Everyone had checked to see whether he was coming. The last few weeks he hadn't done big gatherings well, he was not really sure why. Perhaps it was now that life was starting to even out for everyone. The novelty had worn off somewhat and he was starting to get more time to himself and that meant more time to think.

Being in love with someone who you were terrified of being with wasn't helping his anxiety either.

He was also trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life now that he knew that Chicago was where he needed to be. Working in construction was paying the bills and keeping him busy but it was unfulfilling. The last nine years had felt like a waste and he was still doing it. He had been a cop and he had loved it. He never wanted to be anything else and from the time he could talk he had apparently always wanted follow in his father's footsteps and he had. Intelligence had been a dream come true and he could honestly say he loved every single minute of it, right up until his life literally blew up in his face. Now there was no going back.

Kim was adamant that he had to come to Atwater's birthday party and he wouldn't miss it. "I will come and get you."

"I can make my own way to the party." Kim was surprised by the shortness of his answer.

"Okay Adam. What's going on?"

"I'm just tired. Don't worry, I will be fine." He promised to be there but that really didn't answer her question.

A couple of beers in and he was good, or at the very least he was good at pretending. Roaring with laughter at some story Halstead was telling him. Kim watched him curiously. They had settled down and not really talked about the night of the Hockey game other than via messages that first night. Since Christmas they had been on such a rollercoaster, they had some incredible highs and some crushing lows but they were trying. Despite that it was getting to a point where perhaps they had to take a step back and admit that they had a past but not a future.

As always Atwater was the life of the party, his big booming voice drowning out the crowd to get their attention. "I gotta say this year has been pretty damn remarkable. My boys, man they kick our asses daily and we love 'em." He had his arm draped around his wife. Adam really liked her and was glad that Kev had found someone good and honest and who didn't take his shit; she was a force of nature with a heart of gold. "So much so we decided to give it another go." His grin was as big as Christmas. "Only one this time." He patted her stomach.

"But…" he held up his hand to quiet everyone down, the place had erupted with the news. "…and I know I'm headin' to the doghouse for this. But this…" he pointed his beer towards Adam. "..this man, seeing him again has made this the best year of my life. I love you Bro, you have no idea. Seeing you walk through my door again, man that's the sweetest thing ever." Adam raised his beer in thanks and Kim could see that Atwater's words, followed by an intense hug had thrown him way off course.

"Life rarely gives you a second chance and I always believed that you had to do things right the first time. This is one of those rare times when a second chance comes along and man, grab hold of it." He hooked his arm around his buddy's neck and laid a kiss on his head and it was like he was talking only to him. "Because I can tell you, third chances never happen."

As soon at that died down he grabbed his jacket and headed outside into the cold night. He rested elbows on the railing outside and let the bottle of beer hang from his fingertips as he stared out across the dark garden. The noise of the party was filtering through the doors, suddenly it got louder as the door opened and then faded again. He wasn't surprised; they never left him alone for long.

"Hiding again." Platt's voice was the last one he expected to hear.

"Just catching my breath."

"He was pretty lost for a bit." She nodded back towards the house as she leant on the railing beside him. Atwater took Adam's death hard, harder than most and while everyone rallied around Kim he drifted for a while. It was when he was at his lowest he met Joelle and she had pulled him out of his wild decent just in time.

"I'm glad he settled down. Joelle seems good for him. He loves those boys but man are they full on."

"What did you expect, they are Atwater's flesh and blood?" Platt turned her back to the garden and looked back towards the house. "Why don't you just take her upstairs and get it over with?"

Adam laughed, a little painfully. "I've missed you Trudy."

"Pfft, I am pretty sure I was low on your list."

"You'd be surprised. Your teasing let me know I was alive. You kept my ego under control."

Platt nudged him lightly, that was the only acknowledgement he was going to get for that brief admission of affection. "You know that was the worst day of my working life. Knocking on her door, I will never forget the look in her eyes. It haunted me for a long time."

