A/N: Cullen's POV! Enjoy :)

I think you've had enough females visiting your tent as of late. What was Minaeve referring to? Instead of asking, I practically had to run from the Chantry. My head pounding, nausea rolling in my gut and the thirst nearly overwhelming.
The walls of the Chantry had begun to feel too tight - like I couldn't breathe, like I was in the magical cage. The nausea had begun because I swore I could smell that metallic burn the cage had emitted and I nearly retched right there in the main hall. Thankfully, I'd made it out and around the corner, able to cover up the mess with snow.
I shook my head. Meira. Meira had been right next to me when Minaeve lashed out and I feared now that Meira would be hurt or worried that something had happened between me and another female while she'd been away. I wanted nothing more than to find her and assure her that this was not the case, but responsibilities were piling up.
I sighed heavily as I observed the recruits training. Barking angrily at any that messed up their drills. I was desperate to take out my frustration on something that could hit back, but knew if I did, I'd leave the unlucky recruit bruised and sore for a week. Maybe Rylen? Or Cassandra?I continued to put the recruits through the paces until they were all panting and sweating despite the cold. After a short cool-down, I dismissed them to see to their afternoon meal, but they were to return for reading out the next day's duty and guard rotation rosters immediately after.
I need to find Meira - at least to ask if we can speak later. I made my way back to the Chantry first. I had to maneuver through throngs of people and recruits.
Haven had exploded within the last few weeks. Word spreading of all the Inquisition had done, of the Herald sealing the Fade rifts that had appeared, helping the common folk. People wanted to see what we were about, wanted to join.
I was glad of it, but as Dennet had said, the village was groaning under the weight of all its occupants. We would need to either expand the village itself or relocate soon. Leliana, Josephine and I had discussed it briefly, but we'd all come to the same conclusion: we were at a loss as to where we would go.
While we'd grown in notoriety, even gained financial backing, we were still viewed as suspicious, possibly dangerous. No one would welcome us with open arms, at least not before we proved ourselves by closing the Breach for good. What will become of us after? Josephine predicted that the Inquisition would still be needed - sought out - as the Inquisition of old had been. It made sense, with the Chantry all but powerless, the Inquisition was the only other organization that people would be able to turn to for help that did not have its loyalty bound by borders.
I entered the open Chantry doors and looked around. Meira was not in the main hall, but I spotted Mother Giselle at her usual spot outside of Josephine's office, Lady Vivienne was directing her servants to set up a desk to my left and several Sisters and Tranquil were milling about.
Ask one of the Tranquil. Minaeve. I knew she'd probably still refuse to speak to me for whatever reason she was upset, but I decided to give it another try. I had a question about the lures she'd suggested for the bears plaguing the forest near the villa Vale and his men were setup in, there'd been reports of a lone wolf prowling Haven's perimeter that I wanted her opinion on dealing with, but I also wanted to know why she was angry with me. I walked the length of the main hall, but was stopped by Mother Giselle.

"Greetings, Commander. How are you faring?" the older woman offered a soft smile.

"Well, Revered Mother, thank you," I nodded.

"Are you in need of anything? The soldiers?" she questioned.

"You and the others have been an immense help, Mother Giselle. Your services have brought much hope and comfort to those wrestling with their faith. At this moment, we have no need of anything else."

"I have been glad to see you taking the time to attend services when you can, Commander." I inclined my head, but said nothing. Giselle's dark eyes studied my face, but she asked, "Have you and the others had a moment to look over those reports I passed on to Sister Leliana?"

"Scout Harding and a large group of Leliana's people are currently on their way to Crestwood. They are seeing to other tasks as they make their way, so it will be a few weeks before they arrive. We're still having trouble getting people through Sulcher's Pass to Emprise du Lion as the terrain is treacherous, but we will continue to try, Mother Giselle."

The woman inclined her head, "Thank you, Commander." Her dark eyes looked me over and I shifted on my feet beneath her gaze. I couldn't help but feel like a boy again. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I am, Revered Mother." I nodded.

"You do not have to carry your burdens alone, child," she murmured. "You are among those who would help you." Her gaze became piercing, as if she could see everything going on within me.

I said nothing, only nodding in response. There may come a time, Revered Mother, but not at this moment. "If you would excuse me, Mother Giselle." She smiled gently and waved me off.

I opened the door to Josephine's office. Josephine gave me a slight scowl - still hurt over my words after she'd voiced her displeasure with my armor and mantle - before returning her attention to Chancellor Roderick who had been in the middle of berating her for something. My eyes flicked to Minaeve's desk, but she was absent. I sighed and walked over to Josephine.

"I see the templar has gotten better accommodations, yet Iam denied?" he barked.

"Your accommodations are perfectly suitable, Chancellor. Youoccupy a cabin - a furnished cabin - and you are its sole occupant. Our Commander, occupies a tent that doubles as his office. I had it enlarged in his absence because he refused to be given better provisions than his men. I dare say as the current person closest to a figurehead of the Chantry, youwould think to be more like our Commander and less like a nobleman, Chancellor," she argued, her voice polite, but firm.

"I simply wish for a space where I can see to my duties, Ambassador," the man growled, his lip curling.

"I'm sure my men would be more than willing to erect a large tent for you on the far side of the village?" I offered as I crossed my arms.

The man rounded on me, his short stature causing me to have to look down on him. "I'm sure, templar."

"Chancellor Roderick," Josephine scolded, "We currently have no other options for you beyond your current housing. Unless you would prefer to take the Commander up on his offer?"

Roderick looked between the two of us and scoffed before stalking out the door. I turned to Josephine. The woman had resumed writing a letter and ignored me. I waited for a moment before I cleared my throat.

"What did you need, Commander? I am very busy at the moment." Try as she might, the woman could not be rude if she wanted to - her voice was too sweet.

"Lady Josephine, I offer my apologies for my unkind remarks to you the other day," I stated. "Your suggestion of the new command tent - and seeing to its construction - was well placed. I thank you for seeing to that."

Josephine lifted her head as I spoke. There was an almost imperceptible widening of her eyes at my words. Honestly, does everyone think I'm just some boorish dog-lord? "I-You're welcome, Commander," she responded. "I hope you have found it to your liking."

"I have," I nodded. "It is comfortable, has led to less complaining by the recruits during briefings and I'm sure has led our visiting nobles to think we're not completely without sophistication."

Josephine let out a small laugh at that. "I'm not sure I would go thatfar, Commander. Haven still remains in the middle of the mountains, well removed from anything remotely resembling civilization."

I chuckled. "Have you...seen Researcher Minaeve?" I asked. "I have a question about one of her latest reports."

"I'm afraid she left shortly before you arrived," Josephine's brows knit. "In search of you, actually. I am surprised you did not cross paths."

"As am I." I placed my hands on my sword pommel as I felt a tremor pass through the right. "Thank you, Lady Josephine. I will see if I can locate her."

