Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings. It all belongs to DC.

Summary: Story Three in "The One I Desire" series. Slash Paring (Dick and Roy) The first sign that deep friendship may be blossoming into something more.

Author Note: This story has a much darker element than the first two, but trust me. This is the first time I have tried anything like this. While it is graphic, it isn't detailed.

WARNING: Non-consensual sex between the Joker and Nightwing is described in part one. If you don't want to read it, hit delete now.

Thank you to those who have read and taken the time to review the other stories in this series. Most of you have reviewed anonymously, so I haven't been able to reply. I want you to know that I appreciate your encouragement.

If you are interested in reading the first stories in the series, you will find them at or at my home page which is listed in my profile.

The First Sign

(Story Three in "The One I Desire" Series)

Part 2

"Nooooo!" Roy awoke abruptly. The final image of his nightmare was still fully formed in his mind. For a split second, Roy lay paralysed in a layer of sweat and twisted sheets, and then he was mobile… at the dresser…his communicator clutched in his white knuckled fist.

"Oracle? Oracle, damn it, answer me."

"Arsenal?" the young woman's voice responded with surprise.

"Put me through to Dick."

"Nightwing is…"

"DO IT NOW!" he roared. Pure emotion was driving him. The image of the Joker on top of Dick replaced the one of his dead friend in his arms. Roy started to shake.

"Nightwing," Dick's voice replied after a few seconds.

"You're okay!" Harper roared in a voice exploding with raw emotion. He honestly hadn't been expecting a response. He was so certain Dick was dead.

"Arsenal, what's wrong?"

His best friend's voice slowly penetrated Roy's hell. Dick was alive. Not dead. Not… Damn the Joker. "Dick… Oh, God, you're alive."

"What do you mean, I'm alive? Who told you I wasn't?"

"Dick," Roy whispered. He was shaking - physically trembling. Emotional shock set in and he couldn't think beyond the knowledge that his best friend was alive.

"Arsenal?... Arsenal?... Roy, where are you?" Nightwing demanded.

"Huh? At home," Roy murmured, looking around and realizing that fact for the first time. No warehouse. No Joker.

"Is Lian there? Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Dick, I… you're okay?" Roy repeated in an earnest effort to convince himself. The image in his mind was refusing to dissolve… insisting that Dick's voice couldn't be real.

"He's dead, Harper. You failed him. He's dead. You were there. You failed him. They Joker electrocuted Nightwing and then raped him and he died.

"NO! Stop it! Dick!"

"Roy, what's going on? Are… you… alright?" Dick repeated, slowing his words. Roy wasn't making sense.

"No," Roy admitted in a hushed and quavering voice as he shut his eyes in a desperate attempt to remove the two images alternating in his mind. The Joker on Dick… the man he loved dead in his arms. And the voice. A cold, harsh voice taunting him.

"Are you in any immediate danger?"

"No. I don't know. Dick, I… I..."

"Okay, Speedy. Calm down and listen to me. Just stay put. I'm on my way. Roy, can you hear me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I hear you, Dick."

"Hang on, buddy. I'm coming.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nightwing flicked the communicator back to Oracle, his mind racing. Arsenal had sounded irrational… on the edge. Roy was a lot of things, but in the face of adversity, Dick would want no one else standing beside him. It would take a great deal to get Arsenal into such a state, so there was a very good chance he was injured and delirious.

"Oracle, patch me through to Superman…. Clark? I have no time to explain. I need your help."

xxxxxxxxxx

A distinctive click ended Nightwing's communication. "Dick? Dick! No, don't… Dick?" Slowly, Roy lowered the communicator and swallowed, glancing toward his bed. A dream? He'd dreamt it? No, this was more than that.

'Ohhh baby!' The Joker's exclamation echoed in his mind. "God, stop it," he cried, gripping his head.

He stumbled from the bedroom into the lounge room, his world spinning out of control. "He's dead, Harper. You failed him."

Movement at the window. Nightwing stepped into the room, scanning it for signs of danger. Harper stood for a split second and before he knew it, he was running. He threw his arms around Dick and held him. "Dick. Thank, God. Thank, God."

"Whoooh. Roy?" Dick asked, stunned by the reaction. He attempted to push Roy away so he could examine him for signs of injury or some other explanation, but Harper's grip was vice-like. Confused, but acting instinctively, Dick wrapped his arms around his shaking friend. "Easy, Roy. Hey. It's okay."

