Chapter Thirteen

A Confession of Love

This is the LAST CHAPTER to this part of the story. The reason for this is because if I keep it one long document, it will become redundant. So the sequel will be in the works after this chapter. Thank you for all your reviews and wonderful praise for this story. I hope you'll join the rest of them on the sequel story, which picks up right where we left off, with Eiri and Shuichi going home.

So for those who wondered: I'm going to cover several things in my sequel, "Requiem of Ice and Love". One will be the recording of Bad Luck's new album. I will also go into Shuichi's recovery process and also about how life will be for them. Don't worry, you'll see all your favorite members of the band, but we want Shuichi and Eiri to start healing, right? And, we might see more of our bitchy reporter who loves to take her temper out on Fujisaki.

This last chapter was another favorite of mine to write and once again, AngelofLight saved the day with all her medical stuff that she knows as well as Noramary McCabe. I needed more medical stuff so that I knew what Shuichi was hooked up to and everything else. She is also my beta for the Gravitation stories and so is my plotbunny in evil.

I also used Shining Collection again, but I only used like three lines from it for Eiri. Shining Collection belongs to Iceman, but it's my absolute favorite song.

Sadly, I don't own Gravitation, but I finally own Eiri's soul . . . or rather close to it. I think he would really hate me, since I torture him so.

Summary so far: Shuichi Shindou had been rushed to the hospital to be treated for medical injuries in a car accident. While being rushed there, his friends, and his lover, Eiri Yuki, had learned that the rock star could not breathe on his own. After Tohma Seguchi had allowed the doctors to operate on Shuichi, tension filled the air.

Taki Aizawa had seen Shuichi's surgery and did nothing to help the tension as he screamed that the rock star was dead. The tension eased a bit as Taki was thrown out of the waiting room, but Marian and Fujisaki fought, resulting in Fujisaki's busted lip. After Fujisaki, K and Sakano leave, Marian goes into diabetic shock and is admitted into the hospital.

As the next morning approaches for our cast, what will each of them do about their tension? And what will become of Eiri Yuki, who has completely fallen apart at the seams? Will he be able to see Shuichi at all or will he still be tormented with his "death" at his own hands?

Reviews will be answered in PM format.

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When he awoke the next morning, Eiri had found the stupid IV back in his arm. It was almost in the same spot, but he did not bother to move. He had lain on the bed, just staring at the ceiling. Nothing mattered anymore, it seemed. Eiri could not tell the difference in the hullications he was seeing and the actual reality that he was being toyed around with.

He also hated the fact that he felt alone.

Yet . . . something tugged at his memory. Something he should have remembered, because it was significantly important. He sat up, glancing around and holding a hand to his head. It pounded horribly. Migranes again, I think. That always happens after . . .

Eiri sighed as he turned over and looked at the door from where he lay in the bed. There was no point in walking out now. He could not even begin to try to face the doctors. Just where the hell am I anyway? He asked himself. No one better have committed me.

The door opened, as if on cue and it revealed the nurse that he saw earlier in his hospital stay. He could not recall her name, but he knew she had told him some time ago. She had left the door open and saw Ryuichi entering into the room. He had kept his distance as the nurse had stepped beside Eiri's bed and sat in the seat near it. "Are you alright now, Mr. Uesugi?"

"Where am I?" It was the first question he could think of.

"You're back in the room you were in a day ago, Mr. Uesugi," she informed him. "We had to sedate you because you were too distraught to do anything. You kept screaming. Your friends and relatives were rather worried about your condition."

Now I remember . . . Shuichi . . . I had killed him. It hung in his head as he glanced to Ryuichi, who had been standing there with a sad look in his eyes. I saw his blood on my hands. It's still there. As if he had to remind himself, his eyes blurred. He still was not thinking clearly as he gazed down and saw specks of blood, just as he did earlier in his hysteria. It was slowly returning and Eiri did not know how much more he could take. Despair was starting to eat away at him.

"You've been out a whole day and everyone is really worried . . . " he heard Ryuichi through his hazy vision. "You broke Tatsu's nose. They had to give him morphine, and he was almost as drugged up as you were."

That's right, I kind of punched him. I didn't realize that I had broken his nose. But it serves him right, after all. None of us would be here if those two idiots hadn't taken Shuichi away from me. Eiri had sighed as he pushed the blanket off him, a defeated look on his face. "I'd be more worried about Shuichi, but he kind of died," he murmured. "And to think, I couldn't protect him from you two. It's the reason I keep seeing his blood all over my hands. Even in my nightmares."

Eiri's eyes met with Arlena's, knowing that she was determining just how much sanity the young novelist had left in his mind. He had to admit, there was not much left as he heard her ask, "Is that what you were seeing?"

