A/N: Surprise….its like a double episode J
It had been such an emotional day and she had barely held it together, but now she was finally alone. Sitting on the bed, her kids safely asleep in the room next door and her sister's house was finally quiet and she had a chance to breathe.
Out of her bag she pulled the envelope from Adam. Her fingers ran over the smooth chain and heart shaped pendant of the necklace he had bought her as it lay against her throat. The memory of the feeling of his fingers brushing against her skin as she clasped it around her neck sent a shiver up her spine.
Even the sight of his small cramped writing made the tears start to fall and that was just the start.
Forgive me for writing this down, I don't think I could look at you and tell you what I want to tell you.
Thank you for everything you've done for me lately. I wouldn't be here without your loving support, kindness and reassurance. Coming back wasn't easy but it has been better than I ever imagined, even if I still have bad days, even if some days its tough living in my own skin.
I promised myself that in coming back I would only stay long enough to let you know how sorry I was for everything I put you through. I expected to have to walk away because you had too generous a soul and was too beautiful not to have made a wonderful life for yourself with your family. I wanted you to be happy, all the time I wasn't with you I just wanted to know that you were happy and I wanted you to forgive me. I needed you to forgive me so that I could move on too.
I can't walk away from you and I was a fool to think I could. I can't walk away from our son.
Lastly and more than anything I want to thank you for Oliver, for allowing me and helping me be his father. Thank you for your faith in me.
You have done such an amazing thing, raising my beautiful boy. I am in awe of him and you. Your daughter is an incredible little girl, she's beautiful and when I see her, I see you.
I never want to let you down. Thank you for giving me my life back.
Forever, Adam.
Kim read it over and over again, wiping away the tears that just kept coming. He was never big on writing things down. If she received a card from him it usually just said 'I love you Baby', short and sweet. He was different now and if this was one of those changes she was all for it.
Pulling on her sweat pants and a t-shirt she crept downstairs to the spare room in the basement. Down to where Adam was sleeping. He had come with them to her family dinner, he had wanted to spend as much of the day with Oliver as possible and if truth be told, with Kim as well.
Kim's family had welcomed him back with open arms. When she had told her sister that Adam was back Amanda had been sceptical but watching him with Oliver and Daisy as well as Kim she had remembered why she had always been on Adam's side. He loved her sister, deeply and time hadn't diminished that.
"Adam." She knocked on the door lightly and didn't wait for him to answer. He dragged his eyes away from the laptop screen he was focussed on as she came in.
"What's up?"
"Thank you for the letter. It was beautiful." Now she was here she had no idea what to say. She needed to tell Adam about the morning because Daisy had let the cat out of the bag and the last thing she wanted was for Adam to find out from Oliver again, but more than anything he deserved to enjoy this day and remember it for all the right reasons. She sat on the end of the bed.
"I made you cry hey?"
"Of course." Kim was twisting her fingers in her lap. She wanted to kiss him. She looked at his hands and desperately wanted to feel them touching her, although the consequences of that was probably more than she was ready for. "What you watching? The video?"
"Yes. I couldn't wait."
That has been their gift to him, it was all the video's she had of Oliver from his ultrasound pictures, to his first few days right up until now they had made into a short movie. "Can I watch it with you?' she pointed to the laptop. Adam nodded and Kim settled in beside him, he rested his back against her and they watched their son grow up. Kim found herself running her hands up and down his arm, stroking his hair and kissing his head while he stared transfixed by the video. She told him about some of the moments, talked about Oliver and watched as he fell more and more in love with her son. Painfully she fell further under his spell as he did so.
Adam flicked away the tears from his cheeks as it finished. "That was beautiful." He closed the lid and popped the laptop on the floor beside the bed.
"We thought you'd like it."
"It was perfect, but watching it with you was even better." He tugged on her hand and Kim wiggled down so that she was facing him. Reaching for her hand Adam laced his fingers through hers. "Tell me about his first Christmas."
Kim loved talking to him about Oliver because when they did it was always just them. Alone. "He was so happy, I was sad but Oliver was happy. He was crawling around everywhere by then, and just loved people. Well the people he knew anyway. He screamed blue murder when I tried to get him to sit on Santa's knee for a photo, he was terrified of the poor guy and after that every time he saw a Santa his little lip would quiver.." Gently she ran her finger over his lips. "..Like yours does sometimes and he would cling to me. You couldn't prise him off me with a crowbar."
"Where were you?"
"At your Dad's place. We stayed there on Christmas Eve, your Mom was there too."
"You know that kinda still freaks me out seeing those two actually getting along. Pity it had to take me dying to make it happen." Adam kissed her fingers softly. He knew she hated it when he would mention his 'death.'
"Oliver woke up early and we cuddled in bed for a while, just the two of us. I was still feeding him so we had that going on." Kim was a little surprised when Adam briefly touched one of her breasts. He loved the thought of Kim feeding his son; he would have liked to have watched them do that. Something about watching mothers nursing their babies had always intrigued him; he thought it was beautiful. "Your Mom and Dad were just besotted with him and I barely had to do anything, he was so spoilt. They spoiled me too!"
"Why wouldn't they?"
"We spent Christmas night here with Amanda's family. We were surrounded every minute. Oliver was so cute then and of all the presents he got, he loved the boxes and the paper the most. He was squealing and laughing and talking all day. I think we all realised how special he was because I like to think he was so happy that day because he was trying to cheer me up."
"You were sad?"
"I was, a little bit. I was missing you. I hated that you were missing out. I hated that Oliver was missing out on a father, I hated that he was missing out on you. I could imagine you on the floor with him, burying yourself in all the paper and boxes just to make him laugh." Kim looked at his hands holding hers. "But Oliver was happy and I forced myself to be happy too."
"You would have told me off for making a mess."
"Probably. The next day we were at Hank's. Everyone from Intelligence was there and Oliver was the centre of attention and I loved that too. That everyone was trying to fill the hole that you had left in his life. Seems they were just holding it for a while, until you came back." Kim took a chance. "What about you? Tell me about that Christmas for you." He rarely talked about it and if he did only Kim could get him to open up.
"Nothing. I was drunk by lunchtime, I stayed in my tiny little room; I was in Spain and drank myself into oblivion. My story was that I was a foster kid who bounced from home to home after my parents were killed in a car accident right around Christmas. It just came out one day when someone asked me. I needed a story and that stayed my story, it was always why I never celebrated Christmas."
"I hate that you were never happy. It hurts me."
"I'm happy now." Adam sighed and slowly leant forward and Kim closed her eyes and waited. The feeling of his warm lips pressing against hers was everything she wanted it to be and she fell hard.