"Adam." They were in Daisy's new bedroom trying to find her pyjamas. She had helpfully put away her clothes this morning but now they had no idea where anything was and technically Adam was looking for them and Daisy was doing her thing, stark naked.
"Yes, Tickety Boo." He was having no luck and Daisy was too busy dancing to the music in her own head to help. He at least wanted her dressed ready for bed when Kim got home and she had already messaged him to say she was on her way.
"Is my Daddy coming to my birthday party?"
That had come a little out of the blue. She hadn't talked about him much lately. Since the incident with the Bar he had finally checked himself into Rehab and by all accounts was doing okay. Daisy hadn't seen him since, firstly because Kim was so angry and then they decided it was best if she didn't see him until he was clean and sober but she did still see his parents. They would meet them for dinner once a week so that the kids could see them and so that they didn't miss out on seeing their granddaughter. Daisy never asked about Steve though. "Do you want him to come?"
"Yes. I miss my Daddy."
"Okay." Adam nodded. "Ah ha." He declared with a flourish when he opened the last draw, the one with all her winter sweaters in it and found her pyjamas shoved in the corner.
"Will Mommy be angry?" As much as Kim had tried to rein herself in as far as Steve was concerned Daisy had obviously picked up on it.
"No, Boo. I think it would be nice for you to see your Daddy again. I am sure he's missed you too." He helped her into her Pj's and kissed her head and nudged her towards the door. "Now, go on. Mommy will be here any minute and I know she is desperate for a hug." Kim had left before the kids had even got up this morning and hadn't seen them much yesterday either. Work had been a little crazy, a few warm days and Chicago seemed to be going crazy.
It hadn't taken them long to find this place, it wasn't perfect but for now it was enough. As soon as Kim's house sold they would look at buying a place but right now the three-bedroom walk up was doing its job. It was allowing them to live as a family although financially it was a strain paying rent and her part of the mortgage on the house.
Over dinner, once everything had settled down after Cyclone Steve abated Kim decided it was time to talk to the kids about what their future held. "On the weekend we thought we would go and look at some houses to live in."
"I want to stay at Adam's, it's fun." Daisy declared and Oliver just dropped his knife and fork on the table and looked like he was about to cry, he wanted to live with his Dad. The past few days had been great for Oliver, having Adam around every morning and night was all he wanted. They would play computer games, cook dinner and just hang out. He loved it.
Kim leant over and squeezed Oliver's hand. "No, all of us. Together. This place is too small for all of us so we are all going to move. Adam as well."
"Dad's going to live with us?" Adam was happy to see how delighted Oliver was with the news. He didn't want to tell Kim how nervous he was about it. It was quick and he didn't know how easy it was going to be to suddenly be living with someone. He'd lived alone for nine years and it wasn't just one person it was two children too. He was willing to try; he had no choice.
"Yes I am."
"Yay." Daisy bounced in her seat as she clapped and Oliver declared that it was 'lit'. All the worry and concern they had about how the kids were going to cope with their relationship had basically been swept away. All that mattered, at the end of the day was that they felt safe, secure and loved.
Adam could hear Daisy and Kim greeting each other as he grabbed the wet towels from the bathroom and let the water out of the bath. How one girl could make such a mess was beyond him? God help her teenage years. He felt comforted by the fact he could now see that far into their future. The stability that living together had given them had been surprising, not only for him but Oliver as well.
The improvement in his son had been extraordinary. He was less anxious, more outgoing and doing better at school and Kim couldn't be happier. Listening to Oliver's teacher telling them how much better and focussed he was music to Adam's ears. Oliver had decided he wanted to be a Cop, like his Mom and his Dad so Adam had talked to him about what he needed to do to make that happen and doing well in school was top of that list.
For Adam he felt more in control, he had a sense of peace and he could see a future where in the past it was just a foggy mess. He didn't realise how much he craved the stability of having a family around him because for so long he hadn't had the opportunity. Over the years he sometimes regretted that he made the decision to never settle down but now that he was here, settled and with the woman he needed to be with and their son he knew that somehow without even knowing it he had made that decision for a reason.
