A/N: Back to Meira's POV

"Cullen, are you...letting me win on purpose?" I quirked a brow at him.

Andraste, preserve me. He was so handsome. His eyes were bright, his face soft and warm. He was...happy. As if he couldn't believe this was really happening, that he made me happy.
Every time he looked at me it was as if he couldn't get enough. His gaze was hungry, but in a way that said he'd be content to just stare at me forever. It made butterflies flit in my stomach and my cheeks warm - just as I was doing now as he looked at me again.
His eyes sparkling with mirth, his fingers steepled in front of his mouth to hide the smirk pulling his lips as he leaned his elbows on the table. His lips - Maker, I could kiss them forever.
He'd been so gentle, so tender during our first kiss. Despite what came, when he'd kissed me with abandon after I gave him his presents, my knees had nearly buckled in incredulity at his eagerness. Then he'd moaned...and I felt as if I were back in the cell, not in Cullen's tent - in his arms.
He'd been so worried - worried he'd hurt me - as I wrestled with control. I shoved the thought away. He promised I would set the pace, so I'd enjoy the gentle, tender side of his passion for as long as necessary.

"Of course not!" he lied, his smirk growing.

"Liar." I narrowed my eyes at him as I chuckled.

"Honestly!" he denied as he leaned back in his chair, his posture relaxed and smug as he smirked like a cat. His knees were spread, his arms resting on his chair and his eyes burning me as they found my lips. As we'd played chess and talked over the past few hours, he'd shift from bashful and nervous to utterly virile within moments of each other. It made my head spin and my heart stutter in my chest every time it happened. "You're better than I expected...it took me by surprise."

"You're a terrible liar," I stated, my voice husky, which only made him more smug. He's doing this on purpose.

"That may be true," he chortled, but didn't look away from me. "Have I told you yet how much I...appreciate your...attire?"

"Several times in fact," I smirked.

"Well, I do...appreciate it...very much," he cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. "You said Solana made them?"

"It's part of why it took me so long to come to you," I blushed. "She had a few outfits already made for me to wear as Talitha before we left Val Royeaux, but she was putting the final touches on these." I waved a hand over myself. Then I met his eyes, flashing an impish grin, "She wanted me to quote 'make you quake in your boots'."

He barked a laugh. "She...may have succeeded." I blushed deeply at that. "Truly, you...you look...beautiful. It-the clothing suits you."

"Thank you," I murmured as I looked away from him. A thought crossed my mind, "I hope I didn't hurt Elizabeth's feelings too much. I...may have been angry to find her in your tent again."

It was his turn to blush as his smile faltered. I cursed myself internally. "Forgive me," he offered as he leaned forward and took my hand that had been resting on the table.

"You don't need to apologize," I offered as I intwined my fingers through his. "It was untoward. I was already worried and to see her with you again made me worry more. I took it out on her when I should not have. I'll need to apologize to her later."

"I'm certain she understood," he assured. "About the Trevelyans - you told me in your last letter that you would think on roles suitable for them. Did you come to any conclusions?" He resumed the game, moving a piece.

"I would say Elizabeth needs to work for Leliana - she is after all a Seeker. She would be used to dealing with mysteries, information; dealing with people and subterfuge. Perhaps she could stay among the main camp and weed out spies within the ranks? There are sure to be some as the Inquisition grows," I mused as I shifted a piece, claiming one he'd left undefended - on purpose no doubt.

"I believe that would be suitable to her," Cullen agreed. "I will speak with Cassandra and Leliana to get their thoughts on the idea." He moved another piece into place for easy taking.

"As for Henry, since he's a templar," I thought for a moment. "What would you suggest? He's helped you train the recruits here, upon acquiring the aid of the mages we'll have more need of templars, yes? Maybe we should wait to see if he wishes to assist his brethren?" I took the piece he offered.

"That sounds fair," he stated upon contemplation. "I have been considering putting together small teams of mixed groups to see to certain tasks and requests. A templar would be a good asset to have for such a thing." He opened a path to take his queen.

"Because of his military skills or his templar abilities?" I asked. I offered my own queen, placing her in a vulnerable position.

"Both," he chuckled as he watched me purposely put my queen in the middle of his own pieces. He could take her nearly five different ways, any of which would happen if he made a move. In amazement, I watched as he skillfully maneuvered his selected piece so he couldn't take my queen. He smirked at me, a brow quirking in challenge.

I shifted my queen again, leaving both her and my king vulnerable. "How do we go about this now?" I asked. He shifted his king so it was now in check from nearly all of my pieces. "This is becoming insulting, Cullen." I growled at him.

He chuckled. "Forgive me, I've enjoyed watching your various expressions of irritation and determination. You knit your brows and bite your lip in concentration as you try to outdo me in executing poor moves." I let out a snort. "To what are you referring to?" he asked.

I met his eyes, a blush creeping into my cheeks. "To...us. How do we go about our...relationship now? Talitha is a stranger to you, new to the Inquisition and a recruit under your command."

He smirked, "Are you going to take my king or not?"

"No," I hissed. "I want to earn it. Now, answer my question."

"Very well," he sighed and took my king via a maneuver I had not predicted. He looked up to me his face smug once more. "As to...us," his smugness grew before his face fell a little. "For now, we will have to carry on surreptitiously. In honor of my title, the men under me and you, I...I would ask that we keep our...interactions to a minimum unless you are the Herald. At least until the battalion is established and we can bring our relationship out in the open. I still would prefer even then that our private affairs remain so."

Disappointment and understanding settled equally in my chest. "I understand."

Cullen squeezed my hand. "That's not to say that we can't be...affectionate when we meet privately, but I do not believe it to be respectable for the Commander to have an illicit affair that is known about with one of his recruits. It looks as if I am taking advantage of you by trading sex for more favorable duties, positions, posts, etc. Especially when Talitha is named head of the mage battalion. I will not be seen as that kind of man, nor would I want Talitha to be seen as wanton for your sake. It will seem as if your title was unearned and undeserved."

"What about now? Everything that's happened in the last few hours?" I asked.

He flashed a smirk. "I...may have ensured that there were no patrols within Haven this evening - instead all outer perimeter patrols to sure up defenses as it was past time to check our line. Rylen may have offered to take all my tasks on after the evening meal." His face fell again. "Unfortunately, I cannot do that beyond this evening. I will not shuffle my men around like pawns to suit my whims." He caressed the skin on the inside of my wrist with his thumb before he pulled it up to his mouth to plant a gentle kiss there. "No matter how much I may want to." He smirked as he met my eyes, "I nearly assigned the runner that interrupted us in the Chantry to latrine duty for a month."

My brows shot up, "What? Really?"

He nodded and gave a bashful smile. "I refused to be that petty. Besides, you were the Herald and he didn't know how desperate I was to kiss you."

I blushed and began playing with his fingers. "H-How long have you been wanting to do that?"

