Momentary Illusions

Chapter Eleven

Audrey Bakes Cupcakes

2016.

Percy was so absolutely wrecked that he thought that he was going to collapse before he had even gotten to his bed. The best twenty-four hours had been one of the most harrowing in his life. He had worked nonstop for the past five days, barely stopping to take a leak, much less shower or eat a proper meal. He hadn't even really been home in the past two days. But now, another horrific work crisis had been averted and Percy couldn't be any more relieved.

His feelings of excitement only compounded when he remembered that Molly and Lucy were due to come back home from Hogwarts that night. They had refused when he sent an owl to them, suggesting that he pick him up, citing that they'd rather their mother do it. Every time that he took them to the train, he was sure they took a piece of him with them.

He used to think that his mum was mental for having so many kids, but he finally understood how empty his parents' house must've been like when they were at Hogwarts. He and Audrey had tried for a third baby a few years back (well, Charlie and Audrey), but after two devastating miscarriages, they decided that it just wasn't worth the heartache anymore.

All-day, he'd forward to eating his dinner with his daughters. He told Audrey about his plans to take them out for a quick weekend out in Greece. He had already meticulously planned said trip ages ago, knowing that his work schedule would likely become hectic around this time. As he thought of the shops, tours and lakes that he'd had in his mind for the weekend away, a small smile found its way to his face. He let his shoulders drop in contentment. Molly had just finished her final year of Hogwarts and would be due to go look for a job soon. Certainly, no small feat.

They deserved a nice little holiday away from everything. If not now, then when would they?

Stopping by at Diagon Alley, Percy got their favourite takeaway dinners from their favourite Chinese takeaway. He bought a colourful bouquet of red, pink and orange flowers and a pint of Molly's favourite pud, which was this disgusting blueberry frozen yoghurt that tasted like watery expensive yoghurt to him.

Walking into his flat, Percy found it to be uncharacteristically empty.

When he headed to their small kitchenette to put Molly's frozen yoghurt away, he noticed a small note on the fridge. Out for dinner with the girls! Will be back later… can talk about holiday in morning, scribbled with Audrey's handwriting. Oh, so that was…he supposed that was fine. He didn't exactly plan to bring back home a Chinese takeaway. Besides, he hadn't really been home much in the past few days. How was Audrey supposed to know that—well…alright, Audrey was supposed to know that he'd never missed out on the first few nights that his children came back from Hogwarts before. So, why would he now? Not even with a horrific deadline. But still, he hadn't told them that he'd be back. Percy hadn't overtly said that he missed having the girls around…not recently anyway. And Audrey had been pretty much livid with him recently at how much he was working. He shouldn't just assume that they'd be waiting around for him …so yes, that was fine.

Absolutely fine.

2018.

It was a late July morning when Percy had found himself in the laundromat for the first time in three and a half months. The last time he'd been there, it was to get the stains out of his Ministry robes, which were soaked with brandy after a rather out-of-control fight with his poor, drunken wife. Even then, he remembered feeling a fondness fill him when he looked at their machine, number five-oh, sat in the middle of a row of other machines. He had thought to stop by for the last time, just to see it, but it was gone. Replaced by a shiny new model, one that was probably less likely to eat your tie in that second that it was washing your clothes. Percy's heart went thump-thump-thump, feeling suddenly lost. He placed his hands into his pocket, looking down at his favourite loafers.

"They've replaced our machine," he heard Audrey's voice from behind him.

"Yes, they have."

"Better model."

"So, they say."

Percy looked down automatically, seeing his wife stood there. Her dark hair was pulled back, which was how she liked to wear it when she was out even though Percy always felt like it didn't help her migraine issues. Her already-full eyelashes were plump with mascara and her lips were stained maroon with her dark red lippy.

"Is that my clothes?" Percy asked all of a sudden, noticing that Audrey was wearing his favourite white button-down. His 1940s brass buttons looked like they were about to pop from how much they strained against her breasts.

"Your clothes? Is that what you want to talk about now—your CLOTHES?"

