The Unbreaking

by LadyAubade

A novelized version of DA:I centering around the love story of Meira Neria Lavellan, formerly of Kinloch Hold, and Cullen Stanton Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition's Forces. In a world determined to keep them broken and apart, they fight to be together. Cameos, blushes, stammering and fluff abound. *Updates Monthly*

52. The Wilderness

CULLEN

Cassandra was now stood outside the small tent, glaring angrily at nothing. Her dark eyes met mine and they went hard as flint. I flinched internally at the verbal lashing I would no doubt receive later, but for now she said nothing.

"Go on inside. Elolora is tending to them in my stead while I finish my rounds. I will be in to check on them within the hour," Solana instructed.

I nodded before ducking into the tent. Bull was still warming Ellana in the tent opposite where Meira lay. At the foot of Meira's cot lay the wolf, now asleep. Elolora was sat beside Meira, murmuring softly to her, but she looked up as I entered the tent. A soft smile pulled at her lips. "I'm glad you've returned. Her temperature has dropped. She's been restless and murmuring your name."

I blushed, trying to ignore Bull. "She-she has?" I looked Meira over. She was pale again, her face strained as she shivered. I rubbed the back of my neck as guilt and shame tugged at me. Why did I leave her?

Elolora nodded before gesturing to a screen nearby. "You can undress behind there, I will give you a moment." She rose gracefully from the stool she had been occupying and went over to Ellana. She checked her over, before she poured some warm water down her throat as Bull held sat her up.

"You joining us, Cullen?" Bull questioned from where he was still warming Ellana as I strode across the tent.

"I...yes," I nodded.

Bull's single eye perused me, deductions occurring behind his gaze. "Well, I have to admit, I'm impressed."

I ducked behind the screen and began undressing. "By?"

"You all nearly had me fooled," he grunted. "I knew there was something off about the Herald. She'd smell different and every so often the way she carried herself would be off or she'd emphasize a word strangely." There was a pause. "But she never looked different. It never even crossed my mind that she could have a twin - no double can ever be that good, no matter how well they're trained or done up. Now it all makes sense." He laughed boisterously. "And you're in love with the other - a mage. ThatI saw coming, but I figured it'd be the Herald - you know, because of the whole religious aspect to it." I blanched. Religious aspect? What does that mean? "But I suppose there's more to this story than I've yet to figure out."

"Bull," Elolora scolded.

Bull cleared his throat. "Sorry, ma'am." He was quiet for a time. "Seriously though, the only thing that gave them away consistently was their smell. Ellana smells like jasmine and spiced oranges. Meira smells like gardenias and bergamot. Very similar and to the untrained or non-qunari nose, they'd smell nearly identical." I came around the screen to find him staring at me. I fought the urge to cover myself as I made my way to Meira. "Though why Solana picked me for Ellana and not Solas...I suppose he'd refuse no matter how much he wants to be in my place right now."

"Bull," Elolora scolded again.

"I...sorry, I can't help myself," Bull gave a self-deprecating smile. "And I know you're curious, Elolora."

"I most certainly am not," Elolora denied, her chin lifting in defiance. "These are my daughters' secrets. They can tell me when they wish - ifthey wish."

Bull chuckled. "You're a terrible liar, El. But that's one of the things I like about you - and your daughters. You're all some of the most honest people I've ever met." I climbed into the cot with Meira and tucked her against my chest. "'Birds of a feather', right Commander?"

"Oh, hush you," Elolora sighed. "Honestly, you'd think you're a mercenary or something the way you talk."

Bull laughed heartily. "You caught me." Elolora laughed gaily in response. Well, this is the strangest pair I've ever witnessed. But then again, I suppose Bull must be adept at getting people to like him - how else could he be such a successful spy?

"So, you're not gonna try to deny it, Cullen?" Bull questioned as Elolora began to move between her daughters, checking on both.

I tried not to feel embarrassed about the fact that Meira's mother was seeing us...in bed together. "Deny what, Bull?" I asked, exasperated.

"That you've been switching the Herald out with her twin right under our noses? That it's how you got both the mages and templars?"

"There is no point in denying it, is there?" I bit. "It wasn't my plan, but it was a sound one - whatever good it did us." Elolora's eyes met mine and I looked away.

Both were silent at my agitated answer. I fine with it, my mind still roiling from everything that had occurred in the last few hours. I wanted to take comfort from my love lying in my arms, but I couldn't. All I could feel was the oppressive weight that was now settling in place of the fear that had been present at the unknown of what had happened to her.
What was to become of us now? Were we even safe here? Would our enemy pursue us? Who is our enemy?
My mind wandered to Samson. He'd been some distance away when Dorian had pointed to where he stood with the Elder One and his other general, but I could feel his sneer. Even more, I saw the weapon he held in his hands, glowing as it was with the red lyrium: Meredith's sword.
The dwarf charged a great deal for his prize. My own Knight-Captain falls prey to the influence of blood magic. Traitor!I recoiled at the memories of that night, instinctively tightening my arms around Meira. That sword had been pointed at my throat at a pivotal point in my life once before. Would I be made to face it again? It's current owner just as mad as the last?
I turned those memories and everything I could recall of Samson over in my mind as I held on to Meira. Elolora and Bull carried on in conversation, but were polite enough to leave me out of it.
Solana, true to her word, returned within an hour. She determined Ellana was warm enough and would hopefully wake soon. She dismissed Bull, saying he was needed elsewhere. I questioned her, wondering if I was needed as well. She shook her head, saying that I was seeing to my most important duty at the moment. Solana assured Rylen had things well in hand, but the soldiers were missing their Commander and wondered what kept him occupied in the Herald's tent. A blush bloomed on my face as she left once again and worry pooled in my gut that gossip would spread.

"Cul...len," Meira whimpered against my chest, her body shaking hard.

"Shh, my darling," I whispered, pulling me back to her and causing me to dismiss my concern of spreading gossip.

"She truly does love you, doesn't she?" Elolora questioned, her eyes crinkling.

I met her gaze, soft as it was. "I could not tell you why, but...I hope she does." I looked away, my cheeks heating. "I hope, too, that you do not...disapprove."

"Why would I disapprove?" She quirked a dark brow.

"I am...human," I murmured. I knew to some degree that our relationship - outside the Inquisition, possibly even within - would be looked down upon by humans, but even more so by elves. In what studies I could conduct into courting and the different traditions before the attack, it'd become all too clear that in the world at large, interracial relationships were generally despised - particularly by the elves and Dalish - as any children born took on the characteristics of their non-elven parent.
The thought had saddened me - that in my loving her, I would erase her from our children. If we were blessed with any as it seemed children between us would be a rarity. Even though a part of me longed for such a blessing, I feared the idea of being a father. A man such as I, a father? Would Meira even want to have children? Then a thought occurred that had my rage burning once more. Would she even be ableto have children? I determined then I would not bring up the subject.

Elolora was silent until I met her eyes again. "I will not deny that other members of our family will not be...accepting - at least, not at first." I looked away, my brow furrowing even deeper. "But to that I say two things: The first, we have no right whatsoever to tell Meira how to live her life. We forfeited that right when we - when I- sent her away."
Her voice was thick with emotion as she said those words and I looked at her face. It was colored with shame. A shame that nearly mirrored my own and I hated myself for my earlier words to her; for dismissing the grace she had been trying to extend to me. Of course, she would understand shame and guilt; and it had been her child that she had betrayed - felt she had betrayed, when she had only been trying to do the best for her. Elolora's eyes were wet with tears as she met my gaze, a small smile on her face.
"The second, I know love. Feldor and I share a deep, passionate love that has only grown in our time together. I saw that same love plain as day on your faces when you looked at each other in our meeting back at Haven; becoming all the more evident as I observed the two of you - try as you did to hide it. But it was confirmed to me when you left her in this bed after risking your life to find her."

I closed my eyes, wanting to block out my shame. "How was that love? I abandoned her."