"The day they told me what had gone down, I had no choice." Platt leaned closer because his voice was so small and broken; he was wringing the neck of his beer bottle tightly, the anxiousness seeping out of him. "They had photo's of Kim, they were watching her and I had seen what they did to others. I couldn't let them hurt her, I thought it was better that I did the hurting but then at least she would be alive and have a life. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I put her in danger, but then I learnt that I couldn't really live without her either."

"You made the only choice you could. No one blames you."

"I can't ever repay you for what you did for them both."

"You don't have too. That was a terrible day but there was this little pink line on a stick that shone through all that darkness. It had to be all about that baby, that was what was going to get us all through. And he did. That stupid thing that you two did happened for a reason. Oliver was here for a reason."

"I tortured myself for months. I kept going to Internet Cafés and I would sit there and want to Google her name to see what popped up but I never did. If I'd known about Oliver I don't know what I would have done." He tilted his head back and looked at the sky. "I tried to move on, I really did but I couldn't."

"What's done is done. You can't change the past, as much as I know you want to. All that matters now is that you are here, making up for lost time and making a little boy happier than I have seen him in years. You've also bought Kim back to life."

"I wouldn't be doing so great without her." Not that you could classify what he was feeling right now as great.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Adam knew precisely what Platt was talking about. Why was he waiting, why was he holding her at arms length? Why was he constantly pushing her away when he knew she didn't want him to, when he knew he just wanted to be with her?

"I wish I knew."

"You know, there was always something about you and her, the way you always looked at her even when she was breaking your heart."

"Chaos, mayhem and a shitload of angst?"

"And passion and love and some unbreakable connection, but I don't need to tell you that."

"I don't want to fuck it up again."

"Then don't." She pushed herself off the railing and patted his back. "For what it's worth, I don't think you were the reason it didn't work the first time."

It took Platt a long time to get over that, what did she call it at the time? Betrayal. She felt betrayed by Kim and Roman. When Kim broke it off with Ruzek and wanted to transfer out Platt refused despite seeing how distraught she was. The only time she asked what had happened Burgess told her that Adam didn't want to get married, that he was stringing her along. She wanted to string him up and then Kim had moved on with Roman and she stupidly thought that made her happy. That Adam hadn't made an effort, or so Kim had told her that she had to put him in the past and get on with her life. She had neglected to tell Platt that every time Adam tried to talk to her she ignored him and neither had she been informed that Roman had planted those seeds of doubt in her mind in the first place.

One night, long after she had delivered that crushing news about Adam to Kim she cried in her arms, full of rage and raging pregnancy hormones. Roman had turned up and offered to marry her and take on the baby and Trudy had been surprised by Kim's reaction. "I thought you and Roman ended on a good note, perhaps the feelings are still there."

"The only feelings Roman ever had was for himself." Kim spat at her. "He ruined my relationship with Adam. I was a fool; I let him manipulate me. I don't know if Adam never wanted to get married because I never asked him." She ranted and Trudy just sat back and let her go. "I asked him to push back the wedding, twice because Roman told me to test him. He told me that if Adam didn't want to marry me he would agree to push back the date. I tested him and I was mean and cruel and Roman loved every fucking minute of it. How dare he come back here and pretend that he's all noble and caring, he loved screwing over Adam and I have no idea why. Now he wants to dance on his grave. I don't know why he hated Adam so much."

Kim paused and sat down, rubbing her now slight baby bump, but she wasn't done. "I pushed him away every time he tried to talk to me and Roman kept feeding those insecurities. When Adam lost it at Roman and accused him of trying to get into my pants I was pissed at him and Roman just kept telling me that Adam was the bad guy. I was too busy protecting my own bruised ego to see what was happening."

Platt was gobsmacked but Kim still wasn't finished. "He didn't fight for me. Why didn't he fight for me? He was supposed to want me."