"Audrey, I…"

Percy watched Audrey scan the room, which was empty except for them. Even the bloke that ran the till disappeared for his smoke break (Percy was so used to smoking colleagues that he recognised the smell even miles away). Audrey then pushed him towards the washing machine, glaring down at him so hard that Percy thought that he might evapourate. If looks could kill, really. Percy opened his mouth to speak but Audrey put a finger to his lips.

"You what?" Audrey asked in a whisper. "You have anything to say for yourself, scaring me to death? Telling me that-that this is not working out and that you're leaving? Because you can't mean that, Percy." Percy opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know what to say. "What do you want? A divorce when you're dying? Is that what you want? Do you hate me that much that you'd rather die single?"

"I don't know." He honestly answered. "But it's worth talking about."

"What's worth talking about?"

"Audrey, if…if I weren't ill, would you honestly 100% say that you'd be happy where we are?"

Audrey looked at him like she'd been slapped in the face and then pulled her hands away from him. She looked down at her feet almost awkwardly, biting her lip aggressively. She looked like she didn't want to answer that question.

"You owe me the truth," was all that Percy said. "If our marriage has ever meant anything to you, you owe me that."

She looked like she was ready to fall apart when he said what he did.

"I wanted to try," Audrey admitted as softly as she could. "I really—"

"Is this trying?" Percy cut her off, raising an eyebrow at her.

"What is it then?"

"Can you genuinely look at me and say that everything is being worked out? All the problems that we've had before are currently a work in progress? Can you?"

"For fuck's sake, Percy, you're dying. How…how do you expect us to work on our marriage if you don't even want to work on yourself?" when she said those words, it had really stung him.

Percy opened his mouth to speak, and then just decided not to. "Let's just get out of here," he said softly.

Before Audrey could say no, Percy took her hand and walked her outside. As they were nearing the sign near the door that screamed YOUR CLOTHES DONE IN A SECOND, OR YOUR SICKLE BACK, Percy's heart panged with pain. When he looked back at Audrey, he saw how absolutely gobsmacked that she was too. That sign meant a lot to them. Percy still had Audrey's sickle in his pocket. He could pick it out of a line-up of sickles. He'd memorised its edges, its coppery smell, its faint tinge of black from the sides from when quill ink had accidentally seeped into his wallet.

"I still have our sickle," Percy decided to mention.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

In fact, he'd taken it out just after they'd passed the sign and gave it to Audrey, who was stunned that he'd kept it for so long. But just as they left the shop, Audrey stopped by a fountain.

"Make a wish," she'd slapped the sickle back into his hand.

"Oh. I…I suppose I can." Percy sounded uncertain. "Do you really want to…?"

"Percy, it's just an old sickle."

"I look at this when I don't feel like myself."

"Perce, you're okay with writing me an owl that says that you're going to leave me, but you find it impossible to throw away an old sickle."

"It's got meaning."

"You. Were. Talking. About. Divorce."

"Um…" Percy knew that she was right, but he couldn't help himself. "You started it." Hot tears burned into his eyes. "How did you think I felt when I saw that…" he could still remember how that day vividly as if it just happened yesterday. The restaurants, his children unhappily sat there, taking jobs just because he'd forced them to.

"The divorce papers? When will you give that a rest?"

"I don't think that it's something I can just forget about, love."

"You're the most selfish person in the world, I'll have you know. Leaving us in the lurch for a fucking week just because of what, Percival? Because we care about what happens to you?" Audrey looked at him with irritation.

"I needed time to think." Percy closed his hand and took a deep inhale of that coppery sickle. He did make a wish. He wished that everything would be okay somehow, and then he dropped his favourite sickle down with a hundred other sickles that nobody really wanted. His wish was wasted, he knew. He could've wished for a hundred other things to come true, but he just wanted everything to somehow work it. Whatever that even meant. "About everything."

Audrey did flinch when he threw their old sickle away. "And what did you come to conclude during this time away, sweetheart?"

Percy's face remained indifferent. "It doesn't sound like you want to know."