Roy's trembling increased.

Dick rubbed his hand in circles on Roy's back. He was both bewildered and concerned. He couldn't for the life of him think of anything that could affect Arsenal so badly. "Roy? Roy, I need to know what's happened. Just calm down. You need to focus on my voice. Lian's okay, isn't she? You said she was okay?"

Roy didn't respond. He squeezed Dick tighter so that the other man's heartbeat pounded against him - each reassuring beat, evidence Dick was alive. Evidence the cruel voice in his head was wrong.

Grayson finally pried himself free and pulled off his mask. Right now, he needed to give Roy something to focus on. "Roy? Look at me. It's me."

Roy swallowed, the limited light in the room refecting off his ashen face. "I… I woke up and…"

Dick's eyebrows drew down in confusion. "Woke up? A dream?"

"NO! This wasn't a dream. It was…" Roy's anger drained away instantly as he lost himself in the puzzled blue eyes staring back at him. Roy stepped forward and hugged Dick again. He needed to hold him. He'd watched the Joker violate him. He'd felt Dick's life ebb away. "God, I thought I'd lost you."

Dick released a long, deep breath of relief. "Man, Roy, you had me worried. I thought something was wrong. Look, I…" Grayson paused as his attention was drawn to Lian who had wandered into the room.

"Daddy?"

"Daddy had a nightmare," Dick explained as Roy pulled away, still shaking.

The little girl frowned and then waddled across, reached up for her father's hand and said, "You better come and sleep in my bed then." Dick smirked, despite the situation. No doubt, those were the exact words Roy used to her when she awoke from unsettling dreams.

Roy forced a grin, picked up his daughter, kissed her, nodded briefly to Dick and headed down the hall. "Daddy needs to talk to Uncle Dick, honey."

Dick shook his head. He still didn't truly know what was going on. He'd had some bad dreams in his life, but none that had left him in the state Roy was in.

Roy reappeared, looking at Dick with large, glazed eyes. Grayson frowned and gently lifted his friend's left eyelid. "Roy, have you taken anything? You're eyes are dilated. Have you been drinking?"

"No. Dick… I can't explain this," he whispered, brushing Dick's hand away. "I know it was a dream, but… I was there. God, dammit, it was real. I felt every bit of it. Saw what he was doing to you… felt you…."

Nightwing's face flushed with suspicion and he snapped up his glove communicator. "Oracle, patch me through to JLA headquarters…. Thanks… yeah, he's okay, Babs.…. Wally, Nightwing. Give me a status report on the Gargoyle."

Roy's mouth opened slightly and then he shut his eyes. Of course. The Gargoyle: a past opponent of the Titans with the ability to enter a person's dreams and drag them into an alternate reality. It had seemed so real because it had actually happened… even if only in a reality specific to Roy. Dick had died in his arms less than ten minutes earlier - really died in arms. Not a dream - it had happened. Roy had been there. That's why what he was feeling was so acute. He was in shock.

Nightwing waited. "Uh-huh. Well, you better get a warning out to…oh. Good. Let me know as soon as that's confirmed…. No, not me, this time. Arsenal. Yeah, he's… " Dick glanced at Roy. "He'll be okay. He fought the thing off himself." Dick lowered his glove. "The Gargoyle escaped yesterday, but GL recaptured him less than two minutes ago. He was still attacking you when I arrived," Dick murmured. Roy looked dreadful. "It's okay, buddy. It's over. Wally will call as soon as they have him safely back in limbo."

Roy kept his eyes closed, but nodded.

Dick walked over to his friend and laid a hand on each of Roy's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened but…"

"You died in my arms," Roy whispered. "I felt you die, Dick." The moment returned. Tears formed in the corners of Harper's closed eyes, teetered and then fell. He felt so helpless.

"I'm sorry." Dick knew what it was like to be attacked by the Gargoyle. The creature's ability to manipulate a person's reality… to draw a person into an alternate realm where what happened was actually experienced by the victim in every way… could break even the strongest man. Somehow, Roy had broken free, but he'd felt every facet of what had happened. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Roy shook his head, but the tears began to flow steadily as his body was raked with tremors. It had really taken place. The Joker had raped Dick and Dick had died. He hadn't arrived in time. He hadn't been able to save the person he loved. Eight minutes earlier, Dick had died in his arms. Not in this reality, but in one Roy had been a part of. "Damn him."

