Title: The Zipper Trick
Author: Lady Valmar
Genre: Humor
Rating: T
Archive: FF, SGAHCSpoilers: None I can think of.
Summary: Sheppard has some down time and accompanies Rodney on a mission. He gets more trouble than he bargained for. Ship!
Warnings: None, except be prepared to laugh your socks off!
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis or any of the characters, so everything else is mine and therefore please ask and do not infringe nor steal my original themes, concepts, ideas or characters please.
... .LV. ...
The Zipper Trick
By Lady Valmar
Song Inspiration: You're the Cream in my Coffee by Mel Torme
Quote: "I Curse thy Zipper, I spit on thee." – Lady Valmar
Sheppard had been fiddling with the zipper on his vest for the past hour, trying his darnedest to get the blasted thing to zip up. Trouble was the zipper after being zipped up, separated. Leaving the pull handle stuck in-between the top and the bottom of the track, both sides unzipped.
And try as Sheppard might, he could not get the blasted thing to go all the way down, so he could rezip the vest back up. He'd even tried to just unzip the vest to take it off, nope didn't work either.
Shrugging off Rodney's attempts to help him, he began to feel the vein throbbing in his forehead pop out.
If it wasn't bad enough that he was stuck on some planet whose surface was mostly bog covered, he was having the worst case of zipper trouble.
It had started out simple enough, land the jumper, go out check for energy readings and move on.
Nope nothing is ever that simple when it comes to having to watch three scientists and pay attention to where not to step.
At the second bend just before he was about to call Rodney and his two handpicked scientists, he heard a squelch under foot.
Raising his shoe up, he saw what looked like bug slim mashed on the bottom of his sole.
Yick!
If that wasn't bad enough he had never felt this sweaty before, it was like the time he had visited Florida with a friend of his before he had posted in Afghanistan.
God what a memory!
Talk about one of the most miserable memories he had ever had. No, he would be lying if he said that. There were plenty of times he could account for feeling miserable just as equally as that time. This was one of those times.
So struggling to hold his P90 in one hand, the crate he had been graciously chosen to carry in between his legs, Sheppard jerked hard on the zipper.
"Colonel, if you would just let me help you, we could get moving and be off this miserable stink hole of a place," grouched Rodney, his hand snaking back to the zipper pull and Sheppard's hand.
"No, I said I could do it myself. Jeez Rodney, what are you deaf?" demanded Sheppard.
He was in no mood for games, his shoes had bug slim on the bottom, he was sweating up a demon and he had a darn stubborn zipper.
As the two other scientists helped cradle the other two crates of ancient "gadgets" as Sheppard called it, they snickered at Rodney.
Sheppard smiled back at them, while slapping the dancing hand in front of him. With a harsh tug, the zipper's pulley tag broke off, making Sheppard grimace.
Why had he agreed to accompany Rodney? Oh right, he was concerned about safety and he was also bored out his mind, since he was told Teyla wouldn't be back for a couple days. She was visiting the mainland with Ronon accompanying her.
"You see I told you, if you'd just stop being stubborn and have let me to help, you wouldn't have you zipper stuck like that nor have the pulley ripped off either," exclaimed McKay, as he yet again reached for the zipper.
Trying hard not to snap back, Sheppard settled for a puff of air through his teeth, and a disgruntled expression.
Jiggle Jiggle…
Still nothing. Sheppard had ceased trying to stop Rodney from yanking on the zipper. What could he do?
"Well let's see, I think were going to have to removed this side first then the other side. Okay…"
"Rodney, just leave it alone. I'll get somebody to look at it when we get back to Altantis," grouched Sheppard, sneering at the two scientists who were snickering again. Only this time at him.
"No, no, It's alright. I think I've almost got it. Just one more tug and this zipper should come off in no time. Seriously, Sheppard I'm surprised you didn't ask for help sooner," said McKay, as his hand brushed Sheppard's shirt and tender flesh underneath.
Jumping back, Sheppard flipped his hands at McKay's, "Would you just stop. I don't need you feeling me up. I said I would take care of it when we get back to Atlantis."
Stumbling for the words to express his outrage, "I was not feeling you up! Thank you very much. I resent that comment. And if you hadn't of been so whiny about the zipper and fiddling with it for the past half hour or so, I wouldn't of been so insistent on helping to remedy the problem."
More snickering laughs bellowed from the two scientists waiting by the ramp to the puddle jumper.
"Puleeze! I was not whining. Look who's talking!" said Sheppard, shuffling farther away from McKay.
"Yes well at least I don't grumble at objects that understand what I'm saying! And here, let me see it, I almost got it down," explained McKay as he reached once again for Sheppard's zipper.
Trying hard not to strangle McKay, Sheppard drew a blank expression.
"uh ha! I think I got it. See!" screamed McKay, as he yanked down excitedly on the zipper, causing Sheppard to fall.
His frame hit the ground, landing his entire back in the same bug slim he had stepped into.
"Oh! Major, I am mean um…Sheppard are you alright?" asked Mckay, exasperated.
After checking to make sure he hadn't broken or injured himself, Sheppard sat up, "No I'm fine. Just fine. Thanks for asking," retorted Sheppard, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
A/N: This is just a teaser. I hope you liked. Please review if you, the readers, want more, like a sequel or a chapter-ed fic.