"Cullen, look at me." I did. "The greatest love someone can display is a love that is willing to sacrifice. You were willing to sacrifice yourself in every way possible for her. First to die for her, second to risk death to make her safe, and lastly, to let her go that she may be put out of harm's way." She studied my face.
"Only the truest love is willing to sacrifice itself for another." She let out a shaky breath and I saw she was fighting tears again. "That is not what we did. We wanted what was best for her, but...she was a child. A child. My child."
Tears slipped down her cheeks. "Creators. What we subjected her to was wrong - we should have left our clan. Or taken her to a Circle ourselves. Or...Or..." She looked upon Meira's strained face. "Oh, Meira. Da'vhenan. Emm'asha. Ir abelas, ma vhenan."

Feeling awkward, but my heart softening as this mother grieved for her child before me, I placed a hand over hers. She was trembling. "Know that while it was difficult...she believes that it was...the path laid out for her. That without it...she would not be who she is." Could I come to believe the same of my own life?

Her teary eyes looked at me, hope daring to flicker there. She placed her other hand over mine and squeezed it lightly. "I know. She told us as much and...forgave us." Tears welled again, but she fought them down. "Yet, she has still kept us at arm's length. Not that I blame her, but...do you...do you think she would be...open to me trying?"

I glanced to where Ellana lay. "The joy I have witnessed Ellana bring to Meira's life...I would pray she would be." I clenched my jaw, thinking of my siblings; of my parents whom I would never see again. "I know firsthand what it is like to be without family - to chooseto be without family. I do not wish that upon her." I looked to her grief-stricken face. I thought to that night in South Reach when we had eaten together, the hope she had expressed in wanting to know her siblings. "I would tell you to try."

She gave a small nod. "I will, but...I will let her lead."

"I have found that the best way, yes," I offered.

"Cullen," she murmured. "Since we are...stuck together...will you tell me about yourself? I wish to know more of the man that has captured my daughter's heart."

I blinked in surprise. "Well...I...alright."

As delicately as I could, I told Elolora of my life and Meira's life when they intertwined. As I talked, she took care of Ellana and Meira, asking me the occasional question. She was pleased with Ellana's progress, but grew concerned at Meira's apparent regression. "I hope Solana returns soon," she worried at her lip. "I am no mage and therefore cannot see what is going on beneath the surface. But she seems to be in immense pain and struggling."

I held her closer. Maker, please. "If you must leave to find her..."

Her jade eyes met mine, so like Meira's in their shape and coloring. "No, it is better for me to stay. If she has not returned in ten minutes, then I will go." I nodded. "I know you did not tell me everything about yourself, instead chose to focus on the happier moments. But for the friend you have been to Meira, for the care you have shown her - I thank you for that."

"I...you are welcome."

She smiled. "He would resent me for saying so, but...you remind me of Feldor in many ways." I gave her a shocked look. "He is a gentle man, but is obstinate." She chuckled. "Try as you might, Cullen, you cannot hide the gentle affection you feel for Meira. You're serious, surly even and most definitely stubborn, but when it comes to her...you're soft." I blushed at her assessment. "And I could not be happier for her."

Hesitantly, she reached a hand out to touch Meira, but just as she was about to, the tent flap opened. It was Meira's brother, Theran. He looked around the tent before his brown eyes fell on me. He blinked. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. "Ma, Fioren is crying and nothing we've tried is working. I think she's hungry."

Elolora's fingers hovered over Meira's face for a moment before she withdrew them. "Theran, I need you to find the healer. Her name is Solana. I do not want to leave your sisters unattended."

"What about him?" Theran questioned, his eyes narrowing on me. I leveled my gaze at him.

"He's keeping Meira warm," Elolora's voice became commanding, cool even. I felt an odd sensation, as if she were being protective of me - of us. "She nearly died and is having a far harder time recuperating than Ellana. You owe him your thanks - not only for finding your sisters, but helping to save them."

Theran shifted on his feet. Lowering his gaze from his mother's disapproving stare. "Mahanon said he's the reason they were out there in the first place."

"By the Dread Wolf, Theran. You know I love Mahanon as my own, but his prejudice runs deeper and hotter than even your father's. I have warned you about listening to him." Elolora sighed heavily. "Creators, I willteach that boy. And you will not listen to him if you've any brains in your head." Theran gave a slight nod. "Go find the healer." The boy left.

"Why did Mahanon threaten me like that? Did he not consider that...his life could be demanded for such an action? Or at the very least he could be banished from the Inquisition?" I probed. "I will not allow anything to come of it of course, but..."

She met my eyes, hesitancy in them. "Please...do not think even more poorly of us nor of Mahanon." I knit my brow at her tone. "Mahanon was to be bonded to Meira - that is until...everything happened." Her eyes flicked to Meira.

"'Bonded'?" I questioned.

"It is our - the Dalish...matrimonial tradition," she stated.

"She was to marry...her cousin?" A protective rage rose hot and fast in my gut at the idea.

"Yes." Elolora stated simply. "We do not usually intermingle blood relatives, but...the clans were small at the time and it was determined he was...distant enough. And...he loved Meira." Her eyes bored into my own. "He still does."

"Surely...surely he wouldn't...you wouldn't..." I stammered, anger rising.

"No, Cullen," she shook her head. "He...he knows its...inappropriate. Knows too that he could never ask that of her. I just...wanted you to know why he may be a little more...given to a temper when it comes to her - to them. He loves them both dearly - but as a brother loves his sister, he know it can no longer be romantic. He has always been protective of them. Fiercely protective."

"Well, thank you for telling me," I growled to which she chuckled. "What is...bonding?"

A brow quirking as a smile pulled at her lips. "I assume you mean to ask what it entails?" I nodded. "First, young men must prove themselves ready to be considered for bonding. They must go through Sylaise Enaste - the Hearthkeeper's Trials. It's tests of strength, provision, and wisdom. Once they pass the trials, they can declare their love to the one they wish to be bonded to and then - if she and her parents accept - they exchange gifts of promise. This symbolizes their agreement to be bonded once time for the ceremony comes. Before the clan, the two are joined by the Keeper as they voice the oath to one another. Once done, they are bonded for life."

I did not miss the warmth that entered her face as she spoke of it. "What is the oath?"

"'Sylaise enaste var aravel. Lama, ara las mir lath. Bellanaris.'" She stated. "There is no translation in Common, but essentially it is asking for Sylaise's blessing upon the journey of life together. That love may be ever present and abound for eternity." She thought a moment. "Why do you ask? As I understand, you and Meira are Andrastian. Do you not have your own matrimonial traditions?"

"We do," I stated, my voice catching a little as I thought again about that night in South Reach. I want you to court me. Because I love you.

"Is there something you wish to tell me, Cullen?" Elolora questioned.

I should tell her. Traditionally, it was my duty to ask her parents' permission. "I-"

"-I apologize for my absence. Bethany's leg began bleeding again and I had to redress the wound," Solana's voice spoke as she entered the tent, Tharen on her heels. Solana looked exhausted and was disgustingly filthy. "You can go tend to your little one, Elolora. Thank you so much for caring for them. Mother Giselle volunteered to look after them in your stead."

Elolora rose from her stool. "Thank you for caring for them, Solana." She turned back to me. "And you, Cullen." At that, she and Tharen left.

"How is she?" Solana questioned as she came to check on Meira, her hands the only part of her that were clean.

"Elolora was becoming worried for her," I voiced. "She has not stopped shaking."

"I feared she would have a difficult time," Solana huffed as she examined her. She was silent for a time as magic glowed in her hands. "Thankfully, she is not rejecting the magic, but...she is struggling." Her brow knit. "I fear she may get worse before she improves."

"What do you mean?" My arms tightened around her once more. Maker, please let her recover quickly.

Solana produced a healing potion. "Sit her up would you?" Fighting a blush, I pushed the covers back. Gently, I lifted Meira and settled her back against my chest. I was thankful that she was no longer limp. Solana poured the contents of the potion into Meira's mouth. I watched as her throat bobbed in a swallow. "We'll see what that does for her." Solana's brown eyes met mine. "Cullen, as soon as it is possible, could you send out some of your men to look for more elfroot? And any other herbs they can find?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I will not leave her until you say, but...I doneed to see to things."

"I can warm her," a voice spoke across from us. The voice was raw and thick with emotion. Solana and I both looked in the direction that the voice came. It was Ellana, she was sitting up in her cot. "If you'll allow it, Solana."

"Of...of course, Herald." Solana nodded, her voice holding a bit of reverence as she addressed Ellana.