"Where's Ollie?" Kim looked up at Adam as he came downstairs.
He leant in for a kiss. "Nice to see you too."
"Sorry. Hi Baby." She kissed him again. "Where's Ollie?"
"Just having a shower." He had banged on the door of the master bathroom where Oliver had decided to grab his shower because Daisy was taking too long in his own bathroom and told him to hurry up. Not that he was any quicker, what he did in there Adam was too scared to ask.
It wasn't until that both the kids had gone to bed that Adam and Kim actually got the chance to talk. He was surprised that Daisy hadn't bought up her Dad at some point. Particularly as Kim had put her to bed and read her a book.
'Did Daisy talk to you about her birthday?" He held out his hand and guided Kim into the seat beside him. She threw her legs up onto him and relaxed as he massaged her calves. She had grabbed a quick shower and had been dismayed at the wet floor and bathmat. Oliver really need to start using his own shower, he was worse than Adam for trashing the place.
"No, she was tired. I barely got through one book."
"She wants her Dad to come."
"Oh." Was all that Kim said as she reached for Adam's beer and took a mouthful.
"Do you want my opinion?" He still felt like he had to ask sometimes if he was allowed to say anything. It was a minefield some days trying to navigate her feelings on it, particularly regarding Daisy. He did understand her need to protect her but he also felt he had a little bit of a handle on what being a father meant too. He just had to tread carefully.
"I suppose you are going to give it regardless."
"Okay, so you are not ready to hear it then. I'll keep it to myself." Reaching for the remote he turned on the TV and he figured that she would just think about it for a bit and then be ready to talk.
Adam kept watching her from the corner of his eye and she was definitely stewing on it, he figured he had about half an hour. She jumped up and made herself a cup of tea and when she came back Adam turned off the TV. It was her thing; once she had that cup in her hand she was ready. He liked that he knew that about her. "You think I should invite him?"
"I do."
"Why?" Kim had a fair idea that Adam would push for it; he didn't want Daisy not to have a relationship with her father if that's what she wanted as long as Steve got his shit together. At this stage, by all reports he was doing well and it was unfair to stop Daisy seeing him.
"Because Daisy wants to see him, he is her father and despite the fact he is an complete asshole he loves her." Didn't mean that Adam liked him any more though, he still couldn't stand him and it made his blood boil some days when he thought about what he'd put them all through.
"I guess. I am not sure I am ready to see him though." He was making sense, Kim just wasn't sure she was ready to hear it.
Adam pulled her feet back into his lap. "I get that, but Darlin' its not about you."
Letting her head drop back for a moment she blew out a long slow breath. "I know."
"Hey." He tapped her leg until she lifted her head and looked at him. "And I will be there to hold your hand the entire time. Just because he comes, if he even comes that does not mean you even have to talk to him. No one will let him make a scene. I promise you I won't let him ruin Daisy's day."
Kim leant forward and let Adam kiss her forehead. "Why are you so rational about it?"
"I've always been the rational level headed type of guy." That made her laugh. It may have taken him a while to lose his shit, but when he did rational and level headed were not words she associated with Adam. He chose to ignore her laugh. "Love you too Darlin'."
"Daisy does like talking to you."
"I think she'll be telling me about her first boyfriend before she tells you." Adam wrinkled his nose a little.
"That I'd pay money to see. I can't see you being so rational about that."
"I'll just play the cool Step Dad part."
Suddenly Kim put her cup on the table and kissed him hard. "Whoa, hey. Hi." He stuttered a little stunned by her enthusiasm.
Kim was rarely grateful when he was wearing sweat pants but this was one of those times, there were no belts, buckles or zips to get in the way of what she suddenly wanted; quickly she stood up, pulled her underwear off from under her dress and climbed back into his lap. Adam had no intention of stopping her; he rarely did because they still felt like they had a lot of time to make up. Even despite the fact that Kim was always worried that the kids would spring them at any moment, tonight she didn't seem to care and neither did he. Adam, well he was male and had lost the ability to think of anything but the woman rocking his world on their couch.
