Chapter Ten

I had four paragraphs of that on paper at work before my friend read it and wanted to know why I was writing about gay people, candy, Risk and rock stars. I couldn't explain Gravitation in three minutes or less, but he thought it was really funny. It made me happy.

Then my boss overheard the conversation. Luckily, she's cool but told me not to invite gay people in to actually have a candy fight and to play board games. Twas funny.

Hence it made me do the happy fluff chapter of Ryuichi/Tatsuha.

But now . . . . let's go to other parts of the story.

Summary: Tatsuha and Ryuichi have decided to cure Ryuichi's boredom by going to the gift shop to try to make their own version of Risk out of Raisinettes, Skittles, toothpicks and Tic Tacs. Meanwhile, everyone else is in the waiting room, and our novelist is suffering over the loss of his love.

Will Eiri Yuki be able to handle this blow, or will it drive him insane?

Copyright: I do not own Gravitation, otherwise I wouldn't put this fic up here. I wish I did. I own Marian, the background nurse in this chapter and I do not own Shining Collection by Iceman, which snippets are in here. I only own the idea of the story.

Responses to Reviews:

Mustang123: Yeah, Ryuichi is cool when he's childish. I'm currently trying to hunt down a bag with Eiri on it, but…it's not working. I'll have to find patches or something and MAKE MY OWN :p I'm getting the Gravitation bag before I leave on my vacation, though.

AngelofLight: Eiri had kind of been hooked up to IVs and was having his emotional breakdown. But I don't think the cops will be involved, unless Tohma gets pissed enough. And Tohma, I think, is rather unstable. I got that vibe early on but he does loosen up, except on Eiri. Which, is just creepy.

Amythest00 and Luciver: Thanks a lot! We needed comedy, as this is an angst chapter now.

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Chapter Ten

Eiri had finally managed to stop crying a little while later as he woke up, bleary and unfocused. He did not recall falling asleep, or crying himself to sleep, but he knew he felt like hell, especially in his heart. If he looked at a mirror at that moment, he could have seen why everyone else thought he was hurting.

The novelist was hurting. His head was pounding from the crying he was doing. He felt dried tear streaks on his cheeks and it hurt to blink his eyes. This did not last long, for another set came soon after he realized that he was alone in the hospital room. His golden eyes, usually cold, were puffy and red. Hair was everywhere, just like it was when he had awaked in the morning. And he was reminded that this was the second time he had awakened that he was alone.

That damn tart was not with him.

Something in him hurt. A pain filled his chest and he clutched it, taking deep breaths to try to breathe. He seemed to see the color fade away from his life. He could feel his happiness drain away. He sensed that he would not be able to stop himself from drowning in despair.

He heard something from the table that his bed was on and groaned in distain. They had hooked the IV back in his arm while he was sleeping. He hated the stupid beeping of the machinery. He also heard something faint from a radio that was turned on and the pain returned. His hands clutched over his heart tighter.

They were singing the lyrics he had written for Shuichi on the radio. It tormented Eiri even more as he heard some of the lyrics. He screamed and took one hand and smashed the radio on the floor, silencing it for a moment. The song reminded him of his love for Shuichi.

His love . . . the man he failed to protect from even those close to him.

Shuichi! Eiri called silently in his mind.

The radio played it again, this time playing a line from the song. Eiri cried harder. His walls were shattered, broken. The masks that he wore around everyone fooled everyone else but Shuichi.

Shuichi had found a way to break every one of them until the novelist's heart was out on his sleeve. Damn, he hated that kid.

"You're cold and indecent, but I want to see you---"

"Shuichi!" Eiri yelled in his torment. "Stop haunting me with the damn song! I can't take this anymore! I'm sorry, you stupid fucking brat!" He made a croaking sound for a moment before he lowered his foot on the radio and had smashed into pieces. The torment would cease now.

At least, that Eiri could hear.

You're cold and indecent, but I want to see you.

He laughed at the irony of it all, but stopped as he heard someone opening the door. He paused, took in the long hair and the concerned look on his face and glanced away, wiping the tears away from his eyes. How he hated this bed, this hospital. Eiri loathed the very place.

It reminded him of the confinement that the boy's life was in now. How a simple machine could either give back his life or destroy it.