Ellana made for the edge of her bed and Solana quickly made her way to Ellana in order to help her stand. Ellana was shaky and unstable, but strong enough to put weight on her feet. Slowly, they made their way over to us. Ellana's eyes met mine, emotion swimming in them. "Solana. Cullen. Thankyou."

"She's...she's not out of danger yet," Solana warned. "I fear-"

"She's in the Fade. She came to me," Ellana stated, her voice distant. "I have...I have never seen anything..." She trailed off. Solana and I glanced at each other, worried Ellana was in a fevered state. "Purpose has something to show her. But before that...there was another spirit there that wanted to speak with her." Her eyes fell to Meira. "It will be some time before she wakes."

I felt Meira relax against me. Solana bent to check her over. "Are you certain she is alright?"

"Yes." Ellana nodded.

"She's unconscious again," Solana stated.

Ellana shook her head. "Yes and no. She is dreaming - walking the Fade with Purpose. Her body isn't ready for her to wake up. It is...It was broken. Waking too soon could mean her death."

"She...visited you?" I questioned.

"Yes," Ellana's eyes met mine, hollow and haunted. "She asked that I tell you...she loves you and asks you forgive her."

I laid Meira down gently, hiding my face from the others. I looked at her now peaceful face. "She can say that to me when she wakes up." I slipped from the cot and went to don my armor. "We will need to debrief you, Herald."

"I know, Cullen," she whispered, her voice so shaky and broken, I chastised myself for saying anything. "But give me this time. I just want to be with my sister. You...you have no idea...no idea..."

When I came out from behind the screen, Ellana had taken my place in the cot, cradling her sister to her as if she were the only thing keeping her sane. She was murmuring to her, in elven. The look on her face, the emotion behind her words caused me to turn away, feeling as if I were looking upon something intimate - and knowing all too well how she felt. My eyes found Solana's, who nodded for me to follow her out the tent.

"Are we sure we can trust this Purpose?" She questioned.

"It is a spirit, benevolent or no." I stated. "I would not trust it. No more than I trust the boy...Cole."

"Purpose. Reason. Resolve." Cole's voice spoke. "He cares. He wants to help. He tried to help. But old scars opened when new scars formed. Doors that should have stayed shut didn't. He must help her. I don't like the dark."

"What are you talking about, Cole?" Solana questioned.

Cole's pale eyes looked at me. "You left because you thought it would stop the hurt. But the hurt is inside. You can't help her there. He can. He has to."

I was baffled by the boy's words, but I could sense he was trying to tell me something. I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my neck. "Make sense."

He toyed with his fingers. "I can't always say it right."

"You never say it right," I growled. Cole, obviously hurt, disappeared.

"That was harsh, Cullen," Solana reprimanded. "He was trying."

Ignoring her words, I shook my head. "I trust M-Talitha," I murmured. "If she told Ellana all was well, I will take comfort in that. And pray for her."

"Would you like for me to pray as well?" Mother Giselle's gentle voice asked from behind me. I turned, but when I said nothing, she looked to Solana. "How fares the Herald?"

"She is awake, Mother," Solana lowered her head.

"Maker be praised for such a blessing," Mother Giselle smiled. "I hear it is you we have to thank for searching for her, Commander?"

"Thanks is not necessary," I stated.

"All the same, the people thank you for your determination." Her perceptive eyes studied me. "It has...given them a reason to hope. To know that our Herald rose to defend us, fell and has returned...What are these trials, if not ordained?"

I gave a nod in response; part of me wanting to agree, part of me doubting. "If you'll excuse me, I must see to my duties."

"Cullen," Solana's voice spoke. "Please, return as soon as you are able."

I met her dark eyes, noticing that Giselle was also studying me, a sad smile on her face. "I will."

She glanced over me before guiding Mother Giselle inside the tent. I stood outside, staring at the flap for a few moments.

"Cullen -" Cassandra bit.

"Before you give me a verbal lashing, know that Amell delivered a beautiful slap across my face to save you the trouble," I growled.

Cassandra's brows rose. "She...did?"

"Yes, she did."

"Oh," Cassandra looked away. "Well then, I am glad she...got through to you." She let out a mirthless chuckle. "First Mahanon and then Solana. I suppose you've had enough for one evening?"

"Cassandra, I've had enough for a lifetime. Several, in fact."

"I know, Cullen."

Curious, I questioned. "How did you know about Mahanon?"

"I saw him attack you and was going to intervene, but Elolora did so well enough," Cassandra placed her hand on her sword, gripping it.

"I want nothing to come of it, Cassandra," I ordered.

"We should demand he leaves, Cullen."

"No," I shook my head. "He was angry. I think you and I both understand how far anger can push someone - and how much second chances can mean."

Cassandra nodded, relenting. "One more misstep, however, and he is gone."

"Fair enough," I agreed.

I glanced toward the tent a final time, thinking of Meira and fearing what she might be facing in the Fade, I whispered a prayer for her. "Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's light and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost."
Maker, keep her safe. I looked up to the stars. Maker, please, keep her safe. A heavy weight settle on my shoulders, my mind finally absorbing everything that had occurred. A knot tense in my chest, I turned from the tent to see to the camp, trying to ignore the sense of dread gnawing at my mind. As if on a quiet wind, the words of that Chantry hymn hummed in my mind. Shadows fall and hope has fled. Steel your heart, the dawn will come. The night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come.
"Maker, let our dawn come."

...

It had been an hour or so after I had left Ellana and Solana with Meira. I'd finished my rounds, assuring guards were well, assured there was no immediate threat. Our being lost in the wilderness - as beyond our clearing was a pine forest encircling us - seemed to have made us lost to the enemy as well. While the hopelessness that had been palpable had eased somewhat, it was still clear that our people were discouraged.
There were no answers as to what had just occurred, no answer beyond our defeat. I did my best to encourage my men, Rylen as well, but it was all hollow - tinged by sorrow.
We were deep into the night, but very few could bring themselves to sleep - not that I could blame them. The fledgling mages were the only ones lucky enough to find themselves asleep, Keran their guard but he seemed lost without Lysette. Rylen ran me through what provisions we had and I knew we'd need to hunt and gather more what we could as what we had would not last long.
I knew that we would need to return to Haven to scavenge what we could, but some time would need to pass before we attempted it - most likely, Leliana would need to send scouts ahead to ensure our enemy was gone. At the thought, I had searched for the Spymaster, finding her pensive as she stared at nothing as a map was spread before her.

"I am sorry for my earlier anger, Cullen," she murmured at my approach. "No one is to blame for this but me."

Stunned, I looked at her. "We both know that is not true. I lead our forces, the fault is mine."

Cassandra and Josephine approached. Cassandra scowling at the both of us. "No one is to blame for this beyond that creature."

Josephine's eyes were wide in terror, her normally pristine face dirty and tear-streaked. "What...what do we do now?"

I met her eyes, wanting to encourage her. "First, we need to know what we're up against. Only the Herald can give us those answers. After that, we find a new place to house the Inquisition. A place that is defendable." Josephine gave a tiny nod.

"You make is sound so simple, Commander," Leliana cooed, a smirk on her lips that didn't meet her eyes.

"The answer is simple, Spymaster," I replied, a smirk of my own pulling at my mouth. "It's the execution that will be difficult."

"Indeed," she nodded her hooded head. "The Herald...and Talitha. How do we thank them for what they did?"

"What do you mean?" Cassandra questioned.

"They are not our soldiers nor our scouts. Our forces know that our cause may mean their lives," Leliana stated, straightening. "But theywere never asked to give such a sacrifice and yet...she was the one who chose to stay behind and Talitha followed." She thought for a moment. "I know we've discussed it once before, but...I feel she has earned it now. Should we name Ellana the Inquisitor?"

We were all silent for a time. Cassandra spoke first, "Right now, there is no Inquisition. We are broken, scattered and barely clinging to life. Our enemy was thorough in his destruction. If she can stand tall and pull these people back together, if the Inquisition can recover from this, then we will concern ourselves with an Inquisitor. That is if she even wants the title. She should be apart of the decision just as much as we are."

"And if she refuses?" I questioned, placing my hands on my pommel to hide the tremors that were beginning.