"Maybe because he didn't know what he'd done wrong. You looked happy without him." Kim looked like she was about to explode. "I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you were happy with Roman." It was not lost on Trudy the words Kim was using. She kept calling Adam by his first name but was refusing to use Roman's.

"He told me he loved me probably. Probably? Who the fuck says that? What the fuck does that mean?" Eventually she cried and yelled herself out. "There was no probably with Adam, I felt loved. Why didn't I trust him? Why didn't I talk to him? Why did I hurt him?"

Trudy was at a loss to know what to say, and that didn't happen often. "Well now, you've got the chance to let his child know how much you loved him."

As expected he barely had five minutes alone once Trudy had left him before the door opened again. This time it was welcomed, in fact the moment the hand slipped under his jacket and landed on his back he sighed and leant into her as her head came to rest on his shoulder and he felt somewhat peaceful. Why was she the only one who could calm him? He had to stop relying on her, but that was easier said than done. "Hi."

'Hi, whatcha doin?" She was drawing circles on his back and it was comforting and reassuring.

"Trying to figure out the laws of relativity."

"Ha, you wish." Kim slipped her hand around to his hip as she pulled in a bit closer. "All got too much huh?"

"Atwater's speech." Turning his head slightly he smiled sadly. "That got me. Great news about the baby hey?"

"I think he's pretty jazzed that you'll be here."

Adam dropped his head and Kim knew that he was going to have a battle to keep it together. "Yeah." He was so desperately sad right now and he was struggling. The last few weeks had been hard on everybody. Adam had tried really hard to be there for Oliver and Kim felt helpless as she watched him flounder and she had no idea why.

"It's okay Baby."

Hearing her call him baby was a surprise, for both of them. It had just slipped out, it felt comfortable and the right thing to say and it gave him some hope. He grabbed the hand that was on his hip and let his fingers brush over hers. "I know I should be happy for him, for them and I am, honestly I am. It just makes me sad thinking about what I missed. I think I would have loved to seen you pregnant."

"I doubt that. I was as graceful as a three-legged dog and the size of a whale."

"I've seen the photos, you were beautiful." He stared out into the darkness. "Still are."

Oliver had made his way downstairs. He had been shoved upstairs with the rest of the kids watching movies. They had all fallen asleep and the movie had ended so he went in search of his mother or father. Erin was watching them through the door and she stopped him before he went outside. They needed a moment alone and Oliver asked her if his Dad was sad again.

"Does he still get sad?"

"Sometimes. Mom says we need to help him, I'm trying" Kim had told Erin about he struggled at times with all the attention and there were moments when they needed to back off and let him come to them. Everyone was pushing him to just be the same old Adam and nobody was the same anymore, especially him. He hadn't been in suspended animation he'd had a whole other life forced onto him and now he was back in his old skin and even that wasn't the same anymore. Suddenly he was a father and desperately in love with a woman who he decided wasn't available to him. For nine years he was a nobody and now he was everything to one boy, it was overwhelming but it gave him a reason not to give up, to keep fighting when it would have been easier to just slip beneath the waves.

Erin swallowed the lump in her throat. This kid, man he was special. He'd done it tough for a while but since Adam had been back that boy that they all adored had returned. It hurt to see him so worried about his Dad. She knew that Kim was trying to shield Oliver from the worst of it but she got the feeling he knew anyway. "I know you are helping him. He's always talking about you and how much he loves you."

"Yeah." His face lit up.

"You betcha." She took him back upstairs and helped him pick out another movie. Erin sat with him until he settled into it. "My Dad's going to be okay isn't he Erin?"

"He is Ollie, you just keep doing what you are doing. Promise me that." He promised that he would.

Adam was silent; he was enjoying the feeling of having her close. The last few weeks they'd grown closer again, even enjoying some intense moments when things had almost spilled over. Something always held them back, sometimes it was Adam and other times it was Kim. There were times when the gulf between then couldn't have been any wider and they couldn't see a way across and times they were just content to be alone and not talk and share the same space and some moments left them both breathless.