He let out a breathy laugh. "Far longer than I should admit." He met my eyes. "What did you say...nearly twelve years? Would you reprimand me if I admitted that I wanted to kiss you that evening in the library? Then again in the refectory? Then again in the hall after your Harrowing? Plus numerous other times in between?" His eyes gleamed with mischief.

"If I recall correctly, a certain Ser Cullen literally ran away from me after I gave him a chaste peck on the cheek in the hallway," I tapped my chin.

He put a hand over his face. "Oh, Maker's breath. Please, don't remind me of that unfortunate incident."

"I thought it was adorable," I snickered. "Between the stammering, the blushing, the fidgeting and then literally running from me, how could I not have been smitten by you?"

He snorted a laugh from under his hand. "I fear I may not have made much progress since then."

I squeezed his fingers. "You at least kissed me." I shrugged as his eyes found mine. "It may have taken twelve years, but I daresay that's progress."

He laughed heartily. It warmed my heart to hear him laugh so and to see his broad smile. Still not the broad smile he'd had at the tower, but far closer than anything I had yet witnessed since we'd been thrown back into each other's lives. I watched as he laughed, his whole body shaking with it.
My eyes travelled from his face, down his neck, to his broad shoulders, to the plane of his chest. I noticed that his doublet and tunic hung away from him a little; the fabric not as tight as it had been when we'd travelled back to Haven from the farmland. His face was a little more lean, his stubble thicker and less kept. He looked exhausted, despite his happiness and he had a sheen of sweat on his face.
I noticed, too, that his hand was cold as I held it. I hadn't thought of it, given Haven's temperature, but his tent was cozy with the lit brazier and candles. "Cullen?"

He looked at me, a smile still on his face. It fell as he studied my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Are you alright?" I asked. "You look...unwell."

"As you know, I haven't been sleeping well," he replied, his gaze becoming forced. "With Haven's growth, the requests being made of the Inquisition and getting things prepared to go after aid, I'm afraid I haven't been looking after myself as well as I should. There's no need for you to worry."

"I'm never worried," I shrugged. Whatever it is, he's not ready to talk about it. I'll accept his answer, for now.

"I almost believed you." He smirked, pulling that handsome scar and I couldn't help, but look at his lips.

Heat pooled in my stomach as I thought of them pressed against mine, my cheeks warming before I met his eyes. He was practically gloating as he watched me, his smile becoming catlike once more. Sweet Andraste...I love his bashful side, but this...this could ruin me.
 After a moment of just staring at each other, he moved the little table he'd set the chessboard upon from between us; my heart racing as he kept his eyes on me while he did. I was paralyzed by his gaze, burnished bronze in the soft light, that feline smile still on his face. He gripped the arms of my chair and leaned towards me, but didn't kiss me.
He's letting me choose. He hadn't kissed me on the lips since I'd asked to take things slow. He'd wanted to, but he wanted to let me lead.
I met his lips, feeling as he chuckled before he kissed me soundly. If this is what intimacy is supposed to be like...how did people ever do anything else? He was gentle, but passionate. Slow, but eager.
He communicated without saying anything, asking if I enjoyed this or that. If he could tell I didn't, he stopped. He let me lead, even if he was in control. To know I was safe, that I could say no and stop whenever I wanted; to know that he wanted me to enjoy it as much as he did after years of having someone take what they wanted, how they wanted the difference was... restorative. I could hardly believe that he wanted me. Had feelings for me.

"Why?" I whispered, the word slipping out as he broke away.

"Why what?" he murmured as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"Why me?" I breathed.

He leaned back a little, resting on a knee, his arms on either side of me. His eyes studied my face, his own soft. "I could ask you the same."

"Moves and countermoves," I murmured. "My Commander, through and through."

He breathed a laugh, curling my hair over my ear. The pad of his forefinger traced the pinna to the tip. The sensation was ticklish and titillating, causing me to inhale sharply. "You were...the first elf I had ever seen. I'll admit I was...a bit enraptured by your ethereal features. Your ears most of all." He studied them with open adoration before he chuckled. "I often thought of the care the Maker took with the elves as he created them. Such graceful and delicate creatures compared to the dullness of humans. The Maker certainly enjoys wondrous variety when you look at the differences between humans, elves, dwarves, qunari and all of the wild creation."

I chuckled. "I never thought you were dull."

"One of the few, I'm afraid," he gave me a playful chuck under the chin, before blushing as he met my eyes. "Y-Your...beauty infatuated me, but as I came to know you, to know your character, how you saw the world, your faith...I-I," he swallowed hard, "Y-you, Maker's breath." His face shifted to a scowl as he cursed himself.

I chuckled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Did I put you on the spot, Commander?"

He scowled, "I do not need help being flustered around you."

"That makes two of us, I believe." I smiled.

He returned the smile before leaning in to kiss me again.

"Commander," Rylen's voice called from outside the tent just before our lips met. We'd closed the flap before setting up the chess game to keep out intruders, but it seemed our time was up. Something must have happened for Rylen to interrupt us. "Forgive the interruption, ser, an urgent message."

"Give us a moment," Cullen replied sternly, his eyes not leaving mine.

"Yes, Ser," Rylen replied before he chuckled. "I better not hear any moaning, though on second thought..."

"Shut it, Rylen," Cullen snarled.

"Oh? Did I interrupt before you got to that part?" Rylen egged him on. "No wonder you're -"

Cullen charged the tent opening, jerking the flap free of its ties before he yanked Rylen inside the tent, pulling him close to his now scarlet face. "I said shut it, Rylen!"

Rylen gave me a wicked grin - completely unfazed by Cullen's fury, "My lady."

"Rylen," I nodded as I rested my chin on my hand, unable to help returning his grin.

"Is this gentleman bothering you?" Rylen quirked a brow.

"As a matter of fact -"

"-Maker's breath," Cullen groaned. "Could you not encourage him? He hardly needs the help." Rylen and I shared a conspiratorial smile. "You're going to encourage him, aren't you?"

"Without a doubt," I grinned, innocently. Cullen sighed, though I could tell he was fighting a smile. He released Rylen and apologized.

"There's no need to apologize," Rylen shrugged. "I'd be furious too if someone co-"

"-Rylen," Cullen clenched his jaw. "The message. Now."

Rylen smirked and winked at me. "The Lavellan clan is within hours of Haven. They sent a runner ahead. The Keeper wishes to speak with the Herald and," his eyes landed on me, "Talitha before they enter the village." His face turned serious. "Sister Nightingale believes it would be best that this meeting occur now, while we still have the cover of night to get them both out of the village. She's seen to opening a route to sneak them through so no troops stumble upon them."

Cullen looked to me. I did my utmost to keep my face neutral even as my bowels twisted into knots. My family. Here. And I would be seeing them. "Can you give us a moment, Rylen?"

"Of course," he inclined his head before stepping outside.