"...of course that's what it was," Eiri snapped as he wrung his hands together. He could have sworn he felt the blood oozing in between his fingers. They felt sticky as he looked at the blankets, seeing that they were still white and sickening to behold. White is supposed to be calming? It reminds me of dying.

"My hands . . . I killed Shuichi," he whispered.

"I don't think we had a chance to tell you---" She was cut off as he glanced over to Ryuichi.

"What have you to say about this, Sakuma? Well!" Eiri had taken a deep breath as he sat up more in his bed. "What have you to say about the behavior that you and my foolish brother have done?"

"Well he did kind of die for a second—" Ryuichi began, and shrank back at Eiri's facial expression. He saw Ryuichi shake and he just let the words ring in his head.

"He kind of died for a second."

Eiri's eyes went wide with shock. He did not know what else to think. Ryuichi was playing around with him, it seemed, not giving him the answers he wanted. He wanted to know how he was, and he wanted to know now.

"He kind of died! KIND OF DIED! There is no kind of. You either do or you don't!" He had jumped out of bed as Arlena had grabbed his arm and was very firmly trying to push him back in. Eiri had allowed her to, since he let the words sink in. He's dead. Shuichi's—

"But he's alive!" Ryuichi screamed at him, tears running down his face. "Listen to me for one minute, Eiri, before you go screaming at me! Don't you think I've known the damage I've caused by toying around with you two? The least you could do is hear me out." He had held Kumagoro in his hand and had raised it to hug him tightly.

This is sickening. He thinks I should give him pity after all the pain he's caused me? Yet Eiri had sighed, giving in and looking at him. "Then don't toy around the answer and tell me, Ryuichi."

"Shuichi's out of surgery and he's alright, from what we heard. The doctors said he was sleeping, though, because of the pain medication they were giving him. But you missed Tohma punching that Aizawa guy's lights out!"

Eiri's eyes piereced Ryuichi's. "Aizawa? What was that—"

"I dunno. I didn't pay attention to that," Ryuichi confessed.

Of course not, idiot, Eiri thought, irritated. That would have been useful, wouldn't it?

"But you said he was alright, right? That he's alive?"

"Yeah!" Ryuichi smiled as he rubbed the back of his head with a hand, already over his crying spell. "He's alive and out of surgery! We all thought he was dead too cause that Aizawa guy came running through the halls screaming, "Shindou's dead! Shindou's dead!" Ryuichi had proceeded to run around like Taki had down the waiting room hallway.

Arlena giggled, covering her hand with her mouth. Eiri sighed softly. He had to endure this in order to get the whole story. "And then?"

"He said something like he was lost and walked into an observation room or whatever and saw Shuichi flat line, but they got him right back!" Ryuichi nodded, pausing as if thinking on if he should have said that or not. Then, "But Hiro and Tohma beat the hell out of him because he was being mean to me and saying bad things about Shuichi."

Nakano and . . . Tohma? I thought he didn't like the brat, Eiri thought as he saw Arlena's face turn pale at hearing the rest of Ryuichi's explanation. I guess even Tohma is starting to get used to that brat. That'll make things easier.

Eiri smiled briefly before he glanced back to Ryuichi. "Have you seen Shuichi yet?"

"No one has been allowed to see him. We're trying to make sure he is in stable condition before we allow visitors," Arlena answered.

Eiri looked at her once more. "But you would let me see him, wouldn't you?"

"If the doctors think that he can--"

"He's afraid," Eiri confessed, glancing at the floor. He wrung his hands in defeat as he sighed brokenly. Even now, Shuichi's dead form haunted him. He still felt the blood, even if Shuichi was alive. He did not know for himself. "He'll want me there when he wakes, and then he won't be so afraid anymore."

But is it Shuichi who needs the comfort, or I who needs his arms? His touch? His laughter to try to penetrate through the ice in my heart? Am I just saying Shuichi's afraid, or am I lying and I'm the one who's really afraid too?

No, he told himself. I am afraid. But I know he's afraid too.

"Yeah, you have to let him see Shuichi! Eiri's his knight in shining armor!"

The sudden realization of this made Eiri laugh softly. "I'm not some prince in a fairy tale, Ryuichi. I'd be the cold hearted prince who kills every knight that came for his lady."

"Don't go saying that!" Ryuichi pouted. "Shuichi thinks you are! Isn't that what matters, Eiri? And is that why you called it "Shining Collection" in the first place? That song . . . I mean. The one at the Toyko Bay Music Festival."

"You're lucky I'm in a better mood," Eiri said. "I don't think you should be calling me by my first name, even if Seguchi does."