She nodded and returned to her work. I saw myself out of her office and the Chantry, working my way back to the training grounds. I found Minaeve exiting my tent. Her large, brown eyes spotted me and embarrassment flickered across her face. She paused and waited for me to approach. "Commander."

"Minaeve," I nodded and gestured for her to come inside.

"If it's alright with you, Commander," she began, "I'd prefer to stand out here."

"Al-Alright," I stammered. "Have I...have I done something to offend you, Minaeve?"

She looked even more embarrassed. "No." She closed her eyes and sighed. "Well, possibly. I thought you did and I fear I...may have gotten in the middle of something I should have kept my nose out of."

I knit my brow. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I apologize for my behavior earlier," her eyes were sincere. "The rest is between you, M-Talitha and Elizabeth Trevelyan," she murmured.

Oh...oh no. Maker's breath, of course. "Minaeve, is...is M-Talitha upset? No, don't answer that," I shook my head as I held up a hand. I felt the tension in my shoulders tighten as worry flooded through me. I raised a hand to my neck. "Do you know where she is? I...I wish to speak with her."

Minaeve's eyes met mine. "She is...occupied at the moment. She and the Herald, I'm afraid." She fidgeted with her fingers. "She will come to you when she's ready. What was the question you had for me earlier?"

Come when she's ready? So she is upset. "I-I," I cleared my throat. There was a dozen questions ringing in my mind that I wanted to ask Minaeve that had nothing to do with reports. She said her piece. Let it go. "I had two questions. The first pertaining to the lures you suggested we create for the bears near the villa in the Hinterlands - why those items specifically? Vale's men are having a hard time locating them. The second, the watch guard has had sightings of a lone wolf roaming Haven's perimeter. Is this something we should be concerned about?"

We briefly discussed the lures. Minaeve mapped out the formula as being both to guarantee the bears would be drawn in; how the plants she'd suggested be crushed up and shoved inside the meat may help sedate the animals for easier, less painful killing. They would sedate the animals without harming the meat, thus enabling the Inquisition to have access to an excellent source of protein along with pelts and leather.
The forest and hills near the farmland were crawling with bears that had become unnaturally aggressive. Minaeve speculated that it had something to do with the Breach and the rifts that had subsequently opened. She wanted to devote more time and research to the hypothesis, but with our resources being limited, she had not investigated it further.

"As for the wolf, if it's alone, I would leave it be," she suggested. "It may be looking to create its own pack, find a mate or establish its own territory. So long as it's not attacking the recruits or killing off our livestock, I see no reason to hunt it."

"Why would it be alone in the first place? Do not wolves navigate in packs?" I asked.

"They do, but a wolf can leave its pack to begin its own," Minaeve explained. A slight smirk twitched on her lips. "Much like yourself, Commander."

"I am no wolf," I scoffed.

"I should hope not," she gave a small smile. Perhaps all hope is not lost, then. "But I was referring more to the 'finding your own pack'."

My face warmed. "Oh, I-I see."

She inclined her head and began to walk off, but turned back for a moment. "Good luck, Commander."

I knew she meant in regards to Meira. I ducked inside my tent, my legs shaking and in need of a brief rest. I threw myself into my chair. I think you've had enough females visiting your tent as of late. I groaned and smacked myself in the forehead. You complete dolt, Rutherford.
 Of course Minaeve would be angry with me. She was Meira's friend. She'd seen me with another female in my tent looking...intimate to a third party observer. How did I not realize what she would have thought? How am I going to explain this to Meira? I groaned again and put my forehead on my desk.
I pictured her, between my arms as she leaned against that little table in the war room, her eyes wide, her cheeks bright with color, her full lips parted as she breathed quickly. The way her eyes had flicked to my mouth as we'd come so close. Heat pooled in my gut.
To the Void with that runner! I pulled the duty roster from the nearby pile and found the name of the recruit: James, goes by Jim.I adjusted the roster to assign him to latrine duty for the next month. I sighed after I finished and scratched it out. I shall not be that petty, but, Maker, would it be nice.
 I stayed in my tent until the soldiers filed in for assigning of duties. A dozen could come in at a time. Rylen stood next to me sounding roll call, double checking attendance and assignments. I stood at the desk, leaning on it for support as I looked over the roster.
Brennan - runner. Tanner - latrines. Landry - construction. Edwards - watch guard. And on and on it went. Once duties were assigned, there'd been a barrage of complaints - I did that yesterday. He hasn't had latrine duty in weeks. I'd listen until I snapped and barked at them all to get to their duties.
Rylen laughed and told them in a low voice - not so low I couldn't hear - they could spar for better assignments. He'd pair them off, instructing them to inform him of the winner and he'd readjust the roster. I'd scowl at him before the recruits left and then secretly place bets on who I thought would win the different matches.
We were walking the perimeter of the village, checking defenses, supplies, guard posts and progress on construction to see that all was in order. I glanced towards Rylen, he had his eyes on his board, writing notes, calculations, amounts and suggestions that I made as we went about.

"Rylen?" I questioned.

"Commander?" he responded, but didn't look up from his parchment.

"I fear I may have made a grave mistake in regards to M-Talitha," I began.

That got his attention, his blue eyes flicking to me. "What happened?" No jokes or laughs, but genuine concern.

"Well, I - we...Elizabeth came to me and apologized for her...behavior towards me." I looked at him again. "She said you told her about my...feelings towards Talitha?"

"I did, Cul," he nodded. "I didn't mean to betray your confidence, but she...didn't give me much of a choice."

"It's fine, Rylen," I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm not sure there would have been anything else to deter her."

"She's a good woman, Cullen," Rylen defended. "She knows what and who she wants, but she doesn't want to hurt anybody. She cares deeply for people."

"I know, Rylen." I gave a curt nod. "That's the issue. We got to talking about M-Talitha, the Order, Seekers...all kinds of things. Morning had come before we knew it and...Minaeve walked in on us in a manner that may have appeared...intimate." I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"You right dunderheid, Cul," Rylen groaned. Well, that's not a good sign.

"That bad?" I quirked a brow.

Rylen considered for a moment. "Possibly. Have you found your lass, yet? Talked to her?"

"I looked, but I was unable to find her. I spoke with Minaeve; she told me M-Talitha would find me when she was ready."

Rylen frowned. "I wouldn't give up hope then, but I think it's best if you give the lass the space she wants."

"I feared that would be your answer," I sighed.

Rylen put a hand on my shoulder. "All I can say, Cullen," he began, his face serious. "Whatever the conversation with her brings, tell her how you feel. Leave no room for doubt."

"Are you instructing me to kiss her again?" My cheeks flushed.

Rylen shook his head. "If it comes to that, you need to ask her first. If she's worried you've been foolin' around, she may not want you to show her that kind of affection." I nodded, feeling dejected. "Bottom line, you haven't been - never have. She just wants the truth and an assurance that she's the one you want."

I met his eyes. "Thanks, Rylen."

