Well, that was a long chapter, if I do say so myself. But that was well worth it. I even drew a picture from Chapter 10 of Eiri, though he's not colored cause I need to get good colored pencils.

But anyway, switching back to other things….

This chapter has been really hard to write for me because there's so much I want to do right now. So in the next upcoming chapters I probably will have a number of different things. All of this, keep in mind, has been in one day. I'm trying to get off it being in the same day because poor Eiri is going to lose his mind if another bad thing happens to him.

Summary so far: Tatsuha and Ryuichi had kidnapped Shuichi Shindo and had wrecked Eiri's Mercedes. While it wrecked, the car exploded, with the rock star inside. Shuichi had been rushed to the hospital and the others have learned that Shuichi cannot breathe on his own.

Our novelist, Eiri Yuki, has taken a blow from this incident, and, like the others, is hanging onto some sign of hope that Shuichi will make it through this. After a confrontation with Tatsuha and Ryuichi, the two barely manage to make it out of it alive. The only thing Tatsuha had managed to damage was his nose, with a surprise punch from Eiri.

Eiri, meanwhile, keeps seeing flashbacks of his past, meshed with the present. It is this that makes Tatusha realize what he has done. Can he and Ryuichi fix all the chaos they created, or will Eiri lose his mind and will Shuichi die?

And what will happen to Bad Luck now that Shuichi is in a life or death condiction? Will they still play without him, or will they disband?

Special thanks once again to my medical experts from the last chapter, AngelofLight and Noramary McCabe. I have finally figured out what Shuichi will have, and how to best approach this. However, I find it ironically funny that we both have come to the same conclusion that Tohma could be a Jewish man.

Responses to Reviews:

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction: Thank you for telling me it was in there twice. :p It was three am. -- Evil evil plotbunnies.

Dejichan4444: No, I don't Eiri will take Shuichi for granted anymore either. That was one of those chapters that was emotional and I cried after that. The picture I did was Eiri from that chapter. Can you imagine:p

BlooDy-MaY: Yeah, Tatsuha did deserve everything that Eiri had said to him. I couldn't think of what to do with the little bastard, even though I like Tatsuha very much :p

rebelyell59: I have replied to your review. Again, thank you.

Fmalover: Yeah, well, it just popped out of Kai. Needless to say, I liked it. We had to lighten the mood somehow.

Amythest00: Thanks again!

-------------

I feel . . . dead inside. I wasn't lying when I said that. I--- Eiri looked down at his hands, still seeing the image of the blood on them. I do. And I hate having to pretend that everything is alright, because it's not.

It never will be again.

" . . . Eiri?" A voice jolted him out of his thoughts as they had passed through the doors of the waiting room. "Eiri! Are you alright!" He saw Marian's head lift up as Mika had came over to where Tohma and him were standing, embracing her brother. "You didn't hurt Tatsuha, did you, Eiri?"

He did not feel like he was actually there. His mind floated. Eiri felt detached from everything right now. It was the only way to stop the vision of Shuichi's dead body from being on the ground wherever he walked. If he did not think of anything, then he could not see the body.

"…no, Mika," Tohma told her gently. "Eiri just roughed him up a bit. He should be fine, once a doctor sees him about his nose."

At least Tatsuha will be fine. Hell, he had something in front of him all along. So why does he get to be happy and I have to suffer like this?

What did Shuichi do to deserve this?

"Eiri." He felt Mika's hand on his shoulder. "Eiri, talk to me. You look so far away from everything. Come back a moment, if just to tell me that Tatsuha's alright." When he did not respond, she shook him.

Her hands shaking him were restraints that broke free on his mind. The image he had so fought to keep at bay returned. Mika's face became Shuichi's. Her face meshed with his so perfectly to him that he gasped. His eyes became blank again as he just began to hyperventilate.

The voices around him were not clear as he saw Shuichi gripping his shoulders tighter. The frail boy had an iron grip on Eiri's broad shoulders and was jerking him around. "Yuki . . . Yuki, why? Why didn't you help me? Why did you have to let me die?"

Those violet eyes started straight at him and would not look away. He saw the tears in Shuichi's eyes, the sorrow that was in them. Eiri screamed. He could not stand to see his Shuichi like this. "Can't you leave me alone, Shuichi! I tried! I tried . . . I'm hurting as much as you are right now . . ."

The shaking stopped as Shuichi looked at him. "Eiri?" The pink haired vocalist had hugged him close, taking his head and laying it on his chest. His hands stroked his hair as Eiri sobbed uncontrollably, blocking out the world around him. He had finally found some sort of comfort.

