"Daisy. Come here sweetheart we need to go." Kim reefed her hands away from Al, finally regaining her ability to speak. When she stood up he reached out to steady her as he noticed her legs shook a little. Her lungs were burning as she tried unsuccessfully to get some air into her body. She couldn't breathe.

"Kim."

"Let me go Al. Please let me go." She swallowed hard and there was panic in her voice. "Let me go."

That day, it all came rushing back and as it hit her like a freight train as her legs buckled and Al caught her and lowered her back onto the bench.

Opening the door to Platt and Voight that day hadn't been the only shock she'd had recently. Her life was a rollercoaster of emotions and had been for months. She'd been engaged, called it off and had a stupid but thankfully short-lived fling with Roman. Eventually though things levelled out and she made the decision to take control of her career and fought her way up into Intelligence.

That had thrown her back into Ruzek's orbit though and they started to rediscover what had bought them together in the first place, their friendship. Things were good; they were good together even if it was just as friends and they decided that perhaps that was for the best, that maybe their moment had passed. Life was good and then everything started to fall apart.

Impulsiveness was always one of her weaknesses, which was precisely what got her into the situation with Adam in the first place. She had decided not to talk to him, she decided to try and guess what he was thinking and listen to everyone else's opinion on her relationship, which was by no means perfect but was it really as bad as what she thought it was? She had panicked and broke his heart because she convinced herself that he would eventually break hers. It was a pre-emptive strike and it was stupid.

It wasn't even close to being bad, they were happy right up until she started to let Roman get into her head but sadly she was too stubborn to ask for forgiveness or admit a mistake. Her biggest mistake was not talking to him.

It seemed she didn't learn how damaging her impulsive behaviour could be and that led to a wild night with Adam where they weren't exactly careful.

So a month later, Adam was undercover and it seemed to be turning into a bigger job than they first expected. He'd been loaned out to the FEDS and they played their cards close to their chest. They had barely talked about that night, although they did share a few more nights like it before he left. It was just a mutually beneficial arrangement where they were both getting what they needed, although even that wasn't entirely true, but neither of them was ready to admit that this was more than just sex with the ex. Once they knew that Adam was going away, and he could be gone for months it was better to just let sleeping dogs lie. Scratch the itch and leave the emotional scars to scab over.

So when Voight and Platt delivered the news that the FEDS had informed them that Adam had been killed while undercover it was as big a shock as the positive pregnancy test that was sitting on her bathroom cabinet.

Platt followed her as she ran from the room, hand over her mouth and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She alternated between vomiting and sobbing and Platt had stood beside her that day and every day since. The pregnancy test was hard to miss and when she spotted it she rubbed her back and told her that they would work it out together.

She was pregnant with her ex-fiancé's child, alone and facing a life without the man, who despite her best attempts to stop, she loved like no other. She couldn't do this.

That night, and for every night for weeks she cried herself to sleep. Platt had been her confidant and crutch and then once she could no longer hide her pregnancy the entire Intelligence team had got her through those nine months and the next eight years.

Oliver James Burgess was a blessing. A perfect baby boy who appeared to be a carbon copy of his father and she doted on him, even to this day. He bought her comfort even though his very existence was an agonising reminder of what she had lost.

Eventually though she put Adam as far in her past as she could and moved on. Her husband had offered her some stability and comfort and she did love him so they got married and then Daisy arrived soon after. Oliver always knew that he wasn't his father, but he was the only father he had. Although as time moved on they talked about it less, he knew that his real father was a cop that had died before he was born, before he even knew he existed. Kim had showed him photos and he knew his grandparents and spent a lot of time with them but Adam had never been part of his life in any real or tangible way.

When things started going sideways Oliver had borne the brunt of it and Adam suddenly loomed up again. Oliver had yelled at him that he was not his father after a particularly nasty showdown, Daisy didn't understand and Kim tried to play peacemaker between the two men in her life. She was failing; she was good at her job but failing at life.

This, right now was unbelievable. This wasn't happening, it couldn't. She had dreamt of Adam coming back and a few nights after Oliver was born she had woken with a start and swore that Adam had been there holding his son but that was just a cruel dream, it was never going to happen and she had let go of that fantasy a long time ago.

"Kim." Al bought her back to the present. "I know this is a shock, I had no idea. I swear to god."

"How Al? I don't understand. We had a funeral, I said goodbye. I had his baby and I had no idea. Why didn't I know it, why didn't I feel it?" It had been a long time since he had heard so much pain in her voice. "Why didn't I feel him?"

"Why are you crying Mommy?" Neither of them had noticed that Daisy had joined them. Kim lifted her up into her lap and kissed her dark hair. If Oliver was the spitting image of his father, Daisy was thankfully more of a mix between Steve and Kim.

"It's okay Sweetheart. Mommy and Al were just talking." She had questions smashing around in her head but Daisy's appearance put a stop to all that. "We are going to go now." Daisy hugged Al tightly and he reached out and squeezed Kim's hand as they walked back towards the car. The poor woman looked like a deer caught in headlights, like she'd seen a ghost but then this was probably the very definition of a ghost.

Once Daisy was safely buckled in Kim slipped into drivers seat and grabbed her phone and sent Al a message. 'Does he know about Oliver?'

'No.'

'I don't want him to know.'