We finished up our rounds. Rylen went off to see to the newest batch of recruits - seeing to sleeping arrangements, armor and weapons for them. I went in search of Cassandra, wanting her advice on the current situation. I found her at the practice dummies, her face angry. "Cassandra," I called.

Her dark eyes found mine, her fury not abating, but increasing. I had a moment to be confused before she charged me, sword in her hands. I drew my own and cursed myself for leaving my shield in my tent.
Cassandra was a deadly opponent - swift, powerful and nearly ten years of experience on me. I knew that fire in her eyes too - she was going to go for the kill. Her first swing was quick as lightning, the clang of our swords meeting loud in my ears.
She quickly parried and swung again, her sword point aiming for my face. I smacked the flat of her blade with edge of my own, knocking the arc of her swing to the left. As I did, I leaned back, stepped to the right and swung my blade at her side. She jumped to her left while meeting my blade with her own, using my momentum to slide my blade down the length of hers.
She twisted her grip as she did and would have struck where my cuirass's protection ended, but I jumped back, just missing the tip of her sword. She stepped into my space and thrust. I parried and swung from above, but she leaned to her left as she met my swing.
In one fluid motion, she used my momentum to push my blade to her defended side as she swung her foot up and into my gut. I stumbled backwards and it took every bit of will I had to keep my sword up as she swung again. In another swift movement, she pushed against my sword as she ducked beneath the crossed blades, locked her pommel around my wrist and pressed her freed hand against my elbow, locking my sword arm straight out as I buckled. She disarmed me and placed the point of her blade at my throat.

"Maker's breath, Cassandra," I growled. "Were you tryingto kill me?"

"If I was trying to kill you, you would be dead," Cassandra snorted.

"Then what was that for?" I scowled as I straightened, my joints protesting. I looked around and was thankful there was nobody watching the Commander getting knocked down a peg.

"Don't be concerned, if there'd been recruits watching, I would have let you win. You would have been bruised, but I would have let you win." Her dark eyes were still blazing, but not as angry. "You seem to have made an asinine mistake."

"If you're referring to the Trevelyan woman and I, I already know," I grumbled as I rolled out my shoulder on my sword arm.

Cassandra's eyes went wide. "You...you did sleep with her, then?"

"What? Of course not!" I hissed. "Andraste's..." I gritted my teeth before I swore in a way that would truly offend the Maker's bride and the Maker Himself. "Honestly, does no one understand how I feel about M-Talitha?"

"If the female in question does not know herself, how do you expect the rest of us to?" Cassandra questioned as she sheathed her sword.

My eyes met hers. "What do you mean?" Then the pieces clicked. Jader. "You spoke with her? Is that why you wanted to go with the soldiers to meet Leliana in Jader?"

"It was a private conversation," her lips pursed, but there was a slight blush in her cheeks.

"Maker!" I swore as I shoved my sword into its sheath. "Why must everyone interfere in my private affairs?"

"I wasn't trying to interfere, I was trying to help," she countered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And what good did your help do?" I growled. Cassandra looked hurt. Sweet Maker, Rutherford. This woman believed in you when no one else did. "I...Forgive me, Cassandra, that was untoward. I appreciate that you were trying to help. The blame lies with me."

"Then fix it, Cullen," she scolded, her dark eyes narrowing.

"It would help if I could find the female in question," I sighed.

Cassandra chuckled. "I was just making sure you were aware of your mistake. Talitha will find you."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I groaned.

Cassandra merely snorted a laugh as she walked towards the blacksmith.

"Commander!" Lysette's voice called from behind me a moment later. I turned to find the young woman looking alarmed.

"What is it, Lysette?" I asked.

"It's one of the fledglings," she began. I gestured for her to walk with me as we headed towards their cabin. "They were testing out their magic. One lost control."

"What happened?"

"She injured herself and a few others, but now she's very upset. I fear something worse will happen unless someone calms her down. Sarah, Keran and I all tried, but to no avail." Lysette explained.

I asked no more questions as we entered the cabin. The others were on one end of the cabin, protected by Sarah and Keran, who were doing their best to not make it plain that they were putting themselves between the frightened child and the others. The child in question sat in a corner at the other end of the cabin, hugging herself. The sight had a strong resemblance to Meira after finding her.
The girl peered at us as we entered, a single hazel eye visible between brown hair. I could see a burn on her leg where her robes had lifted. A few other children were cradling burned hands or arms.

"Sarah, Keran, Lysette," I spoke calmly. "The weather is particularly nice at the moment, why don't you escort the children outside to play in the fresh air?" I looked to the group of children: fear and worry on their faces. I bent towards them and lowered my voice, forcing a smile. "Some fresh snow fell last night, why don't you little ones show the adults how to have a proper snowball fight?" All worries were forgotten as their eyes brightened at the idea of playing in the snow. How many of these children have ever gotten to truly play before now?

Agreement and excitement swept through the children. Sarah and Keran took the hint, ushering the little ones out. Lysette stepped towards me and I heard the girl shuffle behind me. I kept my back to her as I spoke low to Lysette. "Get the injured ones looked after by Bethany. Return here if I am not to the healer's cabin in ten minutes." Lysette nodded.

I turned to the girl. She curled further in on herself. I held my hands up and lowered myself to her level. "Could you tell me where it hurts?" She made no move. I took a moment to look her over. A child.I thought of Meira's experience, how frightened she must have been. Was she frightened the next time she used her magic? Worried someone would hurt her because of it? Has this child had a similar experience?
 I took a deep breath and willed my nerves to calm. Talk to her. Calm her down. "The first time you use your magic can be...exciting...and scary, right?" She stayed still, but I sensed her mana calming. Keep going. I thought about the little ones that had been in my charge - both at Kinloch and Kirkwall. "I remember the little ones in the tower I worked at. They'd always be so excited when they finally could summon it on their own. Some of them would get it right away and not be afraid. Others...others would remember when their magic first appeared and it would bring back...bad memories."
She seemed to perk up at that. Her mana quieting more. Good sign. "The bad memories would make them...afraid...and sometimes...sometimes they got hurt or hurt one of their friends." She uncurled a little. Working. "It's an accident when that happens. The Maker knows its an accident. Magic is...tricky sometimes, but the Maker...blessed you with magic."
It is a gift from the Maker. You've just seen that gift betrayed. One of her eyes met mine. "When accidents happen, what do we do? Give up? No. When accidents happen we have to fix what we can and try again. We keep trying until we get it right." Need to take your own advice, Rutherford.
 Both eyes were on me. "Same as when I was learning how to use a sword. I sometimes would get hurt or hurt somebody else and it made me afraid. But we can't let the fear of failing keep us from trying. Trying and practicing is what makes us better. When we're better, we don't hurt the ones we care about." Mana silent. She pointed a finger to her burn. Success.
 "Would you like to meet, Bethany? She's a nice healer who will help the hurt go away." She nodded her head. I need to take her, but how do I get her to come with me? I thought of Rosalie. "Would you...would you like to sit on my shoulders so you can see the whole village while we walk to Bethany?" She nodded enthusiastically. Taking a deep breath, I turned my back to her. "Climb on up." I heard the scamper of feet on the floor before I felt her clamber up onto my shoulders. I grabbed onto her feet to keep her steady before ducking out the door.

