Title: Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing
author: Jmaria
Rating: FR-18
Disclaimer: Joss is god, I am a lowly worshipper.
Spoilers: The series, and for Baby on Board, Just Unsettlin', Nightmare Seduction, Nucleus, Not Whole, Mama Cobb, Tiny Thing Like That, Family Matters, Gathering, Hootenanny or a Shindig (part one and part two), Floozies, Vixens and the Manner of Grief, Miles to Go Before I Sleep, & Come a Little Closer
Summary: Don't worry bout a thing, I'm sure everything is just fine.
A/N: Because they were just a little too sugary-sweet for me.
A/N2: Okay, I was seriously on a roll, and then some idiot pulled my dorm's fire alarm - AGAIN! Second time in like five days. Some one pulled it last Thursday at 4:26 and someone pulled it tonight at 3:10. grrr.

Don't Worry 'Bout a Thing

Mal felt like he needed mass amounts of alcohol to scrub his brainpan clean of the images of his crew being nekkid and naughty. Inara only batted her eyes knowingly at him. Mal glowered. Jayne and River'd been gone all night, and Simon had gotten good and drunk. None of the crew had managed to get back to the ship 'cept for Wash and Zoe, so the next morning had found them all crowded around the big table in the Cobb kitchen.

"Don't even think about it, you'll get no sympathy from me," Inara was saying when he entered.

"What'd I do?" Mal asked, immediately on the defensive.

"I was talking to Kaylee, not you," Inara replied, taking a sip of her juice.

"Wha'd Kaylee do?"

"Made a right fool of myself. I ain't allowed to drink no more, Cap'n," The girl moaned.

"It was . . .interesting." Inara smiled, glancing up at Mal.

"What was interestin', Miss Serra?" Mattie asked, skipping into the kitchen.

"Not so loud, lil' Cobb. My head -"Mal groaned, taking the coffee Phoebe offered him. "Thank you kindly, bigger lil' Cobb."

Phoebe blushed and smiled shyly at him, before helping her mother set the food on the table. Mattie was looking up expectantly at Inara, who had one of them know-it-all grins on her face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Inara batted her lashes again at him before turning to the girl. "Sweetie, it really wasn't much."

"I always miss th' good stuff," Mattie sighed, helping herself to some of the omelet.

"What was interestin'?" Mal grinned, noticing Simon's pained expression. Mattie perked right up and yanked Mal's plate from his hands, giving him a large portion of the omelet. Mal's grin widened. Kid was halfway cute, even if she were Jayne's kid.

"Just Simon getting drunk and insultin' me AGAIN." Kaylee huffed.

"You ain't learned yet, doc?" Mal laughed.

"I said I was sorry, Kaylee. To be fair, my mind really wasn't on you," Simon cried, then winced in pain. Obviously he forgot about his hang-over headache.

"That ain't helpin' matters, brother," Phoebe snorted, placing the juice pitcher in front of him.

"Brother?" Simon said flatly.

"You're kin now, doc," Mal laughed. "Jayne married your sis, and that kinda makes you her brother."

"Good thing I didn't go and develop a crush on ya, doc. It'd be sorta wrong. Not cuz you ain't pretty," Phoebe smiled. "Must be all that Core livin' what made you so frightfully pale. That and livin' out in the black."
"Dontcha ever let 'em run on the world when you make deliveries, Cap'n?" Mattie asked.

"Girls, stop pickin' on yer new brother. Ain't fair game," Evie sighed, taking the bacon out of the pan. "Here ya go, Malcolm, nice and crisp. Inara dear, would you care for some? Kaylee? Shepherd?"

They all greedily dug into the food, a nice change from the protein meal packs they were used to. Evie made enough for everyone and even ordered Simon, who she took under her wing as a son, to take Wash and Zoe some breakfast.

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter, son? That couple needs all the energy what's to get, 'specially considerin' what they's up to right now." Evie's eyes sparkled. "To be that in love, well, takes me back to when me and my Al got hitched. Always tearin' at each other - always starvin'. Spent most a our first years a married life either in the kitchen or the bedroom."

