.
The door behind him burst open, and two nurses rushed in, pushing him out of the way.
"Dr. Carter, Code Blue. Code Blue, ICU Three. Dr. Carter, Code Blue, ICU Three!"
Buck tried to look back at Eddie as the medical personnel rushed in, pushing him out of the room. The nurses started CPR, shouting out to each other. More people came into the room, including Dr. Carter. Frozen, Buck watched in a terrified haze. The inside of the room was chaos as the doctor grabbed the paddles from the crash cart, yelling orders. He touched them to Eddie's chest, and Buck watched his body surge upward.
"Again!" Dr. Carter yelled. "Clear!"
"Eddie, no," Buck whispered, his eyes glued to the scene.
Eddie's body surged a second time, then a third. The world fell away as darkness edged around his vision, leaving only Eddie's body in his focus. The noise and confusion went on forever. Shouts, alarms, the babble of voices – the din rose until it bounced off the walls. Buck covered his ears, falling back against the wall, his eyes glued to the scene before him.
Then it all stopped. There was no sound, no movement. The world ground to a halt except for the roaring in Buck's ears. He heard Dr. Carter speaking to him. Funny, he sounded so far away. Buck saw his lips moving but couldn't make out the words.
"Buck!" Dr. Carter called sharply. "He's okay! We got him back."
XXXXXXXXXX
The pain cut deep, and he moaned. Panic slammed into him, and he tried to move but couldn't. Why couldn't he move? He tried again – something – anything – but his body felt like it wasn't his to command. God, where was he? Was he dead? Something hovered at the edges, something he should remember but couldn't grasp. Instinctively, his mind backed away from it. He didn't want to go that way… didn't want to remember what it was. Fear waited that way. He heard another moan. Was he making that awful sound?
From where he had his head resting on the bed, Buck heard the slight shift in the machines. He sat up, squeezing Eddie's hand. "Eddie, it's Buck. Can you hear me? You're going to be okay – I promise. You know what would help right now? If you would open your eyes and look at me. Please, Eddie. Open your eyes and look at me."
The other man remained quiet and still, the machines on the other side of the bed beeping steadily. Buck squeezed his hand tighter and pressed his cheek to the back.
He lifted his aching head, eyes blazing. "Don't you give up," he muttered fiercely. "I don't know if you can hear me wherever you are, but I'm right here. I'm not leaving you alone in the dark. I'm here, Eddie."
By morning, there was still no change. Buck refused to leave Eddie's side. The others came and went, bringing him drinks and food, which he largely ignored. He saw how each one looked at him…pity, worry, the whispered remarks they thought he couldn't hear about why he wouldn't leave. He tuned it all out. Every bit of his energy needed to be on Eddie.
With so many hours of doing nothing but sitting next to the bed, memories from the past came rolling through in a slideshow. A lifetime it seemed…in the years they'd been partners.
Surprisingly, the good memories came through first.
Playing videos games with Christopher.
Surfing on top of the fire truck to get the guy hanging off the bottom of the plane.
Building Christopher a skateboard and pushing him through the park.
The time Bobby and Hen breathed too much helium.
Christopher's visit to Santa.
Getting the soldier to see his daughter sing in her Christmas solo.
Teaming up with Christopher to prank Eddie with the Hildy coffee machine.
"I guess it says something about us that I remember the good times before the bad," he whispered, leaning forward, chin in his hands. "Do you remember when I was pinned under the truck? Stupid question, I know. As if any of us could forget it. What I remember most about that night is lying on that cold ground with you holding my hand. You kept telling me everything would be okay. Now I'm telling you everything will be okay. I need you to come back to me, Eddie."
His phone vibrated on the bed, and he glanced over to see a video request from Christopher. "Hey, little man."
"Hi, Buck! You look tired."
Buck shook his head with a soft chuckle. "I am, buddy. It's tough sitting here in this chair, but I'm watching over your dad."
"I know. I'm glad you're there. Can I talk to him?"
"Absolutely."
Buck turned the phone, made sure Eddie's face was in the view, and listened as Christopher told him about his day. The new science project on the solar system, his art project drawing flowers, and a new boy in the class who seemed pretty cool. Buck listened from the other side of the phone, glad the little boy couldn't see his face. When he was done, Buck turned the video back to himself.
"I miss my dad."
