Disclaimer: Must...not...make...me...repeat...it...

Note: The various Mario games will be interwoven into the diary. There might be spoiler-like stuff from the Paper Mario games in this entry, for example. And hopefully I've already blown the cover that Toad is a character in Mario Kart Double Dash from last entry. At any rate, you were warned.

Toad's Diary, Week 2

Week 2, Day 1:

Yes! It's the Monday race! And Baby Mario and I are actually getting along!

I had to apologize to Peach that I couldn't accompany her as her attendant in the races, since I had to race with Baby Mario. She accepted the apology, and she even praised me for babysitting Baby Mario. I didn't expect the praise.

As for how Baby Mario and I went in the race? Well, Baby Mario was crying in the first course (Sherbert Land) because it was freezing and he forgot to wear his winter clothes. Luckily, I wore more than enough, so I passed him my extra scarf for the course. Baby Mario was then totally fine for the second and third courses, but he complained that he was sweltering hot by the fourth. I told him to take off his scarf (I had long since taken off my winter clothes). And yes, thanks to my driving skills and his use of Chain Chomps, we won first place! Then again, Waluigi and Paratroopa (who got second place) sucked.

After the races, Baby Luigi had a temper tantrum because he got eighth place. Apparently, he didn't have a good time with Diddy Kong. I had to calm him on the way home.

Week 2, Day 2:

Today was Luigi's birthday. I normally would have gone to my parents' house, but today my parents went to mine. They probably anticipated Luigi's birthday, too.

In the evening, Luigi took everyone (including my parents, Little T., and I) to E. Gadd's Garage. Amazingly, he managed to convince Wario and Waluigi to come, even though they normally would have just spat and refused to go as a reply. Igor Koopa took care of the problem with inviting Bowser and his family.

I got dragged into the party board by Luigi, as it was short a few players. Apparently, none of the normal players, besides Mario, wanted to join. Baby Mario and Baby Luigi somehow managed to get onto the board.

I, admittedly, played horribly. The board's movement made me dizzy, and I was only mediocre at the mini-games. Amazingly, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi (who were playing as a team) managed to win the Mini-Game Star. In the end, Mario won by two stars.

After the party, I watched the others play tennis in Luigi's Mansion, which was above E. Gadd's basement. Toadsworth insisted on sitting at his special seat instead of sitting with my mom and I. Little T. sat somewhere else.

The tennis games we watched were a travesty. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Wario, Koomar (the Koopa Troopa who is good at every sport), and Petey Piranha tried to play tennis, but in the end the ghosts scared them off. (Sheesh, and I thought Luigi exorcised them all…) Petey Piranha ended up being the only one who actually played as if he wasn't scared. Then again, the ridiculous-looking plant always plays badly.

After tennis, I got to team up with Luigi and have a few rounds of Battle in the mansion's track. We played a few rounds of Balloon Battle, Bob-omb Battle, and Shine Thief. We won all the Balloon Battle ones (my driving and his item-chucking must be a good combo), but we weren't so lucky in the Bob-omb Battles. We kept on getting the Shine stolen from by Daisy and Toadette, so we didn't win any of those.

By the time the whole deal was over and done with, it was 2:00 AM, I was exhausted and sleepy, and Toadsworth had drunk three drinks of wine just to stay awake. Poor Dad was quite drunk after the party, so I had to drive everyone home.

Week 2, Day 3:

I can't believe Luigi can still baby-sit the day after his birthday! Certainly yesterday's party didn't impede his babysitting skills, though, as Chainer and Chompy managed to not eat everything in sight.

Daisy found a Monty Mole in Luigi's backyard, so she told Luigi to take care of it. Luigi took Mario's hammer and pounded it to death. It was pretty easy, as it only had 3 HP. Unfortunately, the death of that particular guy attracted the attention of some green Monty Moles, who had 12 HP each and were a deadly shot at throwing stones. Luigi soon became too scared of their aiming skills and signalled Mario to help him out.

Mario came and hammered them all to death (taking the hammer that Luigi was holding, of course). But by the time the whole ordeal ended, the whole backyard was ravaged. That included Daisy's flower garden. Luigi and Mario had to apologize and promise to replace the lost flowers.

Darn, we're going to have to take some good money out of the plumbing revenue again! Soon enough, we're losing two arms and two legs to this sort of trouble.

Week 2, Day 4:

Yep, it's Peach's turn again. The babies behaved themselves again, too. I think she's getting as good as Daisy now. Whenever Mario baby-sits, though, it's another story…

Anyway, I picked up the mail today, and one of the envelopes says, "To Mario, from the Paper Mario Pals". I know about Mario's grand adventure (in which he was stomped flat by something that made him as thin as paper), but I have no idea who was involved other than Mario. I then searched through the rest of the mail.

Bills…bills…more bills…accident reports involving Chompy…ooh, something that says, "To Mario, from the Glitz Pit"! Darn, I have no idea where the Glitz Pit is, though I'll be happy to ask Mario.

When Mario came back from plumbing duties, we opened the envelopes. The one from the Paper Mario Pals read:

Dear Mario,

We hope this reaches you. We've heard you aren't busy, so we sent you this.

We're just fine. Goombario wants to wish you a happy half-birthday for some reason. Who celebrates half-birthdays, anyway? He must.

Kooper wants to tell you that he's gotten a palaeontology job. So far, it's doing fine. He's unearthed six incomplete ichthyosaurs and a graptolite. I've heard his expedition crew has unearthed the reptilian ancestor, though. That's news for everyone with scales!

