I just realized the title of this story is a reference to two different Christmas songs. I never noticed more than one song has that line before. Man, being a character who knows how to break the fourth wall is awesome!
...Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was gonna be narrating this. Let me introduce myself. I'm Ronnie Anne. It's a cold December afternoon and I'm riding my hoverboard through the skies to my best friend's house. If you're familiar with Nickelodeon's The Casagrandes, you probably think I'm talking about Sid Chang. On the other hand, if you're familiar with the stuff the person typing this posts on this website, then I'll bet you're tired of this having to be explained like I am. I am not the real Ronnie Anne. I'm a different version of her from an alternate universe. Sid and I aren't friends and never have been. Instead, my best friend has been Lincoln Loud since kindergarten. However, I've been wanting to give a friendship with Sid another chance and I think I finally found a way to get that to happen.
I've got a piece of mistletoe in my backpack. Personally, I think mistletoe is the absolute dumbest thing about Christmas, including Elf on a Shelf, but I am more than happy to put that behind me for now because I've got a really good feeling that this'll work. I'm gonna hang the mistletoe up in Sid's house somewhere and try to get under it with her, which will obviously mean she has to hug me. Hopefully, that'll remind her of how much she used to like me before she decided to hate me instead.
I just made it to Lincoln's house and knocked on his bedroom window. He knows the drill, so he just opens the window after he sees that it's me without either of us saying anything. After I finish telling him my idea, he says "That's a pretty good idea and I'd love to help you with it, but Sid's at her friend Sasha's house for Hanukkah."
"She is?" I say, very surprised. "Since when is Sid Jewish?" I ask.
"She's not. She just likes spending the holiday with her friend for fun because she knows it's important to her," clarifies Lincoln.
"I see," I respond. "In that case, I guess I'll wait until Hanukkah's over," I add.
"No!" Lincoln exclaims while suddenly standing up from his bed. He gets up so fast that he accidentally bonks his head on the top bunk. "Ow," he says.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," he answers. "But we should really still do it tonight. Hanukkah is the celebration of a miracle, which is exactly what you and Sid need," he explains.
I really like this thought process he's having right now, but there's a problem with it that probably ruins it. "Sasha lives in Johto, right?" I ask.
"Yes," Lincoln answers with a frown. I guess he can tell what I'm trying to figure out. With my assumption being correct, I was unfortunately right about Lincoln's idea being ruined.
"Then I can't do it tonight unless we can get Sid to come to us. It's bad luck to go to places that start with J during the holiday season unless you already live there," I explain. "The CEO of JCPenney probably hates that," I joke in an attempt to lighten the mood. I really can't stand how I started caring about bad luck stuff. The original me still doesn't. Lucky! But, on the plus side, there is one way to nullify the bad luck that being in a place that starts with J during the holidays causes. It's highly unlikely I'll be able to do it though. You have to be accompanied by a famous blonde kid whose name is a pun. But what are the odds I'd even be able to find a person like that?
"Hey, Linc. You still got that bucket of cheese?" asks someone suddenly standing behind me after I hear the sound of Lincoln's bedroom door opening. I turn around to see who it is and- Oh my god! It's Richie Rich!
"Yeah, man. It's in one of the garage fridges. Help yourself," Lincoln responds to him.
"Thanks, bro," Richie Rich says surprisingly casually before leaving the room.
Lincoln notices how low my jaw is and says "What?"
I can't believe he doesn't get why I'm shocked. One of the most famous rich people in the world is just in his house for some reason! And on top of that, depending on how old Richie Rich is, I may have found a way to go to Johto tonight after all! "HOW AND WHY IS RICHIE RICH IN YOUR HOUSE?!" I scream.
"Oh. I am so sorry. I forgot to Tweet about it. Richie and I are friends now," he explains.
"WHEN AND HOW?!" I yell. I am so happy about this, by the way! I'm also saying 'I am' instead of 'I'm' a lot for some reason.
"Only a few days ago. It all just kinda happened. He invited me over to the street he lives on for a holiday dinner and then we just kinda became homies after that," Lincoln tells me and it's a letdown. I was hoping he'd have a story for me that would give me an idea for another method of how to become friends with Sid if my mistletoe plan doesn't work. But if becoming friends with her was as easy as it was for Lincoln and Richie Rich, it would've happened by now. Oh well.
Time to tell Lincoln we don't have to wait to do the mistletoe plan now. "It won't be bad luck to go to Johto if Richie Rich comes with us," I explain. "Do you think he will?" I ask.
"If he doesn't have plans for tonight, probably," Lincoln answers. "But while we wait for him to get back, I've got something else to tell you that'll blow your mind even more than the fact he's my buddy now," he says out of nowhere. This oughta be good. "In the real world, Richie isn't a real person. He's a fictional character like we are," Lincoln concludes.
"Really?!" I shout with a raised eyebrow. That really surprises me. First the real world has those weird things called animals instead of Pokémon, and now Richie Rich isn't a real person. What's next? Mistletoe is used for kissing instead of hugging? I sure hope not.
Richie Rich is back now and he's eating out of that cheese bucket he left to get. "This is top tier cheese, Linc," he says.
