A/n: I copyright this story, but I do not own Family guy.
Pablo Griffin
(The family is watching Jerry Springer.)
Jerry: So watch you're saying is you cheated on your wife with you're
boat.
Guy: Yeah, she feeds me, takes care of me and does whatever I say?
Girl: He never took care of me. He said I looked like a man.
Jerry: You're not a man?
(Theme songs)
(Everyone is in the kitchen when peter runs in.)
Peter: Hey everyone I got tickets to ice skating with the stars.
This is bound to be more exciting then when Tom Cruise killed Oprah.
(Flashback; At the Oprah Winfrey stage.)
Oprah: Lady and Gentlemen, heres Tom Cruise.
(He runs in with guns and grenades.)
Oprah: How are you and whats with the guns?
Tom: Let me just say I love Katie Holmes.
(He then's takes out his guns and start shooting oprah. He throws Grenades
at her too.)
Tom: I feel good. Tell me how you feel Katie?
Katie: Oh Crap.
(Back to the kitchen.)
Stewie: Well the fat man seems to have something planned. Imbecile, this is my chance to conduct
the ultimate plan to kill the wretched woman.
Peter: It's tomorrow so every one get ready.
Chris: I hope it's not like the time I played strip yugioh.
(Flashback: Chris and a friend are playing yugioh.)
Friend: You know the rules?
Chris: I know, ok I play large boo…
Friend: I won. You have to take off your shirt.
Chris: Oh man. (Chris takes off his shirt while his friend watches.)
(Everyone is going to bed.)
Peter: Sleep up we have a big day tomorrow.
(Stewie falls asleep and has a nightmare. Brian wakes him up.)
Brian: Stewie what's wrong?
Stewie: You know whats worse than Michael Jackson, Michele Kwan ice
Skating with Wesley Snipes.
Brian: Oh god you have to stay home. (Brian leaves.)
Stewie: Yes, everything is falling into place. With the wretched dog staying home I
can work on my device as I wait for the man in red.
(The family gets ready for the show.)
Brian: Peter, Stewie had THE DREAM.
Peter: Oh god is he ok?
Brian: Yeah i'll watch him.
Peter: This is great now we have the ticket for Meg.
Meg: What?
Peter: I mean now we have an extra ticket, oh well. Hey let's watch Beast wars.
(Optimus Primal is talking to Waspinator.)
Primal: So that's you're animal. A Wasp?
Waspinator: Yes
Primal: Ha. Hey, Rhinox come here. This guy turns into a wasp.
Rhinox: No…. Way.
(All of a sudden there's a knock on the door. Peter opens it. A man is standing wearing
only the Puerto Rican flag.)
Peter: Who are you?
Guy: My name is Pablo Griffin. Hi cousin
Peter: Holy crap. I'm Spanish.
(Peter brings Pablo to the couch. Lois gets him some coffee.)
Pablo: Gracias.
Peter: So tell us your story.
Pablo: Well i'll start from how I came to be.
(Flashback: Pablo's father Bob Griffin is walking down the street.)
Pablo (v.o): It all started with me padre. He was gringo.
Bob: What a beautiful day. The sun is shine on my white body I
survived watching a nick cannon commercial and all is goo…
Pablo (v.o): A beautiful Hispanic girl had passed in front of him.
Her name is Café Bustelo Rodriguez.
Café Bustelo: Hola senior.
Bob: Hola. Capuche el moke.
Café Bustelo: Que?
Bob: Would…you…like…to…go…
Café Bustelo: Id love too. Adios.
Bob: Yeah aminos.
Pablo (v.o): Afterwards they fell madly in amor. Then some other stuff happened yada
Yada nuff said. Anyway I was born. My mom named me Pablo. It was el happiest day
of her life. My padre wasn't that feliz. I think he hates me because i'm Hispanic. When I
was 10 years old my padre left. He said it was business. So he left to New York. My mom
and I moved to Mexico.
(All of a sudden Peter interrupts.)
Peter: Well this is all jolly but we have to go see ice-skating with the stars.
Pablo: You said ice-skating with the stars. I love that.
Peter: Great you can have Meg's ticket.
(The family leaves except Brian, Stewie and Meg. Later at the ice show Robin Williams
is skating Sarah Hughes.)
Peter: This is great huh? Hey…Meg?
Meg: Yes its me. God I never felt this cheated out since I went to the dollar menu.
(Flashback: Meg is at the dollar menu with a dollar.)
Meg: Ok lets see i'll have the..oh wait that's 1.04. I guess i'll have the..
wait it's 1.02. Is everything more than 1.00 here?
McDonalds guy: Pretty much.
(Stewie is working on his invention.)
Stewie: Excellent. My death ray is almost complete. All shall hail me…. stewie.
