I watched the next morning as the templars and mages began the ascent to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. A few small groups of dwarves and qunari headed up with them. Most were already at the temple, but these were the late arrivals. Cassandra was stomping around, directing people where to go: wether they were permitted up or if they had to stay behind. Leliana was among the mages that had to stay behind, trying to keep them calm. Josephine was in the Chantry, delegating the work that still needed to be done and corresponding to letters received from the temple. The Commander was among the templars left behind, giving orders and directing the recruits to spar with them - no doubt to train the recruits, but also to help work off the templars' nerves.
I was with Minaeve, among the rest who were bringing food and water to all those who stayed behind. Looks of disgust and pity followed me as we worked out way to a group of templars that were lounging on the shore of the lake, out of view from the others.
"Would you like some bread or dried meat?" I asked, reaching into the basket.
"Mmm no, but my boys and I have other needs you could satisfy," an older templar cajoled as he grabbed my hand.
The others sniggered.
"I do not understand," I stated.
"Take your hands off her," Minaeve threatened, the water skein forgotten.
"Shut it, knife-ear, you'll have your turn. We just want to have some fun," the older one said, his blue eyes full of malice.
"That is a derogatory term," I stated.
"That's what you both are," he shrugged, "And you, my sweet, are going to be my pet for a little while. Why don't you sit next to me?" He patted the ground next to him, but pulled my arm hard anyway. I stumbled and fell flat on my stomach.
"Leave her alone!" Minaeve shouted, fear coloring her voice. I heard a smack and she cried out. I tried to lift myself up, but the templar straddled me and pushed me back down.
"Such a good Tranquil. Just lie down. This'll be over soon," he whispered.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Just giving you a little taste of life."
"Neria, get up! Get up!" Minaeve cried.
I turned my head. She was being held by the two other templars as she tried to claw her way to me, but they dragged her back. Through the strands of auburn hair that had fallen into her face, she stared at me with terror filled eyes. Tears streamed down her cheeks, mingling with the blood oozing from her split lip. I felt as the one atop me began to push up my robes.
BOOOOOOOM!
A deafening explosion hit the air. Time itself seemed to stop for a moment. The sky above the temple exploded open in a pulse of sickly green light; a great maw yawning wide. The force of the explosion reverberated across the lake, causing us all to be thrown back. I rolled across the ground into the rocks behind us, smacking my head against them. The earth shook beneath me and where the temple had been moments ago, was now a ruin. I watched as the great maw began shooting out debris from the vortex that had formed in its middle, the pieces that fell became fire balls. A few hit the lake, cracking the ice open with a hiss of steam to dark voids below. Demons clawed their way out of the darkness.
"Tie them up, we'll save them for later," the older templar shouted.
I couldn't move, my ears were ringing and head throbbing.
"Aye, Knight-Corporal," the others answered.
"Get off me! Neria! Neria!" Minaeve shouted.
I heard the clink of armor as heavy footfalls came closer to me. Before they reached me a loud whistle sounded, growing louder and louder. I opened my eyes in time to see a green ball of fire hurtling towards me.
"Oh Maker, hear my cry," I started to recite as I closed my eyes.
A ball of fire felt different than I had expected. I thought the fire would instantly burn away every feeling of pain. Instead, every inch of me was fracturing with pain. I knew I was dying - dead - yet somehow I was clinging to consciousness.
"Wake," a gruff voice spoke in my ear.
I opened my eyes to find a spirit before me. I was in the Fade. Impossible as a Tranquil, yet I knew without a doubt it was true. As I watched, the spirit seemed to be fading into the void behind it, like ash on the wind. I couldn't make out its features, the harder I looked the less visible they became.
"Who are you? Where am I?" I asked.
"I am a spirit of Purpose. At the moment you are...at a crossroads. You can choose to either stay behind and become who you used to be, or you can follow me and cross through the Fade."
"You mean, if I stay behind, I will be able to...feel again?"
"Yes. If you allow me to touch your mind, I will be able to free you from the Rite of Tranquility. I am fading, I will give you what is left of my life force to renew your own."
"Why?"
"I have been close to you, watching over you for some time. You've endured so much sadness, so much hurt. Yet, you remained good, kind, and faithful to the Maker when so many others would have drunk the poison of hatred, letting it consume them. Then another tragedy, you were stripped of the very things that give you life. My nearness to you is what has led to my fading, but to see you endure so much...I had to offer you this choice."
