"Daisy, go away."

"No Ollie." Kim rubbed her temples; the sound of her fighting children was cutting through her skull and making her brain hurt. They had been at it since she got home and it had gotten on her last nerve.

Work had been busy, not physically but it had been mentally draining and listening to her two children fighting was not helping her mood. Being a single parent was by far the hardest thing she had ever done, even with all the help she had. It was relentless, day in and day out. She wouldn't change it for the world, these kids were her flesh and blood and that meant that everything she did now was for them but sometimes, like right now she wished they would just shut up.

She stormed from the kitchen and stood, hands on hips watching them squabble. "What is going on?"

"Ollie won't let me play." Daisy huffed.

"She can't do it." He was playing a car racing video game and trying his best to completely ignore his whining sister and now, his mother. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I can too." She stamped her foot with all the indignation a four year old could muster. It was a particular trait that Kim hated.

"Turn it off." Kim wasn't in the mood to even attempt negotiation. "If you can't share you don't play. That's the rules." Oliver threw the controller down and folded his arms across his chest angrily. Great so Kim had her hands on her hips, Daisy was stamping her feet and Ollie was sulking. Good times. "Wash up for dinner."

The mood at the dinner table wasn't exactly what Kim was hoping for. Daisy was her usual chatty self and her 'highlight of the day' was sharing her lunch with her best friend. Who, it turns out was a completely different best friend from the one she had last week. Kim found it hard to keep up sometimes. Ollie's highlight, well he didn't have one. "It's been a crappy day." Was the best he could manage. He also barely touched his dinner, a sure sign he was stressed.

Kim frowned.

"What's up Ollie?" Kim waited until Daisy was in the lounge watching her regular TV show before bed, forever conscious of his anxiety. Although it had lessened lately she still worried that he would worry about things and let them get on top of him.

"Nothing."

"Well that's a lie."

"I called Dad today and he never called me back."

"Perhaps he's busy."

Oliver was hopping from one foot to the other; he couldn't stand still and that was something he inherited from Adam. "He always calls me back, even if it's just a minute."

"Ollie, I am sure he will call when he can."

"What if someone has taken him away again?" And that was what this was about. He had come to rely on his father and he was worried that he would disappear again. For a while now he had the love of a father that he felt he hadn't had for a long time. He felt safe with Adam and Kim had come to realise that he lived with the constant fear of Adam not being around again.

"Oh Oliver." Kim put her hands on his shoulders and waited until he looked at her. "That's not happening, he's not a cop anymore. No-one is going to take him away from you, he won't let that happen."

"Why didn't he call?"

"I don't know. Do you want me to call him?"

He looked up at his mother with tears in his eyes. "Can you? I just need to know he's okay."

Kim reached for her phone and called him. It went straight to voicemail. 'Hey, just checking in. Oliver is worried about why you haven't called him today. Let me know you are okay.'

Her phone pinged with a message a few minutes later. 'Sorry. I'm ok. Tell Oliver I'll call him tomorrow.' It probably satisfied Oliver a little but he was still worried. Both Kim and Adam wanted to hide some of the emotional damage Adam carried from Oliver and thought that they were doing an okay job, obviously not.

Even when she checked on Oliver once he was in bed he was tossing and turning. "Ollie, try not to worry. Dad is okay. Sometimes we just need to let him have a little bit of time to himself. He's been alone for a long time and getting used to being around people all the time is a little hard. But he loves you and I am sure you will hear from him tomorrow."

"I worry about him."

"I know you do. We both do." Oliver seemed to like Kim tracing his ear with her finger and she could feel him relax. "We are helping him and he loves being with you. Nothing is going to keep him away from you."

He didn't want Kim to stay until he fell asleep so she slipped back downstairs and picked up her phone. There were no messages and she was a little disappointed. Oliver wasn't the only one who worried about him. He'd never been quite so distant, even on his bad days he would always talk to Oliver.

Falling asleep on the couch watching some boring home renovation show Kim was woken by a soft knocking on her front door. Checking her security camera she leapt off the couch and yanked open the door. "Hey."

"I'm sorry." His hands were clutching his bike helmet and he was rugged up in a beanie, scarf and leather jacket. He looked cold and anxious.

"Adam, it's okay. Oliver was just worried." Kim tugged on his arm when he looked like he was about to turn and leave. "Come inside."

"I've been out riding." He looked so tortured and Kim felt a wave of panic. She had never seen him quite so low. "Can I go and sit with Ollie for a minute?"

"Sure."

Shrugging out of his jacket he handed it to Kim with the rest of his riding gear and disappeared upstairs and as much as she wanted to follow him she resisted. It was hard letting him be what he needed to be in moments like these, his mother struggled with that, leaving him be and he had told Kim how frustrating it was and that it made him withdraw from his mother at times. Kim didn't want that so she held back. He didn't need her fussing over him; he just needed someone to be there for him. Tonight, perhaps he just needed his son. She did know that whatever went on upstairs it was the best thing for both of them.