"I'll go on and ask the doctors if he will be allowed any visitors, Mr. Uesugi," Arlena cut in. "I don't think there would be too much of a problem as long as someone was with you. You have to still stay in the---"

"Look, either way, I'd do as you asked, and I'd be more inclined to do it if you let me see Shu," Eiri responded as he looked at her. Pain filled his eyes as he thought of being so close to Shuichi, but still so far apart. "But just let me see him. Then I'll do whatever you want."

She stared at him hard. Eiri guessed the woman thought he had no stability left in his mind.

"Please." He sounded as if he was begging her. "Just let me see Shuichi."

After a moment she nodded. "I'll go see what I can do." Then Arlena walked out of the room.

Eiri sighed as he looked at the floor, folding his hands in his lap. He did not notice Ryuichi moving closer to him, staying just out of arms length of him. Would this have happened to you, if I told you the truth long ago, Shu? I end up hurting you more, every time I hide something from you. How can you keep forgiving me?

How can you come back to me when I still hide from who I really want to be?

"Eiri?" Ryuichi asked. "You alright?"

Golden eyes moved over to Ryuichi and sadness reflected in them at the irony of his thoughts. "Would this have ever happened if I had---had just told that brat?"

He would never forget the look of shock that was on Ryuichi Sakuma's face as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Was I really that cold toward him? Was it that hard for everyone around me to see how I felt about him?

"Honestly? It probably wouldn't have. . . . but this was Tatsuha's idea and I played along with him. It makes both of us just as bad that this happened to Shuichi, if not any worse then what you did to him. We had convinced ourselves that this was for Shuichi's own good because you treated him horribly all the time. But in all actuality . . ." He saw Ryuichi look away and take a breath, staring at the floor. "We never thought about his feelings."

"You said this was for his own good, right Sakuma?" Eiri asked, growing angry again. "You have him scared shitless of anything that moves now, Ryuichi. And what was with Tatsuha kissing him on national television?" He trembled just remembering that scene. It made him so angry inside, how his brother held his lover so close, as if he could replace Eiri.

He would not let that happen.

He could not let that happen.

"I don't know, honestly. I didn't see that coming. But Tatsuha wasn't supposed to do that. We didn't even know where we were going with Shuichi. I figured that Tatsuha was heading back to Kyoto, but . . . we never exactly made it that far." He looked back up and saw Eiri's eyes dancing between anger and jealously. "Tatsuha wanted him, Eiri. But . . . I heard Shuichi. He said that what Tatsuha wanted was right in front of him."

Eiri just looked at him in shock. "You . . . Why? You're an idiot, like that brat is. What good would you do my brother?" He immediately regretted saying that as he saw Ryuichi's eyes turn away from Eiri. "Then again---"

Ryuichi looked hurt as he heard Eiri's words, but continued. "Well, I know Tatsuha thinks of me as a god like figure, but . . . he said when he kissed Shuichi, it felt wrong. So I think when this happened, he got a kick in the ass. And so did you, Mr. Yuki. Your cold hearted self melted at the sight of your lover crumbling." Eiri saw Ryuichi smirk as he pushed some hair away from his eyes. "Honestly, that was my plan all along. I was just trying to spend time with Tatsuha. But if Shuichi would be the one to ease his lonely heart, I was willing to do it."

Even this idiot doesn't hide how he feels. How many of them am I going to hear from today? It's like . . . it's like I'm in one of my novels. That's a scary thought . . . I really need a novel with a happy ending before my life goes to shit in a haybasket.

"What the hell did you think? That he would willingly go along with this plan, Sakuma? Did you think that Shuichi would even think about Tatsuha when he tried---" He had reached a hand out to go grab him but he saw something behind him. Something bright.

A familiar head of pink hair that fluffed up as he lifted his head.

Eiri saw Shuichi's pale form standing behind him, his eyes glassy as he held out his hand. His lover trembled as a small gasp escaped his lips. His transparent hand went through Ryuichi's back and Eiri could almost touch it if Ryuichi was not in the way. "Shuichi . . ." he called, reaching out for that hand. He needed to touch it, to pull him close.

Desperation ate at Eiri Yuki's tormented soul.

From out of nowhere, Eiri heard words coming from Shuichi's mouth. They sounded whispery as he did, but he knew that it was from that damnable song that he wrote especially for him.

"A cheap touch whose reaction is to look for secrets . . . you want to see them even if they're coldly obscene . . . . "

My past. Why does he bring it up now! What does he know? He only knows what I told him! The hand reached out harder, trying to get to him. He had bumped into Ryuichi, making the other worried.

"Eiri?" Ryuichi asked shakily. "Eiri, are you ok? Are you having another—"

He looked at Ryuichi still, but looked over him. His hand was almost close to the figure he saw in his mind, whispering the lyrics. "Shu," he breathed, his voice in pain. "Did you know? Did you, all along?"