"Doesn't sound like…" Audrey looked at him like he was mental. "For fuck's sake, one second, you want us to renew our vows and the next one, you want us to separate? Do you have any idea how that's been like? For me? For your daughters?"

Percy stopped walking and stood in the middle of the road, completely unfocused. He was sick of everyone mentioning his daughters every time that he made a decision that was even inherently selfish. He was sick of running around in circles. Audrey stopped walking too and they were stood there, staring at each other, at this impasse.

"I don't want chemotherapy," Percy finally stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "But I will do it for you. If you ask me."

Audrey looked more annoyed than stunned. "I don't want you to do it for me. I want you to do it for you."

"You can't decide what I want, Audrey," Percy crossed his arms over his chest.

"You want us both to be miserable is what you want."

"I want you to know that I am willing to do anything for you if you ask, but not when you coerce me without asking for my opinion," Percy's voice rose a little at the end. "I wake up, barely functional, and have to learn from my own boss that my family is planning my treatment plan without my say-so. The least you can do is ask."

He knew when his wife was softening up. He'd been with her for long enough.

"Percy," she looked so frustrated, just like he knew that she would. Just like how he wanted her to be because this was the woman he married. "Would you please stop being a selfish git and actually complete your treatment plan by going to chemotherapy?"

"Well, when you put it like that…" Percy smiled weakly. "I suppose I might consider it."

And she'd known him for long enough that was about as much of a yes as he would give her, given the circumstances.

"You're such an awful person."

"So are you. I suppose that's why we're a good pair." Percy supposed not recently though. "Well, at times."

Audrey was walking alongside him again. They were pretty much directionless, in more than way one, sloughing along with everyone else, who seemed to have a purpose.

"What else did you learn from your little holiday away from home?" Audrey asked, now more like herself than before.

Percy looked down at the ground. "I undressed in front of one of my employees the other night and had a revelation."

"This employee is a man?"

"Yes."

"Good because I would've butchered you, Percival, if it had been…"

Percy was a little flattered that his wife would think that there was another woman out there that would galivant with him when given the options of all the other hunky blokes that had, you know, proper penises.

Audrey nodded her head. "Well, I drank too much firewhiskey last night and undressed in a pub. Molly helped me back down and we went home and drank hot chocolate in front of the fire." That sounded rather pleasant. "It's really hard on her, on Molly, the fact that you're so…"

"I know." Percy nodded his head curtly. "Audrey, I'm…actually, I…" he didn't know quite how to put it.

"You're terrified."

He didn't expect her to get that in one. "Yes," he maintained a look of surprise. "How did you…?"

Audrey was smiling, a genuine true smile. He could recognise that a mile away. "Oh, poor, poor Percy," she teased. "You think I can't tell how you feel from you flip-flopping all over the place, wreaking havoc in such reckless abandon wherever you go?" then her face hardened. "I know what you're doing. I know that you want to take control of the situation. I know that you have no idea what you really want. I think you just want things to be better somehow, but you're at a complete and utter fucking loss on how to do this."

"Complete and utter fucking loss," Percy echoed her sentiment. "Yes."

"Me too," she admitted and then sighed deeply. "Maybe we can actually talk about everything?"

"I would like to," Percy supposed that somehow, they could patch this up. He wasn't sure how, but he knew how good Audrey could be at sewing things back together. "Were you really that unhappy with me?"

"Percy, you were married to your job," Audrey told him. "Not to me. And you couldn't spread yourself between me and the girls. You tried so hard for them to be your number one priority you forgot that we had them together sometimes."

That hit harder than it should because it was all true.

"I just wanted them to like me," Percy admitted.

Audrey looked like she wanted to comfort him but didn't know what to say. He could see through her lies so easily, and they might love him, really, they might, but there was no way that his children liked him. Not once in the eighteen years that he'd had them that they'd become attached to him. If either Molly or Lucy was in a crisis, Percy would be the last one to know, and they'd be irritated when he found out about it. But he did feel a little warm and also distraught thinking about how the thought of him nearly dying was enough to make them feel bad for him—somehow.

"They will," was all that Audrey said instead. Percy appreciated the sentiment because she really believed it.