"There is Talitha," Leliana suggested. Her eyes flicked to me. "Though, I would have her play Ellana." She spread her hands wide. "The people will accept no one else now. It cannot be any of us. Wether they would ever admit it or not, we failed them. She did not."

"You cannot be serious," I spit. "You cannot ask that of her."

"Why not?" Leliana quirked a brow. "I would not forceit upon her, Cullen. I would simply present the idea."

"And no doubt manipulate her into accepting," I scoffed. "You would be asking her to erase herself entirely," I barked. "At least as Talitha she can lead a life that is her own."

Leliana pinned me down with a look. "Has this more to do with youthan with Talitha?"

"What? No!" I argued, praying to the Maker the blush I felt was not evident. "I'm simply trying to say that she is not some pawn in your game for you to move about as you will. She is a person."

"Commander, Leliana, this argument is pointless. We must ask the Herald first," Josephine stated. "Besides, we may find her...changed from this experience. I know she has not been the most willing of partners, but I do feel she was changing her mind prior to our march on the Breach. Perhaps now having an enemy to face - an enemy that nearly claimed her life and the life of her sister - will give her the motivation she lacked?"

"It seems we will find out," Leliana nodded behind us.

I turned to find Ellana slowly making her way to us. Though healed, it was evident that she was exhausted and still in pain. She limped, her shoulders were slumped; her eyes held a little less life and a little more hardness. We waited for her to approach, watching as the people around her gasped, a few reaching out to touch the hem of her cloak.

"Advisors," she greeted, her voice still shaky and broken.

"Herald," we replied.

"How can we express our grat-," Josephine began, but stopped when Ellana held up a hand.

"Your gratitude belongs to Talitha and no one else. If not for her, I would be dead and buried," she stated. "That said, I am glad that so many made it out." Her eyes turned to me. "That your soldiers conducted themselves with efficiency and calmness - if they had not, we would not have this camp nor these provisions." I gave a nod. She looked to the others. "But whatin the Creators names just happened?" She was angry. Furious even.

"You must blame me for this," Leliana confessed.

"We all saw who attacked us," Ellana growled. "We know exactly who to blame."

Leliana shook her head. "I ordered my agents to pull back. If I had ordered them to stay, they could have bought us more time." Leliana sighed angrily. "I was afraid to lose my agents and instead we lost Haven."

Ellana grew more furious. "You were looking out for your people - that's a good thing."

"Is it?" Leliana spit, her fury at herself evident. "My people know their duty. They know the risks. They understand that the Inquisition may call upon them to give their lives."

"And so they did!" Ellana roared, a few heads turning our way. "But they did so willingly - to protect us. Our people are not tools to be used and discarded." She gave Leliana a hard look. "Your instincts were right. Their lives mattered."

"Can we afford such sentimentality?" Leliana questioned. "What if the Elder One -"

"We are better than the Elder One," Ellana threatened, silencing Leliana. "And we will make that creature pay - make him know that truth. I want to know how we ensure this neverhappens again."

"Then we need to know what we're facing," I stated. "Who is our enemy?"

She paled a little as she thought. "We need to discuss it privately so we can determine how best to go about telling our people."

She led us back to the tent she and Meira were sharing. It was the only one both private and large enough to hold all of us. My eyes went to where Meira lay, the wolf still at her feet, Mother Giselle at her side, her hands clasped in prayer. Only seconds after we had entered did the tent flap pull open and all of Ellana's companions piled inside. Blackwall, Bull, Cole, Dorian, Sera, Solas, Varric and Vivienne all gathered around Ellana. Giselle stood and silently left the tent.

"Maker! You're a mess!" Vivienne fretted as she checked Ellana over. I was surprised by the woman's seeming care for Ellana and Ellana's acceptance of it. "Are you alright, my dear? Were you hurt? You look dreadful."

"I'll be fine, don't worry," Ellana assured, attempting to smile, but failing.

"Bear it well, my dear. The people will take their cue from your composure," Vivienne advised. "Now...When you've rested some more, come to me. We must get you cleaned up and keep up appearances." Vivienne fussed over her some more. "You've handled this crisis competently thus far, saving as many lives as you did. But the enemy struck a serious blow against you and the Inquisition. We must recognize that. You must."

"For every person I supposedly saved, two more were cut down," Ellana admitted. "I failed them."

Vivienne blinked in surprise and when she spoke in response, her voice was uncharacteristically soft. "You haven't failed them, my dear. The men and women who fight for the Inquisition gave their lives for a great cause, and they fought to the end. The rest still fight, and you will fail them if you give up now."

Ellana's face hardened. "I am not going to forgive what happened today. The Elder One will answer for what he's done."

"You're angry. Good. Anger can save you when everything else is gone," Vivienne nodded. "Just make sure you put it to good use." Vivienne's dark eyes landed on me before swooping across Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine. "It was a mistake to use Haven as a base of operations. The town was completely indefensible."

"A lot of our people just died," I bit. "We will discuss who's fault that is later."

"Now is always the time, my dear," Vivienne retorted, coldly. "The past cannot be changed, and tomorrow may never come." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You left us vulnerable to attack. It was a miscalculation, one that I'm sure you won't repeat." I clenched my jaw, wanting to rage, but knowing she was correct. Her dark eyes glittered as she studied me, a smirk on her lips. "Wherever we move to, ensure it is a proper stronghold, Commander."

"Thank you for your wise counsel, Lady Vivienne," Josephine stated, her voice cold.

"Of course, my dear. We must have cool heads if we are to move forward," Vivienne jutted her chin.

"I'm glad you all are here," Ellana breathed, trying to dispel the growing tension in the room at Vivienne's demeanor. "As our Commander said to me earlier, we need to know what we're facing. Let me tell you."

We all sat in stunned silence as we listened to Ellana's recounting of the events at Haven. Our dread growing with each sentence she uttered. A creature that claimed to be one of the ancient magisters that breached the Fade - blackening the Golden City, plunging the world into the darkness of the Blight with their hubris. His dragon appeared to be blighted - possibly an archdemon. The Mark on her hand not a boon from Andraste, but a stolen spell crafted by this Corypheus that he could enter the Fade and claim godhood. His goal to rule from the Golden City and restore Tevinter to its power of old. There were various reactions to what she shared: panic, confusion, righteous anger and outright hatred. Ellana was exhausted after telling us everything, the effort taking its toll.

"Remember that war we talked about stopping? Full of little baddies that I could stick with little arrows? That's not a friggin' archdemon is it?" Sera's voice bordering on hysterical before muttering under her breath, "Andraste, what'd I step in?"

"We've dealt with much, my dear. Corypheus is a surprise to be sure, but an enemy like any other," Vivienne responded cooly. "There is no need to be so hysterical."

"No, a 'surprise' would be "Oh, I stepped in dog crap." No one says, "Oh! A magister god-monster, I'm surprised". Impossible things aren't surprises," Sera retorted.

"No one can help you, my dear, unless you decide to speak in a way normalpeople can understand," Vivienne chastised, her lip curling.

"It's gotto be nonsense, doesn't it? We're kind of screwed if it isn't," Sera stated as she beseeched the rest of us. "I mean, that Coryphe-thing...A magister, right? Story is he cracked the Golden City; but that's a hazy dream. If not - seat of the Maker, real thing. A seat needs a butt, so the Maker - real thing. Fairy stories about the start andend of the world - real things. It's too much isn't it?" Panic was alight in her large eyes as she reasoned this out. "It can't be true, true. Even fanatics don't want to be this right. Right, Cullen? Cassandra? Leliana?"

"We are hardly 'fanatics', Sera," Cassandra growled, clearly offended.

Sera let out a snort. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Keep calling it nonsense," Ellana shrugged. "That perspective will keep the Inquisition grounded."

"Oh, I can do that," Sera smirked. "We fight. The bad things go away, everyone calms down and everything goes back to normal. A nice, well paid normal."

"You're starting to not sound completely crazy, Buttercup," Varric stated, his voice grim.

"I know! Scary, innit?" Sera laughed.

