Chapter Eight: The Need to Let Go

The silence around them was comforting. Nicole was pressed tightly to his side as he sat on the battered couch in his basement. He looked down at the child to find her asleep again, still clinging to his arm. Gibbs sat content, watching her sleep, hoping the monsters stayed at bay for the rest of the night, knowing he wouldn't sleep anymore tonight; it was simply a matter of fact.

Eventually his arm began to fall asleep as her weight pushed against it. He gently pulled it from her grasp and shifted away from the sleeping child. He stood and made his way quietly up the stairs fetching a pillow and blanket from the spare bedroom. He brought it down and gently pushed the pillow under her head, before covering her with the blanket. He picked up the plane sander and started to caress the boat once again.

A couple hours later Gibbs found himself still sanding. He would stop every so often and check on Nicole. The girl had slept with little fuss the rest of the night. Gibbs looked at the clock and began to feel the hunger that came with the morning. He also noticed he needed a shower after working on the boat all night. He ran his hand through his hair and sawdust cascaded to the floor. He shook his head and more dust exploded into the air, reflecting in the low light.

He decided he could leave her for a short while and made his way quietly upstairs. After quickly showering he changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a green Marine t-shirt. Gibbs then made his way into the kitchen and began to prepare a breakfast of eggs and bacon. As he finished each item he set them on the table, and then got down two plates from the cupboard. He also filled a glass of water and placed it in front of Nicole's plate. The coffee machine was done so he filled his mug, placing it in front of his own plate. He then made his way downstairs and found Nicole still asleep.

"Hey," Gibbs said gently putting a hand on her shoulder. She tensed and opened her eyes, taking a moment to gain her bearings and realize where she was. She stared up at him.

"What?" she asked groggily. Gibbs smiled.

"Time for breakfast. Come on," Gibbs said turning and heading back up the stairs. Nicole sat up and blinked as she watched him disappear up the stairs. "It's gonna get cold, come on!" he yelled as he reached the door and was gone into the living room.

Nicole sighed and tossed the blanket to the other end of the couch. She stared at it trying to remember when she covered up, she couldn't. She then got up and stretched as she trudged up the steps. She yawned and wiped at her eyes as she came into the kitchen. The smell perked her senses up and she smiled when she saw the table. Gibbs was already sitting in his chair eating.

"Dig in, it's going to get cold," he said between bites. Nicole sat in the chair and began to eat. They ate in a silence that both found comfort in. It was enough to know that the other was there; they didn't need to fill it with needless conversation. Nicole thought about the nightmare she had the night before and then the way Gibbs had comforted her after.

Gibbs knew Nicole was suffering. He knew he would need to occupy her mind today. She didn't need to dwell on the issues at hand. He still wanted to talk to her about the nightmare, but wasn't sure how to breach the subject. Once she was done eating she placed her plate and glass in the sink and made her way back down to the television. Gibbs let her go; he had other things to get done, like calling his team in California.

He grabbed the cell and flipped it open. After recalling Tony's number he punched the send button and held the phone to his ear. It rang several times before going to his voice mail. Gibbs left a short curt message telling Tony to call him. He called up McGee's number up and pushed send. It rang several times before the line connected.

"Hello, Gibbs," McGee said sounding sluggish. "We were going to call you."

"Well I beat you to the punch, McGee, what do you got?" Gibbs asked.

"We completed a few interviews last night. We spoke to Commander Betz who is second in command for the JAG office here. Also spoke with the Ensign that clerks for the Admiral. Ah, a Lt. Commander Blake who knew Commander Conrad. Also a Lieutenant jg that worked second chair with the Commander."

"And?"

"Um, we found out she may have been in a relationship with someone on the base that ended badly, but nobody seemed to know with who," McGee fumbled trying to remember everything that happened. He wondered why Gibbs had called him and not Tony.

"What else?" Gibbs asked gruffly.

"We're going to continue interviews today, Tony and Ziva are going to split up and try to speed them up. I'm going to dig into the Commander's life on base and try to come up with a name to our mystery guy," McGee said quickly. He walked out into the hallway and kicked open Tony's door. Tony rolled over in his bed and eyed McGee. McGee mouthed Gibbs and Tony sat up straight and raised an eyebrow. Tony grabbed for his cell and checked the screen. He swore under his breath when he noticed a missed call.

