A/N: Long chapter that I had to split into two. I know this will be a bit of a review for those of you who've played DAII, but I feel like 1) Meira needed to hear this from a perspective that wasn't Cullen's and 2) Who Cullen was during this time is a big part of his story arc and I don't want to gloss over it - thus why I use the dialogue and events straight from the game (though I do add in some descriptions and dialogue to smooth transitions). Enjoy!

It was evening when we left Solana's shop. We had decided that for the meeting place in the mysterious 'Red Jenny' letter, Leliana and Ellana would go without me. Ellana would be herself and I, as Talitha, would return to the inn below. I climbed the trellis down to the window and entered the room.
It had been cleaned and a tray of light fare sat upon the dining table. I chewed on some bread and cheese before I noticed a letter addressed to Talitha from...Commander Rutherford. I will write. I tore the letter open, hardly believing he had actually written.

Talitha,

I hope all is going well for your task and that nothing has been too difficult. I apologize for not being able to fully disclose everything to you prior to your departure, but secrecy was deemed vital.

I am currently with our friends from the Free Marches. This bandit threat is larger than we originally believed, but they were able to discover two additional hideouts within their network. We've assaulted both - an abandoned villa hidden within the forest and a small camp off the East Road.

The villa is unusual - architecturally speaking - but, is beautifully situated. It sits past the farmland and is now undergoing repairs before being outfitted as a keep for the Inquisition. We are set to assault their main base in a few days; pray that the Maker is with us, if this letter reaches you before then.

I can hardly believe the next words I'm going to write to you, but I am sure you will find it fascinating. When we were attacking the bandits on the East Road, a dragon flew overtop of our battle. I sent word to Researcher Minaeve and her response was...excited, to say the least.

Dragons were generally believed to be extinct and to be wrong was a great discovery to her. Thus far, the dragon is staying within the valley she has claimed, but it may be a threat we will have to address. I pray not, as the creature was magnificent to look at, though I will admit she was intimidating - it would be an excellent subject for a sketch.

Researcher Minaeve has discovered quite a few more demon weaknesses for us to exploit, as well as medicinal uses for some of their 'parts'. Healer Bethany is doing well, though missing your assistance. Sister Nightingale hoped she'd be able to recruit another healer while seeing to other business - was she successful?

What do you think of the idea Sister Nightingale should have proposed to you? I hope we can discuss it in depth upon your return, if you find it agreeable.

Commander Rutherford

I knew he had to be professional in his writing, but I could tell between the words he'd been worried how I'd take the news about my new roles. He added the rest to sound as if he were talking to a colleague, in case the letter were intercepted, but he knew I'd want to be informed of the current events.
The last bit is what made me smile. He was excited about the battalion, which made me think of Solana's earlier comments about him. I glanced at the Tale of the Champion sitting on my bed. Curiosity won out and I determined I would read it as Solana said I should, even if I agreed with Leliana that Varric was prone to lying. I wrote Cullen back first, writing under his letter.

Commander Rutherford -

All went well with my task. Initial difficulties are to be expected, but I will find my stride. Secrecy was vital, so no apology necessary.

I hope our Marcher friends are well. I am relieved the bandit threat is nearly ended. The villa sounds interesting, I hope to be able to see it. It will be good for our people to have a more secure foothold in the area. Are you moving the other soldiers there? How are the farmers and refugees?

A dragon would've been an amazing site, I'm sorry to have missed it. And you are correct, a wonderful creature to draw. They were believed to be extinct, yes. I can hardly imagine one still living, let alone in a place as populace as her chosen spot. Hopefully she does not become a nuisance; it would be a shame to put such a creature down.

Do you know how construction is going back at Haven? Have the Horsemaster's mounts arrived? Has he decided if he will aide the Inquisition by acting as its horsemaster?

I am glad to hear about Researcher Minaeve and Healer Bethany. I will be interested to see the Researcher's notes on her newest discoveries. I'm sure she'll have thoughts on the dragon as well. I will be eager to provide assistance to Healer Bethany in the form of a new healer. Sister Nightingale was successful in her recruitment of Magpie. Are you familiar with Magpie?

I look forward to discussing the proposal when I return, though I hope we may do so without interruption as I have numerous ideas.

Talitha

I folded the parchment and resealed it before I slid it under the door for our courier to pick up. With that finished, I undressed to my tunic and pants. I couldn't help but feel a little naked without my hood or a piece of cloth wrapped around my forehead, but the idea of not always having to hide was growing on me. I was tired of being in the shadows - at least as Talitha, I wouldn't have to be. At that encouraging thought, I poured a glass of wine, grabbed Varric's book and sat at the dining table to read while I ate from the tray of food.