"I believe you would prefer I not be there for this initial meeting?" he asked. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Cullen walked to me and kneeled on one knee in front of me once more. He took my face in his hands, his touch gentle. "What can I do?"

I put a hand over his, leaning into his palm. "Kiss me and tell me it will be alright. In a way that I know you're lying, but you're doing your best to encourage me."

He gave me the ghost of a smile before kissing me tenderly. "It will be alright." He took me in his arms, stroking my back. "I am here. If there is anything you require of me, you need only ask."

"I just need to know you're here," I murmured into his shoulder. "That is enough."

"Always," he breathed.

I turned to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek before breaking us apart. "It's time."

He nodded, stood and offered me a hand. I noticed a slight shake in his fingers before I took it. It felt even colder. He held my hand until we were at the tent opening. Rylen offered Cullen a salute. "I want you to escort them, Rylen," Cullen ordered as he returned Rylen's salute. "I will resume my duties."

He turned back to me, his smile gone, the face of the Commander returning. "Maker, be with you."

I smiled, touched his face for a moment before ducking out of the tent as I swung my cloak onto my shoulders. I turned to Rylen. "Captain."

"My lady," he saluted, his blue eyes finding mine. He waved for me to follow him. As we headed towards Haven's gates, his lips dipped in a frown, pulling his tattoos and the deep scar over his left cheek. "Forgive me for earlier. I knew there'd be no other way to speed him up. Time is of the essence, I fear."

"I understand, Rylen," I offered as we passed the gates into the village. "I do ask that you ease your teasing a bit. He cares for you - admires you - but he's...a dignified man. He enjoys the teasing to an extent, in the right context, but..."

"I know, lass," he smirked. "Now that he has you, I'll go easier on him. For the life of me, I tried everything I could think of to light a fire under his a-"

"Rylen," I scolded.

"Sorry," he blushed. "You really are his match, aren't you?"

"If the Maker wills it," I sighed.

"He's mad about you, lass," he murmured. "You should have seen him when he thought he might have ruined things. Never seen the man so out of sorts."

My heart warmed at that. "It wasn't my intention to make him so worried."

Rylen chuckled, "I think it's what he needed, lass. He'd been pussyfootin' around long enough."

We'd reached Ellana's cabin. I turned to Rylen before heading inside. "Thank you for tonight, Rylen. It was...truly a gift."

He barked a laugh. "No, no lass, the gift was mine. Watching Cassandra try to sneak around was truly the highlight of my day. That woman couldn't sneak to save her life."

I laughed. "I can only imagine."

Rylen turned serious once more, offering a salute to me. "Cullen is a good man, lass. I will do my utmost to protect you in his stead."

"I-thank you, Captain."

"My lady," he inclined his head before turning his back to me.

I gave a light knock before entering the cabin. I found Ellana being fitted into the newly commissioned armor for the Herald that Leliana, Cullen and Josephine had all designed together. Two sets had been made - one for me and one for Ellana, specifically for when we went to our meetings with the mages and templars.
She had a bear hide bodysuit on that strapped around the arch of her bare feet and hooked around her middle fingers. The legs of the body armor had etching to mimic the appearance of cuisses, poleyns and greaves. Solana laced a tunic of chainmail over Ellana's chest that I could see wards engraved in as it fell into a fauld shaped like a staggered "v" between her legs to her thighs. The lay of the chainmail was adjusted before Ellana was buckled into a metal cuirass of polished bronze that was shaped to mimic her body.
Over that, she pulled a sleeveless vest crafted of bear hide as well, that curved at her rib cage and clasped over her breasts. Then she slid Ellana's arms into a thick, cotton coat that ended at a clasp over her breasts in the front, but fell into a pointed flap down her back, the point ending at her knees. The coat had the Inquisition's symbol stitched with gold thread on the back, the sword extending a ways down the flap.
The hide bodysuit and vest had high collars, coming nearly to Ellana's jaw. Solana wove a wide piece of lambswool around Ellana's waist, before sliding a leather baldric over her head to sling across her chest. Solana tightened the straps over Ellana's shoulder and over her ribcage to make sure the baldric was tight to her body to hold a staff.
Next, plated pauldrons of the same polished bronze were buckled over Ellana's shoulders, the plate falling to her elbows. Ellana held her arms out as Solana placed hide gloves on her outstretched hands before sliding smooth bronze gauntlets overtop and buckling them in place with smooth vambraces that stretched from her wrists to the tops of her forearms.
Lastly, Solana buckled another leather belt across Ellana's hips, pulling the tail of the coat to her waist as she did. She looped a strap around the belt to attach a dagger to her side. Solana made a few adjustments, looked Ellana over and nodded.

"Finished. What do you think?" Solana's brow quirked.

Ellana stretched and moved around the room. "Sturdy, warm, flexible, but..."

"Yes?" Solana inquired.

"How do I pee?" Ellana's lips twitched as she asked the question.

Solana and I laughed. "I doubt you'll be worrying about that if you're in the middle of a fight," Solana mused.

"I won't be fighting anyone within the clan," Ellana scoffed before her eyes flicked to me. "Well, maybe Da if he thinks I let a shem take advantage of my sister." Her smile was warm despite her words. "Did you and your beau make up at last? Get anywhere?" Solana made a face as if she were vomiting in response to Ellana's question, but I couldn't help the broad smile that spread across my lips. Solana began undressing me. "I will take that smile as a yes," Ellana chuckled.

Talitha's armor was lain out on Ellana's bed. I noticed that more painting decorated Ellana's walls: halla, trees, symbols of the pantheon and what I assumed was the clan. "We...kissed. After talking things through."

"Did you ask him about you being a mage?" Solana quirked a brow as she helped me dress in my armor.

"Yes, Solana," I sighed.

"And?" she voiced as she stood behind me.

"I can assure you, Cullen has come a long way from the boy in the tower and the man in Kirkwall." I met her coffee eyes as she came to my front. "Can you trust me? Even if you can't trust him?"

She paused her work and studied my face. "Yes. As I said, my worry is for you. I'm sure Ellana can agree - we only wish the best for you."

"Yes, my sister," Ellana agreed fiercely. "I only want your happiness and to keep you from harm."

I looked between them. "I am happy. He brings me happiness."

Ellana smiled broadly. "Then I am happy for you, my sister."

"I will try to be happy for you," Solana sighed. "Even if I still think you're mad." She smirked after a thought flitted across her face. "I will say though, what did the man do in the past few years? He has no right being that attractive."

I laughed heartily. "He's got to be something then if even Solana can acknowledge his handsomeness."

"I say he's downright alluring and I'm not even into shems," Ellana admitted. "If only he could keep that pretty mouth shut..." she flashed me a wolfish grin.

"I'd guess your sister prefers his mouth open," Solana wiggled her brows, suggestively.

"Blessed Andraste," I flushed. "Can we stop talking about Cullen's mouth?"

