I don't own Phantom of the Opera or any of Erik's opinions. Please review!
The next morning, Lirit burst through Erik's bedroom door with an armful of letters. Erik, ever the light sleeper, immediately woke up. His hands flew to his face, a reflex. "Stop hiding, sleepyhead," Lirit said in a voice too cheerful for a morning, in Erik's opinion. He pulled the covers up to his shoulders and drew his knees up to his chest.
"It's freezing!" he said in a broken voice. "Turn on the heater."
Lirit looked at him funny, "It's not cold. I bet you have a fever. It's one of the symptoms of mono, did you know?" she dumped the letters on Erik's bed and proceeded to begin opening one.
"My throat hurts. Is a sore throat a symptom too?" Erik asked, whispering to save his voice.
Lirit nodded.
Erik watched Lirit open a letter and read it, "What are you doing?" he picked up a letter. "Reading my mail? That's a felony, if I remember correctly. Unless you work for the government."
"I thought that now that you have time, you could respond to some of your fan mail," Lirit replied, not intimidated.
Erik rubbed his neck, "But I'm sick! I don't want to do anything but sleep!"
Lirit threw a letter at him, "Just read it and write a response."
Erik shot her a mean look, but Lirit didn't look up from the note she was reading. Grumpily, Erik opened the envelope and took out folded piece of paper. It had messy writing in purple pen with words scribbled out and small cartoons drawn everywhere. Erik skimmed the letter, a disgusted look on his face. "This person is crazy. Listen to this: 'If Eskimos rub noses to kiss, how do they make out?'" Erik wrinkled his nose. "How should I know?" he dropped the letter on the floor. "Next letter!"
Lirit handed him a letter, "This one is cute, read it."
Erik read the letter. Fortunately, this one was typed neatly. "How does one keep a cat from playing with the telephone cord? I don't know; Jumoke never had that problem."
"Oh! I know!" Lirit cried. "I read it in a book. To deter a cat from forbidden items, you can use a deterrent spray, though I guess that wouldn't be safe for electrical wires. Um, it also said something about a sharp 'No!' or the rattling of a newspaper. Or you could just take it away from the phone. The important thing I guess is consistency."
"You're weird," Erik told Lirit. "Why do you know this?"
Lirit blushed, "What do you care?"
Erik shrugged, "You're right. I don't." He went back to reading the letter. "She also wants to know how to keep 'The Drama Nazi' from hitting her with a script. Take the script away from the Drama Nazi and remove all lamps from the area."
Lirit raised an eyebrow but said, "Good! You're getting the hang of this advice-giving."
Erik tried to hide his smile with a yawn, "What other letters need to be read by the Almighty and Merciful Erik?"
Lirit rolled her eyes, "None of them have questions, they're just poems and prose about how much they love you and how much they've suffered too. This one girl sent you pictures of herself, but I'm not letting you see them."
"What?" Erik exclaimed, voice still broken. "But it's my mail!"
"Well too bad," Lirit dismissed the topic, scrunching up the pictures into a little ball and throwing them out the bedroom door, whereupon they rolled down the stairs, and sat in wait for Jumoke to come along and tear them to shreds.
"I don't want to talk to you anymore," Erik told Lirit, pouting.
"Okay, bye," Lirit said, getting up to leave.
"I'll only forgive you if you make me some chamomile tea," Erik said.
"I don't need your forgiveness," Lirit replied.
"Will you make me some tea anyway?" Erik asked.
Lirit leaned in the doorway, "I don't know, what's the magic word?"
"Lirit, if you don't make me some tea right now, I'm going to kick you out of my house."
"What's the magic word?"
"You're going to wake up tomorrow morning very confused in India."
"What's the magic word?"
"Will you just make me some tea?" Erik asked, exasperated.
"What's the magic word?" Lirit repeated.
Erik sighed, "Lirit, will you please make me some tea?"
Lirit dismissed him with a wave of her hand, "Not with that sarcastic tone, I won't," as she began climbing down the stairs.
"Lirit!" Erik yelled, his voice raw from his sore throat.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm just kidding. Tea it is."
"Chamomile," Erik added, coughing.
"Chamomile tea. Milk and honey?" Lirit asked.
"Milk no; honey yes."
"Don't you have some secret Gypsy recipe for sore throats?"
"If I told, you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore."
"The secret isn't whether or not you have the recipe, it's what the recipe is."
"If that's what you think."
Lirit didn't respond. She picked up the crumpled pictures, Jumoke obviously not having found them in time. Walking into the kitchen, she threw them away and put water on the stove to boil. Maybe later, Erik would answer more phan-mail.
Review in your own phan-letter to Erik or question and I'll use it in my phic! I promise! Come on, this will be fun!