We made the short distance to the healer's cabin. Lysette nodding as she spotted me. The girl giggled and waved at people we passed by; I ignored the stares and whispers. The mage-hater, carrying a fledgling on his shoulders? The scandal. I took a bit of satisfaction in that, a small smirk on my face.
I still feared magic. I'd seen magic at its worst, and knew full well what it could do to a person. I thought of Meira, of Bethany, of all the mages that had helped and joined the Inquisition. But I've seen it at its best as well. We ducked inside the cabin door and were greeted by a laugh and smile from Bethany. I praised the Maker that Solana was not there.

"Personally delivered by the Commander of the Inquisition?" Bethany gasped. "You must be one special little girl." The child beamed. "Let's see what you've got, little one," Bethany chirped, a broad smile on her face as she sat the child on a stool. The girl pulled up her robes to show the burn. "Oh my, that is a nasty one. You are a special girl - so brave." The girl smiled even wider. "We'll get that feeling better straight away, then you can go join your friends in the snow."

The girl nodded excitedly. "Will you join us?"

Bethany gave her a soft smile as she healed her wound. "I'd be happy to." Bethany's eyes flicked to mine. "Just after I finish talking to the Commander, is that okay?" The girl nodded. "Alright, you're all patched up. Do you mind waiting outside while I talk with the Commander? Then we can find your friends together." The girl ran out the door.

"Lysette was practically frantic," Bethany stated once the girl was gone. "What did you say to the girl to get her to calm down?"

"The truth," I muttered. Bethany quirked a brow. I looked away, a flush beginning in my cheeks. "Does it matter? It worked."

"You let her sit on your shoulders," Bethany probed, her eyes searching my face.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What of it?"

"Cullen, you do care," she purred as a mischievous smile spread on her pretty face.

"Shove off, Bethany," I growled.

She laughed. "You don't want to go making your healer mad, now do you?"

"I had assumed you already would be," I mumbled.

"Because of M-Talitha?" A dark brow quirked.

I gave a curt nod. Of course she knows. Maker, does everyone know?

"I'm not mad, Cullen, because I know you," she shrugged. I met her eyes and she offered a smile. "You just need to make sure you fix it."

"So I've been told." I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. Andraste, preserve me.

"No, Cullen," Bethany turned serious. "I mean it. You need to tell her how you feel in no uncertain terms."

I met her eyes again and swallowed hard. "What-what do you mean?"

She shifted on her feet. "You're at a point where you may have to...show her affection to get her to realize how you feel about her," she explained, her eyes searching mine.

"But...but you said," I stammered. Maker's breath. Touch her, don't touch her. Ask permission. Talk to her. Fix it. Andraste, give me strength.

"I still stand by what I said and I only advise doing so as a last resort." She twisted her fingers. "If you feel you must, you need to make sure she is open to it first."

"That's - that's what Rylen advised," I mumbled, my face warming.

"Smart man," Bethany stated. "Despite all evidence to the contrary," she added under her breath. "Cullen?"

I looked at her once more. "Yes?"

"Be gentle," she advised. "And take it slow." I searched her face, but said nothing. "I fear she may want...more than she's ready for."

Kirkwall. Alrik. Would we ever be free of them? Would she? "I understand, Bethany."

"Good," was all she said before she walked out the door.

I followed behind and leaned against the doorframe, trying to take the weight off my legs for a brief moment. Solas was outside he and Varric's cabin, making a tiny show of magelights for the child's enjoyment. He had a gentle smile on his face as he watched her awe.
The child spotted Bethany and raced back to take her hand. She practically dragged Bethany down the stairs as they ran, giggling together to where the others were tossing snow. I chuckled as I noticed more than just the mages were joining in.

"A rather heartwarming sight, is it not, Commander?" Solas observed.

"Indeed," I agreed.

"If its not an impertinence to ask, have you perhaps seen the Herald?" the elf quirked a brow.

"I'm afraid I have not seen her since early this morning during a briefing," I crossed my arms over my chest. "Did you need her for something?"

His lips twitched before he responded. "She would want to know of the artifacts I found while on my travels. I also wish to speak with her about the strange skulls I came across. Neither are matters of immediate importance, but I'd rather bring them to her attention as soon as possible."

"I understand," I straightened. "If I see the Herald, I will let her know you were wanting to speak with her."

"Thank you, Cullen," the elf inclined his head before descending the stairs. He made his way to Varric, who was now among the crowd watching the snowball fight. The two greeted each other before laughing as snow flew.

Where the Void is Meira? She'd love this. I'd even join in if she did. Instead of joining, however, I continued with seeing to my duties. After checking on the perimeter, calibrating the finished trebuchets, speaking with the construction architects about building supplies and double-checking with Dennet about what he was running short on, I made my way back to my tent.
As I was approaching the training grounds, I spotted the Herald. Meira is supposed to be the Herald. I hurried my pace, ignoring the cramping in my legs as I did. She was speaking with Cassandra, so I stood a little ways off, observing as they talked.
Meira's stance was different as the Herald, more commanding. Her back straight, shoulders back, head held high. It was odd to see her hair in her sister's twisted fashion, painted with gold and her delicately pointed ears decorated with jewelry. Even more so to see most of her face tattooed with the white tree of - Mythal?
 Her face was cool as she and Cassandra spoke, her eyes fierce and calculating. Her jade eyes suddenly flashed to me and I found myself standing straighter under her perusal. Meira looked back at Cassandra and dismissed herself before stalking towards me. And she was stalking - not her usual graceful gate, but a focused, near-predatory walk. I felt a flutter of nervousness in my gut as she refused to lower her gaze from mine.

"Commander," she barked as she got closer. She was in my personal space, so close I could see the flecks of silver in her eyes.

"Herald," I nodded.

"What have you done to my sister?" her voice was low and deadly as she asked.

"To Ellana?" I whispered. Maker, how many females am I going to upset today? "Nothing."

"I know you've done nothing to me, Commander," she hissed. "I meant, M-Talitha."

Sweet Maker. This is the Herald. "I - I apologize."

"She may hide it from the others, even from herself, but you've caused her to worry and it's taking everything I have not to...severely injure you," she snarled.

"Cassandra already delivered an injury," I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest.

A flicker of smile. "Good." She paused a moment. "If I'm going to be completely honest with you, Commander, I would prefer she stay away from you." Her brow knitted. "It seems you've brought her nothing but pain."

Severe injury achieved, Herald. "I-I would agree with you."

That surprised her. "Did you do it intentionally this time?"

I looked away from her. "No."