More words came. And he realized that Shuichi had went to the last stanza of the song. The tears returned, threatening to spill at the corners of his eyes. The little tart knew what he was trying to tell him. Yet . . .

He wanted to tell him those words himself. Those three words he never was able to say.

"Please don't cryin' . . . imitating loneliness . . . cutting into space with entwined regret . . ."

Eiri's huge tan hand finally touched Shuichi's pale, transparent hand. He had touched his hand for only a moment before the figure began to disappear, going through the door and into the hallway.

"Shuichi!" he called, jumping out of bed. He ripped the IV out, hope now flooding his body. He had to get to Shuichi. It was the only need that was in his mind as he forgot that he was only in the hospital gown. He had forgotten as he had tore out of the room, the back of it left wide open, with only a string to hold the actual gown in the back.

Shuichi was calling him. Wanting him. Needing him.

And Eiri would be the first thing he saw when he awakened, because his lover wished it so.

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Ryuichi could only stare at Eiri as he ran out of the room, blinking in disbelief. And here I thought he was actually getting over the events that had happened, he thought as he rose from the bed, turning to where the blonde man was running. He shook his head and laughed as he knew Eiri probably did not realize that from the behind, he was exposed to all of the hospital patients and staff.

Then he calmed himself. Alright, there isn't any time to waste, Ryuichi. You need to go after Eiri before he loses his mind again. He rose from the bed frantically, trying to grab Kumagoro before he ran out of the room. He let the bear flail behind him as he held him by one of his paws, running past Arlena who was coming back into the room.

"Mr. Sakuma!" she exclaimed. "What in the world is going on now?"

But Ryuichi kept running and heard the whistles of many of the patients who had been watching, including the ones from Tatsuha, Mika, Tohma and Hiro. He had blushed as he ran after Eiri, hearing some of the comments that were made.

"If only the media could see this," he heard the blonde nurse say. "I never thought I'd see Eiri Yuki running through a hospital like that, over all things. Wasn't he—"

"Shit, if I could, I'd try for a piece of that ass," another woman ogled. She had a high pitched voice. "It looks like he works out a lot to keep that body of his in shape!"

"Look at the guy chasing after him! I knew something was up with him!"

He panted as he brushed past Tatsuha, Mika, Tohma and Hiro. The four of them were smirking at Ryuichi as he ran after the novelist, with Tatsuha managing to laugh at the sight. "I'd be running with you, Ryu, if I still didn't feel so tipsy. Catch some of that for me, will ya?"

You're still high . . . don't you realize that's your own brother! Ryuichi thought as he heard another pair of footsteps running behind him.

"Mr. Uesugi! Come back!" Arlena screamed after him.

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Eiri, meanwhile, had managed to block out all the comments about his ass that the others were enjoying the sight of. He just was concentrated on one thing, and that one thing was fading fast in front of him. "Can't you wait up, Shuichi?" he muttered as he took a breath. He really was exhausted from running so far.

Perhaps being emotional took a lot more out of someone then he realized.

Then again, there was no time to ponder this thought now.

He stopped as he saw the transparent figure coming to a stop and had floated to the left, into an open doorway. It was when he took another breath that Eiri felt a draft and had cursed himself. "Goddamn it," he muttered as he ran after the form that was floating away from him. "Shuichi, you could have waited till my ass was covered or I had a jacket, you damn---" He stopped as he realized that the form had turned and had went into an open room. And there he stopped, seeing the sight in front of him.

There, finally in front of him, was Shuichi Shindou, lying in a hospital bed. The first thing that Eiri noticed was the tube that was down his throat and a weird accordion like glass machine on the right side of the bed. This was what the tube was hooked up to as he saw that there was also a strap of the same thing attached to his head so it would not go anywhere. EIri's eyes took that in first and he took a moment to catch his breath.

He noticed some sort of television on the wall and then shook his head, seeing that it was a heart rate monitor. This would show Shuichi's heart rate, how much he was breathing at and the heart rhythm. It also read his blood pressure. He noticed that it was stable for the moment and breathed in relief as he looked around the rest of the things that were around Shuichi and his bedside.

"Shu . . . i . . . chi . . ." Eiri said softly as he wrapped the stupid hospital gown around him trying to stop the showing of his ass. He saw a spare folded up sheet and had used that to tie around his waist for a moment. Then, gazing back at his form, he stumbled over to him. He noticed that there was a clip on his right hand on his index finger. He did not know what that was for, and he did not care. All he saw was that Shuichi still had a chest tube in his throat and that there was an IV in his arm.

