Momentary Illusions
Chapter Sixteen
I Don't Even Like to Drink
Getting pissed at an office party was not on Percy's cards today, but here he was, lying down on a couch in the Department of Magical Transportation. He was sure that he was going to die today. He was absolutely sure that nobody was supposed to have that many Bacardi Breezers. And ten Bacardi Breezers wasn't 'padding' for about six shots of firewhiskey. He was even more sure that after that volume of alcohol, the last thing you needed was two energy drinks.
Percy was convinced he was going to have a heart attack by the end of the night. Audrey, who was just as sloshed as he was on much stronger liquor, was lying on the office couch next to him. She was giggling like a teenage girl because they had to owl their daughters to get them. She was in Another Black Dress, but this time short enough to show off what she had for dinner that evening. One of her dangly earrings were missing. It was a raging thing of a party.
Percy wasn't even sure what happened, but he turned to Audrey and ask, "Did I just have sex with Michael Donovan in my old office?" he asked. He was wondering if he was in a psychedelic dream or if he'd really just done the dirty with a bloke.
Audrey smirked at him. "Well, you know, the divorce has been hard on him."
Percy had heard about his divorce. He remembered that they'd had a talk about him having trouble with his 'younger bird' as he'd called it. He couldn't believe he and Michael Donovan shared bodily fluids. He was a little bit perplexed, amused and disgusted and he wasn't sure which one was predominating at the moment.
"Most women would be annoyed at this level of infidelity," Percy wasn't even sure how it happened. "And they wouldn't be encouraging it. They wouldn't have swung open the office doors and yelled 'he's yours then, Michael!' either."
"What infidelity?" Audrey tsk-tsk-tsked at him. "You know, I'd be bloody mental if I didn't let my dear husband experience all that life has to offer. Including office sex with a divorced man that has a new appreciation for other men." Percy looked up and indeed, it looked like Michael Donovan was getting cosy with single-father Gideon Cole. No relation to Angelica Cole, the current head of the Portkey Office subdivision. "You've helped him discover his sexuality."
He went red in the ears as his wife moved in to kiss him. "Wait until I tell Molly and Lucy."
"You what?" Percy looked down at his absolute nutter of a wife. "You know, I'm quite sure you've been telling them all about what we've been doing in bed." He jutted his chin out. He knew that that was how Audrey was like. He did find it a little embarrassing, but he'd supposed that in some families, airing out your dirty laundry—quite literally—was normal.
"Well, they have a lot of questions about how to love a man so important to me."
She kept holding his hand, tracing her fingers across his wrist. Then came a BANG BANG BANG! from outside.
Percy thought that it was Death warning him that it was coming for him, but it turned out to be George's new fireworks collection being put to the test. Oliver Wood had opened a can of light beer after his slimline tonics. He'd already received some warnings from other departments passing by about the ruckus that he'd created. Percy bet that when the complaints came in tomorrow, Kingsley would be laughing as he read them. They'd be cleaning the mess from this for weeks.
"Come on," she grabbed his hand and practically hauled him outside. The people that were still hanging around after hours were giving them the worst looks possible. A few years ago, he would've one of them.
He was breathing heavily as she helped him sprint up the top of the stairs. They must've gone through multiple levels of stairs just to reach the last door to the rooftop. Percy had no idea how he'd managed to climb up that many stairs because he normally was too tired to get up and make himself a pot of instant noodles.
As Audrey tried to jimmy the door open, she'd taken her wand out and shouted out a very audible "Confringo!" to the handle, which imploded in seconds.
"That's Ministry property!" he shouted.
"Who cares?"
She led him straight to the edge of the rooftop, railing secured and in place, and peered out to look at the fireworks. Percy had seen fireworks before lots of times, but that display felt special. It was his fireworks, set off especially for him. The warm, vibrant colours that were swirling in the sky were unbelievable. Blues that were so bright that they looked almost white, greens that were greener than any green he'd seen before, pinks that were so warm they were almost purple. Audrey reached out to hold his hand, stroking it lovingly as they watched the display. Percy couldn't peel his eyes away. He hadn't felt like this since the first time that he'd seen fireworks as a child.