He saw the figure move over to him and had seen someone closing the door. A nurse was standing at the door, gasping at the sight of the radio, smashed on the floor. But the man standing there did not glance at it. He only glanced at Eiri's eyes and nodded to him. "You, I must say, look like hell."

"Nakano," Eiri addressed him, looking away from the long haired guitarist.

"I guess even you care about him. You need anything while I'm here? I doubt they'll let you come out of that room for a while."

"What kind of question is that?" Eiri asked flatly. They did not have the same type of emotion they did before. The once sarcastic question now was underlined with sadness and grief. "Besides having a cigarette, you probably know."

"Maybe, but—"

His gold eyes glanced at the other's eyes. He saw the pain that nearly mirrored his own. Tears once again formed, but did not fall.

"I don't blame you for what happened to Shuichi. You tried to stop them. Even if Shuichi didn't see . . . . he knows you cared."

The nurse that had stood there had interrupted. "Shuichi Shindo, you mean? He was just admitted into the hospital. Poor boy."

Both heads snapped. Eiri's voice quivered a bit, Hiro's was thunderous as they both simultaneously said, "How long!'

"An hour or two, I think. They rushed him to the emergency room. I assume you're friends of his, from the way you're talking." She fixed her nurse's cap and had glanced at Eiri and Hiro. "We can't find the boy's parents. I hope they didn't find out about their son over the television."

"His parents aren't his legal guardians right now, anyway," Eiri muttered, sniffing softly. Damn, he needed a tissue. He reached over for them and blew his nose. It took him a moment before he spoke again, wiping the tears away with another one and throwing both in the trash can. "He lives with me. So anything that needs to be signed or—"

"The hospital's policy is only for family, though," she pointed out. "If we—"

He saw Hiro taking a seat now next to Eiri's bed. "His parents know that he lives with him. Besides, they won't be able to make it back in time anyway, if Shuichi needed surgery. They're on a cruse in the Virgin Islands. They flew out yesterday, so they wouldn't even get there till tomorrow morning. And getting tickets back is nearly impossible."

The nurse frowned. "This is bad. The doctors won't---"

"Talk to Tohma Seguchi," Hiro pressed. "If that man can't prove to you that the man standing in front of you is Eiri Yuki, then I don't think anyone could."

"And just where—"

"Outside!" Hiro yelled. Eiri saw him trembling with rage as he stopped up, pointing to the door. "If Shuichi needs anything, talk to him or to Mr. Yuki. I'm sure the two of them could take care of his consent forms."

The nurse looked confused, as did Eiri. He did not understand why Hiro was defending him this way. If anything, he thought that the man did not approve of the relationship. But how many times had that boy gone over Hiro's house and came home the next day after Eiri had kicked him out?

In the end, he suspected that Hiro had convinced him. He was grateful in that sense. And he was grateful now.

"The only person who could even know what's good for Shuichi would be the cold hearted novelist who just happens to be in this room," Hiro continued, glaring at Eiri. "I hate admitting it."

"Who're you calling cold, punk?" The novelist retorted. "You honestly think—"

So it is true,he thought, stopping himself. Even Nakano thinks Shuichi's good for me. I'll let his comment go for now.

"If I didn't see you like this, I might," he heard Hiro tell him. "But something changed you, and we both know Shuichi has that power. Tell me I'm wrong."

Eiri looked away, staring at his bedsheets as if they were interesting.

"Something's changed you, and it's Shuichi. If I'm wrong, how come you seem to give off this feeling that you'll break or go insane if Shuichi is dead?"

"I feel dead," Eiri slipped. His hand went over his mouth as he leaned back against his bed and tried not to cry once more. He really hated to cry. He thought he looked like hell as Hiro blinked and had a look of shock on his face. "I took that brat for granted. And now . . . I want him back.

"Is that so much to ask for, Nakano? Is it so much to have someone you love come back to you? Comfort you in the morning? Tell you how much you love them, no matter how mean they are or how annoying they are to you? Or distracting? Even if his lyrics do suck," he added softly, "At least he tried. I really wanted him to sing those lyrics."

Hiro just stared at him. Eiri glanced away again. He felt the guilt returning to him. He was right. Shuichi changed him.