There were three bags. Eiri did not know what they were for, but he never saw Shuichi look so pitiful, or struggle to live. Not even after he was raped by Taki Aizawa did he look this bad. He just was pale and had collapsed after trying to stop Eiri from walking out on him and being the hell out of Aizawa.

I can't believe this . . . Eiri thought as he gazed at Shuichi's form lying in the bed. Shu seemed . . . so infallible . . . to this sort of thing. And now . . . watching him . . .

I almost lost him.

I almost lost the one thing I care about the most.

Eiri had fell to his knees and had taken one of the unconscious boy's hands, cradling it gently in his own. The tears shed themselves in torrents as the damn that was holding his last ounce of self reservation finally broke. "Shuichi . . . Shu . . . It's Eiri. If you can hear me, wake up, damn it. You're making me worried."

Out of nowhere he had heard a loud beeping noise. Eiri looked up, frightened as he looked at the heart monitor. Because he was still not seeing things clearly, he had went into another daze, haunted by another vision.

He saw the line for the heart rhythm flatline.

"Shuichi?" He had looked up and saw the machine reading at a flat line and had gasped. "God damn it, Shuichi!" Eiri brokenly screamed as he felt more tears rushing down. His eyes could not look away from the flat line that his mind forced him to see.

Nor could he pry his hands off the lifeless hand he now held.

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Ryuichi ran after Eiri and had stopped as the man had ran into a room that was open on the left hand side. The man sighed in relief as he had stopped at the doorway, panting for breath. Eiri could run, even when he was not as his best, Ryuichi had decided.

But he would not do this again any time soon. He instead had watched the man staring at the figure in the bed. But that was broken as he heard a cry from him.

"God damn it, Shuichi!"

Ryuichi walked out of the way to try to comfort Eiri but had been pushed aside by Arlena, who was frantic. "Mr. Uesugi!"

Eiri's eyes turned to the heart rate monitor, which was reading that Shuichi's pulse rhythm was fine and synchronized with everything else on there. But Ryuichi had sensed something else. He felt a sense of dread for a moment at the sound of his scream. Please, don't tell me he still thinks Shuichi's dead . . .

Let his torment be over . . . I can't bear to watch him anymore like this.

"Mr. Uesugi!" Arlena said, shaking him softly. "Calm down! He's not flat lining!

The blonde man that knelt brokenly on the floor looked up at her. Ryuichi could tell that he was clinging onto those words. At that, Ryuichi had held a hand over his mouth. He could be breaking out of that now! If he does . . . then this will be a happy ending.

"What . . . what do you mean?" Eiri asked.

"That was the ventilation machine!" Arlena said with excitement as she pointed to the glass accordion like machine. "Trust me, it's a good thing."

Ryuichi could see him trying to understand as he glanced to Arlena and nodded. " . . . oh . . . " Then he gazed at Shuichi's face and Ryuichi smiled, if in the throes of another crying spell. "I guess I take it I should start writing more happy endings to those sappy novels."

Ryuichi had walked over to Arlena and he saw her smiling at the scene. Why is that good? I thought beeping meant that it was a bad thing. So Shu isn't going to die? I hope he doesn't. I want a happy ending. Hugging Kumagoro to him, he bit his lip and let the tears leak from his eyes. "But why is that a good thing? That machine just went BEEEEEEEEEEEP! And I didn't do it this time! It just—"

Her head turned to Ryuichi and he stopped talking as she had a full blown grin on her face. "No you didn't do it, Mr. Sakuma. Mr. Uesugi did."

Now he was confused. "Eiri, just what did you---"

"I don't know, but whatever it was, Mr. Shindou was responding to him. He was trying to breathe on his own, against the machine."

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Mika rose from her seat yet again, looking frazzled as ever. Even though it was quite funny to hear the comments about her brother and being ogled over, she knew that he had to have seen another painful thing in order for him to run so fast and the way he did. "Tohma, we should go see what the problem is," she said.

But her husband was already up and had adjusted his black tophat on his head. "I'm already on that road, Mika. Are you two coming?" he asked, looking at Tatsuha and Hiro.

"Let Tatsuha go along with you, Tohma," Mika replied. "Mr. Nakano, why don't you go see how Miss. Tamika is doing for us?" She wanted to be able to take care of the problem on her own, without Hiro interfering. The woman also did not want him to see Shuichi if he had died. It would probably be the reason Eiri is flipping out so much right now, she thought. I don't think Mr. Nakano would be as strong as he is if he saw it through Eiri that his best friend had died after surgery.

Hiro nodded softly. "I'll meet you in there."

"Thank you, Mr. Nakano."

She was relieved to see her husband and younger brother moving toward the direction that Eiri and Ryuichi had been running to and that Hiro had moved to the opposite end of the room. "That takes care of that," Mika muttered as she grabbed her purse and hurried to follow them.

