WARNINGS: Tough chapter ahead. Implied rape and some depicted non-con. As I said before, I am not graphic in detail, but even what I do write may be too much for some and is definitely mature in nature.

I startled awake. I was in the Fade. I took comfort in knowing what was coming wasn't really happening, but at the same time I couldn't force myself to awaken.

Please, Maker, have mercy.

I was strapped to a chair in the middle of a stone chamber. Otto Alrik stood with his back to me, writing in a journal with the same red binding as several others on the desk in front of him. My heart pounded wildly in my chest.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. You survived. You made it out.

"Why am I here?" I asked with more confidence than I felt.

Alrik ignored me and continued writing. Light from the brazier shining off the back of his bald head.

"Why am I here? I have done nothing wrong. I was sent to Kirkwall with the permission of Knight-Com-"

"- Hush," Alrik silenced me with a sharp snap of his journal, "Meredith never saw your request, neither did your beloved Cullen see your touching notes. I intercepted them and forged Meredith's response to get you here."

"Why?"

"Because, my dear, I have experiments to conduct and your...entanglement with your templar will provide a fresh take on them. You see, the most potent form of desire is that of sensual desire. Simpler forms of desire are easy to resist, but desire in the form of the person or thing you want most - no one can resist that; at least, no one has as of yet."

"What would you gain from this?"

"A way to ensure that no mage ever passes a Harrowing again. To make sure all of your kind become Tranquil."

He finally turned to me. I felt my whole body tense up, my heart beat even more wildly, and my bowels turned to water as I saw his face. His bald head, dead eyes and cruel smile that was hidden beneath his grey goatee. He stalked towards me, caressing my face before pushing my hair away from my forehead.

"But above all, to ensure that those I want are compliant," he murmured as he ran his thumb along the spot where the brand would go before running it along my lips.

I jerked my face away. He grabbed my chin, hard. I didn't give him the satisfaction of crying out, but glared daggers at him. His serpentine smile widened.

"Are you going to make this interesting for me?" he whispered, "I have so desired a long game; but no matter your defiance, in the end, you will beg me for the Rite," he shoved my face away, "You see, I have all the time in the world and no one knows you're here."

I growled and tried to summon magic.

"None of that, my dear," he sighed, "I have done this before, you know."

My magic sputtered and died as he started to summon a smite.

"And to discourage that kind of behavior," he muttered to himself before drawing a dagger, "We must introduce pain."

With a quick flick of his hand, he'd nicked a cut into my thigh. I cried out, not being able to hold it in. As I cried out, he forced his mouth over mine, but I bit him causing him to jerk back. He backhanded me across the face.

"Don't touch me you pig," I spat, ignoring the pain in my face.

"I will touch you, take you, cut you, and do with you whatever I please. You are mine. You don't want to feel what I do to you? Ask me to put you through the Rite."

"Never," I hissed.

"You say that now, but you will beg me," his cruel smile returning to his face.

The Fade shifted.

I was in the cell now, my wrists bound and held to the wall by a long chain, weaker but not broken. I felt the damp of the stones on my bare skin. A chain rattled before the door opened, I curled myself as far into the corner as possible. I gasped at who walked through the door.

"Cullen?" I practically shrieked as Cullen walked through the door.

"Neria, I finally found you! Are you alright?" he asked, concern coloring his voice.

"Now that you're here," I nodded, "How did you find me?"

"Alrik confessed. I came to rescue you straight away," Cullen said, squatting down to my eye level, his eyes burning, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too."

He reached up to caress my face. I leaned into the touch, but his hand was ice cold. I jerked away.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Your hand, it's freezing."

"Sorry, it's rather cold down here," he offered.

"True, can we get out of here?"

"What's the hurry? We could...pass some time together," his voice sensual.

Something twisted in my gut causing my hair to stand on end. I studied Cullen more - there was something off. He was different than I remembered; more matured, his features more chiseled, and his armor too shiny. He was too perfect in appearance and sensuality was not like him.

"Who are you?" I asked, recoiling away from his touch.

"What do you mean? It's me," confusion lining his features.

"You're not Cullen."

"I can get you out of here. Isn't that what you want? To leave and be with me?"

"You are not Cullen."