He felt new life breathe into him with every inhale. Audrey was holding onto him so tightly that he could hear her heart beating. He hadn't felt like this in years. He could very happily die like this, and he'd thoroughly meant it.
"I knew you were going to ask me to be your next Head of Department," she finally said. "Is that a little arrogant of me to assume?"
"Well, it wasn't going to be Oliver Wood I'd give you that," Percy answered. He bet Oliver would be answering to these fireworks for the next few months now, and knowing Oliver, he had no regrets. Then he turned to look at her, drink her all in. Every day, he was seeing her in a new light. "I'd hardly class that as a shocking surprise."
Audrey smiled at him, and then pulled out a massive manilla envelope that she shrank down into her minuscule clutch. "I bought this for you," she gestured towards him and when he reached out to take it, she'd taken it away from him. "Oh no, no, Mr Weasley," she wrapped her arms around his neck. He was no longer watching fireworks. "You're going to have to wait until tomorrow." As she leaned in for a kiss, he heard—
"Mum! Dad!" Molly was standing there in her pyjamas. She'd obviously been taking a page of his book. Unfortunately for Percy, Molly only wore one kind of pyjamas: the satin, lacy pale kind that showed half her arse. "Mum, I've been looking everywhere for you! You've not said where I'm supposed to meet you to help you get home! Oh, wow! You smell like a brewery!" she looked at them with a look that could probably rival one of Percy's when he was cross.
Percy's face went pink, as his daughter sighed and sighed like she was the only sane one in the ro…—rooftop.
At home, Percy and Audrey probably were knocked out the second that they reached the bed. Percy had stirred at around five o'clock for a leak, woke Audrey up just to wake her up for work and went back to bed safe and sound whilst she rustled about, shouting all kinds of obscenities about him whilst he lay cosy in bed. Before she'd left, she'd given him one too many kisses and promised them that portkey to Romania that they'd been talking about. Percy had a good sleep because he had nothing to do or nobody to wake up to until he'd heard an audible POP! in his room.
"Hey, Perce," it was Ron who stood there whilst Percy was drooling all over his arm. Percy had been dragged out of bed, which, by the way, wasn't hard considering Ron was six-foot-five and was used to handling bigger blokes than him. "Good morning."
"Good morning," Percy slurred, rubbing his eyes. His glasses were still next to his bed. "What time is it?"
"Not morning time, I'll tell you, mate," Ron was holding onto Percy's forearms so he didn't fall back into his bed. "You want to be painted in the nude?"
"What?" Percy looked at him like he was mental for even suggesting he'd do such a thing. Look at him. Beyond the fact that he had the wrong 'equipment', he was a scraggy, ashen bag of bones that was due to collapse at any minute. His hair had become his worst thing for him. Him, with the massive issues about his transition, his hair had become his major source of anxiety these days. It was like he was an ever-shedding Kneazle. He'd genuinely started to cry from happiness when his hair shedding had come to a bare minimum yesterday, but it was still far from growing back. "Are you mental? Do I look like someone that should be prancing about in the nude? Even if I didn't think that was the most ludicrous thing that—"
Ron pulled out the brochure for him. "Look," he shoved it to him.
Percy looked down at the brochure and wondered if being a model was a requisite. All the other nude specimens in the brochure looked like they'd just been taken out of Witch Weekly magazine. "Yes, why not? I'll just pose in the nude in front of a bunch of seven years. Have Molly supply extra copies of my naked arse to her clients at Primpernelle's whilst she guides them about the lippy section in case you want a bit of a laugh."
Ron flinched. "Well, your wife's been saying you've been an absolute nutter, saying yes to everything," he shrugged. "Thought this might be one of those things. They'd do makeup for you, that sort of thing."
"Yes, every bloke's dream," Percy mumbled. "To be painted on liberally by a seventh year."
"You can bring Molly too," Ron suggested. "She does this stuff for a living, doesn't she? Putting on face paint to make you feel good," the last thing that he wanted was his daughter to see him around in the nude for a painting class. Ron had officially lost his gobstones if he'd forgotten how Percy had been like all his life. "Come on, mate. It's not like you've got anything else to lose."