"But they don't right now. Like me that is."

"I don't…"

"I know."

"I'm sorry, Percy. I'm so sorry."

Percy looked down at his feet. "They'd think that I'm a right selfish arsehole for disappearing like that."

"They do," Audrey agreed. "But I also think that they want to see you as the villain just so it's easier on them. They never got to know you as I do." She placed her hands onto his face and brought herself closer to him. "I know that I did think about us divorcing. I did draw up the papers. I thought about it for a long time. But every time that I thought about going through with it, it devasted me. Because I really can't imagine my life without you. I didn't want to be with anyone else. I was just tired of feeling like I was second to your job." She then looked back up at him. "You did go back, didn't you? To your job after Kingsley…?"

His ears went red. "Well…"

"I thought so," Audrey didn't sound like she was full of contempt for him making that decision.

"You don't sound like you're angry."

"You're not the only one that's been thinking," Audrey said. "Because I've decided that if you were going to go back to work, then maybe I might just come work for you."

"What?" Percy thought that he didn't hear her correctly. "Um…I've seen your resume—"

"I don't care, Percy." He couldn't believe his wife just decided to give herself a job. "I'm coming with you." She grabbed his hand as tightly as she could. There was this resilience in her that almost took his breath away. "Now, let's go home."

They were alone at home, and for the first time in ages, Percy initiated a kiss between them, which was pretty much unheard of when it came to their relationship. Usually, it was Audrey that was the affectionate one. She was the one that gave him goodnight kisses, that reached in for his pants, that hugged him when he was being a prat. Usually, she'd have to push him straight into their bed and force their tongues together to get even the least bit of affection from him, but this time, he was the one that initiated the tonsil tennis between them. Which was how an hour later, they were lying next to each other, unclothed, with Audrey's head on his shoulder. Percy passed out the second that they were done.

When he woke up, he realised that his bed was empty and he could hear Molly and Lucy outside, talking to Audrey. Their chatters were loud and there was the banging of pans (Audrey's usual attempt at being rustic and homey by trying to cook, Percy wagered). Percy felt a gnawing pain in his pelvis, and he supposed that that was because, in the heat of the moment, he'd forgotten about how he wasn't supposed to be having sex a few weeks after he'd just had such a radical procedure.

Percy got up from his bed, changed into a pair of pyjamas because he had nowhere else to go. He could see the piles and piles of work sat by his desk because he'd forgotten that technically, he was supposed to be working. Fortunately, it was still early on enough in the day that he probably had enough time to finish that too.

He walked outside and saw his daughters stood by the kitchen counter, making cupcakes and talking to their mum.

Molly and Lucy had changed into their sweatpants and their hair was pulled up in ponytails. Audrey was dwarfed by his daughters—not because she was short, more of the fact that Molly and Lucy were tall for girls. They'd be tall for blokes to be fair. Molly was curvier and Lucy was a little slimmer than her, but they were quite curvy girls in their own rights. Audrey always seemed so small in comparison. It was hard to imagine that those two beautiful fine-boned girls came out of her when she was just so petite to begin with. Percy walked over to them and stood up behind Molly and Lucy, who didn't even have to look back to see that it was him.

"I suppose that you require an explanation," was all that Percy said, his chest a little tight from the idea of having to explain, yet again, what exactly was he thinking and why he disappeared from home without so much as a warning.

Lucy shook her head. "Mum explained." She grabbed his arm in a way that made him freeze up because his daughters weren't exactly touchy with him. Percy met Audrey's eyes, who was trying to hold back a smile because he supposed that she was still trying to appear at least a little cross at him for everything. Lucy placed her head over Percy's shoulder, rubbing his arm as softly as she could.

"She said she's going to work with you tomorrow," Molly was trying to stifle back her smile too. She looked quite worn-out and unlike herself. She placed a mouthful of icing sugar into his mouth when he wasn't looking and it was quite good, you know. Though he couldn't suppose he met a bowl of icing sugar that he didn't like. "That'll be great."

"A disaster," Lucy corrected.

"Yeah, it'll be awesome."