...

I raced through the book. Whatever Varric's faults, he was an excellent writer. It took some time to finally reach where Cullen entered the story. It began with a girl asking Marian Hawke for assistance in finding her brother, Keran. A new recruit for the templars and I had the feeling he was the templar we had assigned to the fledglings back in Haven - I'd have to ask Cullen.
Keran's fellow recruits had led Marian to following Cullen as he tracked another recruit that had been missing. She found him confronting the boy on the road - harshly from Varric's description. Hawke tried to intervene, but Cullen barked for her to stay out of it.
The boy turned into an abomination before their eyes. Varric described Cullen going from a hardened templar to a state of panic at the abomination's appearance and its subsequent summoning of more demons. They were forced to kill the recruit. Once he was dead, Cullen turned to Hawke.

"I knew, I knew he was involved in something sinister!" the imposing templar shouted before eyes full of fire turned to Hawke. He was young, a few years younger than Hawke herself, but his tawny eyes held the light of someone who'd lived more years than his age. A face of strain and weariness took over as the anger slipped away. He broke eye contact, pacing before Hawke; his rugged features shifting as he collected himself. "But this...is it even possible?" his deep voice questioned aloud.

"Do you think he was possessed?" Hawke questioned, her gaze following the templar like her namesake.

"Normally, we only worry that mages will fall victim to possession," the templar explained. His voice easing as he knelt to the ground, keen eyes investigating the scene around him. "I have heard of blood mages or demons, in solid form, who could summon others into unwilling hosts. I had not thought one of our own could be so susceptible." The man's voice turned despondent as he uttered his last sentence.

"You shouldn't have been out here alone with him," Hawke chided. "Who are you?"

"I am Knight-Captain Cullen and I thank you for your assistance," the Knight-Captain introduced himself. "I've been conducting an investigation into some of our recruits that have gone missing. Wilmod was the first to return. I had hoped to confront him quietly, out of sight."

"If you didn't know he was possessed, why draw your sword on a recruit?" Hawke questioned.

The surly Knight-Captain looked off in the distance, his voice growing weary as he spoke, "He'd only been back a few days when he left again secretly. It set off some warning bells." He paused, his face falling almost imperceptibly as his voice softened, "I meant to scare him into a confession. He had to believe my threats were genuine."

"The recruits believe that Meredith was conducting some sort of deadly ritual," Hawke offered. "Was this part of that?"

"What?" the templar asked incredulously as his eyebrows rose, "That's preposterous." He rubbed his forehead in agitation. "Recruits can be worse than a weaving circle with their rumors." He dropped his hand and sighed. "There is a vigil before templars take their arms, but the gravest danger they face is falling asleep."

Hawke's lips pulled into a smirk for a moment, before her face turned serious again. "Do you know what happened to Wilmod while he was gone?" she questioned, a dark brow arching.

"Obviously, more than I had anticipated. Wilmod had never been fully...convinced of the Order's rules," the weary Knight-Captain sighed. The man looked in desperate need of a good night's rest as his bloodshot eyes met Hawke's again, dark circles beneath the tawny irises. Ser Cullen massaged his forehead once more, as if trying to dispel a headache. "Mages cannot be our friends, they must always be watched. I thought Wilmod might be meeting with some old friends who'd escaped the Circle."

Hawke crossed her arms over her chest, signifying her opposition to the Knight-Captain's opinions. "I have friends who are mages. Are you saying they must 'always be watched' as well?"

"I was at the Circle tower in Ferelden during the Blight," Ser Cullen countered defensively, drawing himself up to his considerably full height. "I saw firsthand how templars' trust and leniency can be rewarded."

"'Trust and leniency'?" Anders barked, his voice seething. "Is that what you call it?"

Ser Cullen glanced at Anders, but his gazed returned to Hawke. "I still have nightmares of Uldred's depravities." The Knight-Captain shook his head as if to stave off thoughts. "If I may ask, what brings you out here? Were you looking for me?"

Hawke shook her head, her dark hair swaying with the movement. "I was trying to find another recruit," Hawke explained, "A friend of Wilmod's. Do you know where Keran is?"

The Knight-Captain's shoulders fell as he shook his head. "He also disappeared," he admitted, dejectedly. "They were last seen together at the Blooming Rose, but I had no luck interrogating the...uh - young ladies...there." Ser Cullen's surliness broke momentarily as he tripped over his words. His serious face turning bashful as a flush spread across his features. His eyes darted away from Hawke's for a moment as he cleared his throat. "I doubt they know anything of magic or demons."