"Oh, come on," Solana huffed. "You've got to give us a little hint? How was it?"

I blushed deeply. "It was...wonderful."

"Randy Dowager you are not," Solana sighed heavily.

"Solana!" I hissed as my face pounded in embarrassment.

"What?" she blinked. "A girl can daydream, can't she? I may not like templars, but I can only guess at the pent up need for -"

"Solana, please!" I begged.

Solana and Ellana began laughing hysterically. "We're sorry, we just wanted to see how...far you two might have gone," Ellana grinned, sheepishly. "Clearly, your templar has manners and self-control."

I crossed my arms over my chest, my armor in place. "He does."

They shared a conspiratorial grin. These two meeting may have been a mistake. "Good," was all they said.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I? Everyone is going to make our lives a living hell," I sighed.

Their smiles widened. "It's only because we care for you."

I groaned. "Please be gentle with us both."

Their grins faltered. "We would never do anything to intentionally hurt either of you," Ellana assured.

"Well, I make no promises where Cullen is concerned," Solana grumbled.

"Solana," Ellana warned, to which Solana put her hands up. Ellana turned back to me. "We'd only tease enough to be caring, nothing cruel."

"I ask that you do not be cruel," I implored. "We've both...been through enough. Let us enjoy this at the pace we decide."

They turned serious. "Of course," they said in unison.

There was a knock on the cabin door. "Are they ready?" It was Leliana's voice. "We need to be going."

"They are, come in," Solana replied.

Leliana swaggered into the room, her hood and mask of Spymaster both in place. She looked us over. "Excellent. I continue to be amazed by Harritt," she nodded appreciatively in Ellana's direction. "That armor is truly intimidating, yet nearing celestial."

"I'd most likely agree with you," Ellana replied, "however, Haven is lacking in mirrors at the moment."

Leliana's lips twitched. "A negligence on our part. One I hope to have remedied soon." At that, she turned and left the cabin, waving for us to follow.

Rylen still stood outside, but brought up the rear as we all passed. Solana offered a goodbye before heading for our cabin. Leliana and her scouts led us through the village, through the woods and beyond the outer wall. Horses were saddled and ready at a designated spot, along with a few more of Leliana's people. "This is where we leave you," Leliana informed. "Your Keeper requested as few escorts as possible to keep fighting to a minimum. She says tempers are high after traveling through the mess the war has wrought upon Thedas. The Commander requested that Captain Rylen escort you and Charter will shadow you. I sent scouts ahead to ensure this was not a trap and to alert us if anything were to happen."

"I'm not sure it's wise to have the Captain escort us," Ellana began, "Our clan is not fond of templars."

"I'll wait outside the camp, Herald," Rylen offered. "I am to see you safe on the road there. Once at the camp, the Commander requests I keep a respectful distance, but remain close enough to keep you safe."

"Smart man," Ellana nodded. "But we will be safe."

"Do you know why your Keeper would request to speak with you outside of the Inquisition?" Leliana asked.

"To ensure we are well and here of our own free will," Ellana answered, her voice heated as she addressed the Spymaster. "As for Talitha...do you not think we deserve to handle her return privately?"

Leliana lost her composure for a moment, regaining it quickly. She inclined her head. "Herald." At that, she disappeared into the shadows.

We mounted our horses and followed behind Rylen as he led us to the camp. My heart's pounding increasing as we got closer. I was unsure how I would feel walking among the clan again, seeing the Keeper, seeing Da.
I knew that I wanted my relationship with Ellana restored, but the others? I was doubtful I could forgive them so easily. Ellana had been a child like me, no more in control of the situation than I, but the Keeper? Da?
They made their choices and chose to abandon me. My adult self could reconcile the why, but my inmost self - the child abandoned, betrayed and alone - she still hurt. Andraste, give me strength.

Rylen stopped his horse after a few hours of hard riding, turning to face Ellana and I. "This is as far as I dare go," he stated before turning to point towards a path within the trees. "According to Leliana's scouts, you should be able to follow that path and it will take you to your clan's camp."

"Thank you, Captain," Ellana nodded to Rylen as she led her horse onwards.

"Herald," Rylen saluted before his eyes flicked to me. "I will be right here, lass. If you need me, send up a red flame for immediate danger. If you simply wish to leave, come to me and I'll lead you back, no questions asked."

"Thank you, Rylen," I murmured.

"My lady," he saluted once more.

I nudged my horse forward, urging it to a trot to catch up with Ellana who'd already entered the trees. Wind whispered through the branches and I couldn't help, but feel as if there were eyes upon me as we made our way along the path. I was convinced there most likely were eyes upon us, the clans' hunters and scouts watching our progress, assuring we had obeyed the Keeper's wishes.

"Are you alright?" Ellana asked, her jade eyes flicking to me.

"Nervous," I admitted.

Her brows knit with concern. "They are ready to see you."

"But am I ready to see them?" I voiced aloud.

"Are you not?" Ellana quirked a brow.

"I honestly don't know, Ellana," I met her eyes. "I have no idea how I will react to seeing them again. I have...too many emotions."

Ellana stopped her horse. "Would you prefer I go on alone? Rylen could return you to Haven. Charter can escort me back when I've finished."

I pondered the idea. Part of me wanted to say yes, to avoid this as long as possible. The other part of me said I needed to face this and get it behind me. It would be better to do it away from Haven, away from anyone. Anger, envy and sorrow were clawing there way along my insides up to my mind. A ghost of the sensation after I had broken the Rite. I did not fear losing control completely, but I worried that I would not be able to hold back whatever emotions surged their way forward upon seeing everyone again. "No," I shook my head, setting my jaw and squaring my shoulders. "I need to face this."

Ellana studied me, her brow furrowing more deeply. "Are you sure?"

"I am," I nodded. "I simply ask that you stay by my side, come what may."

Her tension eased a little at that. "I will."

We followed the rest of the path, the trees opening to a small clearing that was filled with clan Lavellan. They had not setup camp completely, knowing that they would be moving onto Haven after this meeting, but they had still established themselves.
It was like entering the ghost of a memory. The aravels ringed the camp creating a wall, but within the ring were a few tents and a large campfire. Trees had been felled to be used for makeshift seats and tables, the majority of which were occupied as the clan shared a communal meal.
Ram and fish roasted on a spit over the fire; bowls laden with berries, plants and even insects dotted the makeshift tables. As Ellana and I passed into the camp, hunters began moving towards us. Bows out with arrows notched, but held in neutral positions in front of them.

"Ellana?" one asked, a male who resembled Ellana and I. I wondered if he were my brother. Too old. Cousin?

"Mahanon," Ellana greeted.

The male broke into a grin before running to grab Ellana up in a hug. "Aneth ara, da'len! We feared you'd fallen into the jaws of the Dread Wolf himself." He set Ellana down and looked over her armor. "Instead, the shems seem to have fixed you up nicely." He flashed a impish grin. "And they call you 'Herald of Andraste'? By the Dread Wolf!"