"Then what are you doing?" she demanded.

I sighed. "Currently, I am waiting to actually be able to speak with her. I daresay I've spoken with every other soul in this blighted village except the person I most wish to."

"Did you sleep with the Trevelyan woman?" she asked.

Andraste preserve me. "This is hardly -"

"-Answer me, Commander," her tone left no room for argument and her eyes promised death if I refused.

I swallowed hard. "No, I did not sleep with Trevelyan. I would never hurt your sister that way."

"Then are you hurting my sister because she's a mage?" Her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Because she's an elf? Or are both fetishes for you - fantasies you wish to fulfill through her?"

"Sweet Maker," I choked out. "No! I-I," I shifted on my feet. This is ridiculous. "I have had my...issues with mages, but that would not be a reason for me to hurt her. As for her being an elf...I - I will admit the first time I saw her...she was the first elf I had ever seen before. Is it wrong for me to find her attractive because of her elven characteristics?"

"Not...wrong, but only if they're not the sole reason you're attracted to her," she crossed her arms again, her eyes narrowing. "I've met my fair share of sh-humans who simply wanted to know what 'it'd be like to bed an elf'."

"It is nothing like that," my face was burning from the flush pounding there. "I find her beautiful, but her...physical qualities are only a piece of it. Her...her -"

"-Yes, Commander?"

Maker, have mercy. "Her mind, her soul, her heart - all of it is beautiful to me. She is intelligent, quick-witted and well learned. She cares deeply for others, has a quiet passion and a strength of will like no other I've ever met. Her faith in the Maker, her determination, her strength and valor with which she conducts herself; her courage in the face of fear; her light that shines in the darkness -"

Ellana held up a hand, her face softening. "That's enough, Commander."

I felt the blush dipping into my chest. "Have I met your demands?"

Ellana smirked. "Solas did say it was easy to get you to admit how you feel about her. My, my Commander, you're not nearly as impregnable as you seem to believe. I wonder...is it my sister that brings that out in you? Or are you far more sensitive than you want us to know? Is that why you always wear your armor?"

"Maker's breath," I swore as a hand went to the heat prickling in my neck. Ellana let out a chuckle. "Are you now going to cryptically tell me that she will find me when she's ready?"

"I suppose I don't need to since you've just done it for me," she tapped her chin on the trunk of her vallaslin. I groaned. "Patience, Commander," she flashed a wolfish smile before she brushed past me.

"Herald," I turned. She looked at me over her shoulder, a brow quirked. "Solas was searching for you earlier. He had a few findings he wanted to discuss with you."

She nodded. "Thank you, Commander, but I already spoke with him." She hesitated a moment and turned back to me. "I may not completely approve of you, but I can tell you genuinely care for my sister. I would see you grow in your trust of mages and I will expect as much if you begin a romantic relationship with my sister. That being said...if you bring her to any further harm...if you break her heart," she stepped into my space again, her face becoming a mask promising death, "I will kill you."

I swallowed hard. I put a hand to my chest in a salute. "I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to care for her the way she deserves."

Her eyes searched mine. "I will hold you to that, Commander." At that, she turned and headed toward the inner village.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Maker's breath, she is terrifying. I escaped into my tent before anyone else could threaten my life and sunk into the chair at my desk.
I began to fill out reports, respond to missives and updates from the various posts that had been established throughout Ferelden. I wrote out duty and guard rosters for the next several days. Once that was all finished, I felt as my stomach groaned loudly. Have I eaten at all today?
 Meira still had not "found" me. I'd done all the busy work I could - double and even triple checking everything. I stretched in my chair, my joints aching as I did. My head pounding at the sudden rush of blood through my extremities.
I stood and had to grip the desk to keep from hitting the ground as my knees buckled. Andraste, preserve me. I took a moment to steady myself before straightening. I needed to eat or the weakness would only get worse.
I exited the tent, the sun beginning to set as I made my way to the tavern. I chuckled as the evidence of the snowball fight was plain and it had clearly spread nearly all over the village. Opening the door of the tavern, I was greeted by lots of laughter and recounting of the "epic" snowball fight of Haven.
Apparently, Bull and the Chargers had joined in and turned it into a battle that could rival true warfare in brutality and tactics. They'd setup cover and catapults - all the children had been pulled to their side to man the catapults.
The opponents had been the newly recruited elf, Sera, Warden Blackwall, and Varric. Solas had kept a tally of hits landed. Mages and templars had joined both sides, the Trevelyan siblings had been rivals and some off-duty recruits had joined to help in forming the projectiles.

"You should have joined us, Cullen," Blackwall slapped my shoulder as I sat with the group. "We could have used your tactical mind." The Bull and the Chargers had won, though I suspected the others had let them win for the children's sake.

"Aye," Henry Trevelyan barked in agreement before he took a drink from his tankard. "Perhaps then we could have given them a proper thrashing."

"You're just upset your sister beat you, Henry," Elizabeth gloated.

"I apologize for my absence. It sounds like a battle I should have witnessed," I stated, dryly.

"We'll have to honor the fallen," Bull nodded grimly. "They put up a good fight and deserve to be respected."

"You said it, Chief," Krem shouted over the boisterous singing of the Chargers. "Drinks on The Iron Bull in honor of the loosing side!"

"Come on, Krem!" Bull growled. "You've already bled me dry keeping your cup full!"

"To the Iron Bull!" The tavern erupted in shouts of thanks.

My head began to pound in earnest at the noise and lack of food. I made my way to Flissa. Dinner was thankfully quick and I asked Flissa for a tray. I could not handle the rowdiness this evening.
I could feel the exhaustion, the thirst, the pain of withdrawal and the stress of worrying about Meira all beginning to overwhelm me. I excused myself from invitations to stay, citing my need to finish reports. The others were too distracted to pressure me further.
I made my way back to my tent, glad for the silence. I removed my armor, but kept my leather doublet and mantle on as I ate slowly. I pulled out a few of Mia's letters and began reading.
I'd made it through the early letters from Kirkwall. The anger with which Mia usually wrote tore at me, but I understood it. I hoped one day I could explain why her "stupid brother" couldn't write back - not like she wanted. That she had been writing to a man that didn't exist anymore at the time. I thought of the mage girl I had carried. I still struggled with the anger, the fear, but...

"Cullen?" Elizabeth's voice spoke from the opening of my tent.

I looked up and couldn't stop the scowl that formed on my face. "Yes?"

She blushed, but thankfully did not come any closer. "Rylen told me that I may have gotten you into some trouble."

"Perhaps," I offered.

"I'm very sorry, Cullen," she apologized, taking a few steps inside. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I -" I began.

"-Am I interrupting something?" Meira's voice spoke.