"Brilliant, isn't it?" Dorian asked, his voice falsely cheerful as he strode up to Ellana and pulled her to his side. "One moment you're trying to restore order in a world gone mad - that should be enough, for anyone to handle, yes? Then, out of nowhere, an archdemon appears and kicks you in the head." He made a face at her. "'What!? You thought this would be easy?' No, I was just hoping you wouldn't crush our village like an anthill. 'Sorry about that, archdemons like to crush, you know. Can't be helped." He glanced around at the rest of us before his eyes landed on me. "Am I speaking too quickly for you?"

"I think the Commander was just distracted," Bull smirked, nodding towards Meira before flashing a wink at me when I scowled at him in response.

"'Distracted'?" Dorian questioned, his grey eyes not missing Bull's gesture. "By my wit and charm? I have plenty of both."

"Are you quite certain of that, my dear?" Vivienne cooed at him.

"Oh, you wound me," Dorian mocked offense. He released Ellana, who seemed to have found a bit of relief at Dorian's dark humor. The man's face turned serious as he addressed the room. "I always assumed the Elder One behind the Venatori was a magister, but this...is something else completely. In Tevinter, they say the Chantry's tales of magisters starting the Blight are just that - tales. But here we are. One of those very magisters, a dark spawn."

"Who does the Imperium say started the Blight?" Leliana asked.

"You know how it is. 'Not us'. They say darkspawn were always there," Dorian explained. "Magisters and darkspawn aren't even related. Is that a surprise? No one wants to admit they soiled the bed." He scowled. "But if Corypheus is one of the magisters who entered the Black City and he's darkspawn, what other explanation is there?"

"We only know what Corypheus claims to be," Leliana argued.

"True," Dorian nodded. "He could be a convincing liar or delusional or insane. But how many delusional maniacs are going to have that knowledge?" Dorian's bravado fell for a moment. "He broke open the Fade." He crossed his arms over his chest, rage and disillusionment plain on his face. "I knew what I was taught couldn't be the whole truth, but I assumed there had to be a kernel of it somewhere. But no, it was us all along - we destroyed the world."

Ellana turned to him. "You didn't do anything. Those men did, a thousand years ago."

"True, except that one of them is up and walking around right now. Not to mention I have idiot countrymen who are happily following him down that path again, lest we forget the Venatori." Dorian met her gaze, his own hard. "No one will thank me, whatever happens. No one will thank you,either. You know that, yes?"

"That's not why I stayed behind," Ellana murmured.

"I knew there was something clever about you," Dorian gave her a small smile. "All I know is this: Corypheus needs to be stopped. Men like him ruined my homeland. I won't stand by and let him ruin the world. I'll do what I can to find more information on him, hopefully there may still be a record of him somewhere." Dorian made for the exit of the tent at those words, but he turned at the last second. "Oh and congratulations on that whole not being dead thing, by the way."

Vivienne and Sera followed behind him, bickering with each other the whole way.

"This is why killing Vints is a good thing," Bull growled. "Vints and dragons. I need to go tell the Chargers."

"Well...crap," Varric rubbed his face. The dwarf looked exhausted and strained. He'd been at Bethany's side in the healers' tent when I'd gone to ask what Solana was in need of so the soldiers could forage once daylight came. Now, he looked absolutely miserable. "I...I need a minute. Good to see you not dead." He, too, left the tent.

Blackwall had been standing towards the tent flap, quiet as he absorbed Ellana's information. "I am glad to have a Grey Warden with us," I stated to the man, drawing him out of his thoughts. "If darkspawn are to be on our list of enemies."

"Indeed," Blackwall nodded, his mouth in a hard line. "If you'll excuse me."

As he left, only Solas and Cole remained. Solas stepped up to Ellana. "I am glad to see you well, lethallan."

"And I you, Solas," she murmured, emotion in her voice.

"It seems you are in need of rest now," Solas observed as his eyes flicked over her face. "I shall take my leave. We may speak later, after you have recovered more of your strength."

"Ma nuvenin," Ellana nodded.

"Cold. Crying. Carried." Cole stated as the tent flap closed behind Solas. "You are safe now."

"I certainly hope so, Cole," Ellana gave him a small smile, her eyes still haunted and hollow.

"Cullen will not let anyone hurt her again," Cole offered, causing me to stiffen.

"I know, Cole." Ellana stated, her eyes turning to me.

"Then why are you angry with him?" Cole cocked his head at her.

"That's something he and I need to discuss," Ellana voiced. "Thank you for trying to help."

Cole disappeared, leaving Ellana alone with us once more. "If you'll allow me, I would like to speak with the Commander alone." Ellana looked to the three women. "We can discuss our next steps after that."

"But we -" Leliana began.

"Leliana," Ellana snapped. "My sister and I nearly died - for all we know she may yetdie. I need to speak with the man -" she cut herself off. The man responsible. "You will do as I ask."

The women filed out of the tent, but they seemed to stay within earshot. I assumed for fear Ellana would kill me or demand my dismissal. I stood straight, hand on my sword. "What would you have of me, Herald?"

Ellana's eyes met mine, her gaze unyielding. "You should have stopped her."

There it is."I tried," I stated, grimacing.

"Not hard enough," she spit. "The moment you knew what she was going to do you should have used a smite or something..."

My brows went up in shock before anger burned hot in my gut. Hypocrite."Convenient how you would ask me to use my templar abilities when it benefits you. Beyond that, however, you'd be perfectly happy to never see another templar again. Especiallyone empowered by lyrium."

Ellana narrowed her eyes. "I do not deny the templar's uses, Cullen. I just understand the danger lyrium causes within the Order. It is a crutch, a weakness, a tool and a weapon that can be wielded against you." She gestured to where Meira lay. "That aside, I know it grants you the ability to stop mages. I figured if any time you thought it wise to use your abilities, it would be to protect her- even if it was protecting her from herself."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What you are describing is one of the most common forms of abuse templars committed against mages. One I witnessed - one I allowed- too often to count. I left the Order and everything with it. I would never do that to her." My voice was shaking with my anger. "Do I agree with her choice? No. Did I try to stop her? Yes. In the end, this is what the Maker wanted. She had to go, Herald, and you well know it. If she hadn't, you would be -"

"-Dead! I know, you idiot! You stubborn, obstinate, impossible ox!" She was yelling at me, the emotion she was trying to hide becoming evident and my anger evaporated. "Creators! Why? WHY? You say your Maker wanted this to happen? To her? Does he despise her? Despise you? This Inquisition? Or is it me? I, who doesn't even believe in him, has been granted this-" She jerked the Anchor up, the green light spilling onto her face, "-has been called the 'herald' of his bride...Did he do this because I have insulted him?"

For a moment, I felt a deep understanding at what Ellana was wrestling with; she wanted answers to the same questions I had asked. She thought herself to blame - or the Maker to blame. "Ellana, the Maker works in mysterious ways. I cannot claim any special insight into his ways, but...I do know that he does things for a purpose. My own life is evidence enough...at least, I hope it will be." I looked to Meira's drawn face.

"Are you sure he is not the same as my gods can be?" Her eyes met mine. "Cruel? Selfish? Self-serving? One wrong step and you're punished?"

"Is that truly what you believe of your pantheon?" I questioned.

"I...don't know anymore. No one answered my prayers about her," Ellana murmured, her eyes going to Meira. "And Corypheus...he claimed the heavens were empty. Does that mean...does that mean there is no one watching over us? Does that mean all of this is happening...for no reason at all?"

"All I know for certain is this: your sister is alive when she should not be. Yes, she is still struggling, but she is alive.She should be dead. Maker, I should be dead a few times over. You should be dead, for that matter. Yet, here we all are. I cannot believe that is by nothing more than chance. Is it the Maker? Is it your pantheon? I know what I believe, Herald. I have found the Chant a truth unshaken by the circumstances of my life."

"And I could say the same of my gods," Ellana stated.

"Your questions are better asked of Mother Giselle than I. I am no philosopher. I simply know what I believe - have seen the evidence in my life. I've questioned it at times, but I've found comfort in faith when life offered little."

Ellana breathed out through her nose. "I...did not mean to debate religion with you. I suppose I was trying to say that..." She looked at the Anchor, disgust on her face. "If, by chance, this was given by Andraste. By your Maker instead of the Creators, then I wish with all my heart it had been her. That I had died on that mountain and she walked out of the Fade. What better Herald would you have had than one who actually believes in your Maker?" Her jade eyes met mine. "That wants to be here? That..."