"Mahanon," another hunter spoke, a female. Her features were harsh, her dark eyes even more so as she eyed Ellana. "Are we to welcome her back with open arms before she speaks with the Keeper? She's walked among shems, become a symbol of their god which caused the shems to forbid ours. Has she not set her back against us?"

"Aneth ara, Adrahel," Ellana bit to the female. "Fen'Harel ma ghilana."

The female bared her teeth at Ellana. "Na abelas."

"Enough you hellcats," Mahanon ordered, his jovial demeanor disappearing. "Adrahel, Ellana is our First - that has not changed. You will show her the proper respect. If you cannot, then I suggest you go and find something useful for yourself to do." Mahanon's stare became commanding and Adrahel inclined her head before stalking off into the camp.

Mahanon's eyes found mine. He was the picture of a Dalish hunter. Lithe, muscular and wild. His hair was nearly as long as Ellana's, though he had his pulled into a ponytail and the sides of his head were shaved. It seemed nearly everyone in the clan wore their hair in the same twisted fashion, but each decorated their hair with something different. Mahanon had feathers woven into his instead of gold and I could only guess that the feathers were either hawk or owl to complement his vallaslin dedicated to Andruil that decorated his face. His eyes were hazel with flecks of green as he studied me. His face was angular, masculine and imposing. "So this is little Meira?" he looked to Ellana for confirmation.

Ellana nodded. "I fear she may not remember you - or any of the others." She turned to me. "Meira, this is our cousin, Mahanon. He is Ma's nephew. We used to all play together and Mahanon kept us safe whenever Da had to be away."

"Do you, da'len?" Mahanon asked. "Remember me?"

I gazed at the male and as I did his features remained rigid - as if he were as unsure as I as to how to feel. "Forgive me, but I do not."

He let out a sigh. "I suppose it has been a long time."

"My life here did not end in a way that made me want to remember it," I ground out.

His eyes flicked to me in surprise before understanding colored his features. "Ir abelas, Meira. I should not have said anything." His eyes flicked to Ellana before he turned. "Come, the Keeper is waiting."

Mahanon led us through the camp and I did my best to keep my head high as I felt many eyes and whispers follow us. Some greeted Ellana in joy, but others were like the female that had argued with Mahanon - angry. I felt it was to be expected that some would feel betrayed by Ellana for being so willing to assist the "shems" and their god.
My eyes flicked to the Breach - still visible even from here - and reminded myself that while their feelings were understandable, such petty squabbles would mean nothing if the Breach swallowed the world. Perhaps they did not grasp the gravity of the situation Thedas was currently in?
Mahanon led us to a tent towards the back of the camp. The halla were being kept to the left of it while the statues of the pantheon were sat to the right. Mahanon pulled the flap of the tent open and gestured for us to enter. His eyes followed me as we walked inside.
My eyes landed first on the group of elves that I had no doubt were my family. Jade eyes and ebony hair dotted nearly all of them and I saw several variations of Ellana and I's face in theirs. Ma and Da stood at the back, wrinkles and silver in their hair denoting their age. Three males stood tall, one female of breathtaking beauty, a little boy studied me and a babe was slung across Ma's chest. So many. And none of them were born with magic?
 Then my eyes caught on Deshanna and I couldn't help the anger that flickered in my chest. Her skin was darker than Ellana and I's and her eyes were nearly as dark as her skin. Her hair - silvered with age - was styled in twists, decorated with gold and piled atop her head. She leaned on her staff - a simple, wooden thing that was wrapped in leather. She'd carved images into the wood, but I couldn't make out any details.
Their clothing was made of furs, cloth and braided leather; revealing compared to what humans typically wore, thus showing how every aspect of their lives depended on the offering of the forest. My eyes left Deshanna and found Ma and Da's. Da's dark eyes were guarded, but studied my face hungrily. Ma was holding back tears, her fingers gripping Da's tightly.
As I looked at them all, I could feel my mana beginning to writhe along my bones. Electrifying my blood as I felt so many emotions welling up: anger, betrayal, happiness, relief, anxiety, and a deep sorrow yawning wide within my heart.

"Meira, this is...our family," Ellana spoke, her voice quiet as she raised a finger to point to each sibling. "Our brothers: Theran, Sanar, Arlen and Camlen. Our sisters: Laren and Fioren." I met their gazes, but did not smile. Neither did they. "Everyone, this is your sister, Meira. We are twins, but she's in disguise for her safety and my own. We found each other again after the Breach in the sky appeared."

Ellana went on to fill the silence, describing everything that had happened since she fell out of the rift below the Breach. Explaining how I'd come to be a part of the Inquisition, how I'd been Tranquil but freed of the Rite, what my role would become in the future and what my role was now.
The more she talked the more pained Ma and Da's face became as they looked at me and the more panicked Ellana's voice sounded to my ears. As if she were desperately trying to hold together a cloth that was unraveling between her fingers. Once Ellana finished, silence filled the tent again.

Deshanna spoke, her voice gentle. "I...thank Mythal for the blessing of seeing you well and grown," she gave me a soft smile. "Sending you from us -"

"-If you say it was hard for you, I will walk out of this tent and not look back," I bit out. My voice so harsh, it sounded foreign to my ears. I noticed that everyone in the room flinched as I said the words.

"Meira," Ellana said, softly. "Please, let them speak."

I gave her a harsh look, but reigned in my anger. "Forgive me," I apologized before looking at the ground. "Perhaps this...wasn't a good idea."

"Da'len," a deep voice spoke. Da's voice. "Your anger is understandable and even deserved. What we did to you...it was wrong." I looked up to him in surprise. His face was tight with emotion. "We - the Keeper and I - wanted to stand before you and ask for your forgiveness. We felt it necessary to ask for that forgiveness before your Ma and siblings." I saw Ma's head raise a fraction, her chin coming forward. "We knew the moment we sent you off, it was wrong. We could have - should have - handled it differently."

"Differently, but we did what was best," the Keeper interjected.

"So, you would still have sent her away?" Ellana demanded. "When you wrote to me telling me you wanted to ask her forgiveness, I thought you'd seen the error of your ways. That what happened to her and I would never happen again." She was baring her teeth. "That's not what you meant, was it?"

"This is perhaps where the conversation should be private, Ellana," Deshanna ordered, her gaze cool.

Ellana looked at her, confusion coloring her face. "Why? If you want to regain honor in the sight of my siblings and mother, than should not all of this occur before them?"

"Ellana, my child," Ma spoke, her voice calming. "Listen to the Keeper."

"No!" Ellana barked. "I am tired of this clan keeping secrets from me! I am tired of being treated like a child."

"Then stop acting like one," Da scolded, his voice harsh. "Fen'Harel ma ghilana, da'len."

"Ma harel lasa!" Ellana spit.