"Now, not that I minded that at all." It had been a little wild and primal but very satisfying. "But, wow darlin', tell me what I did to deserve that and I will make sure I do it more often."
"The comment about being Daisy's Step Dad. I really liked that."
"Obviously." Adam dug his fingers into her hips and held her steady in his lap, not ready to lose that precious feeling of being so connected to her. "Well, isn't that what I am? Isn't this part of this family thing we are doing? You know I love her. I want to be in her life and I want her to know that I am."
Kim reached up and ran her hand over his rough cheek; his scruff was about two days old at the moment and was just about perfect. "She's a lucky girl to have a Step Dad like you. I love how much you adore her."
"And you. I adore you too." Sitting up a little he captured her mouth with his. "You've no idea."
Whether it was quick or not didn't matter, it was how he felt. If they were going to live together as a family it couldn't be any other way. They had to do this together to make it work. Steve wasn't going to like it, he had been less than impressed when he found out that Adam was moving in but Adam honestly didn't care. This was where he wanted and needed to be. He never wanted Daisy to feel the uncertainty and anxiousness that Oliver had and he was going to do his best to make sure of that.
'Daisy would love to see you at her birthday party.' Kim sent Steve a brief message. She had gone back and forward with the message until Adam told her just to send it. "Don't over think it." Kim had wondered whether to change the venue, it was currently at their house but Kim wasn't sure if she wanted Steve there. Adam wasn't so concerned. "He's going to find out where we live anyway so let's just get it over with."
Steve responded almost immediately that he would love to come and that he had missed Daisy. She told him the date and time and that she would send him the address on the day. She was worried that he might turn up at the house if he knew where they were living and she wasn't quite ready for that. There was no more interaction, even when he asked how she was. Kim wasn't stupid, he knew how she was because he knew his parents saw her every week. Kim was nowhere near ready to deal with him.
Daisy was excited and Kim had to admit that it was the best thing for her daughter. Adam had been right it wasn't about how Kim felt; it was about Daisy and her relationship with her father. She had to do some serious talking to Kevin though because he still wanted to beat the shit out of him, he was pretty certain that Adam had not done a good enough job because he was still walking.
It was also the first time Adam had gotten really angry with Oliver. He had complained the moment Daisy had told her brother that her Dad was coming to her party. "Why does he have to come? If he's coming I'm not going." That had upset Daisy and Adam had looked at him sharply. "I'll go to Joey's."
Kim replied firmly. "You won't go to Joey's, you will stay here. It's your sister's birthday and she wants her Dad to come."
"We don't need him, we are happy with out him." He didn't seem to care that Daisy was sitting at the table and how upset he was making her. "He'll ruin everything and I hate him."
"No, Ollie, that's my Daddy." She cried, distraught tears falling down her little cheeks. It broke Kim's heart and made Adam even angrier.
"Oliver, enough." Adam put his foot down. "You are better than this. You were raised better than this."
"Yes by Mom, not you though. You weren't here." Oliver started to get up from the table and leave.
Adam felt like he'd just been stabbed in the heart. "You don't have permission to leave the table." He whispered quietly but coldly.
"Oliver, you can apologise to your Dad."
"Sorry." He spat out although no one in that room was under any illusion that he had said it with any sincerity.
"I want my Daddy to come." Daisy sobbed.
"If your Daddy wants to come he will come. Oliver wants you to be happy." Kim reassured her. She looked at Adam and he was somewhere between angry and devastated. It was the first time that Oliver had challenged him about not being around for most of his life. He understood why Adam had been absent and knew that it wasn't by choice so his ill-timed words spoken out of anger and fear had been a bitter blow.
"You know what Oliver?" Adam started, finally feeling calm enough to speak. "For once this isn't about you." Kim held up her hand to stop him but he shoved back his chair suddenly, the scrape of wood on wood sending a shiver up her spine. "You are not the only person in this house who does things tough. You think this is easy on any of us? You think this is easy for your mother, or for Daisy? You think this is easy for me?" He stormed from the room.