"I am a means for your escape, all you have to do is ask."

"You're a demon, aren't you?"

He didn't deny it, but instead shrugged, "Does it matter? If I can help you escape?"

"At what cost?"

"You are a smart one," the demon laughed, its voice changing to something deeper, more sinister, "Otto warned me you might be different, more resilient, but did I listen? No. Perhaps you haven't had enough time under Otto's...care to find my deal more palatable."

"I will never make a deal with you."

"We will see. Every other subject has given in eventually. Otto and I enjoy our play," he murmured, coming close to my face, "And we especially enjoy drawing it out."

I spit in the demon's face. He started laughing before lunging at me. He straddled me, wrenching my arms above my head.

"I will torture you with this face. Coming to you again and again; each time as if it were the first, until you eventually give in."

"Do your worst," I growled, baring my teeth.

He smiled, his teeth more fang-like as his smile broadened.

"A parting gift, for your refusal," he brandished a dagger and cut me deep before getting off of me.

I cried out, putting pressure on the wound in my forearm, watching the crimson liquid seep between my fingers. For a brief moment, temptation flickered in my mind to use my blood.

"You see, everyone eventually gives in, wether to temptation or to end their suffering," he whispered in my ear as he appeared next to me, "Go on. If you won't deal with me, use the power within yourself. You know you want to."

He spoke with such sensual tones in his voice, I longed to taste the power that lay within my blood. Then Cullen, the realCullen's face, flashed in my mind. The pain, hurt and betrayal in his eyes; the fear after all that had happened at Kinloch Hold.

"No!" I screamed, kicking him away from me, "Be gone you foul demon. I will never give in. I will never use blood magic. I will endure your worst and still resist you."

His smile turned to a grimace and he snarled at me before disappearing.

"You will regret it. What I would give you is pleasure compared to the pain Otto has in store," the demon's voice echoed.

"Void take you!" I shouted as I stood.

"Refused I see?" Otto's oily voice murmured behind me.

I turned and found him leaning against the cell door frame, cleaning his nails. I remained silent, my body shaking involuntarily at the sound of his voice. I'd listened as he'd tortured the other women down here. I had vomited several times as I heard their pleading and his cold laughter; horror, disgust, and terror gripping my insides. He sighed and stood, stalking towards me.

"I suppose I owe you for proving me right. I told that demon you were different, but did it change it's tactics? No. So, instead of being able to give you the mercy of the Rite, you are still intact. I do so hate having to do this when you're...unwilling, but I will have you."

"Do what? What are you talking about?"

Alrik gave me a serpentine smile that caused my hair to stand on end. He began by unbuckling his belt as he stalked closer to me. I knew there was no where to go, but still I instinctively backed away until my back touched the clammy wall. His eyes roved over me before he pushed me towards the mattress on the floor. I stumbled, but righted myself, meeting his eyes with defiance in my own. He grimaced, slapping me hard. I still refused to lower myself to the mattress, I would not submit to this willingly. With a growl, he punched me in the gut, sending my breath out with a whoosh. I groaned, doubling over from the pain, my legs shaking, but still I refused to submit.

"You're stubborn, I'll commend you for that," he hissed.

Before I could react, he kicked me in the stomach with such force I couldn't stay upright. The pain was intense, my whole body pounding as it radiated from my gut. I tried to sit up at least, but he was there. He smiled wider as he untied his tunic, I looked away. My face burning, my heart pounding and the knowledge of what was about to happen making my already aching stomach, sick.

You have to survive. If nothing else, survive.

I felt Alrik's hand on my face as he roughly turned it to face him.

"You will look at me," he growled.

I had to look at him, but I didn't have to think about him. As he forced me to the ground, I retreated into my own mind:

O Maker, hear my cry:
Guide me through the blackest nights. Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked.
Make me to rest in the warmest places. O Creator, see me kneel:
For I walk only where You would bid me. Stand only in places You have blessed.
Sing only the words You place in my throat.
My Maker, know my heart:
Take from me a life of sorrow.
Lift me from a world of pain.
Judge me worthy of Your endless pride.
My Creator, judge me whole:
Find me well within Your grace.
Touch me with fire that I be cleansed.
Tell me I have sung to Your approval.
O Maker, hear my cry:
Seat me by Your side in death.
Make me one within Your glory.
And let the world once more see Your favor.
For You are the fire at the heart of the world,
And comfort is only Yours to give.