Molly and Lucy were trying to stifle laughs at that, and he supposed that that was better than the alternative.

"Yes, well, you know how stubborn your mother can be," Percy found himself spooning icing sugar himself, only to have the spoon knocked out of his hand by an irritated Audrey, who would not have enough for her cupcakes.

"And you know how stubborn your father is," Audrey smirked at him a little. "Who is that at the door?"

Percy stiffened when he heard the knock. He was thinking maybe it was one of his siblings or his parents, so he stiffened—but when Molly went to answer the door, Percy realised that it was so much worse.

"Merlin protect me," Percy said when he met that woman's eyes.

Audrey's mum, Holly, sauntered straight in with that always-dignified expression on her face. She had a look at him from head to toe and he felt as if he might as well be naked and in a pair of knickers from the look of distaste she gave him.

"Oh, you're back," she said in a way that made it obvious that she'd rather he'd die in his sleep tomorrow.

"Grandmum," Lucy mumbled in irritation. She probably hated Holly even more than Percy did. "So nice to see you."

"You look great," Molly was straining to keep her manners even then. There was a time where Molly really did like Holly, but after all of Holly's biting comments about how Molly was never going to amount to much in her life, they never really rekindled their relationship. "Hid your fangs really well," she whispered.

"Insulting to vampires, you know," Lucy told Molly.

"Mum, we've talked about this," Audrey's tone had changed. She sounded very hostile. "If you're not going to be treated my husband," she said a little thickly, "like a normal human being, then don't bother coming in at all."

"I can treat your little boyfriend just fine," Holly finally mentioned, though she looked like she was biting back her tongue.

"Husband. We're married." Audrey looked like she was trying to control herself too. "We'll see about that."

"I've come to see my daughter during a difficult time in her life! Separation is quite hard. I mean—you know, back when I was married to your father—Merlin help him before he'd cheated on me with that cow, I was an endless devote. You know, marriage isn't as sacred these days as some people will have you believe! It's perfectly normal to split up…even after you've had children. Especially when there are beefier men on the market, you know."

"Mum, we're not getting divorced. Besides, I thought Percy was supposed to be my boyfriend. You can't divorce from that now! Can you?" Audrey sighed deeply.. "And watch your tongue."

"Watch your tongue!" she crossed her arms. "Is that any way to talk to your mum?" then her eyes had dropped to the pan of cupcakes. "Honestly, Audrey, do you all really need the extra sugar in the house? It's almost dinner time!" Audrey's face twitched. "Speaking of which, what are we going to be having for dinner? I suppose you've finally found out how to use a pan after all this time…"

"No, mum, I can't cook. I don't try to pawn off a half-cooked roast dinner to my family like you do," Audrey was smiling quite a lot and it was freaking Percy out. "I would like a steak though. Molly and Lucy would too. We've just about to place an order at Tripp's."

"Tripp's," Holly frowned. "I suppose I'll just have to get the same thing then too." As if there weren't anything else on the menu. "You know you're ruining my diet now, don't you? Not everyone is naturally slim like you, Audrey. You're lucky you got that figure from your father, because if you had mine, you'd be ten times less attractive than me."

"Mum, there's a salad," Audrey looked scary almost. "Do you want a salad? So, I won't have to ruin your diet and figure."

"Well, I suppose… but you can't trust the salads in these places. You know."

"Sure." Audrey rolled her eyes, then she turned to Percy. "I assume you want the steak salad?"

"Yes." Percy's ears went red because he could feel that woman's eyes on him. "I would like my salad."

"Very interesting. Is that supposed to help you maintain your hefty figure?" Holly asked.

Audrey gave her a warning glare. "Mum, do you remember what I've said?"

"I was just asking! I mean…your husband eats like a bride trying to fit into her wedding dress." Holly's tongue was getting looser, and Percy knew that it was going to be a tough night. She'd made these comments way before, on the basis of him being quite tall, lanky and unimpressive as a specimen. He could only imagine that it would get worse. "Every time I've been here, he's surviving on air and vegetables."