"Well, you're right," Percy stared at the brochures in his hands. They were pretty graphic on the inside.
"Audrey knows about it," Ron finally said. "Says she thinks that it's a mad idea, but she's agreed to it."
"Dad?" Molly had peered into the room. She was already dressed in all black, and fully clothed, which was a change for her. She was holding a massive bag of which he didn't want to know the contents of. It might as well be her serial killer kit for all he knew. "Uncle Ron's told me that you're going to be in a nude painting class."
"It's not for you," Percy decided to say, just in case she thought she was the one taking off her underpants.
"We know," added Lucy from behind Molly, who was in her pyjamas. "It's so cool, dad."
"See?" Ron nudged him in his side. "Besides, it's taken us forever to get you a spot anyway."
"Fuck off."
Eventually, Percy did agree to go on and see what it was about. His other option was lying in bed all day and doing nothing and every day that passed with him lying in bed, the sicker that he felt like mentally and emotionally. Beyond sleep, he wanted to be in his bed as least as he could. He was already looking forward to a lifetime of eternal slumber.
When they got to the studio, Percy was surprised to find Ginny and George already there. They were animatedly talking to one of the professors. The professor didn't eye him up or down or tell him that they needed a full set of hair for the students to paint. But he did explain that he wasn't going to be paid much for it.
Percy had seen all sorts of people in the brochure. All better looking than him of course. Short, tall, young, old, fat, thin, white, black, Asian, Latin American, all of them looking comfortable in their bodies. Percy did not have that in common with them then.
"Dad, this is sooo amazing. I've never been somewhere like this," Molly was dreamily stood beside him. He'd had a feeling that one of these days, she wanted to work in one of those glossy type magazines, banging out articles about how to have joyful sex with your uninterested spouse. But this made her feel like it was almost like snapping sensual pictures of women in skirts, eating chocolate cake. "You're going to be knocking them dead," she'd patted him on the back, her smile firmly in place since they walked into the room. "I can't believe that you're doing this."
Percy couldn't believe that he was doing this either.
"I always wonder how you looked like starkers, Perce," George finally said. "Is it as bad as I'd have imagined?"
"Haha," Percy feigned a look of complete uninterest but on the inside, he was bricking it. His hands were clammy, and he had never thought of anything more daunting than having to face himself, not in the mirror, but in the centre of a room. He'd thought he might pass out and die actually. "Very funny."
"Mr Weasley?" a small sixth or seventh year walked towards him. She was smiling at him. "My name is Madison. I was told to help you get your—oh! Molly!" she looked at Molly with a glowing smile. Molly was blushing avidly. "Is this your dad? Wow, he's great. I'm coordinating this whole thing! I didn't know you were interested in art!"
"Um, yes," Molly looked shy all of a sudden. "I'm very artistic."
"Aye, she one made me a very smart potato painting," Ron decided to say.
Percy tried not to roll his eyes. She was about as artistic as George was designing his shop products with glossy letters.
"Well, this part is always daunting for the first comers," Madison said. She was a very curvy brunette, her hair in a fishtail braid (Percy knew because he had two daughters). She was wearing a white button-down with the first six buttons open like Molly did and a short black skirt. So, he supposed that was just the fashion. "Think we could help relax you a bit with a drink. This isn't the Battle of Hogwarts, so just try and relax as much as you can."
"Good luck relaxing, Perce," Ginny smirked.
Percy did feel like he'd found himself in the Battle of Hogwarts all over again. He walked with Madison to another room. George, Ginny, Ron and Molly followed him keenly into a small room. It was beautifully made for the budget. There was a comfortable couch that looked like it had been sat on a lot, a tray of homemade chocolate muffins, and someone's teapot whistling with steam. Percy picked up one of the massive raspberry and white chocolate muffins and sat in one of the chairs. Molly joined him in, blueberry and double chocolate both in hand and sat beside him. A cup of hot tea was whizzed to them both.