Hawke's own composure slipped this time as a mischievous glint entered her sapphire eyes. A roguish smile twisted her lips and I knew her sarcastic nature was winning out with whatever she would say to the templar next. "I'll speak with them," she chuckled. Everyone knew what the Blooming Rose was and what kind of 'young ladies' occupied the establishment. Hawke clearly reveled in the dignified templar's delicate sensibilities when it came to the more carnal needs of his recruits. Hawke lowered her voice into a more sensual tone, mocking the uncomfortable Knight-Captain, "You never know how much you can learn from pillow talk."

Ser Cullen inclined his head, relief flickering over his face. "The Order would truly be in your debt if you'd help us with this. No one at the...brothel will speak with me, for fear that I would shut them down for serving our recruits." His lips twitched as if he might smile, but instead his face soured. He closed the gap between he and Hawke, his eyes full of fire again. "If you learn what manner of creature did this to Wilmod, please come tell me in the Gallows. I will ensure you are rewarded."

Hawke took over the case from there: visiting the brothel to discover a blood mage named Iduna that tried to seduce Hawke and her companions with blood magic. Upon killing her, Hawke discovered that blood mages were forcibly turning templar-recruits into abominations.
Their goal was to destabilize the Templar Order, destroy the Chantry and take over Kirkwall. They cut down the crazed maleficarum and found Keran. Anders tested him to ensure he was not possessed before they saw Keran safely returned to the Gallows.

"Blood mages have infiltrated your ranks," Hawke informed Ser Cullen as she reported to the Knight-Captain. He swiftly turned, that panic when he'd faced Wilmod as an abomination flickering in his eyes. "They've been implanting your recruits with demons."

"Sweet blood of Andraste!" Ser Cullen cursed.

The young templar - Keran - and his sister had been in an embrace as Hawke and Ser Cullen spoke. The girl backed away from her brother, terror in her eyes. "Demons? Did you say something about the recruits and demons?" she questioned, her wide eyes falling to her brother.

"I didn't want to tell you, Macha," Keran pleaded, "They - they were horrible." Keran turned to his superior officer. "Those mages see the rest of us as ants to be crushed. They won't stop until they've destroyed the Chantry and the templars forever."

"Can you blame them? I disagree with their methods, but mages have been systematically abused by the templars for a thousand years," Hawke argued.

Ser Cullen shifted on his feet, drawing himself up again as his hackles raised. His eyes narrowed on Hawke, "How can you say that after what you've seen?" His voice turned as fiery as his eyes. "True, not every mage gives into temptation, but none are ever free of it," the Knight-Captain sliced a hand through the air as his words bit like a sword. "At any time, any mage could become a monster. From the lowest apprentice to the most seasoned enchanters. Mages cannot be treated like people, they are not like you and me."

Keran's sister - having collected herself - interjected, "Surely that's a little harsh."

Ser Cullen's eyes settled on the woman for a moment as he continued, "They are weapons. They have the power to light a city on fire in the fit of pique."

"Mages are humans...and elves...just like the rest of us," Hawke shook her head.

Ser Cullen's expression changed to one of pity, "Many might go their whole lives thinking that." Beneath his statement was a hint of wistfulness, but he shook his head. "But if even one in ten falls to the lure of blood magic, they could destroy this world."

"Oh, Cullen," I murmured aloud. I do not want you to think I am a monster, nor do I want you - want mages - to feel like they are monsters. Any mage could become a monster. My hands are drenched in blood too, Meira. My heart ached as I read Varric's words and I knew I was only at the beginning.
Fear took root and sank deep. I knew he wasn't saying that all mages are monsters. He wasn't even saying that mages are inherently evil. However, his words were a far cry from the boy who'd looked me in the eyes and said he didn't want me to feel like I am a monster; that he wanted to be my friend.
I couldn't even say I wholly disagreed with his words if someone were to ask me - there was truth in them. While anyone can kill or destroy with the right weapons, mages are weapons - we can't disarm. Some use that weapon to defend, others use it to destroy, but to deny that we are susceptible to powerful influences and possession would be idiocy.
Where he was wrong was his thinking that a gift we were born with - that we had no power in choosing - somehow made us unworthy of humane treatment. Bethany told me he'd stopped physical abuses, but had allowed others. Sharpening it like a blade to turn against those in my charge. I did so, gladly. Could I blame him for his thought process? He'd been treated less than humanely at the hands of mages and blood magic - nearly driven mad by it.
Yet, I had suffered at the hands of a templar and did not come out the other side blaming the entire Order. I simply wish I had been...as gallant in the aftermath of my ordeal. My hands were not clean of revenge, though, as I'd slaughtered that templar camp back in the Hinterlands.
My heart twisted. He'd been trying to tell me all along how far he'd fallen in the aftermath of Uldred's revolt. I stood by the things I had said to him, though. If he truly did regret what he had said and done in his years at Kirkwall and was trying his best to be better, than who was I - who was anyone - to judge him unworthy of another chance? That was between him and his Maker and the Maker had worked his life to place him amongst the Inquisition where mages and templars were working together. I continued to read.