Kim was left with two crying children. Oliver's lip quivered as he started to cry and Kim jumped when she heard the door slam and minutes later she heard the roar of his bike as Adam had taken off. "Where's Dad going?" Oliver asked her and Kim could see he was starting to panic.
"I don't know Oliver." She grabbed the plates off the table and held it together until she was safely in the kitchen. Oliver's words had been a kick in the guts and one that Adam didn't need. While she was thankful that he hadn't yelled at Oliver she knew by the look on his face that Adam was devastated. She wished that he had stayed around so that she could help him and she hated that he was still doing this. Taking off when things got hard.
"I didn't mean to hurt Dad." Oliver was miserable. "Is he coming back?"
"Yes, he is coming back." Oliver had curled up on the couch next to his Mom once Daisy had gone to bed. Adam had been gone a couple of hours and Oliver had tried to call him but as soon as the call connected they could hear his phone ringing from the side table where he had dumped it when he got home from work and that really upset him. "Oliver you really hurt him. I understand that you are scared and worried about Daisy but that was unfair of you to say that to your Dad."
"I know, I'm sorry." Kim kissed the top of his head. Kim explained to him why they had invited Daisy's father to her party, that it was all about Daisy. They were safe here with Adam and nothing was going to change that. He didn't have to talk to Steve if he didn't want too but he had to be nice to his sister and let her enjoy her birthday. "If Daisy ever starts to feel unsafe around her Dad we will stop it okay? We are not going to let Daisy get hurt. He loves Daisy, like Adam loves you and you wouldn't like it if I told you that you couldn't see him would you?"
"But Dad doesn't hurt you."
"No he doesn't. We are not asking you to see Steve but we are asking you to let Daisy see her Dad."
"Okay." He nodded.
"And you need to apologise to your Dad and mean it this time." He wanted to stay up until Adam got home but Kim knew it could still be hours before he did.
Kim was sitting on the couch when he finally came home, having sat with Oliver until he went to sleep. As he came in she turned off the TV and waited for him. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
She stood up and pushed past him. "Would have been nice to know that hours ago."
"I forgot my phone."
"No shit. Probably because you had a hissy fit and stormed out of here. Oliver was worried about you." Kim paused with her bottom foot on the step. "You know you can't keep doing this shit Adam. It's not fair to Oliver, you know how anxious he gets."
"Would you rather I stayed and lost it at him?" He waved his hands around angrily.
"I would rather you stay and talk to Oliver about how that made you feel."
"You wanna know how that made me feel? I'll tell you. I felt like a failure, I felt like shit. It made me feel like I am just kidding myself thinking I can do this."
"Do what?"
"Be a family, be a father."
"For god's sake Adam, you are a father. That's your son." She pointed upstairs angrily. "Man up and suck it up, it's not always fun, they say shit that hurts some days but he loves you. This is your family, here in this house."
"I just hate that I wasn't around."
"So do I, so does Oliver. I hate that you missed out but there is nothing we can do about it. It happened, shit happened. You are here now, bloody well be here."
He stopped by Oliver's room and sat on the floor next to his bed for a few minutes before he jumped in the shower, washing away the last few hours and then crawling into Kim's waiting arms. She'd said her piece and now it was time to be there for him. "He didn't mean it. He's worried that he hurt you."
"He did. I shouldn't let it get to me. I know he didn't mean it but that was like being kicked in the balls."
"I know Baby. He loves you so much; he was scared. He's scared for Daisy and he doesn't want us to get hurt." Kim could feel the tension in him and it was awful. Something would remind him of his past and he struggled not to let him bring him crashing down. It was usually his own doing but tonight Oliver had opened that wound.
"Neither do I."
"I hate that you left like that but I understand why." Now that her anger had dissipated she could be a little more rational. She did understand why he would jump on his bike and disappear but it just scared her. The first few times he did it she freaked out, not knowing if he was going to come back and that didn't help the situation. When he got back and Kim had a go at him for running away from his problems Adam didn't appreciate it. Eventually she could see it for what it was, she still hated it and worried the entire time he was gone but if this was going to work she had to let him deal with his issues the best way he knew how. Now that they were together the fact that he would crawl back to her and seek comfort from her made it easier and they were trying to ride it out.