"DiNozzo up now?" Gibbs asked. McGee pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it as if Gibbs could see though it then put it back to his ear.

"Ah, yeah, boss," McGee stammered.

"Give him your phone, McGee," Gibbs said evenly.

"Yes, Boss," McGee said and held the phone out. Tony shook his head and sat back. McGee held it out again and glared at Tony.

"Take the phone!" they both heard Gibbs' voice come through the speaker. Tony groaned and then grabbed the phone from McGee, glaring at the younger agent as he did.

"DiNozzo here, Boss," Tony said quickly.

"Next time answer your phone," Gibbs said flatly.

"Right, Boss," Tony replied. "Things are going good here. We got in early enough to interview…"

"I know, McGee already told me. Now you finish the interviews and call me when you are done," Gibbs said.

"Right, Boss," Tony said with a deep breath.

"I'm at home so call my cell, I'm not going to the office today," Gibbs said.

"Ah, ok, why?" Tony asked confused. He regretted asking the second it was from his mouth. He could almost feel the anger from Gibbs coming through the phone.

"Don't ask stupid questions, DiNozzo," Gibbs said taking a sip of his coffee. "Just reach me by cell."

"Right, Boss," Tony said cheerfully into the phone. McGee raised an eyebrow but Tony ignored him. Ziva came up behind McGee and pushed her way around him into the room. Tony glared and pointed for her to leave. He was waiting for Gibbs to continue but then realized that he was holding a dead line to his ear. He checked the readout screen to make sure then closed the phone and tossed it to McGee.

"Problems?" Ziva asked.

"Just a cranky boss," Tony said standing up and dialing into his voicemail. He listened to the message, cringing, and then deleted it. He then looked at the clock. He shook his head. It may have been seven in the morning in Washington but it was only four in the morning in San Diego. Even though they were accustomed to the Washington time table, they had stayed up last night working on California time.

"Nothing new," Ziva said with a shrug. McGee stared at her and fought the smile creeping over his lips. Tony looked down.

"I'm going back to bed," Tony said with a yawn. "We were up late last night. We can't do anything here anyway for another four hours or so."

"Just answer your phone next time," McGee said as he walked past Ziva and out the door.

"Yeah thanks for the tip, Probie," Tony shouted after him. Ziva shook her head and left Tony alone.

Gibbs closed the phone and looked around. He didn't have anything to do. He decided to join Nicole in the basement and watch TV with her. When he came down the steps she smiled up at him and clicked to a new station.

"You ever just pick one?" Gibbs asked sitting down next to her. She looked at him a moment before she raised the remote and changed stations again.

"Not when it's only news on," she said with a small shrug. Gibb smiled. "Sucks you don't have a VCR or DVD player."

"I don't watch movies," Gibbs said.

"Lame," Nicole said with a smile. Gibbs glanced at her sideways before a smile cracked his lips.

"When I'm here I generally have CNN on when I'm working on the boat."

"CNN? That's horrible," Nicole said dramatically. Gibbs looked over at her and laughed. She covered her face in mock horror. "Who watches CNN?"

"I do," Gibbs said, pulling the remote from her grasp and clicking back to the CNN morning news report. She glared at him and yanked the remote back changing the station to the Cartoon Network.

"No CNN," Nicole said with a scowl. Gibbs grinned and reached around and tickled her causing her to lose her grip on the remote. He snatched it back and put CNN back on. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"CNN," Gibbs said pointing to the TV. His grin was wide. Nicole stared at him for a moment as Gibbs pointedly ignored her watching the news report. Nicole attempted the rib tickle but found it had no effect on Gibbs. He looked down at her and smiled. "Not ticklish, Kido."

Nicole sat back with her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at the news report. Gibbs laughed at her but held the remote out of her reach on the other side of him. She waited until Gibbs was watching the news cast again before she made her move. Once she was sure his attention was on the TV she lunged over him and made a grab for the remote. Gibbs was too quick and held the remote up high. Her attempt failed.