The small words clamped around Buck's heart. "I know, buddy, I do, too, but he's still here, and you know what? I'm sure he can hear everything you tell him, even if he can't answer right now. Are you doing okay other than that?"
Christopher nodded and sighed. "Yeah…" he drew out.
Buck couldn't help but smile.
"I miss you, too. I wish you could be here with me, but I know Dad needs you the most."
Buck rubbed his hand over his mouth. This is killing him. "I wanted to take care of you, and I wish I could be in both places."
"It's okay. You're the best one to be with Dad. I want you to take care of him," Christopher stated in his sweet, young way. "I think he'd like that, too."
"Thanks, buddy, that means a lot to me."
"Love you, Buck."
"Love you, too, Christopher. Sleep tight."
XXXXXXXXXX
"I think you should go home and get some rest. You've been here for almost two days."
Bobby laid a hand on Buck's shoulder and squeezed. Buck rose from the chair and stretched, working the kinks of out his back.
"I'm not leaving."
"Kid, this isn't healthy for you."
Buck turned and fixed him with a hard stare. "No."
Bobby's eyes alternated between softening and relaying how much he thought it was a bad idea. He held his hands up in surrender. He was worried about his youngest member. No one knew better than he did how deeply Buck felt things. Exuberance and joy poured from him daily, but he also internalized a lot and carried the weight of others. Bobby thought of it as a Superman complex. Buck is a fixer, always doing things for others, taking ownership of every little problem, even at his own expense. After talking with Captain Mehta, he felt confident Buck was taking the blame for Eddie getting shot. "I know I can argue with you until I'm blue, and you won't believe me when I say what happened to Eddie wasn't your fault."
"No, I was just the guy standing there when it happened who couldn't do anything to protect him."
Bobby's face softened. "Buck…"
"I don't want to talk about it."
The older man signed, weighing his options. "Okay, he conceded. Will you at least eat with me? I brought you something besides cafeteria food."
Buck nodded distractedly. "Yeah…yeah, sure. We can sit right over here." He pointed to a small rolling table they could pull over to the chairs.
Bobby unpacked two paninis and two bowls of soup, one of each for them, along with some napkins and a couple bottles of water. Buck sat opposite him and unwrapped the sandwich. He hadn't eaten much since he'd been here, but Bobby's food was something he didn't like to miss, and he found bite after bite going down, almost without noticing.
"Sure you don't want to talk about it?" Bobby tried one more time.
"Nothing to talk about."
"You sure about that?"
Buck met Bobby's eyes. "Just ask me what you want to know."
Bobby noted the total lack of emotion from the young man who wore his heart on his sleeve. Buck's inner light rarely dimmed, even in the face of so many past traumas. It was one of the things Bobby loved most about him – despite all he'd been through, he continued to see the best in the world and people, whether by choice or simple innocence. It was probably why he got along so well with the children in the family. He spoke their language. But that Buck wasn't sitting in front of him now. This is a Buck he's never seen, not even when Eddie was trapped in the well. He looked like he'd aged ten years overnight.
"I think that if you don't let some of it out, it's going to blast a hole in you."
"Don't know what you're talking about, Cap."
"You're a stubborn little shit; I'll give you that."
That did get a tiny, fleeting smile. Buck reached out and touched Bobby's arm. "I can't… not now. I know what you're asking, but I can't." He stated, shaking his head slightly, his gaze distant.
Bobby nodded and covered Buck's hand on his arm. "I understand. But promise me when that time comes, you let us in."
"Promise."
XXXXXXXXXX
Bobby walked back out to the waiting room, where Athena, Hen, Chim, and Maddie waited.
"Any change?" Hen asked.
Bobby shook his head. "I'm worried about him."
"He still won't leave," Chim stated.
"No. He won't talk about it, either, except to say he didn't do enough to protect Eddie. He's gone to a place where I can't reach him."
"That's fear," Mattie murmured.
"And that kind of fear is hard to shake," Athena stated. "I've been in that boy's shoes. He's in a place in his mind that he can control, where he can keep the feelings away so he can do what he thinks he needs to do."
"And what's that?" Hen asked.
"Keep Eddie alive."
A/N Thank you so much to everyone who stops to read, leaves a comment, follows, etc. It means the world to me.
If you have any ideas, things you might want to see written or prompts – hit me up. Writing fanfic helps keep my creativity flowing for other writing projects I have.