I nearly gave myself whiplash at the speed with which I jerked my head in her direction. I had opened my mouth to speak, but the words died in my throat. Maker, but you're beautiful, Meira.
 She was not the Herald, but Talitha. Talitha out of armor and instead in plain clothing. Though they were anything but plain.
She wore a silk blouse with voluminous sleeves that cuffed at her wrists. The blouse's collar opened to expose some of her collarbone as it fell from her shoulders into a short "v" shape to meet the lambswool skirt cinched at her slender ribcage. The fabrics hugged her hourglass frame wonderfully.
My throat went dry as I couldn't stop my gaze from following the curves of her figure; down and up to her swanlike neck. Her now white-blonde hair was piled atop her head in an elegant updo, with a few pieces framing her face. Her lovely ears were on full display, and I followed the long points as soft tendrils of hair curled around them.
Finally, I met her eyes which were watching me; I studied her face...Blessed Andraste. Her beautiful eyes were piercing as she had them ringed in kohl. I swallowed thickly again. Her graceful cheekbones were dusted with blush and her full lips had been glossed. Heat lanced down my spine as I gazed at those lips far longer than was appropriate, feeling as it pooled in my now tightened gut.
I noticed she held a cloak between her hands - made of lambswool and trimmed in silver fur - I focused on the cloak; clearing my throat and willing my mind to focus before meeting her eyes once more. Sweet Andraste. As if I were my younger self at Kinloch Hold seeing her for the first time again, I sat enraptured by her beauty.
After a moment, I remembered she'd spoken to me, that Elizabeth was still there and I hadn't said anything. I stood, nearly tripping on my desk as I made to step closer to Meira, saving my pride by placing a hand on the top of it.

"No-not at all," I stammered, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat. "Was there something you needed?"

"I was hoping we could talk," she glanced at Elizabeth before meeting my eyes again. Her eyes and voice were cold. "Alone."

Elizabeth looked between us. I kept my eyes on Meira, heat rising in my face. Alone. "Alone?" my voice cracked again. "I-I mean of course." I looked to Elizabeth, "If you'd excuse us."

The woman nodded and headed out the tent. She paused to look at Meira, but Meira's face was cold as stone. I'd never seen it so devoid of warmth - not even when she was Tranquil; it was unnerving. Elizabeth cleared her throat and ducked out the tent opening.
Meira and I stood there for a moment, neither of us sure of what to say. In the silence, I swore my heart could be heard as it began pounding nervously in my chest.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" she finally asked, her voice still cold. She was twisting her fingers beneath the cloak.

"I would." I nodded as I moved to hold the tent flap open for her. I flinched internally as she stepped away from me, ensuring we did not touch accidentally. She ducked out, swinging the cloak around her shoulders and clasping it in place. The clasp was gold and fashioned to look like the Inquisition's symbol. I offered my arm, but she didn't take it. I swallowed. Maker, Rutherford, you've really done it now.

We made our way to the lake and walked slowly along its curve. The last time we'd walked by the lake, she'd still been Tranquil and I'd been desperate for a miracle from the Maker to undo what I had done.
So much had happened since then. Now she stood beside me, whole and beautiful. But something was wrong. Was it anger? Disappointment? Worry? She'd wanted to talk, but still she said nothing.
The evening was lovely - the moon bright, the cold not bitter and no wind cutting down to the bone. We passed by yet another torch, marking an half mile we had walked in silence. I was beginning to panic. My stomach tying in knots; nausea rolling in my gut that had nothing to do with the thirst for lyrium. If this silence doesn't end soon, I'll go mad. Why has she not said anything? Maybe...maybe she wants me to speak first?

I made the mistake of looking at her, completely stunning in the light of the moons. Her hair looked like spun moonlight, her face positively glowing, her eyes luminous. The fur of her cloak made her look regal. Heat prickled in my neck and I tried to rub it out with a hand. "It's a nice night for an evening," I blurted out. What? Sweet Maker!

"What?" she stopped mid-step and faced me. Utter confusion on her face, breaking the cold mask.

I dragged the hand down from my neck, forcing it to my side. "It's...there was something you wished to discuss?" I met her eyes. Andraste, preserve me.

"Certainly not the weather," she scolded, her voice and eyes cooling once more.

"I assumed that much," I replied. I met her eyes, expectant. Tear my heart out if you must, Meira. I deserve no less.

"Before I...," she began, "I need to ask you a few questions and I need you to be honest with me." She met my eyes. "I mean, I know you will be honest, but...I don't want you to...soften your answers for me."

I quirked a brow. "Alright."

"Did you sleep with Elizabeth Trevelyan?" As she asked the question, the fierceness in her eyes wavered. My insides hollowed out as my knees felt weak. She thinks I did. No - she worries I did. She doesn't want to believe it. But it matters to her and that means...

"Meira," I breathed. Maker. My heart was beating so wildly, I thought it would come out of my chest. I asked, "Why do you think I did?" I knew, but I wanted her to tell me.

Her eyes were nearly silver in the dim light. "Please, do not be angry with her, but Minaeve told me she witnessed you and Elizabeth looking...intimate together. She told me because she was...worried for me."

"She is a good friend to you," I smiled, but it quickly fell as Meira remained guarded. Maker, hear my cry. "Forgive me, I...did not even think about how it would appear. Elizabeth came to me in confidence; we started talking about...you, among other things. She and I came to an understanding and parted as friends - nothing more."

Meira opened her mouth to speak. Closed it, swallowed hard and met my eyes before she spoke again. "I would...understand if you did. Want to be with her, I mean."

"Why is that?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"She's...not a mage," she murmured as she looked away.

Have I really made her feel as if that would be an issue? "I am not bound by the Order any longer, Meira."

Her eyes found mine again, her brows furrowing. "I know, but you've seen the worst mages have to offer. After what you've been through...could you - how could you not see that in me?"

"I don't," I assured. "I have seen the worst, yes, but I have seen the best mages have to offer as well. Not just in you, but in all the mages that have joined the Inquisition. Even before that, in Kirkwall - those who stood against blood magic, who tried to curb the fighting; in Kinloch Hold - those who protected the vulnerable, who stood against Uldred, who fought. If I have given you reason to doubt...," Of course I have. Between what she witnessed happening at the hands of the demon, my wanting to go after the templars, reading Varric's book, and everything I have told her - and not told her - why wouldn't she doubt? Not only that I could care for her beyond friendship, but that her being a mage was what could be holding me back? "Of course I have," I murmured and rubbed the back of my neck. She looked away from me, but said nothing.

I thought back to that night in the rectory when I had helped her clean. As I had studied her while she scrubbed the stones, Meira had looked so guarded, but wanted me to talk to her, to stay. Her eyes had gone wide as I begged her not to see me - or herself - as a monster. As I confessed that I believed magic to be a blessing from the Maker.
We're at that moment once more and she's wanting to know if I still believe its a blessing, that she isn't a monster. That I am not a monster. I thought of the child that had been so frightened earlier - it had been as if I were talking to myself, reminding myself of the beliefs I once held.
Could I believe that again? Do I? I looked into Meira's eyes, thought of her using her magic around me as we sparred or she healed others, I had not felt that dread, cold sweat or nausea as I once had. I'd even let her use her magic on me as she healed my wound up on the mountaintop. I thought of when she'd confessed that she'd given into possession, her face filled with such regret and I had not been afraid. Can I let go of the past?