He'd been alone for nine years and suddenly he was transplanted back into his old life and had a son. Now he had a family and it was hard to wrap his head around some days. He was trying so hard and he didn't always get it right.
Tonight though it had involved Oliver and that was the first time he'd done that and seeing Oliver so upset and anxious had made Kim angry. Not taking his phone either hadn't helped. She had no way of contacting him and knowing that he was okay. Often he would send her a message just to say he was fine and would be home soon, tonight she got nothing and that was worrying. Kim didn't want to think of Adam doing something stupid and she never thought he even had those thoughts, thoughts of hurting himself but it still nagged at her all night.
"I didn't want to yell, I felt like I was going to lose my shit at him and I couldn't do it. I don't want to ever scare him like that or Daisy. They've had enough of that to last a lifetime."
"I love you so much Adam. I'm proud of you." She held on a little tighter. "I'm proud of how hard you are fighting."
"Can we not talk right now?"
"Okay, but can I just ask you one question?" Kim swallowed hard when he nodded. "Adam, do you ever think about not coming back? Do you ever think about hurting yourself?"
"Never." Pulling her into his arms he tucked her head under his chin and kissed her head. "I'm never leaving you, I'm never leaving Oliver. Please don't think that, please." He was begging her.
"Okay, Baby. It's okay."
He slept a little restlessly and Kim felt terrible that her son had hurt him, she didn't blame Oliver he was just a confused boy who was worried about her and his sister getting hurt but the effect that it had on Adam had been stunning.
"Dad." Oliver approached him tentatively the next morning as he was getting breakfast.
"Yeah." He turned to face his son and after a brief moment, when he saw how upset he looked he opened his arms and Oliver bolted into them.
"I'm sorry Dad. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."
"I know this sucks Ollie, as much as I want to tell you that you don't have to see him again. We do, for Daisy."
"I know." Adam had to dip his head quite low to kiss his son's head. "I'm really sorry for what I said."
Adam knew he had to tell Oliver that it was okay, no matter how much it still hurt him. He hadn't quite shaken it off although he was desperately trying too. He had woken early and Kim found him standing at their bedroom window looking out into the dark backyard. She slipped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his back. "Baby, you okay?"
"I don't think so. I still feel a little shaky." He held onto her hands. Now at least he felt confident enough to talk to Kim when he was anxious, initially he found it hard and she would try and push him to open up. They had struck a good balance, she would let him go out and when he came back she would listen to him, reassure him and comfort him and eventually he would spill his heart out and they moved on. It was painful at times and incredibly raw but it also bought them closer together, closer than they ever thought possible. "I didn't sleep well."
"I know." Adam tugged on her hands and pulled her around so that she was facing him. Kim would do anything to help him.
"I don't blame Oliver."
"He didn't mean it." Kim reassured him again. "He is devastated that he hurt you."
"You know, through all this I learnt something. They only people who can really hurt you are those that you love the most. It hurts because I do love him so much and because of that I also know it'll be okay."
"You are a precious man." Standing on her tiptoes she kissed him softly. "My precious man."
Kim wasn't surprised to see them hugging in the kitchen. Adam had his head bowed down resting on Oliver's head. He was whispering something that she couldn't make out but Oliver started nodding. Adam had told him that he loved him and that he hated that he wasn't around and he would have done anything to change it but he couldn't so Oliver needed to forgive him.
It took a day or two to get back to normal but they got there, all of them together. Adam and Oliver spent Saturday at a batting cage testing out his new bat and by the time they got home they seemed to have struck a good balance again.
Steve was never going to stay long because it was the most awkward thing he had done. Daisy was showing Adam her latest gift when he arrived and he swallowed the knot of jealousy he felt bubble up within him. Once Adam spotted him though he instantly pointed him out to Daisy and she bolted towards him and flung herself into his arms. This was the reason he had finally realised he had to pull his head in, she was all he had left and he'd almost lost her. Now he had to work his ass off to prove to Kim that he could be the father Daisy deserved.
"Adam, Adam my Daddy's here." She squealed as she ran back to Adam.
