A.N Ok I know it has been a ridiculously long wait between updates but I can finally say that I am back and I have an update for you all...Its not an exceptionally long chapter but was basically me finding my feet with this story again after so long of not writing it...I'm hoping now that I've actually started writing this again that the chapters will flow again and I'll have another update to offer you very soon...Hope you're all still interested in the story...Don't punish me too much for making you wait so long...

Chapter Fifty-one

Nathan pulled into the drive dreading entering the house. He could see Haley's car parked out the front and knew she was home. It was time for him to try and get this friend thing happening although at that particular moment he didn't have the slightest idea how to go about it. He glanced at his watch and knew he had to get a move on if he wanted to have this conversation without Lucas hanging around. There was less than an hour until visiting hours ended at the hospital. Sighing to himself he stepped out of the car. He needed to get this over with before he lost his nerve.

He walked inside not noticing her at first sitting on the sofa watching him. When he looked up his face twisted in anger as he saw the suitcase on the floor beside her.

"Let me guess, you're planning to run away again. Why am I even surprised? It's what you do best after all. God Haley every time things get a little bit tough you run. Well why don't you just get out of here? Lucas and I will manage somehow."

Haley looked at him not sure how to respond. She had thought after what had occurred between them that morning that this would be what he wanted. She couldn't begin to imagine why he would want her to stay after everything that had happened.

"I uh…." She stopped trying to find the words to say what she needed to. "I didn't think you wanted me here after what happened this morning."

"Since when does it even matter what I want Haley. You didn't bother to consult me before you left any of the times before. What are you trying to tell me that you actually give a fuck what I want now?" He could hear the words spilling from his mouth and knew that this was not what he had come here for and yet he felt powerless to stop them. Seeing her so obviously ready to leave him yet again had ignited a fire deep inside of him. He had been angry with her before but not like this.

"God you are selfish," he yelled at her. "Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? You claim to care so much about Brooke, Lucas and the baby and yet at the first little upset here you are ready to run away again."

"Nathan of course I care about them," she tried to interrupt but he didn't want to hear it.

"Well this is some way to show it," he spat at her. "So where are you planning to go this time? Planning to run back to good old Josh? If you are then I suggest you get in line from what I've heard his bed hasn't exactly remained empty in your absence although I guess you'll be the only woman waiting to get in there."

She stared at him in shock. It sounded as if he knew about Josh and his sexuality but how could that be possible? No-one had known. She hadn't even suspected until she was confronted with the shocking truth and she had thought she was closer to him than anyone, certainly a lot closer to him than Nathan could have ever claimed to be. Surely Josh hadn't confided his secret in Nathan.

Nathan could see the look of confusion on her face and instantly guessed the reason for it.

"Did you really think I hadn't noticed Haley? God you'd have to be blind not to see what was going on there but I guess no-one could ever accuse you of being good at reading people around you. You couldn't even see what was right in front of you when we were together. You couldn't see that I would have done anything for you and supported you no matter what. You were too blinded by your own insecurities to see how much I love…" he paused for a moment before continuing "loved you."

But Haley had caught the slip in his speech and for a moment her heart lifted in hope. Could it be true that Nathan actually did still love her? Did they still have a chance? But as quickly as she felt her hopes lift they came crashing down again. She couldn't ignore what he had said mere hours before telling her that she was nothing more than a release. That was hardly something a man in love would tell her.

She had been stupid earlier thinking that if they could just reconnect physically then perhaps the emotional connection would follow. It had been naïve and she knew that now.

Coming out of her thoughts she saw him watching her obviously waiting for a response.

"Well," he said harshly. "What are you waiting for? Do you need my help taking your suitcase out to the car? Hey if it means getting you out of here faster I'll be only too happy to oblige."

"Nathan I'm just trying to make things easier on everyone. It's not good for Lucas or especially Cory to be surrounded by such tension. That's one of the reasons I'm going but there is another one. I'm going for you Nathan…" She continued ignoring the sharp bark of laughter that escaped his lips at her statement.

"I'm going because I can't stand to hurt you anymore and that man I saw this morning was not the Nathan I know….," she paused "or I guess to put it more accurately knew. I guess I don't really know you that well anymore do I Nathan? You've changed so much from who you were all those years ago and I know that I'm responsible for that and it tears me up Nathan, it tears me up more than you could possibly imagine. You have no idea how sorry I am for everything that happened, but I guess that doesn't really matter does it? I'm sorry is just a phrase. People say it every day but how many actually mean it. I mean it Nathan, but I'm not even sure if that matters to you. I think I should go. It's up to you and Lucas to decide whether or not you still want my help taking care or Cory. If you do then I'm happy to come around during the day and do whatever you need but if you decide that you would rather get a nurse or a nanny then I'll deal with that."

