Journal Entry #6
As you might imagine, I was enraged. How dare he replace me! Me, the one who had supposedly "captured his heart." The one he was supposed to love. I couldn't believe the words I had heard, and until I took a walk, I never really came to the right perspective.
But on that walk I ran into one of the people I would have rather avoided, especially at that time. I ran into Zekk, pouting lip and all. But of course when he saw me, he smiled as big as a child would when given a new toy. I had to control myself from running in the other direction. I did not want to talk him.
And talk about awkward. "Hi Jaina, how are you feeling?"
"I'm alright Zekk…has Cilghal helped you at all?"
Then he winked in the most disturbing way and said, "Well, she's trying and I'm pretending, but really I'm still holding on. I could never lose the Killiks connection, they're my family. But most importantly, I couldn't give up my connection to you. That's why I came looking for you. A few moments ago I felt that you were very distressed and angry."
I froze. I never thought that he would still be connected to me, after all, I had severed my part of the connection. I told him as much, but his reply did not ease my mind. "Which is something I've been meaning to ask you, why are you blocking me out? I thought we were partners, connected, forever." And from that I heard his true meaning. He was obsessive. He wanted to hold onto me in any way he could. "Connected forever" sounds too much like "Till death do us part."
I just stared at him in horror. He asked me what was wrong, and instead of running the other direction like I should have, I decided to dignify him with a response. "Zekk, we can't do this anymore. I don't i want /i to be connected to you. That's why I severed the connection."
His face turned red, and I honestly thought he was going to attack me. But slowly his scowl faded. "You're still in love with that Chiss dog, aren't you? I should have known. That's the only reason you would reject me. But I'll win you back, I always do." He left. He may have been right, I was still in love with Jag, but that is DEFINITLY not why I rejected him. His obsession was unnerving, unhealthy and most importantly…unjedi. And while he might have felt he had stolen me from Jag, he was wrong. It was the Killiks who had done that.
And it dawned on me. The entire galaxy thought that Zekk and I were an item, so why wouldn't Jag? Is that why he had a girlfriend? This seemed to be the only logical answer to me, but I required another opinion. And since I couldn't ask him personally and my only girl friend, Tahiri, was away on Dagobah, I only had one person to turn to. My mother.
-Jaina Solo out