"Vhenan, hush," Ma pleaded before ushering herself and the others out of the tent, save Da.

Ellana was absolutely seething and at her anger, my own cooled. They had something to tell me - us - and another angry voice would only prolong the truth. I was hungry for it, despite the fear trickling down my spine. What secrets was Ellana referring to?

"Ellana, Feldor," Deshanna spoke, her eyes not leaving mine. "This next conversation needs to take place between Meira and I alone."

"No," Ellana argued. "I will stay by -"

"Dirthara-ma, Ellana," Deshanna barked which caused Ellana to snap her mouth closed. She glared at the Keeper, but said no more.

I placed a hand on Ellana's arm, "I will hear what she has to say."

Deshanna waited for them to leave the tent before gesturing for me to sit on a cushion. I did, crossing my legs at the ankles. Deshanna kicked a cushion in front of me and lowered herself onto it. She, too, crossed her legs as she sat - her knees touching mine. She sat her staff behind her and then grabbed my wrists with her hands. I tried to yank them back, but her grip was firm despite the age of them. "What are you -" I began to ask.

"I felt your mana earlier - there is a war within you. Ellana said you had been Tranquil and freed...I fear that war within you is of darker origins than you realize," she spoke cryptically. "An origin I took part in creating."

"What do -"

Deshanna said nothing as she dug her thumbs into my wrists. I cried out, but it was cut off as we were pulled into the Fade.

...

I felt as if I were drowning, my lungs fighting for air and burning as water seeped in. I was thrashing, choking, my mind reeling. I sensed the Fade, sensed Deshanna moving around within the past connected to me, but could see none of it. I felt hands grab me, and yank me to solid ground. I collapsed to my hands and knees, gasping for air.

"Creators, da'len," Deshanna swore. "I did not know you were deliberately keeping yourself from entering the Beyond. The journey would have been far less painful if you'd been free of such a sedation."

I felt the Fade for a moment longer before it slipped away. I was still gasping for air, my body shaking. I blinked and realized we were still in Deshanna's tent. "Where are we?"

"The mortal realm, child," Deshanna answered. "I needed only to look at your memories to learn what I suspected. How quickly after the Rite was broken did you begin entering dreams?"

My head snapped up to her. "How did you know? How - how -"

Deshanna's face was grim. "You were born a dreamer, Meira. You are a somniari - it was not granted to you by the Breach."

"But I - I've never," my mind couldn't form the words I wanted to say, it was still recovering from whatever she had done and thoughts were racing.

"You've never used your gifts before?" She finished for me. "Yes, you have, you simply don't remember."

"Why are you speaking as if I should know this? As if this should be obvious to me?" I snarled. "Spit it out!"

"You came into your magic at the age of five," Deshanna began.

"No, it wasn't until later, I was nearly ten."

Deshanna put a hand up. "If you are going to counter every statement I am about to make, this is going to take longer than we have time for, let me speak." I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "You came into your magic at the age of five. That is almost unheard of, but beyond that your magic was not elemental when it first appeared, but of the somniari. You were...I honestly do not even know how to describe it." There was fear in her voice as she spoke. Fear of me?

"You made others see what you wanted them to see, you twisted reality itself; entered their minds while awake or sleeping...spirits and demons were drawn to you. It took constant supervision and patrolling of the Beyond on my part to keep you safe. Eventually, your powers as a somniari were so beyond the realm of my knowledge that I possessed...but we didn't want to send you from us as a dreamer and I feared seeking knowledge would draw others to you." Her fierceness ebbed. "So...I used blood magic to seal away your abilities. It was a powerful spell, one that required...sacrifice." Her eyes fell.

"You. Did. What?" I bit out each word. Blood magic. Tainted. Foul and corrupt."What do you mean sacrifice? What in the Maker's name did you do to me?"

Her gaze snapped to mine. "I saved you, girl," she spit. "Don't you dare judge me for the actions I took to protect you and the clan. If I hadn't sealed your powers away you would have killed us all." Her eyes turned to flint. "Or I would have had to kill you to put an end to it. Would you have preferred that? Death?"

I got in her face, utterly snarling. "While you were gallivanting through my mind, did you not see all I got to enjoy as fruits of your choices? What do you think? A nice grave for me to be curled up in for eternity to the absolute hell I endured?" The Keeper did not back down.

Meira. A voice - Purpose - spoke. Meira, you don't mean that. I flicked my eyes to the right and nearly toppled backwards. Purpose was there - as a ghost, but it was him and he wore Cullen's face still - though a perfect version, not the face of the man I loved.

Deshanna followed my gaze and her eyes widened. "Creators!" She grabbed her staff and took a stance to attack.

"No!" I lunged between them. "Don't. This-he helped me. He's a spirit, not a demon." I turned to Purpose. "What - how are you here?"

Purpose's eyes - pure gold to Cullen's amber - glared at Deshanna. "When she violated your mind, it allowed me to slip across for a moment. I won't be able to stay long lest we risk an incident, but I wanted to speak with you...with her." His eyes were full of rage as he gazed at Deshanna. "The spell you used on her was repulsive. You're a dreamer, why didn't you seek out a spirit of Wisdom to help you?"

"Do not lecture me, spirit," Deshanna crossed her arms. "The last time a Keeper of this clan sought out a spirit of Wisdom, it twisted him into an abomination and nearly led to the destruction of our clan. I will not entertain spirits or demons. I enter the Beyond only when I must and only to protect my mind and others."

Purpose flashed a smirk. "So you fear your gift and in turn wanted her to fear as well." Purpose met my eyes. "Do not listen to this fool, Meira. I would help you. Others would help you as they have helped other dreamers in the past. It is up to you how you see us. If you seek us for noble purposes, for true wisdom, in pure intent - we would be your allies. The potion you've been taking...I can't help you because of it."

"Demon," Deshanna growled. "Of course you would offer assistance. In exchange for what? Possession?"

"Both of you shut it," I shouted absolutely bewildered as to what was even going on and fed up. "Purpose, back to the Fade. I will speak with Solas when I return to Haven. As for you, what was the sacrifice you made to bind my abilities?" Purpose disappeared.

Deshanna's face softened. "Most of my magic," she admitted, softly.

I was stunned. "What?"

"I gave up most of my magic," she said again. "It wasn't a spell that required all my blood, but a great deal of it. In turn, it limited my abilities."

"Why - why would you do that?" I asked. "You seem to...hate me."

Deshanna's face broke, her eyes welling with tears. "I do not hate you, da'len. Not at all. I love you. Loved you enough to give up part of my self to save you from a fate worse than death. Aside from that, I am this clan's Keeper. It is my duty to see to the wellbeing of my people."

"So if the spell worked, why did you still send me away?" I asked.

"Because when I locked away your dreamer abilities, elemental magic took its place," she explained. "You are not nearly as gifted with the elements as you are a dreamer, but even then we risked the ire of the templars and the humans if we kept you with us."

