A/N: Again, this chapter is in Cullen's POV. We will return to Meria's POV in the next chapter. Enjoy!

The nightmares came, just as vivid as every other time I closed my eyes long enough to slip into dreams. I clawed my way out, yelling for the demon to leave me, seeing her lustful eyes shift between the flames of the demon's eyes and Meira's beautiful jade. Once out of the cage, I saw the dead eyes of the terrified mages I had doomed to death by my inaction. Followed by the glowing, red eyes of Meredith as she sat atop a pile of dead templars and mages pouring a cup of blood into my mouth that turned blue and glowed. I listened to the animalistic sounds of my lapping up the lyrium that had escaped to the ground. The bestial me looked up, the lyrium dribbling off my chin and glowing in my insane eyes. Then Meira's skeletal face looked on me in terror as I wore the same armor of her assailant. I looked down at my hands holding the chain that bound her and realized I was her assailant. Alrik stood behind me and whispered, "Isn't she lovely?".

I jerked out of the bed, panting for breath as sweat ran down my back and face. My gaze swept the room, assuring myself that it had just been a nightmare. Thirst burned in my throat, but not for water.

I found Meira sitting up in her bed, her tunic falling slightly off one slender shoulder. Clutching her blanket to her chest, her dark brows furrowed in concern as her eyes studied my face. The candles bathed her in a golden light and I let myself just stare at her. Yet, I see the light is here. Her face flickered with pain and I felt it then: her mana writhing within her, building like an impending storm. She looked away from me as she stood, throwing her cloak on and slipping into her boots before she left the cabin.

I let her leave, pulled on my tunic as I waited ten seconds before gathering my sword and shield to follow. I kept an eye on her shadowed form as she kept out of the light from the braziers that now curved along the main path, but kept myself unhurried. The recruits saluted as I passed, but I stopped them to ask that some medical supplies be sent to our cabin. Once they were on their way, I followed the faint trail of magic that Meira had left behind as she'd run up the hill.
I kept following, my pace slow. I came to the clearing we'd been training in since she'd found me that morning training alone. It'd only been for an hour at a time or so, but she proved a quick study. She wasn't there, but down at the creek hunched over the water as she splashed some on her face. Her magic continued to surge and I moved away from her into the shadows where I would not be seen, but could observe. I wanted to see what she was capable of when she unleashed her magic. I found myself surprised by the thought, yet unafraid.

Meira entered the clearing, her normally guarded face displaying her full emotions. Worry, fear and anger warred across her features as she inhaled deeply and spread her hands out before releasing her magic. The sensation of it washed over me, caressing those empty places where lyrium had once resided, soothing the ache.

A gasp escaped her as lightning danced along her skin. Meira marveled at it for a moment. Lightning, the most difficult of the magics to conjure for most mages. It was unpredictable, powerful and dangerous; fire its twin in power and danger, but far easier to bring forth. How she was able to conjure the magic without a staff to focus was beyond me. Add that to the list.

Meira let it dance along her skin, a small smile on her lips, before she concentrated the magic at her hands. A two-handed blade formed and she held the shaft as she had been taught before swinging at a large boulder. She swung over and over, hitting the same mark each time. The lightning shot up her arms each time she connected with the stone, but she didn't seem to care about the pain. Instead, feral shouts tore from her throat as she slashed repeatedly until the moonlight revealed tears slipping down her cheeks.

As the tears fell, she pulled the two-handed sword apart, as she did it morphed into two ice blades. Meira slashed again, but the ice shattered after a few hits. A few shards nicked her face. She jumped back, but threw dagger after dagger of ice at the boulder never missing her set mark. Meira was sobbing now, a mixture of rage and sorrow in her eyes. Andraste preserve me...have I driven her to this state?

The boulder cracked and then broke in half, earning a howl of frustration from Meira. In her frustration, she burst into flames and screamed before running for the creek nearby. I followed along, nearly revealing myself, but stopped as she threw herself into the water. The flames extinguished. Meira sat up and looked herself over: she was soaking wet, covered in mud and singed in places. Meira threw her head back, her face bathed in the moonlight and laughed.
The sound of her laughter wrenched my heart - hollow and broken, but still tinged with joy. Tears slipped down her cheeks again as her laughter stopped. Her eyes were staring at the moons, the jade turning silver as their light seeped into her irises. It was if she were pleading with the Maker as she studied two of His finest creations, the lights in the darkness. Andraste, comfort her. Meira eventually leaned forward and wiped the tears from her face before standing.

I watched as she took in a deep breath, squared her shoulders and strode into the clearing. She took a stance, her back foot grounding her as she raised her hands. Her eyes were clear and focused; her face the picture of prowess as she conjured an ice sword and shield. I watched in awe as she perfectly mimicked the moves I made when I trained alone. She weaved her sword through the air and directed her shield like natural extensions of her arms.