But he was also so tired from trying to stay strong. He knew he could not anymore. Shuichi always let him open up if he was upset. He missed that the most about him. No matter what he did, Shuichi would come close to him, soothe him and hold him. "I can't do it anymore, Shuichi . . . I can't live anymore. You died. I keep seeing you, lying on the floor, blood all around you, soaking your hair. My hands . . . I can't get the blood off my hands!"

"Yuki . . . it's alright now. I'm here now."

"You're dead, Shuichi."

------

Ryuichi and Tatsuha, in the meantime, had been trying to get back into the waiting room, where they could get someone to look at Tatsuha's nose. He was grateful that Ryuichi had been beside him to help him walk. The pain in his nose was halfway between unbearable and a reminder of the pain he had put the people close to him through.

As he stepped into the waiting room, he noticed that Ryuichi stopped and grabbed Tatsuha's shoulders, indicating that he should stop for a moment. Tatsuha was confused, as his hands were around his trickling nose and his head was still held up to stop the blood flow from pouring. "Ryuichi, what—"

"Listen," the rock star said softly. "Listen closely now. Can you hear that?"

Tatsuha put his head down and cursed silently. The blood had gushed down again and he caught it with his hand. He never realized that people had so much blood inside them. He also wished that it would stop. The blood on his hands . . .

It reminded him of what Eiri screamed about.

About what the blood-chilling scream he just heard was screaming about.

"I can't do it anymore, Shuichi . . . I can't live anymore. You died. I keep seeing you, lying on the floor, blood all around you, soaking your hair. My hands . . . I can't get the blood off my hands!"

"Eiri!" Tatsuha heard his sister scream. "Eiri, snap out of it! It's not Shuichi!"

Tatsuha forgot about his bleeding nose as he hurried into the waiting room, watching his sister holding his older brother close to her. He seemed to be clawing at his hands, as if he could take the so called blood off them. The tears shed down his face. He never recalled seeing his brother cry so much in just one setting.

Then again, he had done this, had he not?

The blood on Tatsuha's hands was a perfect reminder of it. The reminder that he took everything away from his brother. His brother was happier when no one meddled in his affairs. And he . . .

He was just like Tohma, in that sense.

And that thought made him sick inside.

"You're dead, Shuichi." He saw Eiri cling to Mika harder, looking past Mika's face. "It's all my fault . . . all my fault you—"He had buried his head in Mika's chest as she cradled him close to her. Her glare at Tatsuha was all he needed.

It was like when she slapped him when he first came in. Tatsuha cried, watching the scene unravel in front of him. He heard the words come from Eiri's mouth, but was not sure if they were true or not.

"You're dead, Shuichi."

Is Bro just hallucinating again? He asked himself as he felt Ryuichi's arms circle around him. He had forgotten he was crying, but could not tear his gaze away, even embraced by Ryuichi. Did they really say that Shuichi is dead? What did I do?

What in the hell did I do to have Eiri deserve this kind of torture?

Tohma gave Tatsuha another glare as he ran out of the waiting room, frantic. His hat dropped on the floor and Tohma just kept running down the hall. The Jew lost his hat, Tatsuha smirked. I guess the "mother hen" complex must be taking his toll on Tohma if he lost his trademark hat down a hospital hallway.

Ryuichi had patted Tatsuha's back as Tatsuha watched Mika cradle Eiri in her arms, stroking his head. "There, Eiri. It'll be alright soon. We still don't know how he is," she cooed.

"Shuichi . . ." He heard his soft sobbing from where he was. Tatsuha hated himself again. But just as he was reveling in his self-pity, Ryuichi pulled him aside and moved him over where K, Marian, Hiro, Fujisaki and Mr. Sakano were sitting. Then he saw two nurses with Tohma as he ran back in, with his hat in his hand.

"There, that's him," Tohma said. "Is there anything you can do for him?"

Tatsuha's eyes met Tohma's, but Tohma lost the glare in them as he saw the worry etched through his dark blue eyes. Tohma had stood beside his wife as she tried once more calm him down.

"You'll see him soon, Eiri. It'll be alright, and Shuichi can put your worried heart at ease. And he'll do the same thing we're trying to do now, Eiri. There's nothing you can do right now." She stroked his hair softly again as her eyes mirrored the pain that was in Eiri's blanked stare. One of the nurses put a needle in his arm and pushed it into it.

"What's that?" Tatsuha heard Ryuichi ask him.

Only he wouldn't know what a tranquilizer is, Tatsuha thought as he tried to wipe the tears away. Luckily, his nose was not bleeding as much and he sighed. "A tranquilizer. You know . . . one of those pills that you take when you're tired."