"So you gave me a pack and sent me on my way?" I scoffed.

Deshanna met my eyes, shame in her own once more. "Your father followed you until he saw you were safe. He was forbidden to interfere, but he was to make certain of where you ended up."

Rage lit anew in my gut. "'Forbidden to interfere?' So he watched his daughter be humiliated and nearly stoned to death before the templars intervened and took me to the Circle?" Deshanna wouldn't meet my eyes. "He did, didn't he?"

"He was determined to follow you, to see you safe, but I forbid him from interfering. It was up to Mythal whether you made it to safety or not - as is the way of our people."

"Barbaric," I seethed. "It was barbaric."

"You lived, did you not?" Deshanna quirked a brow. "And as Ellana tells it, you are not so angry as you seem to be now. Or did you lie to her?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again. I took a deep breath in through my nose and out. "I did not lie. I am angry and I fear it will take some time for me to not be - especially given this new revelation. What you did was wrong in so many ways. Not only did you betray me by sending me away, but you violated me with blood magic." She opened her mouth to speak, but I put up a hand. "That being said, I do believe I am on the path I am meant to be. The Maker has had his hand upon me, guiding me to where I am now. Without being sent away, I would not be." I took a deep breath. "Perhaps in time, I could come to forgive. For now, however, I ask that you stay far from me."

Her eyes glistened with tears, but she blinked them away. "I understand, but...I could teach you how to control your abilities instead of your needing to take that potion. Take it for too long and eventually its effectiveness will wear off - believe me when I say I know from experience."

"I would not ask for your help unless my life depended upon it," I stated. "There is a dreamer among the Inquisition. I will turn to him for guidance."

Deshanna nodded her head. "For what it's worth, I did try to train you when you were young. Your abilities were...unique and I could only do so much." She met my eyes, her own filled with a war of emotions. "I am...truly sorry for what I put you through...and all that came after. We will aid in closing the Breach, if we can, and if your Inquisition has need of us. After that, we will return to Wycome."

"I think that would be best," I offered as I turned to leave.

"Mythal'enaste, Meira," Deshanna inclined her head. "Dareth shiral."

I said nothing as I stepped outside. Da stood with Ellana, but they were feet apart. Ellana was shaking with rage as she glared at Da, while Da's eyes looked over my face. "She told you then?"

"To what piece of wonderful information are you referring to, Da?" Ellana hissed. "The fact that she was violated with blood magic as a child? The fact that you witnessed her near death before she was taken to the Circle and did nothing? The fact that Deshanna seems to believe Meira is a monster?" I thought Ellana could not have gotten more angry than she was, but her face was positively terrifying as she spewed at Da.

Da's eyes stayed trained on me. "All of it. I told Ellana. I will not allow Deshanna to keep her in the dark any longer."

"Yes, she told me," I replied. "What do you have to say? She couldn't decide between defending herself, refusing to take any blame and justifying her actions. Will you do the same?"

"No," he shook his head. His dark eyes full of regret. I noticed he still wore his hair cropped short, not long and twisted. It was speckled with silver, there were wrinkles in his face, but he was still well-built. He wasn't wearing armor, instead a mixture of cloth, leather and fur. He looked to Ellana. "Da'len, I did not stand by idle while your sister was facing her attackers - I went to the templars and told them a mage girl was being attacked in the market. I care not what Deshanna commanded - Mythal was not going to suddenly appear and save Meira from a gruesome death. I was there; I am her father and I would protect her." Ellana's mouth dropped open, her eyes wide. I couldn't blame her, Da had essentially blasphemed Mythal with his statement. Da looked to me. "I protected you time and again on the road; the only thing I did not do was reveal myself to you."

He let out a deep breath. "I should never have let her do any of the things she did." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Your mother and I were terrified for you; fear causes us to make horrible choices. Desperation drives us to places we never think we will go." He found my gaze once more. "We should have taken you and gone out on our own to find someone who could help you." He ran a hand over his face. "We did consider just taking you to a Circle, but...we feared the templars would make you Tranquil - we did not wish that fate for you. It seems they did anyway." There were tears forming in his eyes, even as he clenched his jaw in anger.

He turned and waved a hand asking us to follow. "If you would allow us, your mother and I have something we wish to discuss with you."

Ellana looked my way. My heart broke for her. She was...dispirited. Her face was still livid, but her eyes held fear, disbelief, betrayal and despair. Deshanna had broken her faith in her, betrayed her trust. A part of me wondered if Ellana had believed that the Keeper would have answers for her - for me. Instead, she'd torn Ellana's innocence apart in one fell swoop.I am so sorry, my sister. I took her in my arms and held her against me. Her arms crushed me against her. "I should never have brought you here," she hissed.

"I needed to know," I murmured. "Perhaps now Solas can help me find answers since I have the full story. I will ask Minaeve to request any and all information on dreamers. Vivienne as well." I felt Ellana nod into my shoulder. "Let's see what our family has to say."

...

"You...you want to join the Inquisition?" Ellana asked, disbelief in her voice. "You want to leave the clan?"

Ma and Da exchanged a glance. "Yes," Da said. "We would have come on our own if the Keeper had not decided to come to you." He intwined his fingers through Ma's. "Now, I wonder if we shouldn't have anyway."

Ma still had tears flowing down her face. Da had confessed everything to her that she did not already know in front of Ellana and I. I told them of my life upon their asking; I didn't tell them everything, but enough. Ma had sobbed for me and Da cursed himself for ever giving into fear. Ma had begged my forgiveness.
Though I was angry and overwhelmed with a host of emotions, my heart pricked with compassion for them. They had tried to do what they thought was best for me, listening to the council of their Keeper, in order to protect me. Da was right in saying that fear and desperation could twist anyone into doing something heinous because they believed it was for the right reasons. Cullen had been there and I'd forgiven him for his wrongdoing - I challenged him, but I forgave him.
If I can do that for the man I love, can I not do that for my parents who love me? I forgave them, feeling a weight ease in my chest as I did. I would be angry, but I could at least release them from the chains of guilt they held.

"Why?" Ellana implored. "You - you acted as if I were in danger amongst the Inquisition. That I should leave at the first opportunity. That I was shaming the clan by taking on the role of their 'Herald'."

Da crossed his arms over his chest. "We did - until we heard of the Inquisition in action. Of it's 'Herald' in action." Da glanced at me. "Deshanna is only offering to help out of guilt. If she had her way, she would have met with you, played the victim seeking justification and upon receiving would have left. She has always lead us true - or so I thought - but when word came of you, of all that had happened...she spun out of control. I tried to voice my concerns with the others, but they had no ear for it."

"I've already lost you both once," Ma interjected. "I will not loose either of you again." Her jade eyes found mine, a tender love burning in them.

"We know we have done nothing to earn a second chance from either of you," Da began, "But if you would have us, we would join you."