----

Eiri looked back down at Shuichi, hearing the other two and smiled a bit as he looked to Shuichi's sleeping form. "Come on, you damn brat. If you can deal with me, then something like this shouldn't do you in." He had rested his head against Shuichi's body lightly, knowing that the blanket would be wet soon enough. "I don't think---I couldn't go back to that. Living in that house alone. Even if I don't treat you like I care ---I waited. I wanted. I put up with you haunting me, singing those damn lyrics while you had been in surgery . . . plaguing my nightmares. . . "

The man took a breath before he continued, sobs coming from his chest. He hated to cry. He hated it more right now. But the things he wanted to say had to be said to Shuichi.

He had hid them from far too long.

"The least you can do was wake up and give me that goofy smile, say "Yuki!" one more time . . . even if you don't pretend you're alright. Damn it, Shuichi . . . " His arm was resting under his head as he cried.

"I couldn't tell you, because I thought you knew I cared. But I ---I love you, Shu. Come back . . . please. Let me see you one more time."

He heard Ryuichi sobbing hard in the background and he would have seen Arlena with a hand over her mouth, tearing up as well if he had turned around.

He felt something squeezing his hand and hope flooded him again. He's responding! Shuichi . . . does this mean . . . does this mean that you forgive me? That you still . . . love me?

His resolve grew deeper. He had to say those words that he had hid. Eiri owed it to Shuichi. He knew that those words would bring him out of the sleep that could make him suffer into a coma. Without his confession . . . without his love . . .

Shuichi might not ever wake up.

And Eiri's world would become pitched in blackness once again.

"Shuichi." He had lifted his head and squeezed it back as he put a hand to his face, stroking his cheek. "It's . . . not that I didn't want to tell you . . . I still . . . somewhere . . . had Kitazawa in my head. And . . . I can't live a lie like that anymore. I won't.

"If I had just been honest with myself. . . .had said before . . . the things I wanted to tell you, needed to tell you . . . maybe . . . the whole thing with Tohma, Ryuichi . . . Tatsuha . . . none of this would have happened to you."

He had to take a breath. The crying was doing him in. Yet the darkness that had been clouding his heart and his mind was being lifted as Eiri spoke to Shuichi. The lingering feeling of a transparent past was slowly being lifted.

"I could have protected you better, Shu. I could have and I feel like a failure. I don't know what they were really doing, but you're the one who's really hurt this time." He had sniffled. "Just . . . if you don't wake up . . . at least . . . maybe some part of you knows . . . I love you."

"And I don't mind if you're sick and I don't mind if you're still scared of moving things, or of things in the night, or if you buy 13 boxes of strawberry pocky a day," he added.

Still there was no response from Shuichi. Eiri tried again. He wanted something to happen. He needed something to happen.

"We'll get through this...together, Shu. Just wake up for me so I can go back to sleep. I haven't been able to sleep since you been here. Those damnable demons and your voice singing that song won't let me sleep . . . I guess you knew all along what I was running away from."

"It's beautiful," Ryuichi whimpered in the midst of his crying.

"The rumors definitely are wrong about your friend, that much I have to say," Arlena whispered behind him.

Still the machines still stayed the same. There was no response.

"Damn it . . . " Eiri whispered. "Why won't he respond now?"

A shuffle of feet behind them made the nurse, Ryuichi and Eiri turn around. They saw that Mika, Tohma and Tatsuha were standing by the doorway, looking at the scene. Tohma had pushed Mika and Tatsuha out of the way, running to Eiri and had gripped his shoulders.

God damn him, Eiri thought. I'm trying to get Shuichi to wake up and he wants to play Mommy like a—

"Eiri . . . come on. Let's get you to your room. Even if Shindou-san isn't responding, you can see him later. He needs rest, like you do right now."

"I'm not leaving until he wakes up, Tohma," Eiri told him, still hugging himself over Shuichi carefully. "I ---there's things I need to say to him." It's more then things I need to say, although I don't think Tohma will get the point, even if I tell him.

I need his comfort. I can't lie to myself anymore.

If I don't see his eyes open, I'll see the nightmares until I do.

And the fear will never leave. I want it all to go away. I want ---I want Shuichi to be okay.

"That can be done when---" Mika had started but saw her brother's pain filled eyes, reddened with tears once again. "You---"

"I'm not leaving," Eiri proclaimed again. "No matter what anyone does. Sedate me if you have to, but I won't move willingly."

Out of all people to agree, he never thought that Tatsuha would as he saw his brother nod. The younger Uesugi pulled his sister out of the doorway and had walked in next to Ryuichi. "I wouldn't leave either, you know."