Damn you, Shuichi. You made me fall in love with you. And now---

"So you're Eiri Yuki?" The nurse asked, staring at him. "The rumors about you aren't accurate, if you're not acting like a complete bastard."

"Who're you calling a bastard, lady?" Eiri barked, annoyed that there was so much drama going on. "And I thought he just told you that I was Eiri Yuki."

"Oh, I must not have heard correctly," she said softly, She had her hand on the doorknob and had opened the door. "Let me talk to the doctor about those forms. From what I've heard, you're his only hope for survival, should he allow you to fill them out. We'll take it from there once he hands me the forms. I'll be back momentarily."

His eyes closed softly. "Your name is . . .?"

"Arlena. But it's alright, Mr. Yuki. I can convince him that you can fill out the forms. Do not worry too much about that." Tipping her hat to the two men, she had turned out the door. "When I come back," she called, "Mr. Nakano will have to leave. He's staying past visiting hours right now."

"When can I get this damn crap off me?" Eiri muttered. "I don't need this anymore."

"I can see about getting you withdrawn too, Mr. Yuki," she called. "Just stay put." The door slammed behind her.

"Aww fuck," Eiri said, scratching his head and pulling out some hair. "I want a fucking cigarette. I can't deal with this shit if I can't have my fucking cigarettes."

It seemed that Eiri was beginning to regain some of his composure. At that, the blonde was partly relieved. But he knew he would probably crumble soon if something did happen to Shuichi.

-----

Shuichi felt lost and afraid as he tried to see in front of him. When his eyes opened, the world seemed to come out all wrong. It was blurry and it wobbled. He felt like he was moving. He felt as if he was going too fast and feebly reached out to grab something steady.

Touching the metal bar on the stretcher bed threw him back into his nightmare. It was one he could not awaken from, no matter how hard he tried. The tears had formed back in his eyes as he thrashed from where he was laying, and suddenly he screamed pitifully, hoping anyone could hear him. But it was to one person, and one person alone.

"Y….Yuki…."

His hands groped in front of him, catching air. He could see in front of him. The world stopped now. Nothing moved. Relief flooded through him as he realized that he was still.

Opening his eyes, he came to and saw that he was in a dark place. Dark and cold. Like Yuki's car. He remembered how foreboding the car was and shivered. Shuichi was cold now, and frightened. He felt himself being restrained from where he was and began to cry silently. "Where am I---Yuki…Yuki, where are you?" he moaned as he felt a pain in his chest.

It was hard for him to breathe. He could not breathe. The world seemed to swallow him in the darkness that was growing around him. All he saw was black as he closed his eyes, too weak to do anything else.

He heard someone coming closer to him and reopened his eyes.

Shuichi was deathly afraid now. He could not understand what was happening to him. His mind was cloudy and he could not remember anything other then when he was with Tatsuha and Ryuichi. The thought of Tatsuha made him cry. He felt like he had abandoned Yuki.

He wanted Yuki again. He wanted him to call him the names that were endearing to him. Shuichi tried to sit up, to look for Yuki, but felt a pain in his ribcage. The breath left his body as he began gasping for air. "Y….uk…i…" he whispered, falling back against the bed he was laying in.

The world became dark again and Shuichi's eyes closed. Yet sleep did not come to him. Sleep never would come peacefully for him until he saw those eyes, the eyes that told him he would be safe, and be loved. Shuichi sniffled. He did not want to lose Yuki to Tatsuha.

And at the mention of Tatsuha in his mind, he saw the other's face. The one that looked nearly identical to Yuki's. He tried to push it away, but the black haired man kept coming back.

That kiss came back and it made Shuichi cry harder. He could not do a thing to stop him. Part of him felt ashamed. Most of him felt violated that someone else would dare to touch him. Worst of all, he felt like he had betrayed Yuki.

And Yuki was not here. Yuki probably already knew.

Yuki hates me now, Shuichi thought. He thinks I really cheated on him for his brother, didn't he? Is that why I can't see him? Is that why I'm alone? His eyelids flickered as he tried to sleep again. The movement came back underneath him and he began to scream loudly, but only coming out in weak cries instead.