"We're just setting up everything now," Madison said by the doorway. "You'll be sitting on a table. It can get a little tiring posing for that length of time, so we have some breaks for you. I don't think it'll be more than a couple of hours."
Percy couldn't imagine that in a couple of minutes, he'd be lying in the nude in front of a class. He was now fully dressed in all black with an all-black fez to conceal his patchy hair. They probably thought he was homeless, and they were doing him a favour by paying him for sitting still.
"The other thing, we need you to sign on a slip of paper, so you know, you're aware, consented and know that we can use the paintings in the future for any art shows," she said. Percy nodded his head. "Is that okay?"
He happily enjoyed his muffin and his cup of tea, which had a rustic charm to it that he felt very much relaxed. He was taken to another small room where he'd taken his clothes off and kept them up. He put on the plain dark robes that they had for him and was sat being prepared for the painting. Madison had wrongly thought to start combing his hair and about chunks of it came out with her comb, so there were cat-hair like balls everywhere. She then tenderly smoothed his hair for him. She rubbed down some magical hair products to the texture looked less like a disgruntled cat. Molly happily spent about ten minutes slapping on things to his face to make him look rosier.
"You look good, dad," she said. She sounded like she meant it too. "The people out there won't stand a chance."
"I don't think that anyone's looking to pick me up at one of these things," Percy said.
He looked at the mirror just to make sure that his daughter hadn't given him thick lashes, splattered on golden type eyeshadow or made his cheeks pinker than a bride on her wedding day. But fortunately, he just looked less corpse-like.
He got to the bed and saw George, Ron and Ginny standing there with blank canvases in front of them.
Percy sighed deeply. "Seriously?" Molly just smiled at them as she saw him.
"I mean the benefits of this class are very convincing, Perce," was all that George said. "You know, art calms you down, relaxes your mind and unleashes your creativity." Percy would like to see the other paintings that George had been doing all this time that he hadn't told anyone about.
"And what's Ron's excuse?" Percy asked. "Wanted to see how fast he could butcher a painting?"
Ron just glared at him. "I was going to draw you in your natural form, Perce. As a prat."
Percy nodded his head and turned to Ginny, who just shrugged. Molly even took a seat beside Madison, who Percy was not happy about. He couldn't believe his daughter would be painting him in the nude.
The professor took him towards the centre of the class, where he was made to disrobe. It was not as traumatising as he thought that he was. Nobody had run out of the door, shrieking at how unnatural he looked. Percy laid onto the bed and got into the position that they'd asked him to, which was mildly uncomfortable. His kit was out for the world to see, but so was the small scars from his procedures. In fact, the way that he was positioned probably put more emphasis on those.
It was a very quiet class. He kept himself focused on their faces as they drank him in.
At some point, Percy even started to relax. Him, the bloke that didn't even look at himself fully in the mirror, started to relax. The class ranged from what he'd assumed to be fifth years to students that had just left Hogwarts a year or so ago. There were some outliers, a seventy-year-old man who had looked more frustrated with his palette than Percy's gender dysphoria. The professor himself was looking over each and every painting, making gestures about colours and edging them forward. George was looking back and forth at Ron's painting, and Percy had explicitly heard him say, "He doesn't have that many bloody arms."
Molly looked more flushed than ever staying at Madison's side. He hadn't really noticed the time much. He was too busy being lost in his own thoughts, in his own body. He had been so ashamed of his body for so long, giving it so much meaning to who he was as a person, to his gender identity, that he hadn't realised that it didn't mean as much as he thought it did.
"Do you want a break, Mr Weasley?" the professor asked.
"I'm alright," Percy finally said without moving away from his position. "But I would like another cup of tea after this."
The professor laughed and he placed a hand on his back for a second. "You're doing quite well for someone that has done this for the first time. You should consider a career as a living statue. I haven't seen someone move so little since I've stupefied a Death Eater that broke into my home during the second wizarding war."
