Title: Mama Cobb
author: Jmaria
Rating: FR-18
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.
Spoilers: The series, but not the big damn movie. Also, for Baby on Board, Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction, & Nucleus, Not Whole
Summary: . .ain't what you were expecting.
A/N: Cheesy title, I know. But when am I ever gonna get to use Mama Cobb as a fic title again? Most likely - never, so I used it. Unashamedly. suppresses grin

Mama Cobb

Jayne'd waved his mother the next day, tellin' her to expect him in a few weeks time. Course, the Cobb homestead was on the ass-end of the verse and about a three week trip if they pushed hard enough.

"Why are we going to Cadence again?" Wash asked for the tenth time.

"Apparently to get Mother Cobb's blessing," Zoe chuckled.

"Ain't no ruttin' laughin' matter, Zoe. My mother's likely to skin me alive," Jayne shuddered.

"Skin you or River?"

"River's with child, Mama'll come after me," Jayne shuddered again. "Reminds me a bit a you, Zoe. Downright frighten'."

"Am I supposed to be flattered or annoyed, husband?" Zoe asked Wash flatly.

"I'm not - we could ask the dinos. They might know. . ." Wash said playfully, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Mama's already pissed I ain't mentioned my 'sweetheart' a'fore now," Jayne muttered. "Course, four months ago, didn't know I'd end up hitched to Crazy."

"Seein' as how you're plannin' on making little River your wife, you might look to stop callin' her crazy," Zoe said.

"She might take a knife to you - again," Wash joked.

"Keep on laughin', little man." Jayne said gruffly, pushing himself out of the co-pilot's seat.

Jayne grumbled to himself as he stomped off the bridge. Wash and Zoe waited half a minute before laughing.

"Whaddya think the formidible Mother Cobb looks like?" Wash asked as he was wiping tears from his eyes.

"Big bulky woman, maybe has scruff and a 'stache just like Jayne. Tough lady."

"That's what I'm thinking."

"Can't wait to see what little River has to say to her."

River was nervous. More than she thought she ought to be. Jayne was spending time with her, but he was still angry and scared. River knew why, he thought so loud. Didn't say it, but he knew she knew. She was a mind readin' genius.

Vera'd died in childbirth. Mattie'd been sickly. Nearly died once a'fore. Vera's husband was sterile, so she'd never had to fret. But Vera hadn't been. She'd been small, and delicate. It was easy for him to pretend. River didn't want him to pretend. It hurt, and she was to blame.

"I'm wrong, I did wrong," River sobbed, falling in on herself.

Shepherd Book had come running, been the only one to see. He lifted her up, fathered her, made her see.

"River, honey, what's wrong?"

"Me, I meddled, did something I wasn't supposed to do," she cried, her hands tightening on her stomach.

"Yes, you did." She tensed up. What was the preacher man saying? He smiled gently at her. "You did meddle with Jayne. Worked the odds in your favor and set him up. You violated him, River. There's no easy way to say it."

"Hands of Blue, just as bad. . ."

"No, not that bad. Confused."

"River? What's wrong?" Simon demanded.

"Nothing. Guilt." River let the preacher help her up, but skirted away from Simon.

"What's going on?" Simon asked as River slipped from the room.
"River's come to terms with what she's done."

"What she's done?" Simon snapped.

"You can't really blame Jayne for this, son."

"Why not?"

"Because he was the victim."

Inara blinked. Kaylee merely grinned over the comm. She'd just filled the Companion in on all the new details of what had happened over the last few weeks.

"Jayne's the father? And you're all headed to get Mother Cobb's blessing? And Mal's all right with this?" Inara asked. "And Jayne's still breathing?"

"Barely, but River's already beaten up on Simon for hurtin' Jayne. Kinda sweet, actually."

"Jayne Cobb?"

"Yup, apparently River drugged him and sexed him up."

"Jayne Cobb?"

"'Nara, don't matter how often you say it, don't make it any less true."