"Herald - Ellana, do not doubt for a second that youare who was intended to be here," I stated. "We are glad to have you with us. No, you may not share our faith, but you share our passion in this cause. That is all we can ask for. Yes, we may...disagree at times, but your guidance and help has been sound thus far."

Her eyes met mine, something easing on her face at my words. "Thank you, Cullen."

I nodded and looked to Meira. "And know that I have no doubt that she will live. Whatever is happening to keep her asleep, is happening because it must."

"I hope you are right." Ellana straightened, letting out a deep sigh. "We need to discuss what is next."

I shook my head. "You look exhausted. You should rest some more. We can handle things."

I thought she would fight, but she surrendered quickly. "I suppose you're right."

Gently, she crawled back into the cot with Meira. Wrapping her arms around her sister, she fell asleep quickly. I walked out of the tent to find the others still standing outside. "The Herald is resting some more."

"We need to figure out what we're going to do, Cullen," Leliana voiced.

"I know," I nodded. "She does not need to be a part of that discussion. At least, not yet."

"Very well," Leliana relented.

We made our way to the makeshift table Leliana had been leaning over earlier. A map of the area spread upon its surface told us little of where exactly we were. I knew we were north of Haven, within a pass that cut through the mountains and led into Orlais, but beyond that there was no information. We seemed to be in a wilderness - untamed and unmapped.
I feared what lurked in the trees around us. Avaar? Red Templars? Bears?For now it seemed we were just as lost to our enemy as they were to us. We began to discuss where we would go, quickly dissolving into bickering. Haven had been a precarious situation, but accepted since the grounds were "neutral" as they had more religious ties than nation ties. But moving anywhere else nearby? We'd risk the ire of Empress Celene or King Alistair. Trying to move to unclaimed territory would be impossible.
Unable to reach any answers on that topic, we moved on to Corypheus. A darkspawn magister and his archdemon - an enemy I could never have predicted. At my request, Leliana divulged everything she could of her experience during the Fifth Blight. We were silent as she told us of Warden Cousland, of the darkspawn, and the archdemon. I recalled memories of facing down the monstrosities, their rotting skin, dead eyes and malice that fell off them in waves as she talked of the battle for Denerim. The battle had been quick, the darkspawn fleeing when the archdemon was slain.
I feared for my men as I recalled the brutality of that enemy, the unyielding force they had been. We were not Grey Wardens, fighting darkspawn was never part of what we were meant to do. The Inquisition was to restore order and peace, to challenge the Chantry tenets and help the common folk of Thedas. Now, I would have to ask my men to face threats they'd never dreamed. They were not equipped to fight such an enemy; they had not been asked to fight a true war. Anger surged through me as Leliana cooly stated that I would need to 'make them ready, then'.
We descended into blaming one another. Leliana did not alert us to the full extent of the danger she suspected; I had not prepared our soldiers well enough; Cassandra and the Herald had not garnered enough volunteers; Josephine had not negotiated well enough. Shouting ensued, along with fear and doubt. Could we face what lay ahead? Could the Inquisition truly unite and defeat this monster? We were broken, afraid, and unsure of what was to become of us - and I knew full well this was beyond any reason any of us had joined the cause for. Cassandra and Leliana wanted blood; I wanted to protect our men and followers, not needlessly put them in harm's way - as much as I, too, wanted the creature defeated; we needed more information about our enemy. Josephine knew any path was pointless until we found a place to shelter ourselves; the wilderness was not the location.

"What would you have me tell them?" I raged at the three women. "This isn't what we asked them to do!"

"We cannot simply ignore this," Cassandra bit. "We must find a way!"

"And who put you in charge?" I roared at her. "We need a consensus or we have nothing!"

"Please, we must use reason!" Josephine implored. "Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition, we're hobbled."

"That can't come from nowhere!" I argued.

"She didn't say it could!" Leliana spit.

"Enough!" Cassandra shouted. "This is getting us nowhere!"

"Well, we're agreed on that much!" I threw my hands up, agitated.

We were going in circles and getting nowhere. We walked away from each other, angry, defeated and lost. It was clear we needed a leader, an Inquisitor to unify and guide us. I glanced to the tent where Ellana and Meira lay, Mother Giselle having returned to see to them a few moments ago after checking on the rest of the camp. Our two best candidates for a leader were broken now. One physically, the other emotionally. Unless something restored one of them to strength, we would have to look elsewhere.
I could not lead, knowing full well that Commander was the only title I wanted to hold. Leading our soldiers, training them, looking after them - that was what I knew how to do. The weight of the world upon my shoulders? I would fear I'd lead my men astray. Cassandra refused to lead, knowing that she - like me - wanted to act where a leader could not, enabling them to lead better. Leliana could not be replaced as Spymaster, nor could Josephine be replaced as Ambassador.
None of that meant anything, however, as I looked around us. Word had spread of our enemy, of what the Herald had faced in Haven. Any hope that had been kindled at her return, at hearing that she had awakened, had died once again. Fear permeated the air around us. Fear and despair. Who could stand against the creature she had faced? A self-proclaimed god? We were lost, more than just physically. The cause we'd united under was obscuered now; order and peace seeming impossible as this creature wanted to set itself above us and rule. Had numbers beyond counting. Had an archdemon. The Blight had not occurred so long ago that people had yet forgotten.
Maker, what do we do now? Are you truly with us? Can we stand against this evil? Can we defeat it? Can I stand against it without lyrium?

"Shadows fall and hope has fled," a melodious voice sung and I turned, my heart skipping in my chest. Ellana had emerged from the tent, leaning against a support pole. She looked exhausted, pale and utterly defeated. Mother Giselle had emerged behind her; her head was lowered, her hands clasped in front of her as she sung. Her voice carried across the whole camp, stirring emotion within my gut. "Steel your heart, the dawn will come. The night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come."

Leliana was the first to join her, her moniker as the Nightingale well earned as her voice was beautiful. "The shepherd's lost and his home is far." As she sang, I felt the entire camp shift. Soldiers moved towards Ellana, pilgrims and townsfolk as well. They, too, joined in the song. I could hardly believe that out of all the Chantry hymns, thiswas the one the Mother had chosen. I felt my lips pull in the ghost of a smirk as I, once again, felt a small voice telling me hope was not lost - that there wasa purpose to all of this. "Keep to the stars, the dawn will come."

Unable to resist the pull to join, my own hope renewing, I opened my mouth to sing. "The night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come." Soldiers saluted to Ellana, pilgrims and townsfolk bowed before her. I could not discern what she was thinking, but she remained before them. Her eyes swept over the people of the Inquisition and I saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. "Bare your blade and raise it high. Stand your ground, the dawn will come. The night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come."

Ellana lifted her chin as the final note was held, a look of frightening determination coloring her features, a fire in her eyes. No longer was she broken or afraid. She was ready to face this enemy and defeat it. And right then I knew - we had our leader. I glanced to the others, finding their eyes; each gave an almost imperceptible nod. We all knew, she was ready - even if she didn't know it yet. Mother Giselle said something to her, causing Ellana to nod and lay a hand on the older woman's arm. We needed to discuss her becoming Inquisitor, but as I was about to ask for her to join us, Solas called for her to follow him. His face looked grim and serious - even more than usual - causing me to wonder at the nature of their conversation. Putting it aside, I instead headed to check on Meira as I watch Mother Giselle go inside.

Checking that no one was looking, the rest of the camp now lively and bordering on jovial, I slipped into the tent. Meira was the same as she had been, but her features were strained once again. "How is she?"

"She is fighting, Commander," Mother Giselle observed. "What or why, I cannot say." Her dark eyes turned to me. "She is strong."

"She is," I nodded.

"I was about to pray for her. Would you wish to join me?" Giselle questioned.

I swallowed thickly, I had not prayed alongside a Mother in quite some time. "I...I am sure you are far more eloquent than I, Revered Mother."

Giselle smiled, her eyes sparkling with humor. "I cannot claim perfection in my prayers, dear boy. The Maker is pleased by any who raise their voice to him."

"I am hardly a 'boy', Mother," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

She chuckled. "No?"

"Maker's -" I began and then noticed Giselle's raised eyebrow. I lowered my hands back to my sides. "Forgive me, Revered Mother."