Bombette doesn't have much to say, but Bow's telling you that she's coming back from visiting Rogueport. She said that was a cesspool of criminals. I tried telling her not to use that route back, but she wouldn't listen to me. I guess she won't listen to a middle-aged Paratroopa, anyway.

Watt's escaped from the Shy Guy Toy Box, or so I've heard. Last thing I heard from her is that she's working in the Toad Town Power Plant. I haven't heard from her since.

Sushie wants to tell you that she now has more grandkids besides Ebi and Tai. She's now a grandmother to Tamago and Nori, too. Apparently, her son, Donburi, had kids. So far, none of her grandchildren have been eaten yet.

Lakilester still says he's Lakilulu's girlfriend. Amazingly, they haven't broken up yet. Will some things never change?

And me? I'm still delivering mail. I'm proud to say that ever since I adventured with you, I've lost, forgotten, and misplaced less mail. Oh, and my nephew, Paraki, has been doing fine in the Double Dash Grand Prix. Being with Koover must have been a good decision.

Anyway, we all wish you a happy marriage, safe kids, and a long, rescuing-your-wife-free life!

Sincerely,

Parakarry (and Goombario, and Kooper, and Bombette, Bow, Watt, Sushie, and Lakilester)

"How'd they predict it? It is my half-birthday!" Mario cried out in astonishment when I passed him the letter.

After we finished reading that letter, I opened the one from the Glitz Pit. It took us a while to interpret its almost illegible handwriting, but we managed to figure it out. It said:

Hey Gonzales,

Just want to tell you I'm doing wicked awesome here. I got the Champion's Belt a record of five times! (Yes, that is on and off. It's pretty tough competing with Prince Mush and Rawk Hawk.) Right now, I'm keeping the belt.

Some of those guys are pretty tough. I ploughed through the Minor League and much of the Major League, but I had a bit of a hard time with Hamma, Bamma, and Flare. I managed to beat them and Chomp Country, but it took me a while to figure out a strategy for the Koopinator that didn't involve my butt being hurt. I managed to get it done, though. I still remember how to beat him.

And after that? My butt's still getting hurt. As Prince Mush's pretty dodgy, I keep on slamming my butt on the hardwood floor every time I try to do a Ground Pound on him. He keeps on not getting squashed every time I attempt an Audience Member Stampede. And he's impervious to my Mini Eggs. In short, he has a better than a 50:50 chance of beating me, so I'm getting the majority of my wins right now from Rawk Hawk.

Oh, speaking of Rawk Hawk? I'm almost deaf from Rawk Hawk's repeated shouts of "You just got RAAAWWWKED!" And I got a concussion from one of Rawk Hawk's latest blows. That landed me eight weeks in the hospital. Guess I should have expected it, though. That guy's pretty tough on your body. I wonder how you managed not to get injured.

I'd better end the letter. Since it's the exhibition matches now, I'm against the Iron Clefts again. And Jolene says I can't use FP for this match. Dang! Is she promoting nepotism here? At any rate, I'd better figure out an FP-free way of digesting and ramming those Clefts quick.

I'm still all for your comeback! I'm not sure whether to join you again if you come back, though…Oh, and thanks for rescuing and raising me! I'll be sure to always support you!

From Jr. Yoshi (Gonzales Jr. in the stage name record)

"Who's Gonzales?" I asked Mario.

"Well, that was the stage name I had to use while I was in the Glitz Pit," Mario replied. "I had to compete there in order to get the Gold Star."

"And why does he still think your name is Gonzales?"

"I tried to tell him my name was Mario the day I rescued him as an egg, but no, he won't stop calling me Gonzales. I guess I can't tell him to stop now, though."

Good riddance to that. Well, at least I can put down that the Mario-Luigi-Toad-Yoshi household received some very interesting mail today…

Week 2, Day 5:

Daisy's babysitting today. As usual, she's doing excellent. I can't worry about the babies today.

Unfortunately, since nothing remotely interesting happened today, I've got writer's block. I think this happens every year. I hope I can get something interesting out of babysitting duty tomorrow.

Week 2, Day 6:

Yay! It's my turn to baby-sit!

Today, I had to buy some Chain Chomp food. After all, the babies wanted me to. I took them to the grocery store and told them to pick what their Chain Chomps ate. We ended up buying ten steaks, five whole chickens, three hams, and eight sacks of dog food. Do the Chain Chomps go through their food that quickly?

After buying the Chain Chomp food, we fed Chainer and Chompy. We could only feed them one steak (not even each) before they tried to go after our remaining food. Baby Mario tried steering them away, but the two Chomps ripped up a sack of dog food and ate it. Sheesh, will Baby Mario and Baby Luigi ever realize that taking care of these guys is expensive? I guess they'll realize when it's their first day of elementary school.

Come to think of it, that's coming up in a few days. Then, since I think they trust him the most in terms of feeding, Yoshi'll take over feeding duties. I wonder how he'll do…

Week 2, Day 7:

I got invited to the races again. This time, it was an All Cup Tour, so it would be a daylong ride. I accepted, of course.

I got partnered with Birdo. I'm okay, but I'm not sure if…hold up…what is that reptile's gender? I'd better ask next time.

Sixteen crazy races later, we got second place. We lost by two points to Waluigi and Donkey Kong, so it was pretty close. At least I didn't have to hear Waluigi complain.

In the award ceremony, Birdo kept on spitting eggs at Toadsworth, who was, as usual, driving the Gold Cup Kart. I kept on telling her not to shoot eggs at Dad, but she wouldn't listen. Now we'll have to go through the car wash again, even though it was only three days after the last one!

I'm pretty much exhausted now, so I'll get to bed. Those All Cup Tours are rather draining. I hope I won't have to do another one for a week.