"Those are sleeping pills," Ryuichi whispered. "Is that a sedative or something?"

"If you knew," Tatsuha said, "why did you ask me?"

"I wanted to make sure."

Tatsuha nodded and used a hand to wipe a tear away. "Oh, ok. It looks like Eiri'll come down now, though. His grip's already starting to weaken on Mika."

----

Eiri sobbed harder. "It's all my fault . . . all my fault you—"He felt something sharp stab into his arm and he felt momentarily dizzy. He grabbed onto Shuichi's form and he clung onto him, trying to stay stable. The dizziness would not go away and it began to consume Eiri in a cloud of blackness. "Shuichi . . ."

"You'll see me soon, Yuki. And I'll do the same thing I'm doing now," Shuichi seemed to whisper to him. He did not know if he was, since he sounded so far away. "Yuki . . . take comfort. I'll always love you." His hand moved to his back and held him as he stroked Eiri's head. It seemed to lull him into the blackness as Eiri's eyes closed.

"Shu . . .i . . . chi . . . " Eiri murmured before the tears poured from his eyes. Sleep took over his exhausted body before he knew what was going on. But he still cried, despite being asleep. His demons would not be vanquished that easily.

They would only stop haunting him when Shuichi spoke to him again, with his soft voice that always whispered to him.

--------

Hiro just watched everything that was going on and did not think he could ever thing of Mr. Yuki the same again. Despite the way he treated the people around him and Shuichi sometimes, he never knew that Shuichi was loved that much by Eiri Yuki. After all, Mr. Yuki screams at him when he can't get any work done or is on writer's block, Hiro thought softly. So how were we supposed to know just HOW MUCH Mr. Yuki cared for Shuichi?

It was obvious now, by the way the man was tortured by seeing his lover's face. He never thought he would see the novelist break apart at the seams like this. It hurt Hiro for some reason, to just watch one of the most stable people he knew fall apart because Shuichi was hurt. Then again, I don't think Mr. Yuki was stable. But he won't take Shuichi for granted anymore, I think.

I think all he wants is just for Shuichi to hold him and tell him that he's alright. If they think sedating Mr. Yuki is the answer, then they don't realize the demons that haunt that man.

"He should be fine now," one of the nurses told Tohma. "He just is under a lot of stress. After all, I think anyone would be, in Mr. Uesugi's condiction." This nurse was blonde and had her hair cut short, to her neck. The other one standing beside her was an African American nurse, who walked away to go get some help and a stretcher. "Arlena told us that she was looking for him."

She doesn't have to look very far now, Hiro thought. But if Mr. Yuki was the only one to sign the forms for Shuichi, then who will now that his parents are not here? Then it clicked in his head. Oh god. Tohma.

And if Tohma had the chance, I bet he would pull the plug on Shu . . . unless he's had a change of heart about the events that happened.

Then again, a lot has happened today, so it wouldn't surprise me if Tohma let Shuichi live. But . . . if he doesn't . . .

Mr. Yuki would never be the same person Tohma or any of us would have known.

"Who's that?" Tohma asked, confused. "Was that another nurse?"

"She was there when I went in, Mr. Seguchi," Hiro spoke up, his voice shaky at his revelation. "She was talking to him about medical forms for Shuichi, and said he was the only one that could sign for them."

Tohma nodded as he glanced to Hiro. "Mr. Nakano, let me assure you, first of all, that Eiri was not the only one that could sign the consent forms for Shindou-san. In case of something like this happening, we had put two people on the form." He took off his gloves and had wrung his hands together. "I wanted Eiri to have the decision in what would happen to Shindou-san. But I never anticipated this."

"If you're on there, Tohma," Hiro warned, "then do what's right and not because of what you feel for Eiri."

"It would have suited me to get rid of the little shit . . . at one time," Tohma replied. "I never knew Eiri wanted him around that much."

"Join the club," Fujisaki muttered beside Hiro. "I never understood what Shuichi saw in him, anyway. All he did was treat him harshly and cast him aside without a word." Hiro saw the look of fear on Fujisaki's face, an expression he had never seen in the younger Seguchi.

"Mr. Fujisaki, watch your tongue. Is that really needed right now?"

They all turned to look at the young woman who was sitting next to K, sniffling still at what was going on. Hiro thought that she was an emotional woman, but one who retained her grace from cold and biting words, directed at people only when absolutely needed.

"A lot of people were to blame for this incident, but the two who are to blame for it the most are in this room. We should not be accusing the finger at Eiri, because it was not Eiri's fault this happened in the first place." Hiro saw the reporter taking off her glasses and wiping away more tears as she cast a look at the African American nurse who took Eiri's form away on the stretcher.