"Lemme go, Tatsuha! I'd rather die then let him see me with y…ou…" His voice dropped off as he struggled to breathe once again. The pain returned and he gasped, his eyes rolling in the back of his head.

He was down the hallway when the darkness hit him fully, and Tatsuha's face was still at the forefront of his mind.

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I have to get out of here. I'm going to go insane.

It was the fourth time Eiri thought that in the last five minutes as he ripped out the IV and the other machinery hookups for the second time that night. Something was eating at him and the bad feeling would not go away. He could have sworn he heard someone calling for him a moment ago, but knew that there was no one talking to him. Hiro had left shortly after the nurse did, shaking his head.

In short, Eiri Yuki was becoming unglued. And he did not like it, not on bit.

The man had risen from the bed and had cursed himself. They had changed him out of his clothes, and into some stupid hospital gurney. He hated wearing them. They showed off too much of his body for him to be comfortable with. His hand went to undo the string on it as he saw that his clothes were in a bag on the chair beside the bed. Eiri sighed in relief and began to change out of the stupid thing. He did not feel the need to be here, even if he was having severe chest pains.

As he grabbed his clothes and hurried into them, he had felt his wallet that was in his jacket. He blinked and opened it, flipping around until he found something and looked at the picture in his wallet. It was a photo of the two of them on their date a few years ago. It was one of the only pictures that Eiri had ever kept of him around. He had another one, but that was on his cigarette lighter, which was not there.

Damn. So much for that smoke. I guess Nakano might have a light.

He glanced down at the wallet again and noticed that one of his credit cards was missing. He found that odd and sighed softly. He had a feeling that Tatsuha had stolen it because he had drunk his beer again. Eiri would retrieve that after he saw him and beat his face to a pulp. The mere thought of him was enough to make him want to punch the first thing available.

Gold eyes glanced back to the wallet and had pulled out another card. It was Shuichi's insurance card. It's a lucky thing I got it from Tohma when he moved in with me. His parents might not like the idea of me being his caretaker, or his boyfriend—

Eiri stopped a moment. He admitted it to himself. His boyfriend. His lover.

His resolve grew deeper. He had to make sure Shuichi pulled through this.

---but at least Tohma considered him on the insurance plan, even if he's technically not family…yet.

Eiri buckled his pants and sighed, remembering that he had his shirt to put on. He threw the jacket down to try to put it on with two hands, but left the wallet in one of them.

Reaching for it, he threw it on and had stopped, leaving it unbuttoned. He grabbed the jacket and shoved the wallet back in, noting that it was rather hard to put the rest of his clothing on when he was holding it and Shuichi's insurance card. He shoved that back in his pants pocket and had buttoned his shirt.

It was then that he felt someone calling his name. He felt a pain in his chest and gasped. The air seemed to leave his body as his hands shook.

"Y…Yuki…"

The pain left after he heard his name in his own mind.

Eiri abandoned the thought of putting any other clothing on and grabbed his jacket and the card, running out into the hallway. He was worried sick now. That voice . . . it couldn't have been . . .

Yet he saw a team of doctors pushing someone in a stretcher and saw a familiar head in that mess of them. Something pink had flashed in front of him and Eiri saw that his hands were moving toward something. Then he tried to get away from it and tears came down his eyes.

Eiri ran over to where they were, watching them in the distance. He did not notice that everyone else for Shuichi was watching him, as they could see him from the waiting room. He was not too far behind the stretcher as he heard the figure scream loudly, but pitifully.

"Lemme go, Tatsuha! I'd rather die then let him see me with y…ou…"

"Shuichi!" Eiri yelled from where he was. "Shuichi!" He tried to run over to where he was being pulled to but felt someone grab him by his arms, restraining him. Eiri growled and an anguished cry escaped him as the pain in his chest returned.

"Eiri!"

He recognized the cry as being his brother-in-law's and could not find the strength to speak. His mouth remained open as a strangled gasp escaped him. Eiri sunk to his knees and he felt the person letting him go.

The novelist reached out a hand to the stretcher, as if he could pull him back. "Shu…i..chi.."

"He's alive."

