This is the last of the deleted chapters for Ghosts...enjoy.
Daisy bounced through the door and spent the next twenty minutes telling her every single thing about her date with Adam while he just stood and watched, looking a little bemused by it all. "I'm going to marry him." Daisy suddenly declared.
"Are you just?" Kim chuckled.
"I asked him, he never got married."
"Why not?"
"Because he is waiting for the right lady…." Daisy leant in close and giggled. "..I think it's me."
"Really?" Kim looked at him and he was blushing a little.
"We had a good day didn't we Daisy?" Adam came and stood by Kim, he liked being close to her lately and liked that Kim was letting him. Whatever dance they were doing, neither of them stopped it or talked about it. It was just happening, it felt relentless.
Initially they had these big waves they rode where they were drawn to each other and then long periods of calm water, now the waves were smaller but happening more often and it felt manageable. Those big, infrequent waves caught them off guard and struggling to deal with the aftermath, these smaller waves just rolled over them. It felt comfortable and without even talking about it they just smiled at each other. It was coming.
"Yes." She clapped her hands. "It was fun."
Daisy was buzzing and Oliver was happy to see his Dad when he got home and they both begged him to stay for dinner. Oliver would do anything to have his Dad at his house; he even asked Kim if Adam could live with them back when Adam decided to get his own place. "He can stay in the basement."
"Adam can't live with us Baby."
"Why not? He's moving out of Al's place."
"Adam needs his own place, he needs space to be alone if he needs it. You and Daisy wouldn't give him a moment's peace if he was here." Oliver had folded his arms across his chest and huffed. It was cute and Kim laughed when she told Adam. It freaked him out a little. He could think of nothing worse at that point. Being around Oliver, well that would be great, living in the same house as Kim, that was just torture.
"So, you are engaged?" Kim laughed as Adam came down from saying goodnight to Daisy. She had insisted that he take her to bed. "How is your fiancé?"
"You jealous?"
"What if I said yes?"
"Well, I'm not worried. It didn't stop you last time."
"Ouch." Adam had always teased her about the fact that she kissed him first when he was still engaged to Wendy. She had been mortified and would beg him to stop. It wasn't her finest moment but at the end of the day, for a brief while anyway she had her man. Sure she let it go to shit. Their path was full of potholes, twists and turns and they still couldn't see the end but they were still on the same path and right now that was all that mattered.
"You made Daisy's day. Thank you." She ran her hand over his knee as she sat down, a little too far away from him for his liking and he handed her a glass of whiskey. They often shared a drink after dinner before he went home.
"We had fun, she's such a sweetheart."
"I think so."
"I really enjoyed spending the day with her, you should be proud, she is just amazing." Adam hadn't spent a lot of time with kids, particularly little girls. He had tended to avoid children in the past because he knew he would never have them and while he had made that decision he wasn't happy about it. Also he didn't want to get attached to someone with kids because it wasn't fair on the kids when he broke their hearts when he left. He always left.
They decided to watch a movie, Kim curled up next to him and rested her head on his chest. It was something they started doing recently when they were alone. It was comforting and gave them closeness that they didn't have to talk about or worry about. It didn't feel awkward or that it had to mean anything. It was just two people who enjoyed each other's company and had an incredible history and were learning how to share the same world again.
Except when you watched a tearjerker. The Notebook wasn't the greatest of choices and Kim had always loved it but it made her cry every single time. Especially now, putting love on hold while one person was away cut a little too close to the bone. Adam sensed it and wrapped his arm a little tighter around her shoulders, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and Kim turned a little and buried her head in his chest.
"How does this still make you cry?"
"It's pathetic isn't it?"
"A little."
Kim surprised him by slipping one hand under his shirt. He sucked in a deep breath but didn't say anything. Her hand was warm as she softly stroked the skin of his stomach, feeling the wiry hair that ran down from his naval to the top of his jeans beneath her fingertips. She didn't say a word as they watched the rest of the movie in peace.
When it ended she removed her hand and sat up a little. Adam wiped the tears from her face. "Look at you? You big softie." She rested her cheek on his hand for a moment.
"Next time you can pick the movie."
"Really?" he winked. "You sure you want to risk it?"
"We are not watching porn."