"Marian," Tohma said softly. "Perhaps I was wrong about you."

So they do know each other . . . at least, by reputation. But that doesn't change anything. The game has changed. And with Tohma, it could be a single thing that makes him pull the plug on Shuichi's life.

Even if Tohma says he won't do it, what's to say he'll lie about it? The man is still a manipulative bastard, no matter what he says. He's always thinking one thing and acting apart from them the next.

Another nurse came back and the two nurses talked briefly. The blonde nodded to the older one and she had walked off, going over to Tatsuha and Ryuichi. "Come on. Someone needs to look at that nose, Mr. Uesugi. Arlena wants it checked out before any other . . . incidents occur." With that Hiro saw the two of them heading off with the other woman.

Hiro sighed a breath of relief. At least some of the tension will be relieved out of the room, he thought. But that doesn't change anything about Tohma and his consent o those forms.

"Mr. Seguchi, I assume you have a copy of the form with you?" The lone nurse asked him. "It would help matters and help the doctors."

"Of course," Tohma said, pulling out a tan folder. "They should all be in there. If you can, please ask about Shindou-san and let us know what is going on. We're all family and want to know how he is faring."

"I'll see what I can do," the nurse spoke softly as she took his folder and had walked off in the same direction the other two nurses did.

"Whatever it is," Hiro said softly, "it can't be good, if Mr. Yuki is suffering like this." He stood up and had walked over to Tohma, Mika and the nurse. "Are you alright, Mr. Seguchi? Ms. Seguchi?"

Mika turned her head around to glance at Hiro and nodded, a hand covering her tiny lips. "I think so. Why don't we go sit back down and let Tohma take care of the medical forms?"

"Because I want to make sure your husband doesn't do anything devious," Hiro told her sternly. "Even if he says he has a change of heart—"

"Mr. Nakano." Tohma's voice cut through the conversation. "Under any other circumstance, I would immediately terminate your contract, if it wasn't this present situation. I realize you may not trust me . . . you would be a fool too, in all actuality. But do not accuse me of things that have not been done, or will not be done, yet."

Hiro's eyes met with Tohma's. "How do I know you won't go back on your word?"

"Hiroshi!" K barked, standing up and startling Marian. "Don't start anything here with Tohma! We're not here to fight about that!"

"This is about Shuichi, K. And I'm not backing down. I want his word that Shuichi will live through this." Hiro's eyes bored down at Tohma. "You're right, Mr. Seguchi. I should not trust you. I don't trust you, let me make that clear. But when it comes to Shuichi, I will do anything for him. He never let me down, not once. Not even when Mr. Yuki ripped his heart apart to protect him from you killing him."

I bet he never knew that, Hiro thought in sastification as he saw the shocked look in Tohma Seguchi's face. He never knew that Mr. Yuki was just protecting him. Any idiot could have seen.

Except if they were blind by jealously.

"Nakano," Mika hissed softly, "Watch yourself. Your words are not---"

"What is it you want to do right now, Tohma Seguchi? Do you want your brother to suffer in pain for the rest of his life because of something that his other brother did? Do you want those cries to haunt your ears, as they do mine right now?" Hiro took a deep breath. "I hope what you do is for what is right, not for your personal feelings for Mr. Yuki."

"But everything is for my personal feelings for Eiri," Tohma said. "And let me just tell you something, Mr. Nakano. I said it 'would have' suited me. Since Eiri wanted him around, I've let up on them a lot. Don't you agree?"

Well . . . Tohma did let up a lot on them. I do have to admit that. After Ryuichi left, he made sure he worked us to death to be just as good as Nittle Grasper. "I'll give you that."

"Well, what's to say I don't like Shindou-san now?" Hiro saw a sad smile on the President's face. "He is an interesting person. And he makes my brother happy. He hasn't had to see a therapist since Shindou has lived with him. He still has his medications, but doesn't have to go every week to get things straightened out."

"But Mr. President," Mr. Sakano's voice came to him. "You said--"

"Does that matter, what I said in the past, Mr. Sanako?" Tohma demanded. "This was before everything happened today, or with Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck." He then turned to Hiro once more and nodded softly. "This was why I wanted Eiri to make the decision. I do like Shindou-san. I honestly do. If I didn't, I wouldn't have put him on the insurance plan with Eiri."

What! Hiro was just astounded by this revelation.

But it was another voice that said what he was thinking, and it belonged to the trigger happy manager of Bad Luck.

"You did what, Mr. Seguchi? Did you honestly do something like that for Shuichi?"