"I can see that." He nodded at Steve who had followed Daisy back towards him. "You're a lucky girl. I hope you thanked him for coming."
"He bought me a present." She held it up excitedly and Adam encouraged her to go open it with her Dad.
At least the guy looked uncomfortable as he approached Adam, which bought him some satisfaction. "Daisy's happy to see you." Adam forced himself to be polite.
"She looks like she's enjoying herself?"
"You know Daisy, always the life of the party." Thankfully Steve's parents arrived and Adam didn't have to try and make small talk with him. The longer it went on the more likely Adam was to say something he regretted. At least he didn't make an issue out of the beating Adam had given him the last time they crossed paths.
"Hi Kim." Steve made his way into the house once Daisy had flitted off. She was in the kitchen talking to Joelle, who was weeks away from giving birth and Erin.
"Hi." She took a little step back when he looked like he was about to give her a kiss. Erin narrowed her eyes and watched him carefully, she knew how worried Adam was about Kim and having to see him again. Everyone had been shocked to find out about the cheating revelation but it was the news that Steve had abused Oliver that floored them all. "Have you seen Daisy?"
"I have, she's grown so much and looks so happy."
"She is." Kim turned back to finish decorating the birthday cake. "We'll do her cake soon. Will you still be here?"
"I'd like to be."
"Daisy would love you to stay. She really wanted you to come today so I am glad you are here for her." The excitement of Daisy when she woke up this morning was infectious and she had asked Kim several times what time her Daddy was coming. She had hoped like hell that he wasn't going to bail on her like he had done time and again for Oliver. She couldn't go through that again and he had one chance. Kim would have been surprised if he had broken his daughter's heart like that, Daisy was never the issue. It was his treatment of Oliver that created the problems; he had never let Daisy down at least until that day he left her in the bar.
Adam knew how worried Kim was and had tried to reassure her that they needed to let it play out. "It's so easy for you isn't it?" She had snapped at him earlier. It may have been the best thing for Daisy but it didn't make things easy for them at home. Oliver was anxious about it, Kim was stressing out and Adam copped it from both sides.
"No, not really."
"I'm going to have to pick up the pieces if he doesn't come."
"No, we'll pick up the pieces together." Adam grabbed the plate of burgers that Kim had asked him to cook. "You keep forgetting that." And Kim felt terrible when he kissed her forehead and left without a word. It wasn't Adam's fault and he was trying.
Steve was surprised when Adam told him to step up when they bought out Daisy's cake. Adam still stood behind Kim and Oliver was beside him but he made sure that Steve stood beside Daisy and he smiled when Daisy grabbed hold of his hand as she leant forward to blow out her candles.
He didn't stay long after that. He had tried to talk to Kim again but she was pretty closed off. She thanked him for coming and agreed to organise for Daisy to spend a few hours with him next weekend. They were still a long way from good and if a few hours was all he was going to get he had to take it.
He didn't have a lot anymore but he had a daughter and he was going to make sure he was the father she deserved. It wasn't easy and Kim didn't make it a walk in the park but eventually he got his relationship with his daughter back on track.
They certainly didn't do family functions together. Adam barely spoke to him although he did know that it was Adam who pushed for Daisy to see him and Oliver was a lost cause and he had no-one to blame but himself. At least his parents still saw him. Kim was happy now, she was happy with Adam and he had to let it go. As much as he wanted to blame Adam for ruining his marriage it wasn't his fault, he'd ruined it well before Adam came back. It wasn't Adam's fault that his wife had never stopped loving his ghost.
So they all just got on with life. Adam graduated from the CFD Academy with Kim, Oliver and Daisy looking on. They were so proud of him and they settled into it. They still had their ups and downs and to say it was easy would have been a lie but they weren't about to give up and the good times far outweighed the bad.
Right now Adam felt his heart almost beating out of his chest, he lay his hand on it as if he was trying to keep it in his body. Kim looked pissed with him and he wasn't quite sure why.
"Are you going to say something or just sit there with your mouth open like you are some non functioning mouth breather?" She almost hissed at him.