Brian: Hey Stewie. How are you today? Want a moheeto. No it's not a gay drink.
Stewie: Yes i'm fine. On second thought get me a beer and some Kit Kats.
(The family walks in.)
Peter: Well Pablo you can sleep in Meg's room. Meg you can sleep outside.
Like the time Brian got rabies.
(Flashback: Brian is in the bathroom shaving.)
Brian: "I got the feeling…somebody's watching me.. and I got no privacy oh oh oh".
Peter: Holy Crap. Brian you have rabies. (Peter leaves and comes back with a bat.)
Leave. Go outside.
Brian: Peter im shaving.
Peter: JUST GO!
(It's the next day. Everyone is in the kitchen as Pablo comes in.)
Pablo: Hola family.
Lois: Hola Pablo. I made some food.
Pablo: Lois don't hurt your delicate hands. Let me cook.
Lois: Oh gracias Pablo.
Pablo: De nada Lois. But it is I who should thank you for letting me into your
beautiful house.
Peter: Well you know your way around the kitchen. What are you a woman?
Hehehehehehe.
Pablo: Hehehehehehehehehehe.
Chris: He just proved to be one of us.
(The family is in the living room playing monopoly. All except for Meg. But who cares.)
Peter: Heres your money Stewie.
Stewie: This feels a little light. You trying to rip me off me?
Peter: Please give me more time.
Lois: This is nice. The family playing together, no Meg.
Pablo: Stewie i'll buy your casa and hotel for $1500. Plus throw in boardwalk.
Stewie: Ok we have a deal.
Chris: You fool. He now has a hotel from Kentucky Avenue to Park Place.
Stewie: BLAST! I never felt this foolish since I got AOL service for my computer.
(Flashback: Stewie is on his computer.)
Stewie: Let's see. I press ctrl, alt, delete. Oh great it shut down on me.
Ok, 1, 2, 14, 4, 50 all right. Wait that's –50.
(After hours of monopoly Pablo is the winner.)
Pablo: I haven't won something in so long like the Red Sox. But that's
another story.
Lois: Hey who wants McDonalds?
Everyone: Not me.
Lois: Oh how about Ihop.
Peter: Great i'll get my coat.
Lois: Peter I think you should stay home. Brian could you stay with Peter?
Brian: Yeah, i'm of a Burger king guy.
(The family leaves.)
Peter: Wow I wonder why they take me?
Brian: Face it Peter they like Pablo more than you.
His like the husband Lois wanted. The father Chris and Meg want.
Stewie is a special case. His ideal father is Hitler.
Peter: I thought the only person this worthless was the flash.
(Flashback: At the Justice League Watchtower.)
Flash: What do you mean i'm out of the league?
Batman: Me and the others have been thinking and well you're
useless.
Flash: I'm the fastest man here.
Batman: By one second. Listen we found you a nice place in Florida.
Flash: America's wang?
(The family comes back from Ihop. They go to bed.)
Peter: Hello Lois. How was IHop?
Lois: Oh I didn't see you there. It was good.
Peter: Did you drink?
Lois: I uhh (Peter sniffs her shirt.)
Peter: You did. That's it im going to the Clam.
(He leaves. Lois starts to walk upstairs. As she gets to the top unknowingly dodges
Missiles, axes, arrows and a rubber chicken or two.)
Stewie: How did she do that? No matter it won't happen again. Wait
someone's coming. They're speaking to me. You say you hate Lois. You say
you can kill her. You say turn around. Who are you?
(Peter is at the Drunken Clam. Hes talking with the Flash.)
Peter: I don't know what to do. I was top of the charts but now…
im just this fat guy of the house.
Flash: Don't beat your self up. I mean you have other friends.
Peter: But I was King of the Hill.
Flash: Maybe if you make a plan to get rid of him.
Horace: The Flash is right for once.
Peter: Hmm how can I get rid of him? I can do it. I was on
American Idol.
(Flashback: Peter runs on stage ready to perform.)
Randy: Hey.
Paula: How are you?
Simon: So what are you going to sing for us?
Peter: I'm going to sing, "I'd do anything for love (But I won't do that)"
by Meatloaf.
Randy: This is gonna be fun.
Peter: Ok here we go.
(He starts singing really bad.)
Peter: And I would do anything for love,
I'd run right into hell and back,
I would do anything for love,
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now
- Oh no - no way - And I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that, No I won't do that.
Simon: I would do anything to stop you singing.
Randy: Even that?
Simon: Even that.
Paula: Peter look I think you could sing. At a retirement home.
Peter: Oh you guys are not getting a Christmas card.
(Back to the clam.)
Peter: I know what I can do. Great I got to go.
Flash: Ok. So can I come over?
Peter: Oh umm. I uhh think that there's not enough room.
Flash: Ok, maybe another time.