I spoke my next words softly and with full sincerity, "Whatever I fear of magic, I see none of that in you."

Her eyes found mine again. "How?" she pleaded. "Is that not...twisted in some way?"

I want you to be honest with me. I took a deep breath. She still didn't know everything and I prayed to the Maker she never would, but I would be as honest as I could. "I was...scarred by magic, both literally and figuratively, Meira. I will forever hold a reverent fear of it because of that. Does that mean that I may never trust you? Care for you? I hope you do not think so little of me as that," I voiced. "What if I was...infected with the Blight? You knew it could claim my life at any moment, could twist me into a monster - would you not fear it? Would the possibility keep you from caring for me?" I asked.

She thought a moment. "Well, no," she admitted. "But that's not the same. Magic is not an infection, I was born with it."

"It may not be exactly the same, but you must see the parallel?" I quirked a brow. "I could have very easily been infected with the taint as a templar during the Blight - if you remember, some of the templars and mages had to go to Denerim to assist the Warden. I volunteered, I fought darkspawn. If I had been infected, it would've been a price I had to pay for doing my duty - not born with it, but still a burden placed on me. A price I did not ask for, would have no control over the effects and would know that one day it could - it would - claim my life?" Too close to the truth. I felt the thirst lick its way up my throat, but I swallowed it down.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied my face. "What are you saying?"

"How is that not any different than the possibility of possession for mages?" I asked, deflecting her question. "Your magic is a gift - a blessing - but a gift that comes with a price. You did not ask for it, you do not have control over the demons that may plague you and one day you could fall victim to possession. It's not a guarantee; you are not without control over your own will and it may never happen...but it could. Does acknowledging that fact render me unable to care for you? To have feelings for you?"

"So if I were possessed by a demon, would you...?" Her eyes pierced me.

No, Meira, please. "Please, don't ask me this," I pleaded, closing my eyes to block out the image of the demon putting on Meira's face. To block out the images of Meira being possessed and I being forced to kill her. Of Meira as an abomination eviscerating me because I refused to kill her.
I heard the sobs then - my sobs - felt that magical cage around me as I felt my mind fraying, losing my grip on what was true and what was the demons' illusions. My terrified voice begging for death. You made it out. You're free, you lead the Inquisition's forces; you're with Meira, who's whole and safe. You are safe.
 The thirst turned to hunger that seized my insides and my hands shook with want for lyrium. I placed my hands on my sword pommel. It was becoming harder and harder to keep the darker memories at bay. Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder.

"I think I know the answer," her eyes turned cold once more.

No, Meira, you don't. I couldn't - I can't. "I don't think you do," I argued, my voice shaky. "It's not that simple and I...," I let out a breath. "I would rather not think of it."

"I understand that you don't want to think about it, but, Cullen," she argued. She looks so like her sister right now - so fierce and commanding. "I need to know."

I searched her face. "I would do everything in my power to not let you succumb to that fate." I straightened my back and clenched my jaw. "But I trust you would do everything in your power to never let that fate come to pass."

A ghost of a smile. "I would." Her eyes bored into mine. "And I hope you can find that trust with all mages - except those that prove themselves malicious - not just me."

Well played, Meira. An elegant trap if I ever saw one. Despite myself, I smirked. "I am trying, Meira." My smirk fell and I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked away from her. "You know what happened at the tower. I was...not myself after that. I was angry. For years that anger blinded me." I scowled before turning back to her. "I'm not proud of the man that made me. Now, I hope I can put some distance between me and everything that's happened." I looked back out across the lake. "It's a start, but it's going to take time for the...fear to abate completely."

"For what it's worth, I lo - like who you are now." I whipped my head back to Meira. Color began to bloom in her cheeks as her face softened.

"Even after...everything?" I asked, hardly believing she could.

She looked away before meeting my eyes again. "Cullen, what I really wanted to say is -," she began, her voice nervous. "I-I find myself thinking of you...," My heart stuttered. She paused and opened her mouth to try again, "I care for you, and...," she let out a defeated sigh. Is this really happening?

"What's wrong?" I asked, my heart hammering against my chest.

She looked at me, her cheeks flushed. "Could you think of me - could you care for me as...What am I to you, Cullen?"

I could've sworn my heart stopped. Did...did she really just ask me that? Her eyes were earnest, but her face and the rigidity of her back told me she...still feared the answer. What have you done, you complete and total fool, Rutherford? You should've tossed Trevelyan out into the cold the moment you'd said your piece.

I swallowed hard, my mouth going dry. "I swear to the Maker that I did not sleep with Elizabeth." Her eyes closed as she let out a breath, her lovely lips parting as she did so. Maker, do I want to kiss her. Instead of a kiss, I offered an apology. "Forgive me, if I caused you to worry, but Meira," I murmured, waiting for her to look at me. My heart stuttered and my gut felt like it was in my throat when she opened her eyes. "I-I have never...that is, Maker's breath -" I stammered, my face burning. Tell her. "I have never been with anyone...that way."

She blinked a few times, surprise coloring her face. She hesitated a moment before asking, "You've...never?" I shook my head, my heart thundering in my chest. I'm going to die before I can tell her. "May I ask why?"

I swallowed. Because you're the only one I want to be with. Because I've loved you since the first time I spoke to you. Instead I asked, "Why did you never accept offers of intimacy in the tower?" I shifted on my feet, heat rising in my face. "The mages of Kinloch were not exactly...chaste."

She withdrew a little at my question. Maker, Rutherford. Meira hesitated a moment and then met my eyes again. "While they may not have been, I believe that sex should be more than recreational and saved for the person you love." She looked away, color blooming in her face. "Maybe even for the person you marry."

Maker, I love her. She is my match in every way. "I feel the same, Meira. That is why I have never been with anyone else." I had to swallow. I was going to say because I love you, but I lost my nerve. Instead I said, "And I do...think of you, I mean. And what I might say..." Spit it out, man.

"What's stopping you?" she cocked her head, her eyes brightening.

"You," I dropped my gaze, "You haven't always seen me in the best light." I looked up. "You ask if I can trust you - care for you - because you're a mage, but can you trust me? I've hurt you, Meira. Brought you to harm through my mistakes. Made you doubt me because of my...history with mages. Made you think I could have been with another when you were right there." I found her eyes again, but they were sad.

"I do trust you, Cullen," she assured, my heart quaking. "But I understand if...you can only think of me as a friend. After all we've been through...after - because of how damaged I am." she murmured, her voice breaking as she looked away.