"I'd love to watch porn with you again." They one memorable night when they were both drunk and Kim mentioned she'd never watched a porn movie so Adam found a relatively tame one for them to watch together. They didn't end up seeing much of the movie, the first few sex scenes got them so worked up that the spent most of the night trying to outdo whatever was happening on screen.
"I'm a mother now. I don't watch porn."
"We don't have to watch." He traced her lips with his finger. "We could…" Kim quickly placed her hand over his mouth and he nipped her palm.
It was a little wave and they rode it for as long as they could.
The next wave was bigger, unpredictable and left them gasping for air. Kim came home from a girl's night out with some of the mother's from Oliver's school. She was tipsy and a little pissed off. Daisy was with her Dad and Adam offered to stay with Oliver. Adam had to start work early in the morning so Ollie couldn't stay over with him, much to his disappointment and Kim promised not to be home late.
Kim knew she would be the centre of attention and had blown them off for long enough. Up front she told them the basic story and then asked if they could move on. Spending the whole night talking about Adam was not what she wanted to be doing; he took up enough of her head space as it was.
Ella was never one of her favourites. To say she had a high opinion of herself was an understatement and the words mutton dressed as lamb sprung to mind. "Well if you don't make a move on him, I just might." She laughed, finishing off her glass of wine. "He's fucking hot. Don't you just want to jump him? I mean surely he wouldn't mind." Despite Kim's obvious glare she just didn't stop. "I mean he can't be a monk, he must be getting it somewhere and if he isn't well perhaps you can give him my number."
"You are not his type." Kim snarled. The little green monster suddenly sitting on her shoulder felt heavy.
"What? He's gay? Never picked that." Kim just ignored it; she took a mouthful of her wine and let it wash her bitchy reply down.
He was asleep on the couch when she came in and Kim watched him for a few minutes. Chewing on her bottom lip she wondered what was going on in his head? She was annoyed when the conversation about sex rolled through her mind again. Was he out getting it from someone else? Had she pushed him away one too many times?
Leaning on the couch with one hand conveniently resting between his legs so that when she leant forward her forearm was most definitely pressing against his crotch. "Heeeeeyyyyy." He opened his eyes slowly.
"Hi."
"Good night?"
"Yep. You?"
"No dramas. Oliver's drunk but we had fun." He didn't move as he tried to read her face and sum up the situation. She looked hot and as she was leaning forward he could see down her top and the view as impressive. She also looked three sheets to the wind. "What you doing?"
Kim removed her hand but the damage had been done so he didn't need her climbing on top of him. "Can I ask you something?"
"Umm sure." He couldn't help himself, his hands where on her ass and he was pulling her down into him. The feeling of her body on top of his was very satisfying.
"Sex?"
"What about it?"
"Are you having sex?"
"Not right now."
"I know not right now, but like are you seeing someone and having sex?"
"No."
"Do you want too?"
"Kim, what's going on?" Yes he did want to have sex, with the woman currently lying on top of him. "What's this about?"
"This bitch tonight was just going on and on about it, she wants me to give you her number so that she can fuck you because she thinks you are hot and that I am being an idiot for not jumping your bones." The alcohol had certainly loosened her up. "I told her you were not her type, not that I know what your type is…"
"Yes you do." He grabbed her ass tightly with both hands.
"Now she thinks you are gay."
"So not gay but I can see that you are worried about something and that she bothered you?"
"No, I mean yes. I don't know, you can have sex with whoever you like."
"What about you?"
"I'm not having sex."
"I know that, it's not what I meant?" She didn't get it so he moved on. He was asking her if she wanted to have sex with him but in trying to be subtle, in her drunken state she missed it. "Do you want too?"
"No, yes, maybe." Neither of them said a word. Kim sat up, still straddling him and smiled a little when she felt it. "You do?" She cocked her head to the side. "I can feel it."
"What did you expect? Kim…" he sat up, grabbing her hips and rocking her against him. The look on her face was priceless; she looked beautiful. "I don't want her number."
"Fuck Adam. What are we doing?"
She was pushing him to the edge, he was getting to the point that he was going to need to finish this. It wasn't the first time they'd got to this point, or near enough but he always was able to will it away. It wasn't that he hadn't knocked the top of it more than once but usually when he was alone. Now he was contemplating either pushing her over the line or at least asking her if she could finish him off. He was surprised how often he thought about her hand and what she could do with it. "It can just be sex Kim." All of sudden she stopped.