Like the time Daisy had convinced Adam to take her out. That was a fierce wave.

"Adam is on a date."

"Really?" Erin looked a little shocked. Not only because she was surprised that Adam would go on a date with anyone and also because Kim seemed okay with it.

"With Daisy."

"Ah, makes sense now." She nodded.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you looked calm, I thought you'd be freaking out if he was dating anyone else and I don't think he wants to be with anyone but you." They were sitting by the large window enjoying the warm winter sun that had broken through for a few hours. It was arctic outside but this was perfect.

"Yes, but we are not together so technically he can date if he wants to."

"Yes, yes he can but neither of you wants that to happen. So I call bullshit."

"Yeah okay, I would be jealous. I am jealous in fact. Daisy couldn't wait to go out with Adam today. Both my kids would rather spend time with Adam than me at the moment."

"Oliver loves spending time with both of you, together. Even Jay can see that, and he sees nothing." Erin jumped up from the table and grabbed some more crackers for their cheese plate. It wasn't often they got to sit back and put their feet up and gossip anymore. Jay had taken Grace over to see Will so they had the afternoon free and this was a perfect way to spend it. "Daisy adores him. How cute would they be?"

"They were very cute, trust me. He's taking her to lunch then and indoor playground. I can imagine him climbing all over those slides with her. He's such a big kid."

"How's Oliver coping with that? He still seems worried about being left behind at times."

"He wasn't initially happy about it but Adam convinced him it was good thing because if Daisy loved him that meant he could spend more time at the house and they would be together more often."

"Or you could just start sleeping with him and he'd been around all the time."

"Or not." Kim shut her down with a swift look. People needed to stop nagging them, she knew that Atwater had be chipping away at Adam as well. He had told her how frustrating it was and that it just piled on pressure that he couldn't cope with. She had asked Kevin to back off and thankfully he had.

Daisy could barely sit still long enough to even eat breakfast. Once Kim had told her that Adam was going to take her out for lunch she literally squealed with delight and at one stage, when Adam still hadn't arrived despite it being barely 8am she had grabbed Oliver's phone and asked him to call Adam.

They had spent a good twenty minutes deciding what to wear. She wanted to wear her 'pretty green dress'

"It's too cold for that Baby."

Her little pout was cute, but ultimately unsuccessful. "But it's pretty. Adam likes it." Although truthfully Adam told her he loved anything Daisy wore so that wasn't going to win Kim over.

"Yes he does but it's cold outside and Adam will be worried about you getting cold." He was constantly freaking out that the kids would get too cold. It was surprising what he worried about. That, she had learnt came about after he had spent a few hours locked outside as a child in a freezing winter. Years ago it never bothered him but a switch had been flipped and now things like this had the ability to send him off the rails. All Kim had to do to prevent it was make sure they had warm clothes. Other times controlling his anxiety wasn't as easy or simple.

They eventually decided on a pair of leggings, her Ugg boots, a white shirt and flowery cardigan. Kim braided her hair and she sat and waited. It had been the longest week of her life and for someone who had little concept of time it was excruciating. Every morning she would ask it today was the day and was always disappointed when Kim said no. Today however, was the day and she was beyond excited. God help them when she actually started dating if this was how she was going to behave.

"Adam."

Daisy had climbed into his lap after dinner. He still came over most Sunday nights for a meal despite the somewhat delicate peace they had going on. "Yes Daisy."

"I want to go with you one day like Oliver."

"Daisy." He cooed. "Are you asking me out of a date?" Daisy giggled as he hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek.

"Can we?"

"If your Mom says it's okay." She climbed down off his lap and ran into the kitchen to find her mother.

"Mom, Adam says yes."

"To what?" she felt like she had missed a whole conversation somehow. However that wasn't completely uncommon lately. When those three got together anything could happen.

"We going out." She grabbed Kim's hand, her excitement spilling out of her face that was lit like Christmas. "It's a date."