"You're the one who--"

"Eiri," Tatsuha said softly. "We're all here for Shuichi now. So let's just . . . we'll leave you alone for now. Come on, Ryuichi, Mika. Tohma. He'll be alright. Shuichi got this far, didn't he?"

"But I don't think that's wise—" Tohma interjected harshly.

"I'm afraid this goes against hospital policy . . . patients are not allowed to roam around the hospital."

Eiri just looked up at her. He knew he looked pathetic to her. His eyes were red and puffy. His face was a mess from the tears that were making their way down his face. It hurt him to move his cheeks, since the tear streaks had hardened on them. But he saw her eyes soften as she nodded to Eiri.

" . . . but given the circumstances, I think we can make an exception just this once."

"What if he doesn't wake up for a while?" Ryuichi's voice asked.

"He will," Eiri said softly. "He's waited for three years for something like this, so he better damn well wake up. It might be the best chance to a happy ending I'll write for a long time." He wiped his eyes as he nodded. "I'll be alright."

"You sure, Bro?" Tatsuha asked as he comforted Ryuichi, putting an arm around his shoulder. "You don't---"

"You'll be lucky if you even get to talk to him, Tatsuha. He's scared of you."

He knew he was cold on Tatsuha, and knew that it hurt his brother. But at the moment, he just did not care. As long as he had a chance of ending his pain, his torment, his never-ending nightmares, then he would take any chance he could get.

"I'm sure he's scared of both of us. Shuichi has every right to be," he heard Ryuichi telling Tatsuha.

"Eiri, would you like one of us to stay with you?" Tohma asked.
"Perhaps you should eat something first. Or maybe—"

"I didn't know you had a mommy complex, Tohma," Ryuichi told him.

Despite the situation, Eiri did find the comment funny and chuckled a moment. "I said I'll be fine . . . Mother Tohma."

Tohma gave Eiri and Ryuichi a nasty glare. "Don't tell me you think I'm like a mother too."

Eiri laughed softly. "Well, you have been 'mothering' everyone since they came. Did we lose anyone since...things happened? Ryuichi muttered something about that ASS idiot coming in here, and well . . . " He held Shuichi's hand still, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I don't think I'd want food. I want a pack of Marlboros, though."

"You and me both," Hiro said, now coming into the room. He glanced at the others. "Sorry, I had to check on our other patient."

"Other patient?" Eiri asked.

"Marian," Mika answered as she sighed softly, holding the woman's purse still. "Apparently she had been in shock and Fujisaki pissed her off enough to make her punch him and forget to take that medicine of hers. However, she should be out of the hospital within a few hours. It has been a day since you've awakened, and since Shuichi's been out of surgery," Mika explained.

"And probably been the most sober Eiri's been in years," Tatsuha remarked from behind him, yawning as he rested his head on Ryuichi's shoulder.

Eiri glared at his younger brother. He heard the nurse chuckle at the cheerful fighting going on.

"And Tatsu isn't high anymore! I'm so happy!" Ryuichi chirped.

"Ryuichi," Tohma scolded, "you should really watch your choice of words. One could get the wrong impression."

"But we all know it was cause of the morphine!" Ryuichi yelled.

Mika nodded at Ryuichi's sentence. "Well, why don't we leave Eiri and Shuichi alone. I feel like I'm watching part of a romance movie." She had tried ushering everyone out of the room and she had gotten Tatsuha to start moving Ryuichi out of the room. Hiro had just stood there, watching the whole thing. After a touch on Mika's shoulder, he too had started to move for the door. None of them actually were going out of the door, though. "Tohma, are you coming?"

Tohma went to hurry on to follow his wife and the other two. "Call me if you need me Eiri," he said.

"Mr. Uesugi needs to go back mom—" Arlena called before a beep had emitted from the machine again. At the sound of the beep, all of their heads turned to the figure in the bed.

Shuichi's eyes had opened for a brief moment. It seemed that it was very hard for him to do. As he did so, one slipped closed. The other one that had followed was glassy and out of focus. But it was enough for everyone in the room.

"Shuichi!" Eiri's arms went to embrace the boy who was hooked up to the tubes that were supporting his life. "Shu . . . " His head rested gently on his chest as Eiri closed his eyes, finally finding the comfort he needed. If I had lost you . . . I wouldn't have . . . the words would have left and everything I did for you . . . I would have been living in the past. I would have been living a lie.

Eiri heard a woman's gasp in the background, followed by sniffling.

"I can't believe it," Tohma said, amazed. "He . . . he woke up."

"YAY! SHUICHI—" Eiri heard Ryuichi's screams of happiness stop a brief second later. He could imagine the child like man dancing in his spot as he was trying to calm down.

"Shuichi," Hiro had said. "I knew he'd make it."

