Journal Entry #5
So, quite honestly I'm getting rather bored of the question and answer pattern in this journal . It was nice at first, when that's what I did with Dr. Mitwanga, but now we just really talk about my everyday experiences. The "How are you feeling today?" or "Have you talked to anyone you've had problems with recently?" are the normal conversations we have now, not the "Tell me about your life." Now I am going to focus on recording my present instead of the dwelling in the past or hoping for possible futures No more of this delving into my past, but rather, scrutinizing my present and possible futures.
I must admit, I did something rather stupid today. Since my last journal entry, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Jag. Is he alive? Is he happy, has he moved on, does he still love me? Or kriff, do I even love him still? I really want some answers, not only from my own mind, but also his. So I decided to call him. Or rather, I decided to dial the number he had given me before leaving after the war, the one to call him at when he was on military leave at Csilla. Every other time he had his military comm on him, but when he was home he did not. So while we were still somewhat hot and heavy, he had given me his phone number.
I knew that his military comm would have
changed by now, so I decided to call his home. Again, stupid idea
Jaina, stupid. What, did I really expect him to pick up and fall in
love with me all over again? But no, rather then the quietly stern
and beauteously bottomed Jagged Fel answering my call, I got the old
and irritable Soontir Fel.
And what a nightmare. That's just
what you really want to happen when you call an ex-boyfriend, have
his Imperial father interrogate you when you just want to see if your
old flame is okay and apologize to him. Even though the conversation
was rather hostile, it did provide some essential information. For
purposes of recollection, this conversation has been recorded into
here, along with some of my own comments.
Soontir: (All the while scowling and trying to be intimidating) Who's calling and what's your intention?
I could tell that he knew I looked familiar, but I know he hadn't identified me yet
Me: Hello…Sir. This is Jaina Solo. I was wondering…I was wondering if your son Jagged was available to talk.
Soontir: (A look of unpleasant surprise) How did you get this number?
Me: Jagged gave it to me a long time ago. Please sir, I just want to make sure he's okay. We never heard whether or not he survived the-
Soontir: Yes, he survived the crash after he was shot down by your mother, something that never would have happened if you hadn't started that whole Killiks catastrophe.
Thanks, it's not like I don't already feel bad enough.
Me: I'm glad he's alright, sir. Is he there?
Soontir: No, he is not here at the moment, and even if he was, he wouldn't be willing to talk to you.
Me: (For once in my life, pleading) Please, will you tell him that I called? I would really appreciate being able to talk to him. Please.
Soontir: No, I will not tell him you called. That foolish boy, he'd probably be stupid enough to call you back! He doesn't need to be tempted by anymore pretty-faced…scruffy rebel… vixens like you, not when he's finally set himself on a good track. Don't call again.
And then he hung up on me.
…
I can't believe he called me scruffy.
-Jaina Solo out