Tohma nodded. "Of course. Eiri came to be about it, after Shindou-san was sick for quite some time. That was actually one of the conversations we had after Taki Aizawa had his way with him. But I was not inclined to hear it back then." He glanced at the others who were watching him in shock.

Hiro just now noticed that most of the waiting room was empty. They must had scared them with the amount of raw emotions that were going on, or they moved them to another area of the hospital. At least this is left between us and the team of nurses. And we can finally hear the truth in everything.

"But I had only taken that into consideration after they both approached me a few months ago, when they came back from New York to say goodbye at Kitazawa's grave. Eiri noticed Shindou-san was catching a cold and wanted to make sure that someone could fill out his forms if he was unable. And with the way his parents are, I doubt they could come in time. They're always away, from what Eiri tells me. So I had agreed on it." Tohma took a deep breath. "And I'm glad we did, because I don't think Shindou-san could even live if it was only him to sign his own medical forms right now."

They did not hear Arlena coming back and her voice startled all of them out of the fight they were witnessing.

"Mr. Seguchi, I'm sorry it took so long," she interrupted. "I'm afraid I had to make copies for the doctors." She handed the folder back to him. "The doctors are still working on him right now. They said that the damage is kind of extensive."

"Extensive?" Hiro asked.

"His lung was punctured in the accident. They're trying to get the fluid and the blood out of his lungs so that he doesn't choke on them. However, at the rate it's going, he might not live through it. Mr. Shindou has lost a lot of blood." Arlena had looked at the rest of them as she shook her head. "There is some chance he will live, however. They're preparing him for surgery. They're just waiting on someone to give their consent for it. I need to know, Mr. Seguchi, whether or not you would allow us to operate on Mr. Shindou and if this is what he would have wanted."

Hiro took a deep breath, hoping that he did not hear that he wanted Shuichi to die from the words of Tohma Seguchi. His heart beat fast. His head was screaming out thoughts of what he would to do him if he said to not operate on Shuichi.

But the voices stopped as he heard Tohma's reply.

"Go ahead and do whatever you have to save Shindou-san. I have no quarrel with him anymore. As long as he lives, then everything that has happened can be fixed. But, I have two stipulations."

"Yes, Mr. Seguchi?"

Stipulations? What the hell could he be thinking?

"You have to let Eiri see Shindou-san when he wakes up. It's the only way to stop him from these episodes that have been going on since arriving at the hospital. Shindou-san is also experiencing these, from what my brother in law saw. It will help them recover.

"The other one is that Tatsuha Uesugi must not be allowed to see Shindou-san alone."

"Tohma, you shouldn't do this to Tatsuha," Mika told him. "He feels bad enough about what—"

"Mika. The thing that Eiri said about Shindou-san was that he was screaming for Tatsuha to get away from him. He's obviously scared of him at this point in time. Would it be wise for your brother to go in and upset Shindou-san more, in his present condiction?"

Wise man, Hiro thought, smiling despite what was going on. He really did have a change of heart. But this doesn't mean I'm going to trust him yet.


At least I know he won't kill Shuichi because of his own jealously.

He's only trying to fix the mistakes he has made, as are most of us now.

"Very well, Mr. Seguchi. I can see what we can do about Mr. Uesugi seeing Mr. Shindou when he wakes, but that will be at the doctor's discretion. Is that acceptable?" She had looked at Tohma and Hiro felt apprehension.

This was getting to all of them, and making even the calmest man become unglued.

"That will be fine, Miss . . . "

"Arlena," she replied. "I'm the head nurse on this floor. If you need anything, just call. The other two are in training, but they might be able to help you. As for anything about Mr. Shindou, I would advise you to ask for me. I don't like to pass information with word of mouth." She had backed up a moment to look at them once more. "I'll be back out in a while. I have to check on how they're coming along with Mr. Uesugi." And turning away, she was gone.

Hiro had watched her leave and had turned back to Tohma, staring at him. "Mr. Seguchi . . ."

"I respect you, Mr. Nakano."

This surprised Hiro. "Respect me?"

"You stood up for your friend, even when neither one of them could. Shindou-san has the power to change people. And I think Ryuichi was right. He has changed me." It was all Tohma said as he went back with his wife to sit down and calm down.

Could . . . Tohma have been trying to apologize to me? Hiro asked himself. If he was, I should just take it at that. I doubt that I will ever hear another confession from that man again like this. Even deep down inside, Fujisaki and him are alike.


Even if they hide it, they still care for Shuichi, Hiro thought, smiling as he sat back down next to Fujisaki. And despite that, he's right. Shuichi brought all of us together.

I just hope he makes it through this. For all of our sakes.