Simon, Phoebe, and Mal's food all hovered inches from their mouths as Evie spoke. The three groaned nearly all at the same time, and dropped their forks and chopsticks. Kaylee and Inara only smiled, Mattie looked confused and Shepherd Book blushed.

"My Al was -"

But Evie was cut off by the sound of approaching hoof beats. She frowned and pushed back the curtain over the window. Her face went blank and she quickly dropped the curtain.

"Mattie, go show Simon my sewin' room," Evie said quietly. "Show him the special place, dong ma?"

"Yes, Mama," Mattie's face paled and she tugged on Simon's arm until the man gave in and followed her.

"Mrs. Cobb?" Mal asked.

"Nothin' to fret over, just local lawman's comin' and what with Simon bein' a fugee, I reckon it's best if'n he says hidden," Evie said quietly. "Phoebe, sweetlin' go fetch Zoe and Wash, bring 'em back here."

"I could -" Kaylee offered.

"No, might need you here, Phoebe take the Chester Logan taught you to use."

"Yes, Mama."

"Evie? Is everything alright?"

"Course, Preacher. Just reckon it'd be good to have 'em here and informed."

She put on a big smile and stepped out onto the back porch. One hand went up to block the sun out of her eyes and the other went to her hip. One of the riders held his hand up in a short wave, and Evie smiled and waved back.

"Mornin', Sheriff. Whadda we owe this pleasure to?" Evie called.

"Mornin', Evie. Heard you folk had quite the weddin' last night. It true?"

"That someone got hitched? Yes, sir, Sheriff. My oldest boy, Jayne got hitched last night. Girl he met out in the black," Evie replied.

Sheriff Lukas Khang had known Evie since he was a boy, and had grown up with the younger Cobb boys, but this wasn't about knowing them. Jayne Cobb was a legend on this half a Cadence. Evie had a nice rep on this world, same went for most a her kids. Only Jayne had ever been a real hell raiser. But this was business. Lukas couldn't be swayed by his affection towards the Cobb family.

"Really? Oughta congratulate the old dog. What's her name?" Lukas asked.

"Rita Frye, sister to the mechanic on the boat he flies with," Evie smiled sweetly. "'Fraid Jayne ain't here sheriff, out on his honeymoon, like any decent husband. If he's anything like Al was, he'll be keepin' her abed for a while. Days maybe."

Mal shuddered at the thought and Evie looked over her shoulder. Kaylee was looking nervous. Evie nodded toward the coffee pot and tin cups hanging over the counter.

"Can I offer you boys some coffee? Sure is mighty early for y'all to be out congratulating newlyweds."

"We'll kindly take some coffee, Mrs. Cobb."

"Kaylee, hon, care to bring that coffee out?"

"Yes, Mama Cobb," Kaylee said smiling.

"Sheriff, why don't you and yer boys sit down a spell. My girls'll get yer coffee."

"Thank you kindly, Mrs. Cobb," Lukas smiled back.

Kaylee hopped down the steps, handing the pot to Evie. Kaylee set the six cups down and quickly took the pot back. She poured for the Sheriff and his deputies and then poured a sixth cup for Evie. Lukas watched her.

"This ain't one a yer daughters, is it?"

"Well, now she is. This is my Jayne's new sister. Kaylee Frye, this here is little Lukas Khang. Boy was more trouble to more'n half the colony. Always beggin' for biscuits or pie and such. Kaylee here is the finest mechanic flyin'."

"Aw, I'm not -" Kaylee blushed.

"Our lil' Kaylee doesn't like to brag, but she's a right genius with machines," Mal said suddenly, cutting across her path. "Mornin' officer, I'm Cap'n Mal Reynolds. Is there some kinda trouble?"

"Na, just got a report come in sayin' Jayne mighta be here lookin' to make some trouble. Figured it'd be good to check on it," Lukas said casually.