"Come on, Gibbs!" she whined. "CNN is so boring." Gibbs simply grinned at her, shaking his head. His eyes dared her to take the remote away. It was then that she realized he didn't care what they watched. An evil grin spread slowly across her face as she put together her next move. Gibbs watched her suspiciously.

"Planning something, aren't ya," Gibbs said as he tightened his grip on the remote. Nicole simply shrugged as her hand moved towards the glass of water she had from the night before. Her hand clenched around it and she made a swift move bringing the cup over quickly. Gibbs wasn't expecting it and the luke warm water splashed over the front of his shirt. He flinched and it was just enough for Nicole to crawl over and steal the remote back and return the station to the Cartoon Network.

Gibbs sat on the couch in disbelief staring at his now wet t-shirt. He looked at the kid next to him with astonishment. He saw that she was starting to feel that maybe she crossed a line and was in trouble but then he grinned at her and shook his head.

"Never saw that coming. Cartoons it is," Gibbs said putting his hand on her shoulder. She grinned back and turned to watch the TV. Gibbs watched a couple short cartoons with her but soon grew a little weary of the strange comedic antics of modern day cartoons. What ever happened to Bugs Bunny he wondered?

He got up and stared at his boat, admiring the smoothness. He ran his hand along it and let his thoughts drift. They shifted through time and space as faces appeared to him. He didn't have to be asleep to dream of the dead. He couldn't let them go, he held onto them tightly, embedding them in his subconscious. He didn't notice when the sound on the TV went down, he didn't notice when Nicole came up beside him, and he jumped when she touched his hand gently. He looked down at her.

"Who do you dream about?" she asked softly. Gibbs cocked his head and stared at her for a while. It was such a bold question and he didn't know how to tell her who he dreamed of.

"I dream of the dead," he finally said quietly. She looked down a moment before continuing.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Gibbs whispered. He reached out and touched his boat, as if the tangible object would give him the answer to her question.

"I dreamed of my mom last night," Nicole said, turning and crawling under his boat. She laid flat on the plywood and stared up at the ribbing going over her head. Gibbs stood on the side of the boat looking in on her between two ribs, his arms up over his head resting along the top of the boat.

"Want to talk about it?"

"She was in the dark. I couldn't see her. The man was there but he didn't have a face," she said in an even tone. Gibbs stood and watched, not wanting to interrupt for fear she would stop sharing. "She was there though, I could barely see her. Then the man he turned on the light. It was then I saw the red. It made my mom ugly. It covered her. The man, he was standing between us, faceless in the darkness while my mom was in the light. I couldn't move I couldn't help her.

"I…tried to help her but I couldn't I was too scared. Then he…he stuck something into her. There was more red. It was everywhere. Then he turned. He was coming for me, he was going to hurt me next," she said, her voice shaking at the memory of the night. Gibbs looked down on her.

"I won't let him hurt you," Gibbs said. "I promise." Nicole rolled to her side; Gibbs could see the tears she had shed while telling him about her dream. They stared at each other until Nicole finally nodded and rolled onto her back.

"Is that what you mean when you say you dream of the dead?" Nicole asked. Gibbs closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He felt the hot burn in his eyes, the tightening lump in his throat. He knew the dead haunted him.

"No," he said quietly his eyes still closed. Nicole turned her head and watched him, waiting for him to open his eyes before she asked her next question. Finally he did, and she was captured by the pain he held there, exposed.

"They haunt you don't they," she said. Gibbs licked his lips and dropped his arms from the top of the boat. They fell to his side as he closed his eyes once more. When he opened them they were once again guarded. Nicole looked down.

"Yes," he said with a small nod. "They haunt me."

"We need to let them go," she said closing her eyes and putting her hands behind her head. Gibbs thought about her statement. We need to let them go she said. Together maybe they could he thought. He didn't answer her though, he remained quiet. Nicole didn't say anything further and they let it drop at that. Gibbs then turned and headed towards the stairs. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Someone got my shirt wet, I need a new one," he said throwing a grin over his shoulder at her. She smiled and flopped back on the plywood.

TBC…