"I want to feel again."
"Of course. But know this - your emotions and memories will overwhelm you, your mind and soul could be broken by the weight. You must find a way to tether yourself to reality or be lost entirely."
"Will I remember why this happened to me? Will I remember everything?"
"You will in time. It will not be easy. Are you ready?"
I nodded.
The spirit reached out and touched the sun branded on my forehead.
It was as if I was awakening from a long dream. I had been stuck seeing it all unfold, but unable to wake up. I came rushing back to consciousness, aware of the templars attacking Minaeve and I. Behind my consciousness, I felt a beast uncoiling and rushing to the surface even faster. Suddenly, I was slammed with every emotion; trying to feel the dichotomy of each - joy and grief, love and hatred, hope and despair, wonder and fear, peace and rage. My mind was pounding, the emotions screaming at each other. I rolled over, tucking myself into a ball as I pressed my hands against my head. I laughed, I cried, I screamed. I kept screaming and screaming as I got hit with wave after wave of emotion. I heard the templar near me groan, his armor rattling as he got up. Electric waves of mana thrummed through my blood, coiling within me - like a snake ready to strike. The templar had been about to do something to me - to us. Minaeve, she was in trouble. We were in trouble. I was enraged by what they had been about to do - still planned on doing to us. The other emotions quieted as I let rage take over and with it, my mana sang, my mind clearing.
"How in the Maker's name?" the templar questioned, no doubt finding me intact and unhurt, shocking.
He crouched above me, I felt him roughly searching for a pulse.
"Oh, you're still alive. We'll have fun with you yet," he murmured when he felt my pulse pounding in my wrist.
I exploded. Energy burst from me and hurled him back. I pushed myself up. Demons were slain around us, but the two templars that held Minaeve still stood, now binding her hands. They froze when they saw me. I sent shards of ice at them, which harmlessly shattered against their armor. They stepped away from Minaeve as the Knight-Corporal stood, his sword ringing as it left its scabbard.
"How are you using magic? You're a Tranquil!" he shouted, rage contorting his face.
I said nothing as he approached and the two others flanked me. The other emotions were starting to scream again; my head was pounding in earnest and I felt my grip on staying focused slipping. My mana was dwindling fast as well - too long had I been without the ability to use it, to control it. I didn't know if I could focus or produce enough mana for another attack. I waited for them to get closer.
"I'm not going to play your game," the Knight-Corporal shouted.
He stopped just out of my range. His whole body started thrumming with light. I could feel the draining power of the smite before he'd even summoned it. I lost my grip and started screaming again, lost in my own mind. The templar brought his hands together and the blaze of light hit me like a brick wall. I crumpled to the ground. My mind went silent and I was powerless once more. The Knight-Corporal stood over me for a moment before kicking me in the ribs. I cried out as I felt my ribs crack. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and dragged me up.
"I don't know how you broke the Rite, but I will assure that you are broken once more," he spat, his face livid.
My mind remained quiet. I could think clearly. I glared daggers at him, through the hot tears in my eyes.
Not like this. Not like this.
I would not get everything back just to lose it again. I would die before I became a Tranquil again. I spit in his face. He backhanded me hard enough that my cheek split against my teeth. I tasted the metallic tang of blood before I slammed into the ground.
"I'll execute you here and now!" he raised his sword above his head.
I stared defiantly into his hate-filled eyes, lying prone at his feet ready for the swing.
"Die you b-" his words were cut off as giant, blood-drenched talons tore through his chest.
Blood leaked from his mouth as he looked up into the face of a terror demon. It's many eyes were lifeless as it's hanging maw filled with rows of teeth sank into the neck of the Knight-Corporal. I closed my eyes as I heard the wet, squelching of the demon wrenching the templar's head from his neck, bile rising in my throat.
"Neria, get up! Save yourself!" Minaeve cried as more demons erupted around us.
They cut the other templars down before they could draw their swords. Minaeve froze the demon above me as she crawled to me, putting my head in her lap.
"Please, get up," she whimpered, tears splashing onto my face.
I could only look at her, tears in my own eyes. My strength still drained entirely.
Maker, hear my cry...
The other demons stalked closer, their inhuman wails chilling my bones. Blackness veiled my eyes and I knew no more.