The sword sliced through the air with deadly precision, her shield always up. Once she finished her dance with them, she willed them to melt before reaching for a fire bow and arrows at her back. Holding the bow as if she'd done it hundreds of times, she knocked an arrow before pulling the string to hit a mark within the broken boulder. Arrow after arrow hit the same mark, never straying. Eventually, she threw them to the side, leaving a cloud of smoke in their wake. Rolling before she stood, she conjured the two-handed blade of lightning, swinging it with complete control before returning to her favored sword and shield of ice.

I moved then, strapping on my shield and unsheathing my sword. I strode up to her, keeping my footfalls silent as she worked through her exercises again. As she swung her sword, I met it with my own. Shock was plain on her face as her eyes met mine, but I gave her no time to process. I parried her sword when she made no move and brought my own back to swing at her opening. Sword met ice, but a piece of her shield broke off at the force of my swing. Meira gave me a withering glare, but I kept my face serious - the face of the Commander. I swung again and again, pushing her back with each swing. Block after block met my sword, but she tripped on her foot.

"Watch your feet. Footwork is life or death in a fight," I instructed, my voice patient. I let her recover. Her face flickered with determination before she swung at the perceived drop in my guard. I deflected with ease and hit her square in the chest with my shield, pulling most of my weight to keep her from serious injury. She gasped as the wind was knocked out of her, but I didn't ease my onslaught as I swung again. Despite her state, she brought her shield up to block.

"Very good," I nodded. A ghost of a smile on her lips at the praise. I ducked and swung my leg out to sweep her off her feet. She landed on her back, her breath leaving her in a whoosh of air. Still, I did not let up as I brought my sword down on her chest, causing her to roll out of the way just before blade would have met flesh. I felt cruel at my attack, but it seemed to be helping distract her from her thoughts. "Remember your arsenal," I reminded, "You have more than ice and a shield."

She looked down to the water at her feet, her mind working out the scenario. With difficulty she willed her sword to be fire before she threw it into the water. Steam billowed from it, lowering my visibility. Before I could move, Meira froze the water, earning a chuckle from me. Knowing I would give away my location, I slammed my shield into the ice at my feet causing it to crack. Once broken enough, I was able to pull my feet out. I raised my shield, angling it down in case she threw any magic. I raised my sword to face level as I waited for her attack.

A split second too late, I heard her light footfalls as she rushed from my back. I turned in time for her to lunge at me and I lost my balance on the ice. We fell and as she landed atop me, she pinned my arms beneath her knees. The points of her knees dug into my muscles, as she leaned forward to hold an ice dagger to my throat.

Meira was panting heavily at the exertion, her body shaking as she leaned back to gulp air into her lungs. I studied her for a moment, letting her breathe until her eyes met mine. Triumph lit her eyes. I smirked at her, she not understanding the predicament she'd put herself in in this position.

"Good," I nodded, "but when you down someone, make sure they're completely incapacitated." Meira gave me a confused look. In a swift movement, I trapped her in my legs. Knocking her to the ground before straddling her, I grabbed her wrists in one hand before pulling them above her head. I put the ice dagger to her throat with the other as I pinned her legs beneath my own. "It's best for you to kill a foe at a distance as there's less risk of them using their weight and height against you. I will need to teach you or have Asaala teach you maneuvers to leverage an enemies weight against them. For now, if you must enter close quarters, make sure you have complete surprise on your side. Strike once, fast and fatally or get to a distance again. Your petite stature gives you the edge of swiftness to any foe bigger than you, but get too close and it's over. "

I was serious as I gave her this lesson, but I gave her a smug look which earned a glare from her. The dagger melted away as her mana eased once again. I felt her chest heaving against me with each breath she took. My mouth went dry as I realized how perfectly she fit me. As if we were a puzzle, each soft curve of her body met the hard ridges of my own. When she continued to stare into my eyes, for once her demure nature not winning out, heat lanced through my body before settling in my face. Before she could see my eyes darken with desire or my body could betray me, I stood.

"That's enough of a lesson, now will you get some sleep?" I chastised as I held out a hand to help Meira up. She took it, my heart stuttering in my chest at the touch, but she didn't have the strength to stand on her own. Her legs were shaking violently. I tried to pull her up, but I slipped on the Maker cursed ice and fell on top of her again.

I was nose to nose with her, our eyes wide and my face undoubtedly scarlet. Her lips were slightly parted in surprise, and I could smell the faint traces of mint on her tongue. Her cheeks bloomed with color, but she didn't look away.
My heart pounded against my chest at her nearness. Andraste, preserve me. I was frozen against her, relishing the feel of her body beneath my own and too shocked to move off of her to give her space. When I made no effort to move, she kissed my cheek.