(Peter runs home. In the house Pablo is watching World cup baseball.)
Sports commentator: Were at the top of the 3rd with Iraq vs. America.
Oh my god. Fans with my 20 years commentating this is the 5th time i've
seen the foreign pitcher throw a grenade.
(Back to Peter.)
Peter: Hey Pablo the freakin INS is here.
Pablo: Peter, i'm a legal citizen.
Peter: Uhh still they came.
Pablo: Peter you're like Michelangelo from the Ninja Turtles.
there for comic relief but at the end no one really cares.
(A few hours later Stewie meets up with the man he met that one night.)
Stewie: Good day to you sir.
Man: Good day.
Stewie: Look you come here to help me out.
Man: Your attempts were as useful as capoeira.
(Flashback: The man is fighting a capoeria guy.)
Capoeira guy: You want to mess with this huh? Bring it on.
Man: AAAAAAAND….(He kicks guy in nuts.) Boom goes the dynamite.
(Capoeira guy falls to floor.)
Man: Honestly, do you have nuts? I mean I kicked there and it was like….empty.
(Back to Stewie.)
Stewie: So what's your plan?
Man: Have you thought of just stabbing her?
Stewie: It's not that simple. Those blasted scriptwriters prevented me.
(Peter decides to get rid of him with his second plan.)
Peter: Look I think you should go because we have a horrible
Klingons and I think they don't like you.
(He hears noises. Peter grabs a bat and runs down stairs.)
Peter: Look Worf, Molor you could stay here if you eat the rats okay.
Worf: You have no rats.
Peter: When the star trek convention leaves I'll let you go free.
(He runs back upstairs.)
Peter: So you're leaving?
Pablo: No
Peter: You're going to say that to someone who got abducted by aliens.
(Flashback: Peter walks outside to throw out garbage.)
Peter: Why does this smell like my fingers?
(A beam of light picks him up. He falls on a table strapped to it.)
Peter: Holy crap!
(An alien walks in with some guns and rays.)
Peter: Hey do you guys have like an antenna?
(An alien looks at Peter and starts to drop his pants.)
Peter: Not like that buddy. So have you met Jar Jar?
Alien: Yeah he's my cousin.
Peter: No way. Tell him Peter said hi.
Alien: So your times up.
Peter: Ok thank you. Oh if you see E.T tell him i'll get the money.
Alien: He's in the other room.
Peter: Gotta go.
(Back to Peter.)
Pablo: Look I don't want to be a problem. I'll go.
Peter: All right then.
(Lois then runs in.)
Lois: Pablo where are you going?
Pablo: I don't know maybe a Disney store dumpster.
Lois: No Pablo you stay here. Peter can I talk to you in the kitchen.
(They walk into the kitchen.)
Lois: Peter you're making a fool of yourself.
Peter: He's trying to steal you from me. I won you fair and square because of that bet.
Lois: My kids love him. Why can't you?
Peter: Fine then.
(As he walks off he says.)
Peter: You said my kids as a singular noun. It's our kids for plural noun smart one.
(Later that day, Stewie is talking with the man.)
Stewie: Well I have some ideas.
Man: Let me here them.
Stewie: Ok I say we buy her a ticket to Islam and get her a chance to learn to be a doctor.
Man: What?
Stewie: In other news, how about I shoot my death ray at her?
Man: Does it work?
Stewie: I'm pretty sure. I'll test it on you.
(A force field surrounds the man.)
Man: What's going on?
Stewie: Well it seems that you've been trying to steal my ideas.
Man: You're ideas aren't worth the paper there written on.
Stewie: Shut up Imbecile. I know who you are. You're Pablo.
(Pablo and Brian walk into the room.)
Stewie: If you're there then who's under the hood?
Pablo: Holy crap. What the Puerto Rico is going on?
Brain: Stewie is about too kill a man. This is about the 4th time i've seen it.
(The rest of the family walks in.)
Lois: Oh my god Stewie.
Stewie: Leave vile woman. I have business too attend to.
(Stewie shoots the man. He then unmasked him.)
Stewie: I just killed Michael Jackson.
Brian and Peter: Yes.
Pablo: Oh my god you killed the king of Pop. I must tell some….
(Stewie shoots him.)
Peter: Now we will never learn his story.
Pablo: I'll tell you. I came to steal your wife, kids and way of life.
Peter: Stewie… FINISH HIM!
(Stewie shoots him.)
Peter: FATALITY!
(The next morning the family is watching t.v as if nothing happen.)
Brain: So Stewie how do you feel killing Michael Jackson and Pablo.
Stewie: I seem to have an urge to demolish and burn people.
Brian: Hmmm… Stewie George Bush is trying to steal your ideas.
(Stewie gets his death beam and runs outside to the white house.)
Brian: Yep next I'll have him finish Meg.