Adam had been working for the past couple of weeks in OFI. Severide had organised for him to do a bit of work experience with them. He did enjoy being a fire fighter but he still had that yearning for the Detective side of work; that was in his blood. Someone had gone on leave so he jumped at the chance to check it out.
Unfortunately it meant that he was suddenly five days a week and he missed out on a few things at home. Kim missed him too, having him home two days out of three was a big help when the kids needed to go to school or be picked up. It meant that she didn't have to pack Paddy into the car every time she needed to go out and it had suddenly got hot the last few weeks and she hated taking him out too often.
It also meant that he missed out on Paddy's six-week check up which he wasn't happy about. They had a fire investigation on at the moment and he couldn't get away. It wasn't unlike being in Intelligence; you couldn't always control the hours.
"Is that my Adam?" Daisy asked as she jumped up from the table where she was doing some writing when she heard the door open. "Daddy, Guess what Paddy did, he shat on the Doctor."
"Daisy." Kim sighed. She was fighting a losing battle to stop Daisy repeating everything that Adam said. He was constantly commenting on Paddy's ability to poo multiple times a day and at the most inopportune times and his language left a lot to be desired. That was something he had yet to get a handle on, his loose mouth despite having to contribute to the 'swear jar' on an almost daily basis.
Daisy quickly worked herself into her usual position; Adam's arms. "It was disgusting."
"He is sometimes, isn't he?" Cuddling her sweetly Adam felt a few tears prick at the back of his eyes. Kim may have been focussed on the fact that Daisy was saying the word 'shat' but all Adam heard was that she had called him 'Daddy.'
They had never talked about it. Adam wasn't her Daddy, as much as he wanted to be. She had a Dad and she loved him and Steve was a big part of her life, they had made sure of that. The fact that she called him 'My Adam' was enough. Being in her life everyday was all that he wanted and he always told Kim that it made him happy to just be with them all, whatever he was called.
"What did the Doctor say?" He had already spoken to Kim and Paddy was doing well but he loved listening to Daisy's take on what Paddy was doing. Even though he knew he was fine, he had started smiling a little and they got the odd giggle. He followed them around the room with his eyes and was lifting his head briefly when he was lying on his tummy trying to see where people were. He would respond to the sound of their voices and Adam loved talking to him and watching him try and talk back.
"He's a good boy. Although he cried like a banshee." Adam laughed. Daisy really was his parrot lately.
"Excellent." He put Daisy back down and leant down to kiss Kim who was just finishing off a feed. Suddenly she saw the tears in his eyes and held onto his cheek for a moment while he tickled Paddy's toes but said nothing. She handed Paddy over for his Daddy cuddle. "Where's Ollie?"
"Baseball training." Kim looked at the clock. "You want to go get him or stay here with these two?"
"Let's all go. We'll get some pizza or something on the way home."
"Yes." Daisy yelled excitedly.
"Really?" Kim relatched her bra and pushed herself off the couch.
"We are celebrating."
"What?"
"Paddy passing his first test." Kim knew that Adam had been anxious about it. He had read so many books, blogs and trawled numerous websites regarding a baby's development. Paddy was perfect; he was healthy and growing. He didn't sleep as much as Kim would like but apart from that they were lucky, if only she could get Adam to relax and enjoy him. Hopefully today would help.
His first shift back at work after Paddy was born was a low point for Adam. He really struggled and eventually Matt Casey had called her and asked her to bring the kids in. She had spoken to Adam several times during the day but by the evening he was really struggling, he didn't want to eat and snapped at everyone and eventually just disappeared and lay on his bunk looking at photos and videos of Paddy. Oliver and Daisy loved going into the Station and Kim left them with the guys who took them out onto the apparatus floor while she took Paddy into see his Dad.
He heard the door open and closed his eyes hoping that whoever it was would go away. They were constantly trying to talk to him and drag him out of his headspace. He certainly opened his eyes when Kim lay Paddy down next to him. "Hey." He smiled. "What are you doing here?"