Giselle chuckled again. "Come. I know she means a great deal to you."

"Does everyone know?" I questioned.

"One look at your face as you carried her into camp and I would say it is likely," she stated, her voice full of the same humor that lit her eyes.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "That is...not good."

"Why not?"

"I...am her Commander."

"Dear boy, I think everyone will forgive you for letting your mask slip just a little after what just occurred." Giselle patted my vambrace. "Now, am I to pray alone?" Feeling awkward, I knelt beside Giselle. I prayed with her as she spoke the Prayer for the Despairing over Meira. "Thank you." I nodded and stood, but felt a gentle hand on my arm. "Commander. What is troubling you?"

Looking into her dark eyes, I felt everything festering just beneath my skin, desperate to get out. Like an infected wound that needed to be lanced. I glanced away from her. "You have plenty to care for, Mother. I can handle my own burdens."

"Cullen," her voice was stern, but still gentle. "You are sinking under the weight of them."

I clenched my teeth. "That may be, but they are mine to bear."

"And in so doing, you are making yourself a martyr needlessly," Giselle challenged. "Even you need someone you can speak with."

I looked pointedly at Meira. "She is who I speak with."

"Is she?" Giselle questioned, her voice neither accusing or doubting, yet I felt the truths I had yet to tell Meira at the forefront of my tongue.

"She is...but -"

"-If you do not wish to speak, I will not force you," Giselle relented. "I will continue to pray for you. For you both."

I began to make my way out of the tent, but before I left, my gut twisted. "Perhaps...I should speak with you." I turned back and grabbed the extra stool. "First, however, I must confess to you that I have little regard for the Chantry these days. I have...not lost faith in the Maker or Our Lady, but in the Chantry...I have very little, if any."

She met my eyes. "Would it shock you if I said I have little faith in it these days as well?"

"Yes," I stated. "It would."

"Well then, be shocked," she smiled. "The Chantry has failed the people of Thedas. Has failed the Templars. Has failed the mages." Her eyes went to Meira. "Has failed those who have converted that are not human." Her gaze returned. "What it was meant to be, it is no longer."

I was taken aback by her frankness. "Can you...say such things?"

She laughed. "The Herald said something similar when we spoke about the Chantry. And I will say to you what I said to her: I believe I am safe saying such things amongst those deemed heretics already."

A wry smirk twisted my mouth. "I suppose you are right."

"Would you consider me still someone trustworthy of hearing your burdens? Of praying for you? Despite what sits upon my head?" Giselle lifted a brow. "Though the Chantry has failed, my faith has not. Nor has my care for those in my flock wavered." Her face turned sad. "I see broken faith, doubt, anger, sorrow and suffering all around me. I do all I can to relieve pain where I can."

"And we appreciate it, Revered Mother."

"Then tell me, Commander, what troubles you?"

With a deep sigh that bespoke long-suffering, I recounted what I could to her. Starting with Kirkwall and all that happened after. Told of her of my stopping lyrium. With it, came a catharsis I had not expected, but was grateful for. Giselle was patient and had no air of judgment upon me. Instead, I saw a softness in her face and a sorrow enter her eyes as she listened to what I told her. Growing frustrated, I glanced to Meira. "I swore to myself that I would be free of the Order, free of lyrium. I pray to Andraste for the strength to endure it. But what have I done, if not faltered in allowing this?"

"My dear boy, you give yourself too much credit," Giselle smiled warmly. "The Maker works in mysterious ways. He crafted worlds, all that we see, all these people. He crafted you. Do you truly believe that you, that she, that Ican change a single second of the plans he has laid out for us? Of course we have free will, we sin, we make mistakes, but…all of that He can work for his plan. And he does, time and again. How can you know that he did not allow all of this to happen? How can you know that he will not use this pain to forge you anew? To forge us all into a mighty weapon for his will?"

"But why? Why does she pay for my sin?"

"The Maker is not cruel," Giselle assured. "She is not paying for anything - least of all yoursin. She has her own path to tread, laid out by the Maker. What he has intended for her - for us all - we can only guess. Your duty is to pray for her, for those under your care, for your own path. Your duty is to see what the Maker has called you to fulfilled."

"And what if…what if our paths are not meant to intertwine?" I questioned, an anxiousness gnawing at me. "What if…because of my past…I am not meant to be with her - with anyone?"

Giselle placed a gentle hand on my arm. "He has brought you back together for a reason, of that I have no doubt. And neither should you. But perhaps there is more to your story than romance?"

"Only if she…only if…if she survives this - another mistake of mine," I looked away, my voice bitter.

"Cullen," Giselle said gently, but not weakly, her hand placing pressure on my arm. "Stop trying to carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders. You cannot - you are only a man."

I met her dark eyes. "A man who sees what he has wrought upon the world - upon those he loves - and is ashamed."

She studied me for a moment. "And you would let that shame keep you in the dark forever? Is that not taking upon yourself the duties of the Maker? Heis the one who decides what trials we face, what fire we must be forged in and when we have passed the test - not us. Have you lost such faith?"

"No, but…doubt has plagued me," I admitted. I sighed. "I'm…I'm just trying to atone. To be a good man."

"Quitting lyrium in itself does not make you a better person. It is the reason behind it - if it is to please the Maker, to turn from wrong behavior - that is the path that leads to good men," Giselle instructed. "I know it is not the path you would have chosen for yourself to get to where you are, but when is the path the Maker has us walk anything we would choose?" She asked with a hint of a knowing smile. "A sword does not ask to be forged, Commander. It simply is. For a purpose. You said you felt the Maker calling you here? Then it was for a reason. Keep striving to find the answer." She glanced to Meira. "Do all you can, but remember that you do not have to do it all alone. Lean on those who care about you. Know, too, that she is another sword being forged."

"I just hope the Maker doesn't destroy her in the process," I muttered. "Or me, for that matter."

"Sometimes we must be broken to be mended," Giselle murmured. "I think you can understand this."

I looked at her. "More than you know."

She nodded. "Do not be afraid of the fire - nor your doubt. Faith is made stronger by facing doubt. Untested, it is nothing."

I raised my brows at her. "Are you allowed to say that?"

She laughed again. "Absolutely."

"I apologize for being gone for so long," Elolora's voice called from the tent flap. "Fioren was starving."

"It is no trouble at all," Giselle assured.

"I am sure you have been needing to see to others," Elolora urged.

"You and your children are as much in my care as any other here, Elolora," Giselle voiced.

"Th-thank you," Elolora smiled, a little stunned.

Giselle rose from her stool, a gentle hand on my pauldron before she made her way to Elolora. "Please, sit. I am sure Meira will be glad of your presence."

"H-how do -" Elolora questioned.

Giselle smiled. "I met your twins before the...ruse was underway. Meira has come to me for council and encouragement a time or two as well."

"I see."

"If you would excuse me." Giselle ducked out of the tent.

"Cullen," Elolora greeted. "Would you hold Fioren? Solana instructed me to bathe Meira."

"I-I...It's been a long time since -"

"-You'll do fine! Her belly is so full, she's in the land of dreams now," Elolora assured as she lowered the babe into my unprepared arms.

"I-I have armor on," I panicked.

"The blanket is thick," Elolora assured as she set my arms as they needed to be before nestling the child into them. "She can sleep anywhere. Just keep her head up."

"Elolora..." I pleaded, feeling as if the little bundle she placed in my arms was the most fragile thing in the world.

"Hush," Elolora chuckled. "I'll just be a few moments."

Elolora bent to pull back the covers from Meira and I turned on my stool. I looked to the babe in my arms and felt sheer terror slither down my spine. She was so tiny. Little eyes, little nose, little mouth and little pointed ears. She had Meira's olive complexion, but her fuzzy hair was lighter. I watched as her eyes moved beneath the lids, her mouth moving every so often as she dreamt. So tiny, so assured of being safe that she kept dreaming.
Her face scrunched, her little body wriggling before she let out a cry. Panicking again, I hurried to comfort her. Trying to rock her soothingly, to hush her, but having no idea of what I was supposed to do. Fearing she'd begin crying in earnest, my palms sweating and heart beating fast in panic. Then, just as quickly she stopped and fell back into deep sleep.