Kneeling down beside Oliver's bed Adam stroked his face lightly. "Dad?" he muttered sleepily.

"Hey Ollie. Sorry I didn't call you back. I'm okay."

"I thought you'd gone again."

"I am not going anywhere. I love you Buddy."

"I love you too Dad." Adam shifted so he was sitting down and stayed until he fell back asleep. Watching his son sleep was comforting, it calmed his mind. Sleeping children were beautiful and innocent and his son had such a hold on his heart. He was the most important thing in his fragile life.

Kim waited downstairs and said nothing as he stretched out on the couch and laid his head in her lap. He grabbed her hand and held it against his chest and with her free hand she ran it through his hair. He may have been comforted by her presence but his mood unnerved Kim.

Suddenly he started talking. "When I was living in Rockport, just after I got back from Europe, there was this old lady that lived next door. She had no one; her son would visit about once a year and just nagged her about moving into a nursing home. Her Grandkids would occasionally call in and it was all she talked about for weeks afterwards. I looked out for her, did odd jobs and that. We had Thanksgiving together that year and then every year after I would always go back for Thanksgiving."

"That's nice."

"She died last week."

"I'm sorry Adam." Kim stroked his cheek.

"Lola, she was the only thing I missed about leaving Paul behind. Every so often I would check the local newspaper site and I saw her death notice. I am not sure anyone would go to her funeral. I wish I could have."

"Tell me about her?"

He rolled onto his back but he was still staring into space. "She loved to talk, and loved a drink. We would sit and talk for hours, she would cook me dinner or cakes or cookies and I would get home from work and there would be a container of something on my doorstep. She loved a good dirty joke and we would watch bad 80's movies together. Lola had lost her husband, Lucky about twenty years ago. He would bring her flowers every week on payday, without fail. Her only daughter died about two years before I met her. She was a cranky old bitch sometimes, like what Platt will be. Her name was Charlotte but no one dared call her that. I used to occasionally just to stir her up, she'd slap me upside of the head."

"Sounds like she was right up your alley? I'm glad you had someone."

Again he closed his eyes. "I told her about you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, one night I was pretty drunk and I told her about this woman I loved, who I wanted to marry and that somehow I broke her heart and I didn't know how."

"Adam, it wasn't just you."

"I wish you'd told me what I'd done, at least given me the chance to fix it."

"So do I."

"Lola told me to sort it out, that you should never give up on the love of your life but she didn't understand why I couldn't and I couldn't tell her. Every year she would ask. 'Did you talk to her?' and all I could say was 'only in my dreams'. Lola would shake her head but I know she was disappointed in me. I wish I could tell her now that I'd seen you again. I wish I could have told her about Oliver."

"I do too."

"Coming back here, it's not easy." Kim felt a flutter of panic. She worried that he was going to decide it was too hard and leave and she was prepared to fight him on that. He couldn't leave, not now.

"Do you regret it?"

"No, god no." She was reassured by the urgency in his reply. "Kim, seeing you again and finding out about Oliver was so worth it, it's worth fighting against all this shit in my head some days. I am never giving that up." For the first time since he'd been here he actually looked her in the eye. "Some days it's just hard. I didn't worry about anyone for so long, I only cared about myself. If I wanted to take off for a day, a week, a year I did. Nobody cared. I didn't need to call anyone to let them know."

"I wasn't nagging you."

"I know, I know. I should have called Oliver. I forgot, I got so into my own head. I hate that I forgot to call him." Every time she heard this kind of pain in his voice it shocked her. It was so deep and he tried to bury it but it wasn't always possible, sometimes it seeped out of a chink in his armour. The only person he let see him like this was Kim and occasionally Al. So utterly and completely broken.

"It's okay. He will understand." Kim tightened her grip on his hand. "Did you talk to him?"

"He was worried that I had disappeared again."

"He was. He always worries about you. Worrying about people you love is a Ruzek trait."

Tears streamed down his cheeks. "I'm sorry Kim, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt him."

"If he knows you are okay and you talked to him that's all he needs. He loves you so much." Kim leant down and kissed his forehead.

He had gone quiet again but his eyes were open and he was back to staring into space. It was frightening how much this woman meant to him, how much he relied on her to keep him upright some days. Today, he had tried to do it himself, to rely on himself to pull him out of his abyss but he couldn't. Again he relied on his son and Kim to pull him up. The whole day had been a struggle but as soon as she messaged and he came here the tight knot in his chest eased.

"It's amazing isn't it? The love you feel for your child."

"It is."

He bought his gaze back to her and Kim was glad to see him look a little less tortured. Kim closed her eyes. "Do you want to stay here?"

"Yes, but I can't"

"Why not?" She opened them again and he was staring straight at her.

"Because I want too much." There was that pain again and the tortured look had returned.

A/N: Phew…that was a little heavy. Hopefully it came across as while Adam is back, the scars are deep and that he struggles some days. I get the feeling that Adam is someone who feels things deeply but doesn't always know how to verbalise them.