"No." she snapped, pushing him in the chest angrily. "It's not just sex, look what happened last time."
"Last time when?" He was seriously confused at the sudden change in mood. It took care of the dilemma he had; she had popped that balloon.
"You used to tell me that all the time. You don't remember. It's just sex Kim, it means nothing."
"When?"
"Back then, before you ran away." She scrambled to get off him and Adam followed her and grabbed her hand before she ran upstairs.
"Don't walk away. Talk to me."
"I can't go back to that. It has to mean more." He never got used to her tears.
"Hey, hey." He waited until she looked at him. "It does." His kiss was searing. He pushed her up against the wall, his hips bucking against hers. "I don't want to have sex with just anyone anymore. It has to mean something, it never meant nothing with you. I've done the rest and that's not me. You have to be ready for it too, not just here…." He pushed his erection into her crotch. "…but also here…. "He pointed to her heart. "…and here." He tapped her forehead. "Are you ready?"
"No." His head sagged against her shoulder.
"Neither am I." Truth was he felt that he was, he was ready to give her his head and his heart. Hell, she already had it but if Kim wasn't ready he wasn't about to make her feel worse than she already did but telling her that the reason he was about to walk out, to walk away from this incredible moment was all because of her.
Given half the chance he would have her clothes off and be inside her in a minute. He craved her and this game that they were playing was painful and frustrating but he'd rather be playing it than having no hope at all.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, be sure." This kiss was less needy, it was gentle and loving and full of promise and it took everything he had to walk away.
He called her early the next morning when he got a break because he knew she would be freaking out over it. Not talking to her when he knew she had issues or concerns hadn't got him very far in the past. He may not know a lot about her anymore but he'd figured that one out. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Kim, please don't worry. I'm not worried, we will work it out and whatever will be will be."
"It's not that easy sometimes Adam, you know it's not."
"Never said it was easy. I didn't want to leave last night, I think you know that."
"Then why did you?"
"Because you said it yourself, your heart and your head aren't on the same page."
It was true, last night would have been a mistake. Jealousy is what got them into this situation with Oliver. He was jealous and angry and they'd had sex and conceived a child that up until four months ago his father never knew existed. "What about yours?"
"Depends on the day."
"Today?"
"In the same book, different chapters." He sighed and ran his hand over his face. "Just in case I didn't make it clear last night, it never meant nothing Kim and that was my problem. I lied to you to make it easy for me, but it was never nothing with you. It was everything."
"Are you coming for dinner tonight?"
"I'd like to."
"We will see you later then."
Adam signed off after telling Kim that he would call Ollie soon. No matter what happened or was happening between him and Kim right now, or in the future he made promise to his son to speak to him everyday and so far he hadn't let him down.
The next wave hit him a few weeks later. He was contacted by the FEDS and they wanted to interview him. He had, unbeknown to Kim applied for compensation but he thought they would read his file and just pay out to avoid any hassles. His case centred around his assertion that he had missed eight years of his son's life because of their mismanagement. Now it seemed it was going to be bitter and drag on but he was prepared to fight for this, he think he deserved it and he absolutely thought Oliver deserved this.
Kim hadn't seen him or heard from him all week although he had sent her the odd text message when she demanded it and she knew that he had been calling Ollie everyday like he promised he would. That didn't worry her, Oliver was happy and said that Adam seemed fine but as the week dragged on and she hadn't talked to him Kim started to fret. She missed him, they had this thing going and when it was missing it hit her harder than she thought.
The first she saw of him was Saturday morning at Ollie's game. He bought her a coffee as usual but he was quiet. "Busy week?" Kim took the coffee and missed the little kiss on the cheek that he had started giving her.
"Yep."
"You okay Adam?"
"Yep." When he heard Kim sigh he realised he was being a dick. "Can we talk later? I'm spending the day with Ollie right?"
"If you want, he thinks you are." Of course he was spending the day with Ollie, he always did and he'd already told Ollie they were going fishing. They loved it and Kim could think of nothing worse. She had no idea what they talked about but even if they didn't catch anything they were always happy when they got home.