"You've all gone mad since I left."

"Naw, -"

"Kaylee! What are you -" Mal shouted, stopping short when he saw Inara's face on the comm. "'Nara."

"Hello, Mal."

"Reckon little Kaylee's been updating you?"

"Yes, apparently River raped Jayne and got herself pregnant, and you're all heading to meet the grandmother."

"Sounds about right. Kaylee, when you finish up in here, I need you to make sure everything's squared away in the engine room. Cadence is a mite of a way off, and any decent parts we might need'll be few and far between out there."

"Yes, Cap'n."
"And see if you can dig up some baggy clothes for River. Jayne thinks he's gonna hide her bein' pregnant."
"She's near five months along! Less his momma's blind and stupid, she's gonna realize River's pregnant," Kaylee cried.

"We are talkin' bout Jayne's mama."

"That's just mean, Cap'n."

"I could round up some things for her, send them on to you. At Beaumond?" Inara offered.

"We'll be gettin' there in about four or five days. River'd appreciate it."

"I can have it waiting there for you in two. We've got excellent couriers -"

"Good," Mal cleared his throat. "Don't forget to check on what we need, Kaylee."

Kaylee watched Inara, sighing at the two of them. Not like she could fix it, but at least they were bein' civil to each other. It was kinda creepy. Kaylee smiled brightly again.

"Did I tell you she's havin' twins?"

Three Weeks Later

Jayne wore his whorin' shirt. River wore some beautifully beaded dress that Inara'd sent her. Jayne kept on babbling. Zoe and Wash laughed, Book and Kaylee smiled a lot, Mal frowned, and Simon glared.

"Don't go tellin' her we're thieves fer hire. Mama ain't too fond a thieves and mercenary folk."

"Kinda puts a damper on your relationship with her, doesn't it?" Wash joked.

"Wash," Zoe warned.

"Mama raised the twelve of us -"

"Twelve of you?"

"Little man, if'n it weren't fer yer wife, you'd be missin' more'n a few teeth," Jayne growled.

"Mother Cobb is resilient and strong, good qualities for a hard life." River said, her hand slipping into Jayne's.

For once in the past three weeks, Jayne didn't jerk away. He let her touch him. River blinked, a blush rising to her cheeks. Mal raised an eyebrow in their direction.

"Cap'n, you've got a smutty mind," River snapped.

"Right, borrowed it from the Shepherd," Mal replied.

By the time they reached the Cobb homestead, it was nearing noon. Mal blinked a few times, Wash's eyes got very big, and Simon started babbling. Before them sat a pretty little house, a small garden in front. The porch wrapped round the little yellow house and a tire swing hung from the old oak that gave it a good amount of shade. A little girl of seven sat in the yard, her pale red hair rustling in the wind. She played with a small puppy, tossing a ball for it to catch. Jayne grinned at the sight, just as the screen door opened an a small, thin woman came out.

She shielded her eyes from the sun and stared at the mule as it rode up. Her face burst into a big, welcoming smile as she raced down the steps to the front gate.

"Jayne!" The woman cried, as Jayne jumped off the mule.

Jayne carefully gathered the woman in his arms and swung her about. Mal exchanged a look with Zoe, who just shook her head. Kaylee started grinning like mad, and Wash's mouth hung open.

"My baby boy, you've come home!"

"That's Mother Cobb?" Wash cried.

"Which one's the lucky girl?" Mrs. Cobb laughed as Jayne set her back on her feet.

"Er, River. C'mon over, - honey." Jayne coughed.

Mrs. Cobb gave Jayne a puzzled look, but turned to smile at River. She came shyly forward, a tentative smile on her lips. Mrs. Cobb gave her a quick once over and quickly pulled the taller girl into a tight hug. River seemed a bit shocked, and tears came suddenly to her eyes.

"I always knew my little Jayne would find a good girl for himself," Mrs. Cobb said, bursting into tears.

"I think we missed something," Wash said, while the others watched on.