"My Jayne? He'd never go out seekin' trouble. Really, Luk. Boy's been gone more'n twenty years. Anybody he'd have a grudge with's dead," Evie scolded.

"Not everybody, Evie. Weblin's still own big chunks of this world. Most of 'em remember the trouble he had with Vera and her pop."

"That's been dead and buried. Vera married that man and my Jayne went off into the black. I'll not have you a ruinin' the only proper visit I've had with my boy since Al died."

"Evie, we're just here seein' if any of the Weblin clan's been to see y'all. That and to see if any a his were involved in the shooting of Hessian Weblin."

"Hessian Weblin? That little piss pot? Who'd wanna shoot him? Waste a bullets." Evie laughed.

"Cobb boys were seen leavin' around the time a the shootin'."

"We did leave a bit before, heard quite a ruckus behind us, though."

"Hmm." Lukas glanced over at Kaylee, who was heading back indoors. "You wouldn't happen to have a brother, Miss Kaylee?"

"I got a younger brother back on Avalon," Kaylee frowned. "Why you ask?"

"Just gettin' the latest news from the Alliance boys, lookin' for a pair a siblings. This Rita girl - she is your sister?"

"Yeah."

"Picked 'em both up on Avalon bout four years back. Kaylee's a crack mechanic, and little Rita can cook and fly half decent," Mal grinned, "Two for one deals."

"You been lettin' her fly?" Lukas probed.

"Not often. She's co-pilots a bit."

"So no brothers and sisters on board?"

"Only if'n you're talking about in the great big plan fer us all kinda way," Mal replied.

"Well, we should be movin' on. Thank you fer the coffee, Evie. Give Jayne and Rita our best."

"Will do, Sheriff."

The Sheriff and his men were gone within five minutes. Mal glanced over just to see Zoe, Wash and Phoebe riding up on the Cobb transport vehicle. Phoebe hopped off and raced to her mother, who was shaking something fierce.

"Mama?"

"Mal, what's goin' on?" Wash asked.

"Jayne's in trouble, Cap'n. I just know it. Them Weblin scum are up to no good," Evie said in a tight voice.

"We better go interrupt that honeymoon, then."

River stirred, her stomach grumbling to be fed. The twins needed nourishment and she'd expended so much energy in the night that her body demanded to be sated . . .again. She smiled as she slipped out of bed, leaving Jayne sprawled against the wall. Harder to kick him out of bed again if he was pressed tightly to an obstacle.

Eggs, bread, and breakfast meats had been freshly stocked for them, and River set out to make fluffy eggs and toast. She melted the butter in the pan and broke four eggs into a small serving bowl. Adding some milk, she started to beat the eggs. She'd just sliced the bread when Jayne lumbered into the kitchen, wrapped only in the bed sheets.

"Mornin'," Jayne muttered.

"Eggs?"

"Food?"

"Yes."

He was shoveling in a mouthful of eggs as River finished making the bacon. She sat across from him and took a bite. They didn't speak, and it was quite nice. And then she felt it. She dropped her bacon and jumped to her feet. Jayne's fork hit the plate with a clatter as he grabbed her by the arms. She let out one horrified moan, and he felt like shaking her. There was a quiet popping noise and the tinkling noise of falling glass.

"Gorrammit!" Jayne said flinching away from the sound. River hadn't said anything, and he turned to face her. The image of her had his heart in his throat.

River's mouth was opened in a soundless scream as the blood stained her nightgown. Jayne stared at her in concern. Blood was pooling on the stomach of her dress, where his children were safe. He pulled her away from the window and searched for an entry wound. His hands moved quickly over her belly, making sure she and the babies were okay. They felt leaden, and he couldn't find the wound.

"Jayne," she whimpered, pulling at his shirt.

"Girl, it ain't no time ta be tryin' ta sex me up," he growled. Maybe she'd been hit in the back.

"Not me," River sobbed, holding up a bloodstained hand in front of his face. "You."