"You know, Holly, maybe you'd still be married if you've kept your mouth shut," Percy suggested.

"Audrey! Look at how your loving, dear husband is talking to me," Holly pouted.

"Mum, he's being very polite considering," Audrey replied back. "He didn't say that maybe if you've kept your mouth shut, you'd lose that stone you've been trying to lose since 1969."

"Well, you just lost me as a mum, you know! All this time I've been waiting for you to get better but…well, when you've married another one of them, what can I expect?" Holly just shrugged. "I don't even want to know what you two consider a normal sex life. It's unnatural, disturbing and I'll have you know that even when you come to your senses, I don't want you around MY house. Think of what the neighbours are thinking about me!"

"That's fine by me," Audrey just shrugged nonchalantly. "I've never exactly had you as a mum now, did I?"

Holly just bolted straight out of the flat, and Percy was rubbing his neck. He always found it weird, their relationship. He was sure she'd be there come Christmas, asking for alcoholic beverages and insisting that Percy and Audrey take the couch because she was the esteemed guest and deserved a proper bed.

"That woman," Audrey looked like she was about to have a fit. She rubbed her temples and sighed deeply. "Given me debilitating migraines since I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure." She put the cupcake mixture into the magical oven. Ready in seconds. Percy heard muggle ovens took ages. He didn't know how anyone had the energy to bake. She took out the piping hot cupcakes, steamed and fluffy and beautiful. "Who the fuck does that woman think she is?"

"Your mum," Molly replied back with a toothy grin.

"My mum!" Audrey shook her head. "Do you know what she used to do when we were kids?" Percy knew everything that Audrey's mum used to do when she was a child. She'd told him multiple times. "Set me in front of a colouring book at five years old, disappear into a club for a few hours and come home so plastered that she'd piss on the couch."

"Yeah, mum, you've said," even Lucy looked a little amused by how often Audrey talked about her hatred towards her mum. But she was shifting her feet a little, trying to appear completely uninterested. "Um…how do you even get into a relationship when…you know, with you and dad? Like how do you even bring something like that up?"

"We were very close mates before we've become a couple," Audrey answered. "After your father lost his brother in the second wizarding war, we met up and talked quite a lot. He did tell me at some point that he was a transgendered man, and I didn't really think much of it." She looked a little conflicted too. "I don't know why, but it just didn't really matter to me. It didn't feel like it was ever a big deal to us. I mean—we didn't really stay mates for long, did we? It just never felt fully platonic. It felt like it was supposed to be something more all the time. And when it was, it felt…comfortable."

"I'm comfortable," Percy echoed. "Thanks for that. It's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

"Oh, shut up, Percival. I can always have a beefier man," Audrey shuddered.

Percy found himself stifling back a laugh. "Is that on the menu at Tripp's as well?"

"Oh, you're such a knobhead."

They did end up ordering steaks for dinner, and their cupcakes were on the table. Audrey bought out her glass of red wine, which she'd offered to Percy. He absolutely refused and stuck with his rather sad carton of chocolate milk and salad. Audrey talked about how horrified Percy's mum would be, seeing them sat at the table, eating expensive steaks out for a regular night in. Percy agreed. He was pretty sure their takeaway bills would send his well-meaning parents into cardiac arrest. After that, they laid on the couch, where Percy got to work on all the papers that he had to do for the day. He finished the work he had pretty quickly and then tried to read his book. He barely made it past half a chapter before he had passed out on the couch. He woke up about an hour afterwards and found out that his wife and daughters had fallen asleep on the sofa beside him too.

Percy shook Audrey awake and whispered into her ear. "I'm going to see George," he knew how George slept. He knew that most likely he'd probably have woken up at six or seven in the afternoon after he'd finished his shift and that he'd most likely be away until three or four in the morning. "Just to let you know I've not left you again."

Audrey groaned. "You know, when you were gone, I've had the best sleep in my life."

Percy pressed his lips to hers very quickly. "I'll work you to the bone, so you know. This will not work," he added as a word of warning before he got up, decided that whatever he was wearing was acceptable and apparated away.