Time lurched forward, the Fade shifting. I felt hot tears on my face as the echoes of the Transfigurations still lingered in my mind.
I was alone in the cell, hunched against the wall. A food tray and water sat untouched. My lips were cracked with thirst, my stomach howling with hunger and yet I refused. I felt wounds all over my body. I hugged myself tighter as I heard footfalls.
Two more of his captives had fallen, choosing the Rite over this torture. They went to him willingly, submitting to anything and everything he did. He made me watch, telling me how much better it would be for me if I'd just give in to the Rite.
I still fought; sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. Each time he cut me or beat me or made me endure his favorite means of torture longer. Yet, only by the Maker's grace did I have any hope left. Not hope that I would survive, but hope that he would be discovered or I would die soon. I looked up to find the demon Cullen standing in the doorway.

"He says that I may comfort you," it said, cocking its head to the side revealing its near-animalistic nature.

I chuckled hoarsely, "There is nothing comforting about you."

"Allow me to demonstrate," it approached me and touched my forehead.

We were in the Fade; I knew it, but almost welcomed it.
It was Kinloch Hold and we were both teenagers again. I looked to him and saw the Cullen I knew. My friend - sweet and innocent. I was teaching the fledglings and he was smiling as he watched. I knew it wasn't real, but it was so warm, so sweet.
I knew the memory, so I played it out. I summoned the ice creatures, having them dance around the room. The children laughed in delight as they chased them. I laughed too, the sound foreign in my ears, before flicking a bird into Cullen's face, the water splashing him as the bird melted. He laughed heartily.
The scene shifted to that moment in the hall. He was so shy and nervous, and still he had wanted to know how I was fairing. He'd felt so ashamed of being the one who would have had to deal the killing blow should I have failed, despite it being his duty. There was something else on his mind, but he never spoke it.

"Do you wish to know what he'd been wanting to ask or rather wanting you to ask?" demon Cullen spoke.

"Why are you doing this to me? This is more cruel than anything Alrik could do to me," I backed away from him, feeling the cold of the Fade seep in.

"How is this cruelty? I'm giving you the chance to experience what it is you want."

"It's not real!"

Demon Cullen grabbed me by the waist, pulling me close before backing us into an empty room. He lifted a hand to my cheek, curling my hair around my ear.

"He'd wanted to confess his feelings for you. He knew they were wrong, but he felt them so strongly he couldn't keep them bottled up. He was in love with you. Seeing your beauty, your kindness, your faith, your innocence - he knew you were the one he wanted."

"Stop it!" I sobbed, banging my fists on his armor.

"If you'd confessed your feelings to him, he would have been elated. He wouldn't have acted on them right then, choosing to run away, but over time - had the Blight not happened - he would have cultivated them. Married you in secret. He would have become the Commander of this tower and you the First Enchanter. Together, you would have made this a happy place - a home."

"Stop, please," I sobbed harder, but my hands slid down his armor.

"I can show you that, I can let you live that."

"At what cost?"

"I will use you to raze this Circle to the ground. I will slaughter Otto and keep you for myself. I will bid others to bring my brothers and sisters into this world."

"Why are you being honest?"

"Because I know you will say yes," he gently tipped my chin up, his lips close to mine, "Do you accept?"

I closed my eyes, wanting the pain to be over, "I -," I whispered quietly.

He kissed me then. All feelings of this not being real dissipated. His kiss was tender, gentle, and unsure; just as I had dreamt it would have been. I tangled my hands in his hair, breathed in the smell of him and lost myself in the kiss.

"I knew he was the key to your downfall, I just wasn't sure what approach to take," Alrik's voice jerked me awake, "Violence didn't work. Lust didn't work. You needed gentleness."

I was back in the cell, the Fade reality gone and the promise unkept by the demon. My hands still up as if they were tangled in his hair. Tears streamed down my face and I felt my heart shatter. Alrik howled with laughter as he cleaned his blade, demon Cullen's body lying dead at his feet.

