I woke a few hours later, the sun higher in the sky. I whimpered when my palms bled as I moved my fingers.
"Why didn't you wake me to clean and bandage those?" Bethany scolded when she heard me and saw my hands.
"I was too exhausted."
"You're digging around filth and dirt with open wounds, you should have at least cleaned them!"
She punished me by not being gentle while she cleaned them, applied a salve and bandaged them.
"You need to wear gloves. Speaking of which, Asaala dropped those off for you about an hour ago," Bethany pointed to a stack on Minaeve's empty cot.
I stumbled over to her cot. Picking up the stack, the parts of my hands not covered in bandages felt a mixture of leather and soft fabrics.
"I can't remember the last time I wore something other than Circle robes," I voiced aloud as I ran my hands over all the different pieces.
I looked at Bethany, who wore leather pants and a light tunic; leather sleeves were tied over her tunic, a bodice of chainmail fell into a skirt between her leggings and was belted by skillfully crafted leather at her hips. Minaeve still wore robes that resembled the Circle. The few Tranquil that remained still wore their Circle robes.
"It's your choice if you want to give them up," Bethany advised, watching my face.
"I know," I replied.
"I think you'll enjoy the freedom," Bethany murmured as she left the cabin.
Hesitating for a moment, I looked at the stack again before pulling on each piece. There was a tunic of linen with voluminous sleeves, a vest of sturdier fabric that buttoned up to my neck, a solid leather breastplate with the Inquisition's brand etched into it and a sleeveless leather cloak that fell into a skirt to my ankles that was slit up the sides. The cloak had a hood with a slight point at the front to cover my Tranquil brand. We still weren't sure how to address the situation, so it had been decided that secrecy was best. I kept my brand covered at all times - either with a hood or some fabric tied around my forehead - unless among those who we privy to the circumstances. There was also leather leggings, long leather gloves, leather bracers with a loop for my middle fingers that laced up to my elbows, and supple leather boots that felt as if I were barefoot. A leather belt with compartments for holding things hung at my hips. I couldn't believe how comfortable it all was, as if I had been wearing it my whole life. I did my best to braid my curls back, pulled the hood over my brand and walked out of the cabin.
"How do they fit?" Asaala asked when I'd reached the tents.
I smiled broadly, "Better than anything I've ever worn. How can I thank you?"
"Not me, the Commander. He's the one that ordered them and designed them. They were already smithed by Harritt when I went to speak with him."
I looked towards Cullen, who was studying me, "What? Why?"
"Why don't you go ask and thank him?"
I hesitated, but Cullen continued to study me; his eyes not leaving me even when Rylen started speaking to him. Rylen stopped mid-sentence, followed his stare and walked off. I gathered my courage and walked up to Cullen.
"Asaala says I have you to thank for these," I swept a hand over myself.
He nodded, "As a recruit you needed something other than robes, but standard armor would have been too restricting for your other duties."
"Well thank you, I don't think I've owned anything this nice in my life," I smiled, warmly.
"I'm pleased that you like them, they suit you," he smiled.
"Remind me that there is something I'd like to discuss with you," I said before joining the others in formation.
He nodded towards me, his dark brows knit momentarily before addressing the recruits as a whole.
The day was spent learning about armor and the weak points that could be exploited in the various kinds. He used a few recruits with varying types of armor - from heavy to medium to scout armor - as examples before having me stand before them.
"Now Lavellan's armor isn't the best choice for protection as the only real protection it offers is at the front over the vital organs in her chest cavity," Cullen explained as he circled me, "but it could easily be pierced by blade here or here, arrows would easily pierce her legs or magic could destroy any piece of her armor, unless it was enchanted."
"More like the Commander's two vital organs on her chest," a recruit muttered crudely.
A few of the recruits stifled laughter. Cullen turned so quickly, I stepped back in surprise.
"I've had enough of this," he roared, his face scarlet, "There is nothing going on between Lavellan and I. I am her Commander and she my subordinate, that is all. Training is over. Go to the tavern and then latrine duty for all of you."
I hid the expression of hurt that came to my face at his dismissal of the possibility of our involvement. Instead of talking with Cullen about my ideas, I strode off towards the woods. I sighed and cursed myself for getting my hopes up. Perhaps Bethany was wrong; perhaps Cullen had moved on from me and the moments I thought he was flirting were really just playful banter. The moments of intimacy were just two friends who'd been through hell together and apart, reconnecting. Why would he have waited for me? I'm just damaged goods any way. I was still unable to feel or see the scars from Alrik - both hidden and not - without being revolted. Cullen had seen me at my most broken, I could imagine it being impossible for him to care for someone so -
"Why did you leave? I thought you had something you wanted to discuss with me?" Cullen's voice spoke quietly from behind me.
I quickly swiped an ungloved hand at the tears that had wet my eyes as I'd fallen into self-pitying thoughts before turning to face him. Cullen grabbed my bandaged hand before I could get my glove back on, unwrapping it before examining the wounds. They were still raw and open.
"What happened?" he asked, alarmed.
"Blisters from the shovel. My hands aren't used to hard labor," I chuckled, my voice a little thick.
Cullen's gold-flecked eyes flicked up to mine.
"What's wrong?" he asked as a calloused thumb rubbed along the back of my hand.
"Nothing, I'm just tired is all," I said, yanking my hand from his and avoiding his eyes.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, "I was wondering how you would feel about a hunting party as a training exercise?" I began as I rewrapped my hand, "We're out of meat, and I know Threnn thinks we can survive off beans, but we have more mouths to feed and an army to build. Meanwhile, our stock isn't getting any bigger. Also, Bethany and I need more medicinal herbs to continue caring properly for the wounded. We would also be able to teach the Chantry sisters how to treat wounds without magic, if we had more supplies to use. I figured the recruits could gather those while they're out hunting, if they knew what to look for," I took the drawings out of the satchel slung across my chest, "I drew figures of what's needed and Minaeve advised which animals would be most beneficial to hunt. I drew figures of those as well."
I handed the drawings to him.
Cullen silently perused my work, an impressed look on his face, "These are very good. Honestly, I was thinking the same thing. We need archers and what few ones we have need practice," he pressed the pieces of parchment back into a neat stack before he looked at me.
"However, Rylen will have to oversee it. I have to head towards Redcliffe. I sent a letter to an old horsemaster asking if he'd be willing to supply the Inquisition with mounts, but I haven't heard anything back," he explained when he saw my perplexed look, "I fear what may have happened."
"I will do what I can to help Captain Rylen then," I said.
"Actually," Cullen began, but hesitated rubbing the back of his neck, "Never mind."
"What?" I quirked a brow.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me?" he had a hopeful expression.
"Well yes, but why me? And why are you going - are you not needed here?"
"Why not you?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion, "But if you need a reason, we'll need a healer on the road. I also need to personally check in on the post at the Crossroads. Corporal Vale is having a rough go of it between the refugees, the fighting and the recruits I've stationed under him. I wanted to check in with him, discuss what needs to be done and help delegate where I could. I'm also taking a group of the more seasoned soldiers with me in case the worst has happened at the horsemaster's land. If not, to then be able to set up a permanent post out that way if given his permission."
"I -" I couldn't come up with a reason to refuse, so I shrugged, "When do we leave?"
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