Dick folded his arms around his friend. "Easy, Roy. I'm okay. I'm not sure what that bastard put you through, but I'm okay. When he attacked me, I needed the help of all of the Titans to fight him off. You did it on your own… but you're not on your own now."

"I thought that… Dick, I thought I'd never..." Words failed him.

For a long time, Dick held his best friend.

Gradually, Roy calmed. He felt the warmth of Dick's body against his… anticipated and counted each of Dick's heart beats. Finally, Harper lifted his chin from his friend's shoulder. His and Grayson's faces were only an inch apart. As Roy looked up, he saw eyes of the deepest blue showing so much compassion and love. Dick continued to rub his back, soothing away the trauma with quiet words of reassurance.

Roy leaned forward. Before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing Dick's lips. It took a few seconds for the action to register. Roy leaped back, startled. Dick stared back at him with eyes the size of saucers.

"Dick, I'm… I didn't mean…" Roy floundered.

Grayson just stood staring… gradually changing from a healthy tan to a ghostly white, to a spreading crimson.

"Dick, God, I'm sorry. It was just the emotion and… hell, I'm sorry."

"No, th… that's okay," Dick stammered. "I understand." His words said one thing, his expression something entirely different.

"Dick… I didn't mean for that to happen." Roy couldn't believe he'd kissed him. It had just happened.

"I know," Dick replied, trying to keep his voice even as he slipped his mask back on. "I better get going. I'll call as soon as I know the Gargoyle has been secured." Briskly he strode toward the window.

"Dick… I'm sorry."

Nightwing raised his hand in assurance, but didn't turn around. "No worries. It's okay."

"The Joker had… and I… I thought I'd lost you," Harper whispered, tyring to explain "I lov... It was just the moment. It won't ever happen again. I swear." What the hell had he done? Had one split second mistake destroyed his friendship with Dick? "Don't just walk away."

Slowly, Nightwing turned. For long moments they stared at each other. Dick was hiding behind the mask, Roy knew.

"Can't you face me?"

Grayson's chest heaved, his finger tips slipped under the mask and he pulled it away. The face that started back at Roy was a complex kaleidoscope of emotions.

"I want you to understand, that… "

"It's okay," Dick whispered. "You took me by surprise, that's all. I… I know how hard this must be for you at times." Dick experienced the same rollercoaster with Barbara. "In the same situation, I guess I may have… the same thing may have happened."

The two men continued to stare at each other. "The Joker?" Dick asked, consciously separating himself from the strange emotions zapping around his system.

"It's not important. So, why would the Gargoyle come after me? Aren't you usually his prime target?" Roy asked, changing the subject for Dick's sake.

"I don't know. I'm heading over there now. I'll find out."

"How did you get here so quickly, by the way?"

Dick smiled weakly. "Clark. I called in a favour."

"Oh. Friends in high places?"

"Something like that."

He'd dropped everything, Roy realized. He'd called in Superman to get here as quickly as possible… to be here for his friend. Harper sighed. If that wasn't love, what was?

"I really should be going. You're alright, now?" Dick checked.

"Considering you died in my arms about fifteen minutes ago, yeah. I guess I'm okay. So, we're okay?" Roy asked, carefully.

Dick nodded, but again, Roy identified something in his friend's face that was out of place. Not anger. Not annoyance. More like… confusion? Roy's brow furrowed. Confusion?

"I have go," a whisper that rung with uncertainty.

Roy nodded and walked across to his friend. Dick slipped the mask on and took a step back, lifting his arm to separate them. "I have to go," he murmured, turning to the window. A breath later, he was gone.

Roy gazed out into the darkness, a deep frown claiming his features. Why had Dick appeared so flustered? If he'd reacted by punching Roy in the face when he'd kissed him, Roy would have understood. Anger would have been an acceptable response. But confusion? Confused by what?

Harper reviewed the final moments…Dick's face…Dick's words…Dick's reaction.

Roy's eyebrows drew down and then lifted as he eyes widened. If he didn't know better, he'd swear that Dick was reacting, not to the fact that Roy had kissed him, but to the kiss itself. But that wasn't possible, was it?

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