Beggars Can't be Choosers
by Elfhelm
PG-13
website: see profile
holydread (at) gmail (dot) com
A/N: This story had been kicking around on looseleaf for a while before I tried to make... slightly more polished. It's post-HBP and of the "Severus is innocent... sort of" genre. Please review.

It was still early on a cold, bright day in mid September when a thin figure took his place along the brick wall of the storefronts. He sat against the wall with his knees brought up against his chest and an empty coffee cup gripped in his long-fingered hand. He was dressed in what appeared to be a black trench coat, still damp from last night's rain.

Soon enough, other unfortunates began to dot the sidewalk along this well-trafficked street. They kept at a distance from each other and avoided eye contact with anyone but the early morning crowd dressed in smart suits and business casual that soon took to the streets. Every so often a few coins would be dropped into the thin man's cup and he would nod in thanks, his expressionless face never changing.

It was on this day that a wizard found himself exploring the many roads of this populated Muggle city for the first time in many years. He was dressed in sombre tones, as if in mourning, though his long overcoat made him look out-of-place in the modernity surrounding him. He stopped now and then to purchase a flower for charity or give some change to one of the many beggars or street performers. It was only by chance that the wizard was on this street at this time and that he felt the thread of a heating charm being cast on the sidewalk across from him.

The wizard turned sharply and looked across where he found his eyes caught in a gaze that was all too familiar. The thin man who had risked to cast the charm looked quickly away, closing his eyes in what the wizard perceived as despair or maybe anger.

Within a moment, the wizard was across the street and kneeling beside the man on the sidewalk. From this close, he could tell that this wizard-in-hiding had been in a fight recently - one in which he had turned out for the worse. He was tired-looking and in need of a wash.

"Severus?"

The man refused to look at him; his eyes instead followed the progress of passing cars as he murmured, "Haunting me, Albus?"

"Haunting you? No, Severus, I am no ghost." There was concern in his voice and his eyes, though the other didn't see, did indeed look haunted.

Severus froze at these words, cast a quick glance toward Albus, and began to laugh. His silent laughter wracked his body and he buried his face in his arms to stifle it.

"Of course not," Severus's feverish laughter abated only long enough to spit out the words, "You're the great Albus Dumbledore, after all! Who would think you could possibly be killed by someone as common as me!"

Albus frowned at the younger man's now hysterical, vocal laughter, "For God's sake, Sever-"

"Yes! For God's sake, Albus!" His shoulders still shook and his hands twisted in the fabric of his coat.

And then quietly, "I must be completely mad."

He felt Albus's hand being laid on his bony shoulder and, unable to stop himself, he linked his fingers with Albus's.

"I am so sorry, Severus," Albus whispered.

Severus snorted back his laughter and tightened his grip on the elder's hand, "Of course you are." His voice was tainted with bitterness, though he never once let go of Albus's hand.

"You realize you made me the murderer of an icon? Filth worse than the Dark Lord. Hated by both sides for either your death or Potter's life. He tried to chase me. He was in my grasp. I let him go, of course, so I should have expected... But still..."

"Severus-"

"You should be ashamed," Severus paused after that as if realizing the absurdity of the statement and broke into rough laughter once again.

Albus remained still, his head bowed and his hand in Severus's crushing grip.

"Yes," Severus said, recovering himself, "it is your turn now, Albus. For once I did everything everyone expected of me and look, I'm living the consequence. But you-" Now anger took over younger man's countenance, "You /ran/." The word was spat from his lips with contempt... or perhaps envy.

Albus nodded gravely, "Yes, I - I thought it would be for the best. For Harry."

"Oh, for Potter. Everything is always about Potter, isn't it, Albus? Sacrifice the dirty Slytherin for a prophecy, never mind that he might have something to say about it!"

"Severus, Harry needed my death to become what he needs to be."

Severus wrenched around to face Albus, "I needed you!"

This time, when the laughter came, it rapidly dissolved into soundless sobs.

Albus finally pulled his hand free of Severus's grasp and instead sat down next to him, pulling him into an embrace, his fingers clutching at the younger man's frame as though afraid he might break free and disappear.

Oblivious to the stares of passing Muggles, Severus returned the desperate embrace, trying vainly to regain his once legendary control.

"We talked about this, Severus. Before it all happened," Albus whispered.

"You haven't lived like a common, filthy Muggle for two months, Albus," Severus returned fiercely, "You haven't lived with the guilt of believing you had killed your one friend in the world. Your lover."

"No, but I have lived with the guilt of deceiving you, Severus. When I learned that you had been driven out by both sides... I feared I'd never find you. I will not return to that world, Severus, but as you cannot rejoin it, I had hoped you would join me in exile. Maybe even forgive me."

When Severus did not reply, Albus pulled away far enough to see his lover's face, "Please, Severus."

Severus closed his eyes and snorted, "I suppose its fate that /you/ should end up begging /me/ for something."

Despite himself, Albus smiled. "Yes," he said, "I suppose it is."

"Very well," Severus replied, his voice rough, but no longer quaking with mad laughter or spite. "You know I do not do forgiveness well." A pause. "Damn you, Albus, you know I'll do my best for you. I always do."

"I will endeavour to earn it, love. It turns out, after these past months, that I rather need you as well."

"That," Severus returned, "was fairly obvious."

end