Sailor N: I have only three words for you; learn to spell!

And the people who like the RoyEd pairing just do. We could disagree with your favorite pairing whatever it may be but it doesn't matter to you, now does it?

Okay, here's the crack drabble as promised!

(Start)

Edward wasn't sure if he should be scared, relaxed, pissed, or all of them at once. It was the first time Roy had insisted on a check up for the blonde. Needless to say, his previous experiences with doctors weren't pleasant ones. Edward shifted on the soft bench uncomfortably, the paper there crinkling loudly as he shifted on it. "Colonel I'm not so-" He was cut off by Roy raising a finger to his lips as the doctor walked in.

"Edward Elric." The doctor looked up at the blonde, his glasses flashing in the light. "You're here for a check up, correct?"

Edward mumbled something and Roy nodded. "Yes he is."

The doctor turned around and pushed his glasses up to see the raven-haired man. "Ah, Colonel Mustang. Good to see you! How's your stomach?"

It was the Flame Alchemist's turn to mumble something. Edward simply raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you've been neglecting your medicine!" The doctor set Edward's medical files down and hurried over to Roy, pressing a palm to the man's forehead and then reaching down to knead Roy's stomach, frowning as if he'd felt something. "I see. It seems the condition is coming back, Mustang. You're bloated."

Edward looked positively smug as the doctor fussed over Roy. "Bloated?" His expression changed to 'worried'. "If it means anything to you, doctor, he hasn't been eating as much lately."

When the doctor looked at Edward with a horrified expression, Roy shot Edward a look that promised pain. "Really?"

"Oh, yes!" Edward nodded vigorously and shot Roy a sultry smirk when the doctor turned back around.

"Honestly!" The doctor sighed at Roy. "You have to take better care of yourself, Mustang. It's no wonder that you've been becoming more useless around the office."

That struck something and Roy twitched. "Use… Useless?"

Edward had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing outright. "Useless! Especially when I need help finding the right books for my research!"

The doctor sighed and turned to Edward. "Well, it seems that you'll have to miss your own check up today, Edward. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to see to it that Mustang gets his rest and takes his medicine. Or at least find somebody that will."

Edward gave the doctor a large grin and hopped off the table, waving his hand. "Oh don't worry! I will! If worse comes to worse, I'm sure that I could get my friend Armstrong to help!"

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Yes, Armstrong is a good friend of mine! Such a healthy man!"

Roy looked worse than before. "I… I think I'll go now. Come along, Edward." And as if in a daze, Roy stumbled out of the doctor's office with Edward following close behind.

(End)

Not as crack-filled as I'd hoped it'd be. But whatever. Hope you like it. :D