"Thank you for the lesson, Commander," she murmured, her voice a husky whisper that made my gut tighten in response. I'd have to amend my earlier thought: I hated when she called me "Commander", except when she said it like that. A mixture of want and demureness in her breathy tones that took every ounce of my self-control not to capture in my mouth.

I blushed harder before nearly throwing myself off of her. She watched as I strapped my shield to my back and picked up my sword to sheath it. I looked her over before scooping her into my arms. We were both a mess. I carried her from the clearing to the nearby stream. I walked up the stream towards the little waterfall before I sat her down on a rock.

I pulled my tunic over my head, causing her to blush and look away, confusion plain on her face. Sweet Maker, she's going to be the death of me. I turned from her and dipped my tunic in the stream. I grabbed the bar of soap I'd squirreled away up here as I was never going to bathe in that cabin and scrubbed my tunic clean. I tossed the tunic at her feet and held my hand out, not able to look at her as heat seared my face.

"What?" she asked, her voice soft.

"You're covered in mud," I stated, keeping my voice even despite the pounding of my heart, "Give me your clothes so I can wash them."

"Cullen, I can wash my own clothes," she breathed.

"I'm not leaving you alone up here and I'm not going to let you wash your clothes...nude," my voice broke on the last word as if I was a teenager again, my throat as dry as the desert until I cleared it, "Dry my tunic while I wash your clothes."

I kept my eyes purposefully averted as she hesitantly removed her tunic and pants. My heart guttered and my gut tightened as she even had to remove her bindings and small clothes because they were soaked in mud. All her clothes in a pile at my feet, she turned her back to me as she went about drying my tunic.
Under the grime I could smell her floral and citrus scent. I focused on my work, scrubbing and beating her clothes against a rock. I heard her shift on the rock at one point, sensing her perusal, but I kept my eyes trained on my task. She turned back and I finished, tossing the soap in her direction causing her to turn.

"Finished, now bathe," I ordered, keeping my eyes on the waterfall.

"But -" she began to protest.

"You're caked in mud," I cut her off, "and it's too cold to carry you to the cabin without clothing." This part she would not be happy with me for, but I could not carry her back to the cabin without her having clothes on. She sighed deeply, pushing my dry tunic into my hands before I heard her quick footfalls and splash into the water. She gasped.

"It's too cold to carry me back? This is too cold!" she yelled and slapped the water.

Chuckling, I jerked away from some icy droplets hitting my bare skin, "Punishment for your cold shoulder the last few days."

"Y-y-y-ou j-j-j-er-k-k," her teeth chattered.

I laughed harder, a smirk pulling at my mouth. Listening as she washed herself as quickly as possible, using my last reserves of self-control to keep my eyes glued shut. I heard her pause before the ice-cold water splashed against my chest. To my shame, I squealed in shock.
Meira howled with laughter at the undignified sound I had made until I heard her fall into the water. I nearly opened my eyes to make sure she was alright, but she spit water out before resuming her joyous laughter. Warmth filled my chest and a tight knot eased at the sound of her mirth. I joined her with a chuckle and moved closer to her with my tunic outstretched in the direction her voice sounded.

"I think it's time to head back," I smiled. I heard her pad over to me, taking the tunic and I listened as the fabric whispered across her skin.

She said nothing before I felt her body pressed against me, her lips on my cheek. "Thank you for washing my clothes." She moved against me, placing a kiss on my other cheek, "Thank you for the lesson." Once more her body moved against mine. Oh, Maker. Her lips against my other cheek again, "Thank you for protecting me while I cleaned up." Her hand held my face as she kissed the opposite cheek once more, "And thank you for cheering me up."

When she pulled away, I opened my eyes to find hers soft and molten. I didn't know green could burn hotter than the sun. Internally yelling at myself to stay in control, I took her face in my hands and gingerly kissed her on the cheek. Her skin was warm and soft, I felt the whisper of her breath on my wrist and the flush of her cheek under my lips. "You're welcome," my lips murmured against her skin.

Her face was scarlet as I pulled away, my body protesting at the distance. I smirked at the wide-eyed look on her face and held an elbow out to her. I draped her wet clothes over my other arm as she took my offered elbow. I felt her shudder and prayed it was for more than just the cold and the aftermath of our spar.

We walked in silence to the cabin.

I stood outside as she changed out of my tunic and dried her clothes, coming inside when she'd finished. I gestured for her to sit on her bed before I turned to the table set between the beds. The recruits I'd flagged down earlier had placed some cotton and a poultice on its surface. I picked up both before turning back to Meira. Thankfully, my hands were steady as I cleaned her cuts and applied the poultice.

"I could have healed them," she murmured, her eyes searing my skin.