The Knight-Captain turned to his recruit, clasping his armored hands behind his back. "For now, Keran - unless it is proven you are free of demons - I must strip you of your commission immediately."

Macha panicked at Ser Cullen's order, "No! You can't really think that." Her voice and eyes begged for mercy. "Keran's fine. He's safe."

"Please, ser," Keran pleaded, "I tried to resist, I never took anything they offered." The boy searched his superior's face. "I need this position or my sister can't eat. I've been training for five years."

Instead of answering, the Knight-Captain's tired eyes turned to Hawke.

"We conducted tests on Keran," Hawke vouched for the boy, "He's not possessed. He can stay in the Order."

"I hesitate to ask what methods you used that you are so certain," Ser Cullen quirked a brow. He debated for a moment before continuing, "Still, you have done much for us by stopping these blood mages. I will heed your request. If he has shown no signs of demonic possession in ten years time, Keran will become eligible for full knighthood."

"Thank you, serah. Again," Macha approached Hawke, "but without a full knighthood, Keran's pay is so small. I do not know if I can reward you as you deserve." The girl cast her eyes to the ground in shame.

"I will handle that, miss," Ser Cullen interjected, stepping forward to hand Hawke a bag of coin. "You have done the Order a great service. We will not forget it."

Hawke seemed to have an unusual affect on Cullen, at least initially, in getting him to see through his cloud of anger and distrust. The way Varric wrote them even made me question if there was not a mutual romantic interest in the beginning of their relationship. I'll have to tease him about that. A little time passed, but Hawke found herself in the Gallows once more. She approached Cullen and engaged in a polite conversation.

"I have told the Knight-Commander of your service," Ser Cullen informed Hawke, his tone slightly less irritable. "She commends your quick thinking and has agreed to keep the lad, Keran, around for observation."

"I've heard a lot about the Knight-Commander," Hawke began, her voice turning charming as she looked the Knight-Captain over. "What's she really like?"

"She is not an easy taskmaster," Ser Cullen offered, "but it is not an easy task." His lips twitched before he quickly moved on. "I would not have liked her when I was younger. I thought mages deserved a softer touch. But Meredith is never fooled by a sweet face, she always sees the demon behind it."

"I'm not sure if that's a comforting thought," Hawke breathed a laugh. "You sound Fereldan. How did you end up here?"

The Knight-Captain's eyes swam with memories that seemed to haunt him. "I was in the Circle tower when Uldred summoned his demons. I was held in a cage for..." the man paused, staring at nothing. When he spoke, his voice was shaky, "I can't even say. Weeks? Months? It was one unending nightmare." His voice broke. Fear was plain on his face, "What those mages did...what they became. I would gladly give my life to avoid seeing that again."

"It sounds like you had a very poor experience with mages, Ser Cullen," Hawke offered. "For what it's worth, I am sorry."

Ser Cullen inclined his head, "Thank you. I...learned my lesson and learned it well. I vowed to never again question the Order after that."

"What's it like being in the Order?" Hawke questioned. "Do you feel that you're accomplishing anything?"

"The templars are not a good choice for anyone who requires a strong sense of achievement," Ser Cullen admitted. "It's a losing battle," his shoulders slumped. "Every day new mages are born in Thedas. Every day those born a dozen years ago come into their power." Shrugging wearily he continued, "The best we can do is contain the threat and recruit more to fill our own ranks when they're emptied."

"You have to admit," Hawke began, her voice cautious, "the templars have brought some of this hatred on themselves."

"That is the popular school of thought, no?" Ser Cullen grumbled.

"Its the truth," Anders growled.

The Knight-Captain glanced toward the apostate before looking towards the Gallows. "It used to be that templars were welcomed wherever they went for protecting the people from dark magics. Now the townsfolk are as likely to slam their doors as offer us a bed," he grouched. "The image of the poor, chained apprentice is a powerful one and one the mages are more than willing to exploit."

Notes: As for Meira not completely disagreeing with what Cullen said during his "mages are not people" speech - it's because she's been on every side of that argument: she's been the victim and the monster, resisted temptation and given into it. She understands his reasoning, but disagrees with the extremism it drove him to.

Anyways, thanks for reading! Faves, follows and reviews are always welcome and appreciated!