A flicker of a smile found its way to Percy's lips. He couldn't believe that he was a little glad that he did this. He was glad that for that in two hours that he was naked on the bed, he didn't feel at all attacked by himself, by his body. In the ideal world, the one where he survived his cancer, he would've eventually learned how to be comfortable in his skin for the long haul. But he'd take this feeling for now.
After the two hours were up, he was taken back to change into his clothes. The painting room, which was silent before, was full of chatter and all of it was about each other's paintings.
Percy had met up with his siblings afterwards. "Look, Perce," George showed him Ron's painting. "Think you look like you belong in a Care of Magical Creatures textbook with how Ron has done you."
"And what about yours?" Ron gestured, which was just a multi-coloured painting with the words PERFECT PREFECT PERCY sprawled across. Percy admired it for a few moments. The background was yellow, orange and blue. The lettering was in dark orange.
"Think it's accurate," Ginny insisted. "I mean he is Perfect Prefect Percy."
"Dad," Percy found Molly coming up to him with a glow in her eyes. "Dad, Madison and I are going to go to the pub for a few drinks." Percy was sure that Molly would drink half a drink and then decide it was too many calories, but then order a massive plate of beans on cheesy chips if he knew his daughter well enough.
"You were a fantastic model, Mr Weasley," Madison praised. "I hope you come by again."
"Er, thank you," Percy nodded his head but looked over at Molly. "And you, young lady, don't stay up too late and come back thrashed at five in the morning." He thought that was not too much to ask. Molly reached over and hugged him so tightly, he breathed in the scent of her perfume. He hugged her as softly as he could. He swore that every time he hugged his children, they seemed to go on longer. "Have a good time," he said, watching Molly and Madison practically run off together.
Then he looked back at George's painting. "Can I keep that?" Percy asked.
George broke into a grin. "You like it."
Percy nodded his head. "Yes, I do."
"It is very accurate," Ginny insisted. Her painting was mostly angry slashes of different colours. She obviously wasn't an artist, but he did appreciate the sentiment.
After that, he headed back to Ginny's flat. He also had a long nap in her and Harry's bed, trying not to think about what they'd been up to there that produced three nice children. When he slept on that bed, he felt surprised yet again that he'd really done it. He posed for a nude painting class. He felt rather…relaxed about the whole thing. Those feelings surprised him. The best part of it was Molly smiling after she'd put on a bit of slap on him and the way she was glowing when she'd left to go to the pub with Madison. Recently, he felt like everywhere he looked, there was just doom and gloom. It was nice to see his daughter acting her age for a little bit. It was nice to see that even when he was so ill, he could give her a good day.
As he was sleeping, he was rudely awoken by the sound of someone grunting outside. He couldn't hear Ginny, Harry or anyone else, and he knew that Ginny said that she was going to be popping out for a takeaway at some time.
Percy slid out of the bed, taking his wand out with him. He thought that he was going to have to battle out an intruder, but all he found was James on the floor, with a couple of weights in his hands. With every thrust, he gave away very pornographic grunts, sounds that he'd rather not hear from his nephew.
"Oh, you've given me such a fright," Percy put his wand down. James had placed his weights beside him and grinned like a Cheshire cat. He was glistening with sweat, his muscles bulging. Percy swore every time he came to visit, he was more muscular than the last time he'd seen him.
James sat up. "Mum's gone out to get a takeaway," he said. "It's just us. Dad's out with Uncle Ron."
"Oh," Percy suspected as much. He couldn't believe that James had gotten old enough to be travelling on his own, to be settling down even. "I've heard that there was a wedding soon?"
James nodded his head, his eyes glowing as he showed Percy the glossy band on his hand.
Percy remembered when he and Audrey got married. He hadn't gotten her any flashy band. It was probably simpler than the one that even James was wearing. James was such a sweet, young man. "Harry's alright with all of this?"
"Of course not," James finally said. "Hates planning weddings. I think mum hates them even more. She'd probably like to take us to slap our names on a piece of paper and be done with."
Percy smiled. "Yes, I know," he heard that James would like a pretty big wedding. "Take care of her for me."
There was a moment of silence between them as James picked up his weights again.
"I don't have to. She can take care of herself," James finally said.