Everyone's Sick at Hogwarts
Part of the Story "at Hogwarts" series
-in which characters, problems and motives are introduced and dealt with...or Not
(somewhat connected to Crimson--done by kira who is almost done writing it)
DISCLAIMER Man here to save the day!
the spankn' world of Harry Potter is in no way own by me or a strange looking goat...or is it?...no
Whether it was Doby's feeble attempts at cooking, or some side effect from one of Fred and George's countless experiments, half the school was out on sick leave. Both teachers and students were feeling some mighty powerful illness, that had completely cocked them off their feet and head. Large green spots appeared under the victim's eyes and food would leak from both ends.
Madam P. had been doing her best to stifle the outbreak, until she herself succumbed to it. Snape then took up the job to finding an antidote, but was…ah…distracted…and didn't take the proper precautions, and began to get sick as well. Now Hogwarts had some of it's best staff on sick leave in the hospital wing and had last minute replacements teaching the classes.
It wouldn't have been so bad if the "teachers", if you could call them that, had known what they were doing, but most didn't. Most didn't even know how to spell the name of the class that they taught.
The Astronomy teacher for instance thought that class's schedule could be based mainly on him reading from the Daily Prophet. The D.A. teacher just threw over ripe tomatoes at the students, screaming: "If you can doge a tomato you can doge a spell", he was quickly replaced by a teacher who did the same thing, but with books. Large heavy books. With nails stickling out from them.
Things really came to a head after two weeks with the supplies, when one day in Care of Magical Creatures, the teacher did some thing EVERY stupid.
The man's name was Thomas Dillwamen, and he seemed to have the IQ of a stale banana. How he, or any of his new co works got their jobs no one Knew, but he had it and he was an idiot. On the first day of classes he actually thought that one of the students was the creature that the class was studying. Professor McGonagall had just made it in time to stop Dillwamen from dumping poor Neville in a vat of hot unmentionable liquid. Of course the class, well most of the class, the Slytherins were mainly just laughing their heads off, but the Gryffindors had all tired to stop their new teacher, but its had to stop a man who randomly hits people on their noses. It's a very annoying thing to do.
Kira, Meg and James had reluctantly started down to Hags hut that Monday afternoon fearful of what would happen this time. Kira had suggested that they all sip or hold a protest, but both James and Meg suggested that they go, if only to stop him from hurting any student or creature.
The class had started off as normally as possible; Prof. Dillwamen had taken them all down to the lake to have a discussion of things that "grew" in the water.
"Hey isn't that McGonagall?" Meg remarked to the others who were also standing in the back of the class. "Over there, by the trees."
"We're by a forest Meg. There's a lot of trees." Harry sneered over.
"Were we taking to you?" Neville said moving closer to Meg.
With arms crossed James said, "You're probably right. Seamus say that McGonagall has been spending all of her time off watching the new-"
"NO TALKING!" Screaming and hitting James, Meg and harry on the nose, Dillwamen went back to teaching.
"And we came because…" came kira's voice from the ground.
Then horrible screeching cut their conversation short.
Rushing towards the man and the water, meg yelled back, "that's why."
Dillwamen had decided that the best way to talk about the giant octopus in the lake, was to ether capture or buy a smaller, baby one and bash its head into a rock. It's very doubtful that this method works or should not be tried.
Body chucking the professor into the lake, meg went over to help the poor defenceless octopus who was now whimpering. "What the fuck are you doing!"
"Teaching!"
"What how to be a prick?" Kira asked.
Joining the others James added, "Or how to endanger a species?"
"I'm the Professor here, so you lot better, better-"
"better what?"
"get you fired?"
"'cause that would be much too easy."
"Girls that's enough," The old voice of McGonagall blared forth from behind a near-by bush, before her tall shinny form came out to greet the class. "Mr. Dillwamen here has fail his probation, and will kindly go to the Headmaster's office before leaving Hogwarts."
"But-"
"Get the hell out of the water and get the hell out of my school BEEAAACHHH."
"That enough Mr. Wheasely."
In silence the class watched as their new teacher slowly stumbled out of the water and head towards the school. Many started to head towards their next class, or just their dorms, but a few stayed behind.
"So who's next?" Kira said watching Meg put the baby octopus into a tinted glass fish bowl that James had just conjured. "A bar tender, a four year old, Filch?"
"Hey can you get that guy from Diagon Ally who sells those great chocolate cake thingys. That would be so great."
"Dumbledore chooses his teachers very carefully-"
"I don't think so," James interrupted. "The guy who's teaching Charms is the same guy who drives the Night bus."
"Well-"
"And the lady who teaches Runs, I swear I saw her on the streets when we were visiting London."
"You mean walking by?" McGonagall corrected James.
"No. I mean as a homeless lady."
"well…"
"Professor, students could teach this class better than the people you've been hiring. Meg should teach this class, she knows this stuff better than anyone inside or outside this school."
"Awwn thank you kira!" Meg said rushing over to kira to give her a great big hug of death.
"Well, its true."
"you should meg, you'd be great at it." James said joining the love.
"fine, then you better come with me." Saying this, McGonagall turned from the group and started walking way.
"what?" meg sputtered.
"You think you can be a teacher, fine let's see if you can."