"You really thought I would let it get the means to kill me?" he laughed, "I told you from the beginning this is an experiment - every mage will fall to a demon for something. For you, it was a wholesome life of innocent love with your templar. Even though the demon told you what it would do, you still accepted the outcome if it meant time with him."

I was sobbing, the weight of my failure settling in my chest. Had I really been so weak? So willing to let others die, so I could have what I wanted?

"Will you submit to the Rite?" Alrik asked quietly, his cold eyes on my face.

I didn't deserve such solace - to be unable to feel my shame, my regret at what I had been willing to do; at failing so miserably. I was disgusted with myself.

"No," I murmured.

"What?" Alrik said in shock, "What do you mean 'no'? Tranquility would keep you from feeling what it is you're feeling; would allow you to endure-"

"-To endure your disgusting rapes over and over again?" I started to rage, I would bait him into killing me - death is what I deserved, what I craved, "To not have to feel your revolting touch? To be free of this disgust of you? To no longer care about how heinous and hideous you are? Why would I want to let go of that when it allows me to see, with clarity, what a true man is?"

I laughed. Alrik began visibly shaking with rage. I laughed harder. He charged me and started beating me. I just kept laughing, welcoming the pain. He beat me, cut me, but I kept laughing. I knew I was a bloodied, broken mess; knew how he would finish it before ending me, but I didn't care. Wether it was madness or genius, I didn't know.

Darkness began to creep into my eyes, "Ser Alrik," a voice called.

Alrik halted, he had been about to force himself on me, but he stood and composed himself. He exited my cell and locked it behind him.

"Yes? What is it?" he questioned with irritation in his voice.

"Some mages have escaped. The apprentice, Ella, is among the party."

"You see? My solution is what we need. All mages are susceptible to evil. We must remove their connection to the Fade for not only our sakes, but for their's as well. It is a mercy."

"Aye, ser."

"Let us be off, we need to pick up the trail before it goes cold. Go ahead of me and alert the others, I will be along shortly."

"Yes, ser."

I heard the other templar leave before Alrik opened my cell again.

"This is perfect, my sweet," he murmured, caressing my bloodied face, "I have been waiting for a group to escape. I will throw you among their ranks when we return and you will all become Tranquil. Then you will be mine and mine alone."

He forced a kiss upon my split lips. The last thing I saw was him smiling at me, my blood on his lips and goatee. I succumbed to the darkness.

Once again, the Fade shifted.

I felt so weak and frail. I looked down at my body and found it skeletal. I was tucked into the corner furthest away from the door. There was no food, though I had used the tattered blanket from the mattress to soak up moisture from the walls to have water. I didn't know how long it had been since I'd eaten and had lost track of how many days went by without Alrik coming. I heard commotion above me that sounded like fighting. Then shouts and wails nearer, bodies moving in the hall, someone shouting but the words were muffled.

"Help," I croaked.

I didn't hear anything for a time, believing I would go unheard and finally die down here. Then I heard the clang of armored feet enter the room outside, pausing for a moment before a scrape echoed as they turned.

"Help...me..." I rasped out.

The steps paused.

"Neria?" Cullen's voice called.

It was his real voice, not the demon's imitation.

"Cul-len?" my voice cracked, weaker than before, "Are you real?"

"Yes," Cullen shouted, I could hear near hysteria in his voice as it drew nearer.

I could hear his footsteps outside the door, a loud bang followed by a rattle of chains as they noisily crashed to the stone floor. He must have pushed against the door, but it didn't open.

His steps receded, then I listened as hurried ones sounded as he ran closer. A loud crash followed by a groan led to the cell door swinging open. He stood there, the real him, taking in the scene before him.
He'd matured from the last time I'd seen him, stubble growing along his angular jaw. He looked exhausted, deep circles were beneath his eyes and he looked thin. His eyes were haunted, but still held warmth even with the horror alight in them as he took me in. I hugged myself tighter.

"Oh, Maker..." Cullen gasped.

I watched as he swallowed hard before stepping closer to me. I flinched, causing the chain connected to my wrists to rattle. Cullen broke it with ease using his shield. I flinched again when he crouched down to me, pulling my knees tighter to my chest. His eyes were full of sadness and rage as he looked me over. He was so close, I could smell smoke on him, but under that the smell of him. The demon had not done him justice.