"Paddy missed you."
"They called you?" He wasn't that stupid.
"They did, they were worried about you. What's wrong Adam?"
"Nothing." He was playing with Paddy's fingers. He loved how he would grip onto them and hold on like his life depended on it. He had a strong little grip, which Adam discovered wasn't always cute especially when he grabbed a handful of chest hair one day. Kim came racing into the room when she heard Adam's yelp. "God Adam, I thought something was wrong."
"Something was wrong. He was pulling my hair. It hurt like all fuck." He'd got zero sympathy and a truckload of teasing.
Kim rested her hand on his hip as she sat next to him on his bunk.
"Adam, come on baby. We've talked about this. We are not going anywhere, tomorrow morning when you get home we will be waiting for you and you can cuddle Paddy all day."
"I hate being away from you." Adam closed his eyes, willing himself to keep it together. When he opened them Kim was watching him and after a few minutes she left him talking to Paddy, telling him that she was just going to check on Ollie and Daisy.
Kim knocked on Casey's door. "Hi Matt, You got a minute?" He nodded and beckoned her in. "I'm sorry about this."
"Don't be sorry. Everyone struggles a little the first time they leave their babies at home. Ruzek probably has more reason than most. Everyone here knows his history, they want to help." Adam had fitted in well and rarely gave them cause for concern but Matt did know a lot about Adam's struggles, both Adam and Kim sat him down at the start and talked about it. His biggest was that it would affect others and that was the last thing he wanted. Having a baby was a big change for anyone, let alone someone with such a difficult past and they were all more than happy to work with him and help him overcome his anxiety. Occasionally it got beyond them and then they would call Kim and let her know what was going on and she could get him back on track. Not once had he put anyone in danger, it was back at the station that he would crash.
"I know. I thought he'd be okay. We've been talking about this and I've spoken to him a few times today. It hasn't affected him while on a call has it?" It wasn't a surprise to her. He just loved being with Paddy but he was holding on too tight. Kim loved having him home for the first two weeks but perhaps it was too long and as time went on he found it harder to let go.
"No, it's been a quiet shift perhaps that's made it worse. He's had too much time to think. You are welcome here anytime and it's always good to see kids in this place, the guys love it." Matt came and stood next to Kim and put an arm around her shoulder and walked her out. "We'll keep an eye on him."
By the time she got back to Adam he was out of the bunkroom and had lost Paddy to Sylvie and was looking much happier. Oliver and Adam were playing a computer game and Daisy was sitting on Cruz's lap, eating a chocolate chip cookie and washing it down with a glass of milk while she was telling him about her day at school.
Walking them all out to the car he buried his head in Kim's shoulder for a moment. "Let me know when you get home, call me before you go to bed."
"Adam, Sweetheart. It's okay to miss Paddy but he's not going anywhere."
"I missed out on Oliver, I don't want that to happen again. I want to be a good Dad."
"It's not happening again. If you had been here you would have been in Intelligence and working stupid hours and we still would have been waiting for you at home. This is better. Twenty-four hours and then you get two whole days to love him and Oliver and Daisy. We can do this; you can do this. I have faith in you. You are a great Dad, going to work doesn't make you a bad Dad."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too. I love waking up with you but you'll be home early and we can spend the day together and you can cuddle Paddy as much as you want." She kissed him softly and got in the car, unsure if she had got through to him or not. It was hard to tell some days, his anxiety was such a volatile beast and some days Kim just had to hang on and ride it out.
Things had improved since those early days and they settled back into a good rhythm. Adam would still call Kim throughout the day and they always had a late night chat while she was feeding Paddy after Oliver and Daisy were in bed. Every night he would still call Oliver, something they had started back when they first met and Adam made sure that it continued. It was one of the ways he was showing Oliver that he was still important.
Kim asked him to change Paddy's diaper if they were going out. She followed him into his room to grab some clothes. "So he's all good? Really?"
"Really. Adam, look at him. He's perfect. The Doctor was very happy with him even though he 'shat' all over him." Kim's use of air quotes made him chuckle.