Nathan looked at her weighing up his options for a moment before he spoke. "Where would you go?" he asked quietly.

"I gave your mom a call a little while ago. She's just rattling around in that big house all alone and I think she could do with the company. It's really hit her hard what happened with Karen and Dan. She told me that it was ok for me to come and stay with her for however long I need."

Nathan looked at her surprised; she seemed to have really thought this through. This wasn't just some hare brained scheme. She really thought that this was the best thing for all of them. This was the last thing he had expected and he wasn't even sure what the correct response from him should be. He had come here wanting to talk to her about how they needed to put aside all of their tensions and try to be friends for the sake of their unborn child and somehow he had ended up completely losing it with her again.

The sight of that suitcase had terrified him. The thought that she might once again disappear from his life and take their child with her had sent him over the edge. It had clearly shown him that the feelings of animosity he felt towards Haley were not going to be so easy to just put aside or ignore. He wanted them to just go to being friends but could they really do that after everything that had happened. As much as it pained him to admit it, he didn't trust her, and this afternoon had proven that to him once again.

He wasn't even sure anymore what was the best course of action, if he let her walk away again was he doing it for the right reasons or was he letting his own hurt feelings get in the way of doing what was best for Lucas and Cory. He didn't even know for sure that having her here was best for them but it was hard to ignore the bond that Haley and that baby had formed in the last few weeks. The only thing he knew for sure was that he couldn't do it all alone but then Haley had offered him an alternative. He could hire a stranger to come into the house and care for them. Some woman who would take on all the jobs that Haley had performed with such love could be done by a professional, someone there simply to earn a wage. The thought turned his stomach.

Haley was still watching him and he knew she was waiting for his decision for him to tell her one way or the other whether she was still welcome in the house. Although she had told him she was going to leave he could sense her hesitation and knew she was waiting for him to tell her that he didn't want her to go.

God why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't he just tell her to get the fuck out and never come back? He knew the answer to that question though or at least one of the answers, The Baby. There was no way he was going to miss out on the chance to know another one of his children and if he sent her away now that was a chance he took. Sure she said that she was only going to go to Deb's but she had lied to him in the past. What was to say that she wouldn't do it again?

Haley looked at him and somehow without words she knew what he was thinking.

"Nathan I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to keep you away from this baby."

He wanted to believe her so much but something inside him just wouldn't let him go there. He had been so badly hurt by her in the past could he really open himself up to that possibility again.

"Look Haley it's really not my decision to make. This is Lucas' house and he and Brooke wanted you here. They wanted us to take care of Cory if they weren't able to and you know as well as I do that at the moment they just can't do it."

"I didn't say that I was going to desert Cory, Nathan but I think it might be better for me to take on more of a side role. Perhaps just helping out when you're unable to take care of him yourself or just being Aunty Haley and coming to visit him each day. You can just hire a nanny and get someone who actually knows what they're doing to take care of him."

"Damn it Haley, I don't want a nanny and I think it's a pretty safe bet that Brooke sure as hell wouldn't want some nanny taking care of her child. She and Lucas chose us for a reason Haley and I think it's the least we can do for them. We just need to put aside our shit for their sakes and get on with it. I've just about used up all of my leave for work and Frank needs me back next week. I would just feel better about it if you were going to be here each day."

"I can be here during the day Nathan, but it would be better if I don't live here. You and I need some space from each other and we can't get that with me living here."

"Do what you think is best," he told her "just as long as you know that no-one here is forcing you to do this. If you want to continue to stay here than I have no problem with that and if you choose to leave well I can't stop you but whatever you do Haley don't try to run from me again. If you leave town without telling me again I will look for you and you better believe that I won't stop until I find you. I'm not going to let you keep one of my children from me again."

She looked at him wondering if there was any point trying to reassure him once again that she had no intention of leaving town again and that she wouldn't dream of not allowing him to know this baby growing inside of her but knew it was pointless. He wasn't simply going to take her word for it. She needed to regain his trust and she could only do that with actions and not words. She felt a determination sweep through her at his words, she was going to do whatever it took to make him trust her again, not so much for the sake of their relationship, she no longer held any hopes in that direction but for the sake of their child.

"Do you need help taking your suitcase out to the car?" he asked, "I really need to get back to the hospital to get Lucas and Cory. I assume I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded and followed him out to the car wondering exactly where this latest development was leading them now. She could only hope that it was somewhere good.

Nathan loaded her suitcase into the back of the car and hoped that he had made the right decision but he knew that only time would tell.