They bought home fish for dinner, Oliver was dripping wet and Adam wasn't much better. She sent them both up to shower, although the thought of Adam in her shower was a little unsettling. When he came back down he set about cooking the fish while Kim prepared a salad. Oliver was on top of the world so no matter what Adam had brewing in his head he didn't let it bother Ollie and that was a good thing.
It was a fun afternoon and evening and Kim was looking forward to spending the rest of the evening with Adam. This had become their norm but when she came down from saying goodnight to Ollie Adam had his keys in his hands. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah, is that okay?"
"Not really No."
"I spent the day with Oliver." He snapped.
"Don't make it sound like it's an obligation." Kim pushed past him. "Fuck off then Adam."
Adam reached out and grabbed her arm, a little roughly but at least she stopped. He kissed her and it was desperate. "What are you doing?" Kim pushed him in the chest.
"I'm spinning, I can't stop myself. I feel like I am suffocating."
"Why?"
"Can we not talk about it?"
"You know what Adam, no. You don't get to do that.." she waved her hands around angrily and he knew she was talking about the kiss "…and then turn around and say I don't want to talk about it." Kim was furious with him. "You've been quiet all week, you were off this morning, and now you are leaving but suddenly you want a kiss and tell me you are feeling like you are suffocating but don't want to talk. It's doesn't work like that. Not anymore."
He threw his keys back on the side table. "Fine."
"Why are you spinning?"
"You sound like you want to add a now to that sentence. Like this is something I choose to do."
"Don't be stupid Adam. I know this is not something you can control." She held out her hand to him as she sat on the couch.
"I had a meeting this week." He took a deep breath and Kim grabbed his hand as it started shaking. "With the FEDS."
It softened her tone instantly. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have come with you."
"I didn't want you to talk me out of it."
"Why would I?"
"I am asking for compensation, for Oliver." Kim looked a little shocked. "I mean, I want them to compensate me for missing eight years of my son's life. I can't get that back, I can't go back and re-live his life, seeing him born, take his first step, say his first word, take him to school on his first day. I don't get to do any of that and Oliver doesn't get those memories. All those photos of him, and I love them all but one day he can't sit down with his own kids and say this is your Pops with me when I was your age. I don't get that, and those fuckers owe me. They owe Oliver."
He talked to her about what he was thinking and why and told her what he was asking them for and what he was going to do if they sad no. He was going to blow it wide open, or at least threaten too. Kim wasn't sure it was a good idea and couldn't understand why he just didn't want to let it go. Sure they didn't get all those past memories, but they had the future and that was better than they ever hoped for but Adam was determined to see this through, for his son. "Okay. I wish you had told me."
"I didn't want you to say no."
"Why would I say no?"
"Because they want to talk to him, and to you."
"Adam, this isn't fair. When?" This shit was getting real. Putting Oliver through something like this wasn't what Kim was expecting.
"Not for a few weeks."
"I don't think it's fair to expect Oliver to have to be interviewed."
"It's not fair that Oliver didn't have a Dad for eight years. Can we please just ask him if he wants to do it? If he says no then I will tell them that he can't be interviewed. Maybe he can just write something to be read out. They need to know that they can't just do this, screw with people's lives and then discard them like trash when shit goes sideways. They don't get to wipe their hands of me and pretend that I never existed, they don't get to make my child suffer, make you suffer and not care. Please Kim, I need to do this for me, to put it behind me."
"Can I think about it? How long?"
"There are a few things to go through before then. I need to have an assessment, a mental health assessment."
"When?"
"I am waiting for an appointment."
"Can you tell me when it is? I'd like to know or go with you."
"Sure." He shrugged. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It happened a little quickly."
Kim rested her hand on his leg. "Do you really want to put yourself through this again?" She knew how hard it was revisiting not only those missing years but also that case. After he told her about it he had never mentioned it again.
"Yes. I have to."
"I think that's incredibly brave Adam." She leant forward and pressed her lips to his. Softly and gently and Adam grabbed the back of her neck when she went to pull away.
"Don't." he muttered. They spend a couple of minutes lost in the kisses and both pulled away breathless at the same time. "You are like a sedative."
Kim laughed. "I am not sure it's a compliment."
"It is, it's very therapeutic for me."
"I used to prefer wine…."