Title: Just Unsettlin'
author: Jmaria
Rating: FR-18
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for Baby on Board.
Summary: "Something about that's just unsettlin', and I ain't talkin' bout Mal and Zoe."
A/N: Just because I'm procrastinating on my NaNoWriMo story. . .
Just Unsettlin'
Jayne Cobb wasn't the smartest man on board Serenity. Hell, he wasn't even the smartest man in half the Rim. But it didn't take too long after holdin' back River Tam's hair as she hurled her guts into one of 'Nara's old vases when he, Mal, and Kaylee'd been cleaning out the old shuttle that sumthin' started botherin' him.
"Must be off her meds. Jayne, take her down to the doc," Mal said gruffly.
"Why I gotta 'scort Crazy down?" Jayne snapped.
"Cause I said so. Why you still standin' there?"
"What'll we tell 'Nara bout that pretty vase, Cap'n?" Kaylee said sadly, looking back at River.
"Nothing. Reckon if she left anything when she got off at Persephone, she didn't have a mind at keepin' it anyhow."
Jayne grumbled a bit, but wrapped a steadyin' arm 'round the girl and started leading her off. Girl was staring at him as if he was supposed to know what was wrong in her addle-patted brainpan.
"Not addle-patted. Fully functioning and fit to form," River replied, her dark eyes locking on his. "Growth is nominal, but functional. All parts in working order."
"Then why'd ya lose yer lunch in that fancy thing of 'Nara's?" Jayne snapped, still a bit unnerved by that reader crap of hers.
"Brainpan's faulty. Memories blurred by consumption," River replied. "All purpose."
"Doc, yer sister's a screw loose."
"This is something new?" Simon asked, forgetting himself.
River gave him a look before elbowing him sharply in the stomach. Simon doubled over for a second, and the look on his face was enough to get a good laugh out of Jayne. River gave him a tiny smile before slipping up onto the examination chair.
"You're excused, escort."
It'd been later that night that he'd woken up from a nightmare. Hadn't had one of 'em since he was a few years younger'n Mattie. He could hear a girl whisperin' and carryin' on at him, telling him in was necessary, that things gotta be this way.
He remembered lips. Wasn't a fan of lips, had sumethin' to do with his Ma's friends with big lips who always tried to kiss on him. Never wanted none of that, 'least not when he was - but these ain't dreams of big ladies tryin' to peck on him. Rail thin little thing, what works her way around him as fierce as a pole cat. Clawin' at him, tryin' to make sense.
He wakes up in a cold sweat. That ain't supposed to happen.
Four months. She's been with child four months now, ain't once said who the daddy is. Doc's worked his prissified panties so far up hisself that he don't never smile. Makes Kaylee a bit sad, and Zoe walks 'round like she's proven a point. Mal went all noble, and 'Nara fell out of her chair when they waved her. Shepherd goes on about the religiosity of the matter. And Wash is there makin' his dumb ass remarks.
Jayne don't say nothing, not when Mal tells him that the girl's in his care, not when Simon objected. Not once. Course, for four months he's been haunted by nightmares. More'n once, he woke up and felt like someone was eyeing him. Slept with Vera under his pillow and with his finger on her trigger near every night it seemed.
"Check up," River says from his elbow. "Doctor's visit, determining who's in there."
"Huh?"
"Captain says I'm in your care. We both are. All purpose," she cocked her head to one side. "Dong ma?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Jayne's too tired to fight Crazy, so he goes along. The infirmary's freezing when they get there. Doc likes to keep it cool, but this is extreme.
"Colder'n a witch's teet in here, doc," Jayne snaps.
"My teet's are above room temperature," Crazy replies.
"River. ."
"Not what he meant, but it's true. Who's in there?" River cuts him off, staring at the screen.
"Mei-mei, it's going to be a girl . . .and a boy." Simon's eyes are locked on Jayne, who's still standing in the doorway.
"Twins," River smiles.
"I also did a DNA test, mei-mei."
"He doesn't know, doesn't remember. I made it happen, not him. All purpose."
"What's that mean?" Jayne asked, looking at River.
Simon sends him a glare, and Jayne's hand goes to his knife. Somethin' ain't kosher on this situation. He's on him before Jayne knows it, a bedpan in hand.
"It means you're going to be a father, you son of a bitch!" Simon yells, cracking the bedpan over Jayne's head.
"You're a boob, Simon." Is the last thing Jayne slips into unconsciousness.