"Are you real?" I asked again, weakly.

I knew in my gut he was, but I had to be sure.

"Yes," he assured, "I'm not going to hurt you," he promised softly.

"Knight-Commander?" a female voice called.

"Ruvena, bring a blanket," Cullen shouted.

He turned back to me, causing me to flinch before holding myself tighter. I knew he was real, knew he was going to rescue me, but I felt so broken inside.

"Maker, have mercy," Ruvena murmured when she entered the room.

Her eyes were wide with shock as she looked at me. Cullen took the blanket from her.

"She's not Tranquil, there's no brand. What is she doing down here? Who is she?" Ruvena questioned.

"Wait outside," Cullen ordered, his eyes flicking to mine.

Ruvena left.

"Can I put this around you?" Cullen asked.

I nodded, slowly. Cullen leaned forward moving carefully, never taking his eyes off of mine. Involuntarily, I flinched when his gloved hands grazed my skin. I stayed where I was though, even if I wanted to move away from him. I felt the warmth and weight of the blanket on my shoulders, but I was too weak to cover myself.

"Can I pick you up and carry you?" Cullen asked.

I nodded again. Cullen held out his hands to me, but did not lean towards me. He was going to let me take my time and choose to go with him. I looked into his eyes. A part of me wanted to tell him to leave me to die here. I was damaged goods - broken beyond repair. I knew in my mind that once I left this place, my grip on my sanity would be lost. Survival - pure instinct - was the only reason I had not succumbed to insanity, to death. The isolation, the torture - both mental and physical - had broken me.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he promised again.

I hesitated for a moment and then leaned towards him. He gingerly placed an arm under my knees and the other cradled my back. His arms were sturdy and felt like the safest place I could be. Despair gripped my heart as I thought of the other women who'd been trapped down here. Were they alive? I didn't know. Would they be able to be saved too?

"The others," I croaked, "I think they're dead, but please, don't leave them here."

"Others?" Cullen asked.

Exhaustion was taking over, "Don't leave them here."

We walked out of the room and I wept.

One final time, the Fade shifted. Gone was any building or remnant of a memory. The only thing before me was Cullen, but not as he was then or was now. It was the demon version. Yet, I did not sense any malice.

"What are you?" I asked.

"I am the spirit of Purpose, the one that rescued you," he spoke.

"But you were -"

"I know what I was and please do not think of me as it. I must stay as Purpose."

"Very well, Purpose. What is it that you want? Did you bring those memories back?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you make me endure them all over again?"

"Because you needed to face them. You have to deal with them and heal. If you do not, you will succumb to madness. You have not fulfilled your purpose yet and you cannot fail now. You have endured so much, fought so many battles. You are finally in the right place and time to not only fulfill your purpose, but to gain all that you have longed for your whole life."

"What if I wish to die - that all of it is too much?"

"You are stronger than that."

"No, I am not. I gave in to you, didn't I?"

"I am sorry for the role I had to play in your pain, but it does not make you weak. It makes you real."

"But I defied the Maker! I turned my back on everything I believed in and what's worse is I did the very thing Cullen feared. I would have become an abomination, killing innocents - possibly him."

"I don't deny that it was a mistake, but it doesn't make you weak. You learned your lesson didn't you?"

"I - I suppose."

"And you didn't become an abomination, did you?"

"No."

"So, stop torturing yourself for things that didn't happen. You gave in to temptation, but you didn't become an abomination. You never yielded to blood magic, you never vowed revenge or murder upon Alrik, and you became Tranquil despite having made it out. Have you not had punishment enough?"

"But how do I face him? How do I face myself? He endured the same torture, or worse, and never yielded."

"How do you know? You don't know what happened to him. Do you really think he came out unscathed?"

"I know he didn't, he wasn't the same after."

"You don't think he feels shame for something he did then or after because of what he endured?"

"But it's not the same."

"Yes it is! You're exactly the same. Stop using pride as your excuse to not do what you're supposed to do. For him, for the world."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I did not give up my life force, tying my essence to you, for you to just waste it going mad in a cell somewhere. Wake up and pull yourself together. Wake up and face your life. Wake up and conquer. Wake up!"

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