... .LV. ...

Part 3:

Not My Fault

By Lady Valmar

Song Inspiration: Arabian Nights by Aradia & DJ Zen
Rodney had just finished trying to contact Atlantis while having three very souped up men sing about the hot women on Atlantis in the background. He had given up after the fifth attempt at the encore of the song. Deciding that if he couldn't contact Atlantis he might as well try and fix them out of this mess himself he ran several diagnostics on the jumper while dealing with an Sheppard, who was playing with the jumper controls and making zoom zoom sounds.

"Hey Rodders do you thiks this ish the wight way?" asked one of the scientists, who Rodney had given up on trying to remember his name, so he called him Tweedle-dee.

The other one, with whom Rodney was slowly losing patience with, he called Tweedle-dum. Why was it this slug had affected all of them except himself? And why couldn't he seem to get the jumper to move?

Rodney tapped his foot for a bit, thinking about possible ways to dislodge the jumper without damaging it's rear exterior. He then realized that both Tweedle-Dee and Dum were mocking him with the same matching expressions and tapping feet.

Tiffing at them in frustration, Rodney resisted the urge to poke Sheppard in the arm for trying to chew on the left side of the drive handles.

This was just getting ridiculous, all he had wanted was to get back to Atlantis and analyze the data he had collected. It just wasn't adding up, the drive pod's showed power was reaching them but the jumper was not moving and the pod's clearly were not even firing up.

While trying to edge around Tweedle Dee, who was very clearly trying to groom Tweedle Dum, Rodney shook his head. He was getting nowhere fast, and it was only a matter of time before any number of problems could pop up. One of them being the Wraith.

Rodney pulled the tablet's plug out from the console as he moved to the one in the back of the jumper. Suddenly feeling Sheppard's hands wrapping around his waist, Rodney jerked away. Sheppard grinned lazily and slapped him on the back.

"Yah know Rodders, yuuu shhhhhould ddd dah woook wokkkk worrrk outtt tah mmmoo re!"

Then as if he was drunk, Sheppard walked zig-zaggidly to one of the benches near where Rodney was heeding toward.

Rodney sighed, this was going to be a long day.

Several hours later

Rodney still hadn't found the problem except that the alien gunk somehow was holding the jumper firmly in place. While he was a scientist he didn't really know how to dislodge the slug off of the jumper and dealing with three complete loopy people. His patience was wearing thin.

Finally, Thought Rodney, as the two Tweedles settled in to sleep on the bench across from where he was working. Now If only Sheppard would take the hint and settle down to.

As punched in another command, hoping that at least he could make communication work to relay to Atlantis the nature of the problem and possibly get medical help for the three lop-sided drunk men around him. Sheppard leaned against the compartment door entrance, a silly grin tugging at his face. Clearly, after five times of trying to swat at Rodney's moving fingers on the tablet was not enough to deter him from doing it some more. Rodney however had other ideas.

"Sheppard would you please stop. If you were in your right mind I wouldn't have to play your babysitter. You and your insistence on that damn zipper and then your complaining about how much longer is it going to take, could you have my Butterfinger is...STOP IT NOW! Now...if I remember correctly we have 7 drones left to use, if I can guide it manually I may be able to get enough of a blast to essentially shoot off the clinging slug. But if that doesn't work we could end up blowing up ourselves... so if I...no that wouldn't work...SHEPPARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD..."

Mockingly Sheppard, matched Rodney's volume in a squeaky voice, "Sheppard...for crying out loud!"

Rodney growled out his frustration which Sheppard returned blowing a bubble at him. Rodney put his head in his hands, he was either going to strangle Sheppard or he was going to need serious therapy later. No, he thought, Sheppard and the Tweedles are going to need serious therapy. At least one thing I now have something to black mail him with later.

Rodney grinned profusely.

Rodney laughed at his use of the word Tweedles. Feeling very clever, Rodney grinned and soon found himself sneering at Sheppard, who had been poking his shoulder during his thought process.

That was it he was going to use this whole fiasco as black mail. Of course he would need proof. Rodney drifted off, fantasies of having Sheppard give him all the chocolate he had stored...and bringing him coffee when he demanded it...and this was getting him no where, he needed to figure a way to get them off this stench of planet. He needed a plan.

Rodney snapped his fingers as he retreated to his pack near the Tweedles. Lying inside was his camera. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about blackmail and jokes at a time like this but truthfully he couldn't resist it either. Flipping it on he aimed the camera at Sheppard who was sucking on his thumb contently.

Panning his camera over the Tweedles who had curled up upon each other, snoring, he smiled...now this was priceless. He could amuse himself with this for days to come. Returning the camera to Sheppard, he asked Sheppard if he would give him his entire chocolate supply. To which Sheppard nodded and supplied a slurred yes.

Rodney smiled again, "Are you sure Sheppard? I wouldn't want to have conflict later about it with you."

Sheppard looked up from his thumb sucking again to say, slightly muffled, "No...ittt's oooo kay Rodders..."

Rodney stopped the recording and backed the tap up, a scowl on his face. Rodders...gawd he hated that name! Throughout the whole taping he felt a small bit of guilt, after all it wasn't really Sheppard's fault he had landed in that slug or that he was acting the way he is but also Rodney couldn't help it. He knew if their places were switched Sheppard would probably do the same darn thing to him, no guilt whatsoever.

Pressing record, Rodney asked again, "Now Sheppard you should be more polite to your better. And remember it's Rodney not whatever it is you keep calling me. So Are you sure Sheppard about giving me all of your chocolate supply, remember you can't take it back, it will be mine to keep."

Sheppard scowled back at Rodney, his thumb now dripping with salvia at his side, "Okay...Roooddddd kne kne kney! itt ittt ittt's ooo kay!"

Rodney pressed the stop button, then flicked the off switch on his camera. Now he could get back to work. Smiling as he tucked his camera back inside his pack, he turned to find Sheppard pressing buttons on his tablet. OH No! Rodney rushed to shove Sheppard's slimy hands away from it but before he, the jumper lurched forward, sending everyone sprawling on the floor.

"SHEPPARD YOU IDIOT YOU'VE GONE AND...and...you made the jumper move...how did you do that?" asked Rodney, as he slowly got to his feet. Then a beeping emitted from the front console...racing to it he saw they had moved but the slug had seemed to move with them...that was hardly the worst of their problems. On the screen, very clearly Rodney saw a Wraith Cruiser headed towards them.

A/N: I know short. I will try and add on more later on this week. Right now I need a break from writing…ugh backache!