"That's my boy." Adam tickled his stomach and he gurgled. Kim slipped her arms around Adam's waist and peered over his shoulder at Paddy. His hair had thinned out a little but he still had the same colour as Adam and Oliver. Kim really hoped he kept it, she loved that he looked like his father and brother. His eyes were dark and fortunately as soulful as his Daddy's and some days she just wanted him to wake up so she could look at them.
"He also said that I am all good too." From the corner of her eye she could see him smile.
"Best news I've heard all day." His baby wrangling skills had improved remarkably and he had Paddy dressed again and snuggled into his arms in minutes.
"Thought you'd be happy."
With Paddy squeezed in between them Adam kissed her softly. "I love you. Let's get this houseful of monkeys fed and into bed." Paddy let out a little cry, letting them know he didn't appreciate being squashed. "Hey Buddy, you need to behave Daddy needs to show your Mommy some love later on."
"Just because he said I am good doesn't mean I feel good." Kim untangled herself from his arm and winked at him as she left the room.
Adam followed her out, teasing her as she walked away flipping her hand at him. "I'll make you feel good baby. You know I am good at that."
Oliver was a little bemused at his Dad's eagerness to get them all into bed. He had Daisy bathed, along with Paddy as soon as they got home and Oliver was ushered into bed as soon as the clock ticked over 830pm. Kim just laughed and let him go.
"What if I said no?" Kim took his offered hand and he pulled her up off the couch.
"Then I'd just cuddle you." He pulled her flush against his body. "I'd cry and I'd be naked." Kissing her behind the ear she melted into him. "And then if perhaps you felt the urge you could, you know hit on me."
"You're such a romantic." Kim pushed him away lightly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Gummy Bear.
As she reached out for it he whispered. "You take that Darlin', you know what that means." Kim pulled her hand away, cocked her head and smiled before she grabbed it and popped it into her mouth. The smile on Adam's face was irresistible and he tugged on her hand and led her upstairs.
Kim was constantly worried that Adam wouldn't like her body anymore. She hated her flabby belly but Adam refused to let her hide it from him. "I don't care." He would tell her. "I love you, all of you, every inch of you."
He edged her backwards, kissing her softly until her knees hit the back of the mattress and she fell back on to the bed. Adam stretched out beside her slipping her hand under her shirt and he felt her stiffen a little. "This body has given me three amazing children. You've grown three babies in here." He rested a hand on her belly. "I think that is the most beautiful thing in the world. Seeing you pregnant, watching you give birth to my son, watching you feed him; watching you with Oliver and Daisy. If you can tell me one thing hotter than that I'd like to hear it."
"Well, watching you with Oliver, with Daisy and with Paddy. 'Aint nothin' hotter than that." Kim reached up and pulled him back down so that she could kiss him. Six weeks without sex wasn't quite a lifetime but they were both glad it was over.
"Now." Kim propped herself up on one elbow and rested one hand on his chest. "Why the tears earlier?"
"You didn't hear it?"
"Hear what?"
"Daisy called me Daddy." She'd only done it the once and for the rest of the night he was back to being Adam.
"Oh." Kim felt her heart clench a little, she couldn't believe that she had missed that. "Did you like that?"
"I did. It really got to me. I know I am not her Dad, I wish I was but I do love that she thinks that I am that big of a part of her life."
"Of course she does. Adam she loves you so much. You make her so happy."
"I don't want to take her away from her father. Steve is her Dad. I know that."
"Adam, Sweetheart." She kissed his chest. "She knows that, she knows Steve is her Dad but she also knows how much you love her. Your Oliver's Dad and Paddy's and she is your stepdaughter. If it makes Daisy happy to call you Dad then I am good with that."
"Me too. It just sounded so damn cute."
"I can't wait to hear it again." Squeezing herself tighter into his body. "Here's an idea." Kim whispered in his ear and he smiled as he rolled her onto her back and showed her again how much he loved her.