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Entry 11
A Sakamoto Maaya song is stuck in my head. It's in English, but this one line keeps going over in my mind. 'Told myself for a long time don't go there...you will only be sorry...'
If there's one thing I've learned...I never freaking learn.
So somehow Aoshi and I are still sharing a sleeping bag and as much as I would love to loathe and detest being in such close proximity...I can't.
I just can't.
I can't forget, I can't seem to get over it, all I can think of is that somehow it would be nice to be together again. If we could throw away our egos, let our pride go, stop being so damn stubborn.
I could almost easily entertain the notion of being...dare I say it? A couple.
He's intelligent...but we argue a lot.
But it's never boring.
He's so misogynist...but.
He slept me. Wanted to. Didn't see it as a mistake.
I don't get him.
And because of all this I did the stupidest thing EVER. EVER. Evvverrr.
I almost let it happen again.
I don't know how it started. I had stayed behind because I had a migraine while everyone went to play and then he came back early and was just...hovering...and I got annoyed.
I began yelling.
Then he kissed me. Randomly.
And I...jumped him.
I couldn't take it anymore, all the memories of his touch.
And if it wasn't for the power going out...we would have definitely gotten down and dirty again. And I don't think at the time I cared.
What the hell.
Nothing is ever normal with me.
Now Aoshi is all brooding and glaring at me. Annoyed. But sometimes he's got that 'I want to bang you like a gong' look in his eyes.
Well, ok. Aoshi would probably never say those exact words but.
Damn. I wanted to sleep with him again. So much for learning.
He really would be perfect if he wasn't such a jerk.
Dooooooooh.
Now I gotta deal with Aoshi brooding, try to keep the 'I almost just had sex' look off my face, not let the others know I had slept with Aoshi before, deal with my own lust/feelings for said Aoshi...jesus. This was supposed to be a vacation!
He never makes things easy on me.
God, we sound a married couple.
Oh wow...that gave me chills. I think I just felt a couple years taken off my life.
Geez, this feels all like a really R rated high school romance manga sometimes! Though only almost quite as sexy a Shinjo Mayu manga. Now that's hot stuff.
Gyah...must not think dirty thoughts.
Wasn't life supposed to be less melodramatic after teenage years?
Wow...I just the strangest mental picture of Aoshi lecturing me saying I bring it onto myself. Maybe I do.
Damn.
I should just become a monk...oh wait...monks are guys.
Now Aoshi is hogging the bath. Bastard. Everyone's cooking something for dinner than may be suspiciously tofu and soy...blech.
I really want some yakitori and ginger rice. And soda. And ice cream.
I want to go home. This weekend sucks.
And I didn't even get any.
Oops! Bad thoughts!
Stupid Aoshi.