"A baby looks good on you," Elolora chuckled. "All that panic for nothing."

"I have not held a babe in...years," I murmured. "My sister, Rosalie, was the last."

Elolora was quiet and I heard as she dipped a sponge into a basin, the water running back in as she squeezed the excess out. "I suppose thatwould be the greatest offense the others would have at your relationship with Meira. The possibility of elf-blooded children, even more the likelihood of no children at all." Elolora let out a sigh.

"I...fear that as well," I voiced. "Is it...fair of me to ask that of her? Of you?"

"What matters is that you care enough toask, Cullen," Elolora murmured. "No matter what may come, she loves you."

"Is it fair to demand everything of her in return for that love?" I whispered. "The more I love her...the more I feel I am taking from her instead of giving."

"Then stop taking," Elolora advised. "Give. Give her everything you can and then keep giving."

"Al-Alright," I muttered. Fioren's little hand reached out, the chubby fingers grasping. Hesitantly, I placed a finger in her palm and chuckled as she grasped it with surprising strength.

"Why does he hold our child, Elolora?" A deep voice questioned. I raised my head to find Feldor now within the tent. His dark eyes and face unreadable. He had been assisting Harrit in repairing the soldiers armor that could be repaired.

"Because I asked him to, vhenan," Elolora replied. "I needed to bathe our daughter. Fioren would have been disturbed. The Commander was in here speaking with the Chantry Mother when I returned, so I asked him to assist me as the Mother needed to see to the rest of the camp."

Feldor made a noncommittal noise in his throat. "How is she?"

"She still sleeps," Elolora informed him, her voice worried. "She fights."

"As she would," Feldor stated. "Our daughter is strong, vhenan. She has been since she was born."

My heart began pounding painfully. There was no better opportunity than now to speak with them about what Meira had asked of me. Feldor's fierce eyes fell on me once more. "Elolora tells me we have you to thank for our daughters' return." I nodded after a brief hesitation. "Forgive Mahanon for his rashness. He is...prone to foolishness at times."

"It is forgotten," I stated. Feldor gave a curt nod before turning back to Elolora. Meira was clean and covered now, Elolora brushing out the wig. We sat in silence as she braided the waves into an intricate style that would keep it out of the way. I glanced at their faces, seeing pain, guilt and joy mingling in their expressions. "There is...there is something I need to speak with you about."

They turned to look at me. Elolora seemed to be fighting a smile, while Feldor's eyes narrowed. "What is it?" His voice was harsh and demanding.

"Commander," Ellana's voice came as she moved the tent flap. "I need to meet with you and the others."

Feldor turned to his other daughter. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Da," Ellana stated. "I believe I've found a solution to one of our problems."

I snapped to look at her at those words. For the first time since she had woken, her face held a glimmer of hope in it. Not the anger, determination or defeat. "Then we cannot wait," I stated.

Ellana noticed Fioren in my arms and her lips twitched. She came to me and gently took her from my arms. I watched as she cradled Fioren close to her face and kissed her cheek. "How you've grown, da'len." She looked to her parents. "I've hardly been able to see her." Her eyes met my curious stare. "She was not yet born when I left. Now look at her." With a sigh, she passed her to Feldor, who took her with a broad smile. "I will return shortly."

Waving for me to follow, I rose from my stool. "Pardon me."

They nodded. I will speak with them. Striding out the tent, I followed Ellana through the much changed camp. People were talking, laughing, sleeping. Hope was not fully restored, but it was there. It would grow. Hopefully more so when Ellana became Inquisitor and we were on the move to sanctuary. Josephine, Leliana and Cassandra all stood together, Solas with them. Raising a brow as we approached the group, Ellana clasped her hands behind her. "Solas knows of a place we can move to. It will be vacant and has been lost to the ages."

"Not only that, but it will be large enough for the Inquisition to not only rebuild, but grow," the elf male added.

"And where is this place?" I asked.

"To the north, a few days journey deeper into the mountains," he replied.

"How do you know of this place?" Leliana questioned.

"During my travels prior to the Breach's formation, I came across the ruins," he offered. "It is in disrepair, but it will meet your needs - both anticipated and not."

"What choice do we have?" Cassandra stated. "We have nowhere else to go."

"If it needs to be rebuilt, it will be time to call in the favors we have garnered," Josephine nodded. "Thank you, Solas."

"Of course," Solas bowed before dismissing himself.

"Will anyone be willing to honor those favors?" I questioned. "We were just defeated and I doubt it will take long for word to spread."

"Cullen, they most likely will believe us dead," Ellana chastised. "When they hear otherwise, I very much believe they will be more than willing to pay in their favors. Especially when told of the true threat we face."

"True enough," I nodded. "When are we to be on the move?"

"As soon as we are able," Leliana replied. "We are vulnerable here. I suggest a day or two of rest, scavenging what we can from Haven and then we press on."

"I agree," I waved a hand to the camp. "This is not good for morale. Sitting and waiting."

"Will it be safe to move the injured?" Josephine questioned. "We shouldn't jeopardize them needlessly."

"I will speak with Solana and the other healers," I assured. "Our people are the priority, but it is in our best interest not to stay in one place for long. We do not know if our enemy with pursue. Maker willing, we are lost to them at the moment."

"Then I believe we have it settled," Ellana stated.

"Mostly settled, Herald," Leliana murmured. "There is one other matter."

"Which is?" Ellana quirked a brow.

"This threat is far beyond the war we anticipated," Cassandra stated.

"The Inquisition will be in need of an Inquisitor - now more than ever," Leliana added.

"But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus - what drew him to you," Cassandra stated, looking pointedly at Ellana, waiting for an answer.

Ellana's gaze had turned steely, her back rigid. "He came after me because our efforts put the Inquisition in his way," she stated before holding up the Anchor, "but more so he came for this and now it's useless to him so he wants me dead."

"The Anchor has power, but it's not why you're still standing here," Cassandra stated. "Your decisions let us heal the sky. Your determination brought us out of Haven. You are the creature's rival because of what youdid - and we know it," Cassandra relented, her eyes looking around us. "All of us." The Seeker turned her eyes back to Ellana. "The Inquisition requires a leader; the one who has alreadybeen leading it - you."

"You would trust this power to an elf? An elf that is a mage, no less? Are you quite sure you know what you're doing?" Her voice was skeptical and laced with anger.

"I would be terrified handing this power to anyone, but I believe - we believe - it is the only way." Cassandra gestured to the camp. "They'll follow you. To them, being an elf shows how far you've risen, how it must have been by Andraste's hand." At Ellana's skeptical look, Cassandra continued. "What it means to you, how you lead us - that is for you alone to determine. I will not pretend no one will object, nor that I worry you may make me regret this, but...I believe this is what is meant to be. It was confirmed when you stood against Corypheus, between us and him - confirmed when you returned to us. Without you, there would be no Inquisition."

"And just what are you going to do if I don't want this? I know he must be stopped, but must I lead? I did my part at the Breach and in Haven. Is that not enough?" Ellana demanded, her eyes shimmering.

"We've all sacrificed, but we're not done. You're not done. He wants you dead. If the Inquisition disappears - and it will without you to lead it if tonight is not evidence enough - you will be alone, with no one to help you when he comes for you." Cassandra gave her a pleading look. "I know you do not believe in him, but I believe the Maker intended you for this. We need each other."

Ellana was silent once more. "Telanadas," she breathed out a shaky breath. "Please, give me...time to think this over. I...understand what you are saying and why you have asked. Even more, I am...deeply honored, even if I am...afraid." She was trembling.

Cassandra put a hand on her shoulder. "We do not ask you to make this decision lightly. We know we are asking much of you - too much." Ellana looked at her. "But I believe you can do this - more over, I believe that you know you must do this. Do not let fear guide you, Herald. We are with you." Ellana met each of our gazes. I gave her a salute. "Be with your family, take solace in them. Tell us of your decision when you are ready."

"Thank you," Ellana breathed before turning.

"Herald," Josephine called. "What is the name of the place Solas told you of?"

The shades of dawn began coloring the sky as Ellana turned back to look at us, her eyes enigmatic. "Skyhold."

---

Thank you for reading! Reviews, faves and follows are always welcome and appreciated!