Eiri's head turned around. "What?" He winced a moment as he held a hand over his chest and stood up slowly. "I know that. But he looks so . . . " His eyes glanced away as they blanked out for a moment, remembering him on the stretcher with everything hooked up to him.

"He was pretty bad, Eiri. But never mind that…Mr. Nakano informed me that Shindo's parents aren't around to sign consent forms. The doctors are being strict about this procedure and won't let me do anything about it. Do you think you can do something?" Tohma looked at him and Eiri sighed softly.

"Don't tell me you're trying to keep him alive for your record company, Seguchi."

Tohma laughed. "Would suit you, but no. It's for your own sanity."

The other looked quite bewildered. He even backed up a moment, as if not hearing him right. "My sanity? You mean to tell me you're not chasing him away anymore, Seguchi?"

Tohma shook his head. "You changed. We all did. He has the power to influence others, don't you think so?"

"Something's changed you, and it's Shuichi. If I'm wrong, how come you seem to give off this feeling that you'll break or go insane if Shuichi is dead?"

Eiri remembered Hiro's words in the hospital room and had nodded softly. He covered his mouth and shook softly. "But I didn't want him to influence me. He just got to me, you know? And the next thing I knew, I felt comfortable with it.

"But the stories, the novels . . . the happiness I had . . . "

"Eiri. I won't let Shindo die. I can't let him die. It would hurt you."

Not this shit again, Eiri thought in distain. Not this "Eiri, I'll protect you" shit again! Can't he see that he's reminding me of what I failed in? Of course he can't.


He never will.

"Don't say that, Seguchi," Eiri whispered. "Just let me go, for god's sake. I was happier when you didn't get your ass in my business. Not that you'll ever see that, but don't try to gallantly save Shindo for my own sanity. Don't you even like him as a person?" His eyes turned back to where the stretcher was and looked down the hallway.

"Shindo is an interesting person; I just hate seeing you hurt. It wasn't Shindo's fault and I'm angry because I can't blame him."

He turned his head around and got up in Tohma's face, pinning him against the wall. He had not touched him, but he could see Tohma's shock on his face. "Look at what's under your nose instead of over it, sometime. Perhaps you might understand things a bit better if you did."

"Perhaps, but that was not why I came."

Taking a deep breath, the blonde stepped back, allowing Tohma some breathing room. "Then why did you run after me?"

"Tatsuha and Ryuichi are here."

Eiri took one look at him and chuckled. Chuckled. "Oh really now? They had the nerve to show themselves after the stunt they pulled? Do they realize what they've done to him!" The man sadistically smiled. "I'll find them soon enough. Right now though, I want to see about Shuichi's forms."

"Eiri," Tohma said, "Don't lose it in the hospital. Shindo wouldn't take it well if you were admitted to the mental ward so soon, would he?"

"I honestly don't care," Eiri replied, and he meant it. He didn't care. There was nothing that could hold him back, keep him from thinking like a sane person did. He felt Shuichi's pain somehow and knew that he had to punish Tatsuha for what he did. His eyes hardened.

Eiri hated when Shuichi cried and he did not do anything to him. It meant someone else had caused him pain. And he would do anything to ease that pain.

Anything.

"I warned him, Seguchi. I fucking warned my brother to leave him alone." Eiri shook in anger at the other of the night before when he had pushed Shuichi into his bedroom to yell at Tatsuha. Was it only really yesterday that this happened? He asked himself this as he took a breath. "My brother is an idiot."

"Then press charges on him."

"What would that do, Tohma?" he asked, using his real name. "Mika would be upset…"

"At least he wouldn't be dead."

Eiri stopped talking. Death was a fitting punishment for his brother, but he did not want him dead. He damned himself for still being capable of loving his brother. Then again, he suddenly wondered how Mika loved her husband after all the things he did to Eiri and to her own mangled heart.

He had started walking past, deciding that the conversation with Tohma was over. A hand reached out to grab his wrist but Eiri leaned in near where he was and pushed him over to the wall. "Leave me the fuck alone, Seguchi. I'll deal with things my own way."

The novelist then walked past him, hurrying his step so he could let unshed tears make their way to his eyes. After a few seconds, he wiped them away.

Tatsuha would pay for his. And he solely blamed his brother, because his brother was the one who initially took Shuichi away from him.