"Really?" Well this was news and Kim knew one sure way to crush her daughter was to say no. Why would she want to though? She wanted Adam and her daughter to have a good relationship, they had too if this was going to work.

"Yes." Daisy followed Kim back into the lounge where Adam and Oliver were now playing a video game.

"What's this about a date?"

"You jealous?" He didn't take his eyes off the screen but he did smile.

Kim crossed her arms across her chest and tried to look annoyed while Daisy continued to dance around the room. "Well what do I have to do to get a date?"

Briefly he looked at her and winked. "Sitting on my lap and begging would probably help."

Once Daisy had calmed down and that took a while after they agreed that she could go out with Adam on Saturday Kim did sit in his lap, encouraged by Daisy while Oliver just rolled his eyes. Daisy had obviously been listening to Adam and Kim and told her that if she asked Adam nicely he would have a date with her. "You want me to take you out too?" he asked.

"Yes Please."

"One day, but right now I've already got a date." He pulled her a little tighter into his body, relishing her warmth and weight of her body on his. "You know I am a one woman type of guy."

"Me?" Daisy had a hand on Adam's knee and was jumping up and down. Adam had made her night, not for the first time either.

He leant forward and touched her nose. "Your Mommy will just have to wait her turn."

Adam grabbed Kim's waist as she went to stand up. "Where are you going?" She was starting to get used to his quiet desperate growls. They always sent a shiver up her spine.

"This is not a good idea."

"Oh, I know." Adam slipped a hand down between her thighs and she squirmed a little.

They were desperately fighting a losing battle, yet neither of them wanted to make the first move or run the risk of being rejected so they teetered on the edge and would both pull away at the same time.

"Hey Daisy. How about we tickle your Mom?" He dug his fingers into her waist making her squeal and Daisy joined in as she started squirming and laughing as Adam dumped her on the couch and joined Oliver and Daisy in tickling their Mom.

Eventually they turned the tables, although he gave up pretty quickly and Kim ended up sitting on Adam on the floor while both Oliver and Daisy tickled him. When Kim sent them off to clean their teeth and get ready for bed she didn't move off him. "So you really want to go out on a date?"

"With you, yes." Kim leant forward a little, knowing precisely the effect she was having on him and Adam groaned. His hands were clasped behind his head tightly.

"I will take you out on a date."

"I'd like that."

"Okay. It's a deal." He couldn't keep his hands to himself any longer and ran them up her thighs and then lifted her up off his lap. He needed to few moments to calm himself down before the kids came back. His physical reaction to her was obvious. Once the kids had gone to bed Kim had curled into his side and they watched a movie. It was a painful yet strangely satisfying game they were playing.

The dark of Atwater's backyard had offered some protection from his fragile world but she had stepped into it again. "I love you, you know that right?" The silence was broken and he had taken his finger out of the hole plugging the dyke. He'd said it. It was out there now and he couldn't take it back and he didn't want to. It was the right time but that didn't make it easy. "I'm so in love with you." He felt out of control, everything was spinning so fast.

"I do. Adam, I know." His head sagged and he felt his world crashing down around him again when she didn't tell him what he wanted to hear right away. The silence was painful and he wanted to turn and run but she was holding onto him. "I love you too, Baby. I always did."

She couldn't see his tears in the dark but she knew they were there. "I don't know how to do this."

"Yes you do."

"I love the faith you have in me." The knot that he'd carried in the pit of his stomach for weeks started to loosen. He held onto her hand like he was worried that if he let go she would slip away again.

"I love the faith I have in us." Kim stepped away from him and shivered a little. "Let's get back inside. It's cold out here."

Adam finished off his beer and turned to follow her inside. "You know Platt told me I needed to take you upstairs and get it done." Kim looked over her shoulder and that familiar cheeky smile that she adored had returned.

"Sounds like Platt."

"What would you say?"

Kim didn't answer him she just smiled and tugged on his hand as they headed back to the party.