Oh, Meira. My heart ached at those words. Brought you to harm from my mistakes - Maker, Rutherford. I took her hands in mine, before pulling her to my chest. I wrapped her in my arms, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Meira," I commanded as I leaned away from her. Her eyes met mine and I took her face in my hands. "'What the Maker has created, no one can tear asunder'. I...have been damaged too, but...the Maker has a purpose for our pain." Her eyes widened at my words. "Meira, you... you are...," Beautiful. So beautiful. "I - I..." I love you. I began to lean towards her.

"Yes?" her eyes searched mine expectantly.

"I-I would very much like to...kiss you," I whispered. "May I?"

She hesitated a moment and then looked up at me through her lashes. "I would very much like for you to kiss me."

"Oh? Good," I murmured, a smirk pulling my mouth as my heart pounded in my throat.

Her lips were even lovelier than I could've dreamt. Unsure, but, Maker, so soft. Slowly, gently, taking my time to memorize the exact shape and feel of her mouth against mine, I kissed her soundly.
Hesitantly, her hands trailed up my chest, along my neck and into my hair. Her touch leaving heat in its wake. Gently, I pressed her against me, splaying my hands across the graceful curve of her back.
I couldn't discern how long we stayed like that - a moment and an eternity in one until we finally broke apart, gasping for air. Not long enough.
 We both had smiles plastered on our faces. I reached out to curve an errant curl over her ear, as I did she took my wrist in her hands, leaning her cheek into my palm. I stared at her; my heart full of warmth, happiness and love for her, as I caressed her cheek with my thumb.

"So that's what I've been waiting nearly twelve years for?" she asked aloud as her eyes opened, her lips twitching.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, worried it had been a disappointment. "That was...um...really nice." Nice? Sweet blood of Andraste, man!

"I believe that was a kiss," she smirked, looking at me through her lashes. "But I...can't be sure...it's all a blur."

I threw my head back and laughed, loud and boisterous. Harder than I had in years. "Yes, well..." I trailed off as I leaned in to kiss her again.

We worked our way back to my tent, both of us too content to speak, stopping now and again to share another gentle kiss as long as there was no one around.
Once inside, she removed her cloak and I removed my mantle. I looked at Meira. I could hardly believe we'd finally made it here. We'd kissed.
She looked so beautiful in the candlelight, the soft smile on her face, bloom of color in her cheeks, sparkle of happiness in her eyes - that I seemed to have something to do with. She met my eyes and my stomach flipped while my heart restarted.

I closed the gap between us, taking her in my arms. "I am sorry again, that I made you worry."

Her eyes found mine, "I accept your apology, Cullen, on one condition." I could see she was fighting a smile.

"What might that be?" I asked, quirking a brow as I smirked at her.

"No more females in your tent in the late hours," she began, her eyes sparkling with mischief, "Unless its me."

Heat seared through me, causing the skin on my neck to prickle. I rubbed a hand over it, "Maker's breath." I listened to her laugh, her smile broad and carefree - the first I had seen it like that since she'd been freed of the Rite. I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her to me, tipping her chin with my fingers. Her laughing stopped as she went wide-eyed. "And what, pray tell, would you suggest we do in the late hours of the night?"

She fought another smile before reaching for something on the desk. "Would this suffice?" Confused, she succeeded in breaking my focus to get me to look at the box. I released her so she could open it for me to peruse the contents. "I may have conscripted Cassandra to sneak it in here while we were gone."

It wasn't a box, but a container for a chessboard made to be compact and taken on travels. Gingerly, I took it from her and turned to set it on the desk. It was of fine craftsmanship; the pieces made of ebony and bone nestled within velvet.
The board was composed of marble and mahogany; the hinges, lock and key were made of smooth metal. I hardly knew what to say as I looked at her gift - I had never owned anything so fine.
Meira took my arm in her hands as she leaned her head against my shoulder. I looked down at her. She wasn't looking at me, her lashes grazing her cheekbones, a soft smile on her lips and blush on her cheeks.

"Happy Birthday, Cullen," she murmured.

I was stunned. She remembered? "Meira," I murmured.

"I know it's late and you don't like celebrating it, but...I thought this one might be...worth celebrating?" She glanced up at me from beneath her lashes, then straightened. "Oh!" she leaned across the desk to drag a couple items to her. "A few more presents," she beamed.

She handed me a book, an overview of Fereldan history - including the history of mabari - wrapped in a supple leather cover and stamped with a gold-leafed mabari. Then she handed me a large roll of parchment. I laid it upon the desk and unrolled it after she had lifted the chess set out of the way.
It was a recent map of Ferelden; beautifully illustrated and cataloged by someone who seemed to have actually been to Ferelden. My eyes found the spot where Kinloch Hold would be first, but traveled down to Honnleath.
I will take her there, I want her to see it. Then I looked to South Reach. Mia, Branson, Rosalie - I want her to meet them; want them to meet her. My eyes began to fog over as I allowed myself to think of the future. Did I really have a chance at one? With her? Was this really happening?

"Cullen?" she murmured, her voice questioning.

I turned, probably too fast, but I crashed my lips against hers. I put my hands on her waist and gently placed her between me and the desk as I crushed her against me. My hands traveled down her waist, past her hips where I lifted her and sat her on the desk.
I took her face in my hands, turning it so I could slant my mouth over hers for better purchase. Her hands worked their way into my hair, her nails scraping my scalp as they settled at the base of my neck. I moaned at the sensation. I couldn't help it, but I felt her stiffen.

I pulled away, knowing I'd done something wrong. Be gentle and take it slow. I'd pushed too hard, too fast. I caressed her cheeks with my thumbs, "I'm sorry. What's wrong?" She had her eyes shut tight and her breathing was ragged as she went a little pale. I could feel her mana slipping out of her control and she wrenching it back. "Meira! Please, tell me what's wrong!" Maker, Rutherford. You finally get somewhere and then you had to ruin it.

"I'll be alright," she murmured. "Just...just give me a moment." She still wrestled for control, but she was winning.

"Maker," I swore adamantly and dropped my hands to her shoulders. "I've...I've already messed this up, haven't I?"

My swear seemed to shake her out of her spell, her mana quieting once more. "No!" she assured, taking my face in her hands. Maker, she's so beautiful. "It's not you," she murmured, her eyes still not meeting mine. "That was...that was wonderful. I just...," she took a deep breath and met my eyes. "Is it alright if we take things slow?"

I blinked. Did she think I was wanting to...? Heat burned in my face. I suppose I did come across a little...starved. I took her hands in mine and stood her from the desk. I wrapped one arm around her waist, but intwined the fingers of my free hand with hers. I put my cheek on the top of her head. Floral and citrus. "Meira, we will go at whatever pace you decide."

She put a hand on my face as she leaned back, "Thank you." She smiled at me before lacing her fingers on my neck to pull me in for a gentle kiss. "How about we break in your new present?" she asked, a brow quirked as she held up the chessboard I hadn't seen her grab.

I smiled broadly. "I'll prepare the board."

Can I just say finally?!

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