The words of the people close to Eiri and Shuichi had given the novelist comfort and a sense that he had done the right thing all this time. "Shuichi." Eiri's eyes looked at him warmly. "I know it hurts right now, and you don't have to really say anything. I just . . .I wanted to find that comfort I was missing. I think . . . I think I finally did."

He felt a gentle grip on his hand as he saw Shuichi's face scrunch up, trying to do something. His lips moved and he grunted a soft sound, but the word on his lips was as if he had said it himself.

Shuichi's lips mouthed out his lovers name before he gave up and had passed back into sleep, letting the machine breathe for him.

Eiri turned back around and had seen Tatsuha's hand let go of Ryuichi's mouth as Ryuichi calmed down. Mika teared up at seeing the whole thing. "He should write a story like this," she said softly.

"Mr. Shindou . . . he truly is remarkable," Arlena said to Eiri. "In all the years I've worked in this hospital, I've never seen anything like this."

"He's like that," Eiri smiled. "That little brat changes everyone he meets."

"He tried," Hiro said. "That little bastard tried to pretend again."

"Well, it is weird," Tatsuha laughed. "You know, him being so silent and all."

"At least Shuichi...is alive. And that is the most important thing," Mika told them. "Eiri can finally . . . stop living a lie."

Eiri had held Shuichi's hand and had laid his head back on Shuichi's chest, closing his eyes. He felt tired and he felt another headache coming on. But it didn't matter what happened now. Shuichi saw him. He heard the words Eiri had been trying to say for years.

A great weight was lifted off his shoulders as he heard his lover's heartbeat and had drifted to sleep, the heartbeat lulling all his demons away.

-----------

"Aww is that cute!" Ryuichi gushed as he pulled out his flip phone and had begun to snap pictures of the two sleeping together on the hospital bed. He was having fun now that Shuichi was not in a life or death situation.

"Ryuichi . . . " Tohma said softly to him.

Ryuichi had snapped another picture. He wanted a copy of this. He would put it on his phone for a background image.

"Ryuichi!"

"I gotta get one more, Tohma!" Ryuichi pouted. "Just one more from a different angle!"

Tohma snatched the phone with him, annoyed at the fact of him taking pictures. "You don't take pictures of that. What, did you like staring at Eiri's ass or something? Or did you like the moment?"

"But it's cute," Tatsuha countered, taking Tohma's hat off his head and had worn it on his own. "Stop being a mother, Tohma."

"I was into the moment, Tohma," Ryuichi said softly. "It was honestly . . . maybe . . . "

"Well, I'm sure that you were, but . . . Mr. Seguchi's right, Ryuichi," Hiro agreed. "It's a private moment between Shuichi and Mr. Yuki. And private it should stay."

"Awwwwwwwww! You're all no fun," Ryuichi whined.

Arlena took this time to look at the doorway and wave her hand in, calling another nurse to help her move Eiri's sleeping body off of Shuichi's. But it was then that Tohma had looked at the nurse.

"Ms. Arlena, is it possible for Eiri to share a room with Mr. Shindou?" he asked. "If it's not too much trouble?"

"I suppose it's possible, and it would save a lot of trouble from chasing this one around," Arlena smirked. "Though I'm sure the female nurses and patients are going to miss the view of him running like a maniac. Even some male ones too," she added, glancing at Ryuichi.

Tatsuha laughed as well as Hiro and Mika.

"Well, my brother was always a lady killer," Mika said smugly.

"And I think if Shuichi was well enough, he'd protect that ass of Eiri's," Tatsuha said. "I guess I should have considered Shuichi's feelings too."

"I think we were trying to tell you that, Tatsuha," Tohma scolded him. "But no matter. What is past is past. Now you must make up for what you and Ryuichi have done." Then he looked to Arlena. "Thank you, Ms. Arlena. I can't tell you how much we appreciate this."

"It's not a problem," she replied. "I'm just glad it had a happy ending."

"At least this was a happy ending. Maybe my brother will finally have the best story of them all. . . since he's experienced a happy ending."

"Yeah Tatsu, what about you and your 'forbidden manlove'?" Mika pressed.

Tatsuha blushed deeply. "Stop it, Mika! It's not all about the manlove!"

"Well," Arlena said, "I'm just glad that everything is alright. But you guys should leave now. We'll take care of things from here."

As they were ushered out the door by Arlena, Tatsuha sighed in relief and had glanced back in the room one more time to look at their sleeping forms. Eiri . . . Shuichi . . . despite what we did to you, you still forgave us. You still helped us find the things that we had been looking for.

And I . . . I found what I was looking for.

And . . . I hope to be like you two. I hope I'll be able to protect the one I care about the most, no matter what it takes.