Ellana stood straight, donning the face of the Herald. "And what would you bring to the Inquisition?"

Da looked a little taken aback, but quickly recovered. "As you know, I am a blacksmith of no small talent and a warrior when needed."

Ma squared her shoulders. "I cared for the halla, I can care for any animals or livestock the Inquisition needs tending. I am also adept at caring for plants if there is need for a medicinal garden."

"And I am one blessed archer, not bad with a pair of daggers either," Mahanon's voice spoke as he entered Ma and Da's tent. He had a wicked grin on his face, making his angled features soften. At his appearance, a thought crossed my mind. Do I not remember him because of the blood magic? Is that why childhood memories are difficult to recall? "If you're leaving aunt Elolora, then I'm gone too. You're the only family I have left."

"Mahanon, you can't," Ma protested. "The clan is your life. You hate humans."

Mahanon shrugged. "I'll liven up the Inquisition then. I've already made up my mind and you won't dissuade me."

"What about our brothers and sisters?" I asked, causing all of their eyes to turn to me.

"Theran and Sanar are decent hunters," Mahanon spoke. "Arlen's apprenticing under your father and Cam's too young, but he could probably assist your mother. Laren is a vicious warrior and obviously little Fioren can't be too far from your mother." He glanced at where the babe slept snug against Ma's chest.

Ellana considered for a moment. "What do you think, Meira?"

Everyone's face became serious as they waited for me to speak. I spoke the truth. "The Inquisition is open to all who are looking for a second chance."

Ellana nodded. "I will tell the Keeper. The clan will be staying here, I refuse to let her near Haven. You all will come track with us." Her face was dark as she spoke those words. "Meira, after they've finished packing, I'll meet you on the outside of the clearing." She looked at Ma, Da and Mahanon. "Meira is to be addressed as Talitha after we leave the camp." Hesitating a moment, they answered with nods. Ellana flicked open the tent and stalked towards the Keeper's tent. I could see the Mark crackling as she walked away. Maker, give her strength.

...

Upon our return to Haven, I wanted nothing more than to go to Cullen's tent and throw myself into his arms. The whole way back I could feel myself slipping further and further into sorrow. My Keeper had tainted me with blood magic to keep my true nature at bay - and what she described was monstrous.
Making people see what I wanted them to see, bending reality itself, entering dreams - minds - at will...Oh Maker, know my heart. I knew dreamers were somewhat of a mystery, but the idea of what I could do was terrifying. Purpose said he could help me; I knew Solas was a dreamer, but there was no guarantee that he would help me. What would Cullen think of all this? Would he still be unafraid of me when I was now becoming afraid of myself?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I hadn't even realized we'd dismounted and were back in the village, walking by the soldiers' tents. "The Herald needs to give our Commander a briefing about the meeting with the Lavellan clan," Ellana offered, quirking her brow. I began to shake my head in refusal. She gripped my shoulders, bringing me face to face with her, her voice was low as she spoke. "That wasn't a request. I am ordering you to go to him. If he is the man you believe him to be, he will accept what you tell him."

"Ellana, I - I can't -," I pleaded.

"You can and you will," she narrowed her eyes. "You endured so much to get to where you are, do not let this keep you from him. This information is not exactly new and no matter what might have happened, you are here now - in control, equipped with the knowledge to seek out instruction." She searched my eyes. "If he loves you, he will support you and help you face this. Do not shut him out for fear of what could happen. Give him a chance."

"Why are you encouraging me to go to him? I know you don't care for him," I murmured.

Hurt flashed across her face. "I just had my whole world turned upside down. I have no doubt that you did too. If I had arms to wrap myself into, that's where I'd be headed now. He cares deeply for you, Talitha. Find comfort in him because I know you need it. I will be of no comfort to you right now."

I put a hand on her face. "Ellana."

She broke away from me. "Come, let's change. I will see to our family. There will be a council meeting in the morning. You'll need to be the Herald anyway."

I did as she asked, neither of us speaking as we stripped our armor and dawned the more casual clothing of the Herald and Talitha. Ellana headed out the cabin first, the lambswool cloak in place as she pulled its hood up to hide herself. I took a deep breath and headed for Cullen's tent. I stood outside the flap, it was tied open. Clearing my throat before speaking, "Commander? It's the Herald."

I'd barely finished my words before he was there. He wore the mask of the Commander, but I could see the worry in his honey eyes. He was down to his tunic and a pair of linen breeches. His hair was mussed, the curls coming out in spots and he looked slightly rested. I realized I must have woken him from sleep. "I-I woke you, didn't I?"

"Do not worry yourself, Herald," he crossed his arms over his chest. As he did so he looked down and realized he was still in his nightclothes. "Though I do ask that you forgive my state of undress." He doesn't realize it's me, not Ellana.

"It's understandable, Commander," I forced a smile. "Do you mind if I come in? I was told to brief you on the meeting with my clan."

He took a step back, allowing me room to enter before he turned back to close the flap. "Of course. Though I do not think it urgent if you would prefer to wait until the meeting in the morning? That is, if you were wanting to get some sleep."

"I'll do my best to keep it short, Commander, so that you may return to bed," I chuckled, despite the twisting of my heart.

He went a little red. "Maker's breath - that's not what I meant." His eyes bored into mine.

"Ask the question you're wanting to ask, Commander." I waved a hand. He still doesn't realize it's me, does he?

His blush deepened. "I -er - yes. That is...how is Talitha?" He kept his face professional, but I could hear the worry in his voice.

"I am...barely holding it together," I smiled before a sob tore from my chest.

In an instant, he was holding me. His arms strong, warm and safe. He rubbed my back soothingly as he muttered words of comfort. I sobbed against him, pressing my mouth into his chest to quiet my sorrow. My knees gave out and we sank to the floor. He pulled me into his lap, cradling me against him as he gently rocked me.
I couldn't bring myself to speak, I kept crying until I had no more tears to give and my throat was raw from my cries. Through it all, he held me, rocking me gently, rubbing my back soothingly. At some point, he had begun singing. Quietly, but with such silvery tones that soothed the raw edges of my heart. Eventually, my sobs quieted and I could hear the words he sung.

"Shadows fall and hope has fled. Steel your heart, the dawn will come. The night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come," he sung the Chantry hymn over and over, hoping the words would bring me comfort. I listened to the pounding of his heart, felt his chest vibrate against my cheek as he sung the words.

When I'd finally settled enough to speak, I lifted my face to his. There were tears in his own eyes as he stroked my face. He kissed away my tears before I pulled him into a kiss. He was achingly gentle and I melted into him.

"Tell me what's wrong, my darling," he murmured once I broke away. "Tell me what happened." So, I told him. I couldn't meet his eyes, fearing what I would find there as I did, but when I had finished, his fingers gently lifted my chin. His eyes were soft as I met them. "We will face this. Together."

"Together," I murmured before kissing him again.

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