"They're minor enough, they'll heal without scaring," I met her gaze, my heart stuttering at what they held.

"Thank you," she breathed before her eyes flicked to the scar on my lip. "That wasn't minor, but you didn't have anyone heal it?"

I hesitated before saying anything, "It happened when I still didn't trust mages, so I stitched it and took care of it myself."

"I like it," her tone full of affectionate teasing, "Adds some ruggedness to your face, you'd be too handsome otherwise."

I smirked despite the heat in my face, her eyes going to the scar again as I did. "You're not going to ask how I got it?"

"You'll tell me when you're ready," she shrugged.

"It might not be as...impressive as you think," I chortled.

"True," she mused, her lips twitching as mischief lit her eyes, "you could just be making it mysterious to hide an embarrassing story."

I narrowed my eyes at her, but chuckled. Her uncanny ability to see right through me was frightening sometimes. It'd been an accident in the aftermath of Kirkwall. I'd sent Meira away that morning and had decided to go on patrol with the City Guard to make sure all the abominations had been eliminated.

We found one, starved and beyond insane. In the fight, one of the guards - relatively new - mistook me for the abomination and split my lip with the tip of his blade. I hadn't anticipated the attack, not realizing how terrified the guard was of the abomination. I didn't block the blow before it came - too distracted by thoughts of the female I loved being on a ship sailing further and further away from me.

Once the abomination had been dealt with, I'd returned to the Gallows. I stitched my face back together and treated it with poultice after poultice until it healed. It wasn't pretty to look at, but at least the skin had come back together and I had full use of my mouth. Though I didn't have much feeling in that half of my upper lip.

I couldn't tell Meira this story as the mistake revolved around my being distracted by thoughts of her. In the depths of my heart, I hoped I would be able to tell her that story and more. A plan had been forming in my head of a way to get her out from under my direct command, but keep her close enough that I could be with her daily. It was an idea that had been forming since Ellana had made it obvious she would go to the mages for help, but Meira had been proving herself the perfect fit for the role. I needed to speak with the others first, but I had no doubt they would agree. I would not make the mistake of sitting by and doing nothing, acting only when it was too late. Not ever again - in anything, including my love for her.

"All patched up," I said as I placed the medicinal supplies back before I straightened, "I'm going on patrol." I didn't need to, but I couldn't go back to sleep after those nightmares. Perhaps, I should return to the stables and give attention to the mabari. The canines proved excellent companions and an odd comfort to me despite their war-hound nature. However, it would be indulgent of me to forego sleep and shirk duties I could take from another who needed the sleep.

"You need sleep," Meira scolded, though her tone was light.

"Needed or not, it eludes me," I shrugged on my tunic and leather doublet.

"Is there nothing that helps?" she asked, a brow quirking, the healer returning.

"Well, I haven't tried everything," I teased, winning a chuckle from her lips, "but what I have thus far hasn't worked."

"I am sorry," she murmured earnestly, her eyes looking away from mine.

"It's not your fault," I said as I strapped my armor on, causing her gaze to find me again.

"I wish I could help," she offered and then realization dawned on her face, "Maybe I can... perhaps if Solas can train me to use my dreamer gifts -"

I met her eyes, my gaze hard "-No." Maker, Meira. How much more of my darkness would you allow to taint you?

"Why?" she asked, her face confused.

"It's my burden to bear and I don't want anyone inside my head." I knew I was hurting her by pushing her away. Breaking my vow to keep sadness at bay for her by bringing it myself. However, the thought of her seeing those days at Kinloch Hold again, of seeing the other nightmares - the other sins - that lurked within me; I could not bear her being tainted by them. She would discover the truth about my going off of lyrium as well, which I was not ready to tell her. I hoped I wouldn't have to until I was through the worst of it.

"But, Cullen -" I cursed my heart as it stuttered when she said my name so gently, nearly causing me to accept her help.

"No, Meira," I sliced a hand through the air, gritting my teeth, "do not even think about it. What you saw was bad, but there are -," I stopped myself, pinching the bridge of my nose as my nostrils flared, "Just...no."

"I just want to help," she sounded gutted. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and confess everything to her, but she had taken on too many of my shadows already. She was the dawn that had spent too much time in the darkness of night.

"I will deal with this alone." Besides, my nightmares were penance for all I had done and allowed to happen. I would endure them, gladly. The pain of withdrawal my penance for the pain I had caused her and all my charges.

She didn't hide her hurt at my words or my tone, but I turned my back to her. If she would have me, I would trust her with the entirety of my heart, my soul, my darkness in time, but not yet. She already knew more than I had wanted her to so soon, but there was more she needed to know, more apologies I owed her and I did not know how much she could take. I would not blame her if she cursed me to die. Without another word, I left the cabin. I did not return the rest of the night.

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