Lincoln walks up to his new friend and says "Rich & Morty, will you help me and my friend here with something?" He then tells him what that thing is.
"Sure, Lincoln The Description. That sounds fun," answers Richie Rich. Should I start calling him just Richie? It feels wrong.
"Before we go, I've gotta ask. Would you consider yourself a kid?" I say to him.
"Sure," he replies.
"Works for me," I comment.
This is a little bit later in the day and we just got to Sasha's house. I'll tell you how we got here in a second, but I've got something else that needs to be addressed first. When we were still at Lincoln's house, I pulled a water bottle out of my backpack and started drinking it. I didn't think I needed to narrate that part because I didn't know it was gonna be important. After I drank it, Lincoln got this look on his face like something gave him a brilliant idea. I asked him to tell me what it was, but he said he thought it would be more fun to just hint at it every once in a while throughout the rest of this story and reveal it to everyone at the end.
And now for how we got here. Richie Rich took us in this gigantic spaceship thing he apparently has that he calls a sky mansion. It's so big and fast that we got here in basically no time at all. Now that we have access to this behemoth of a vehicle, my hoverboard has become a lot less useful. That just makes me mad.
The three of us are right outside Sasha's house and Lincoln's about to go over the plan real quick. "Okay, Ronnie Anne. Stay in here and wait for Richie and I to give you the signal," he says to me. I'm gonna stay here in the sky mansion and the boys are gonna- Umm- I've forgotten. "Richie, you remember what we gotta do, right?" he asks after turning away from me.
"It's pretty obvious," Richie Rich responds, which is annoying since I found it anything but obvious. It doesn't help that I kinda find his voice irritating. No offense to the voice actor though. Back on topic, I guess I'll see what their part is when they do it.
"Okay. Time to put Operation: Get Sid Under The Mistletoe With Me So She'll Hopefully Go Back To Wanting To Be Friends With Me After We Have To Hug Each Other And DON'T Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation Because We're Not Gonna Say The Name Again Anyway into action," I say. I don't mean to brag, but my voice isn't tired after saying all that. Also, I can tell Lincoln's mad at me about it.
The boys, not the Amazon show, just left and I'm able to see what they're doing on a big screen here in the sky mansion. Don't ask me how it works. I gave Lincoln the mistletoe before they left and now Richie Rich is knocking on the door. A woman answers it and I'm assuming she's Sasha's mom. "Hi, Mrs. Summers," Lincoln greets. "I'm Sid's next door neighbor Lincoln and this is my friend Richie," he says. Mrs. Summers probably already knows who both of them are but he still introduced them anyway. Nice.
"Hi," adds Richie Rich. "Is it weird to hang a Christmas decoration in an all Jewish family's home during Hanukkah?" he asks.
Mrs. Summers responds with "I wouldn't mind it. But if you kids came to see Sid, you didn't exactly come at the best time." Makes sense though. It's never a good time to see- Nope. Nope. I'm not gonna do that anymore. Force of habit, I guess. Let's see what she was talking about. "She's crying in the backyard because her mother just got arrested," she explains. Whoa! I did not see that coming. That was bad narration because it makes it sound like I'm trying to tell you how to react to it, so I'm sorry, but that just came way too far out of nowhere for me to keep my cool.
"She what?!" Richie Rich screams.
"That's no surprise," Lincoln comments, which I'm not getting. Seems Richie Rich and Sasha's mom agree with me because there both giving Lincoln confused looks. "Let me explain," he says. And his explanation is "Mrs. Chang is voiced by Melissa Joan Hart, who starred in a Christmas movie where she kidnapped a guy, so I'll bet kidnapping is what she was arrested for because the person who writes these stories is absolutely obsessed with making references."
"Yeah, she was arrested for kidnapping," confirms Mrs. Summers. "You won't like this though. The person she kidnapped was your friend Ronnie Anne's mom," she adds. And I will be getting out of this stupid spaceship now.
I just hoverboarded down to the house. "Where's my mom?!" I shout at Sasha's mom. I'd normally ask more politely than that, but- Well, you know. "Sorry about the way I said that," I say.
"It's fine. And I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but like I was about to tell your friends here, the police arrested her along with Mrs. Chang because they weren't sure which one of them they should believe," explains Sasha's mom.
I lean back and groan about all this. I guess Richie Rich didn't help prevent the bad luck after all. Maybe I'm remembering what my abuela said wrong and the rich kid actually has to be brunette. If people didn't make up dumb fake words for hair color, I probably would've had an easier time remembering what she said. My hair is black, so I'm a black-haired person. See how much easier that is?!
Also, the fact she called Richie Rich my friend makes me wanna punch her. I only met Richie Rich mere minutes ago, so he is not my friend yet. If making friends was that easy, none of this would be happening.
More importantly, my mother is in prison for a crime she didn't commit. "I guess we're going to the jail," I whine.
"But first we gotta get glass bowls that are bigger than our heads," Lincoln interjects.
"Okay then. Wait. What?" I say really fast.
"I meant to say we should probably go talk to Sid and ask if she wants to come with us," he corrects. How on Earth did he mess up what he meant to say so horribly? Maybe this is one of those clues he was talking about earlier. This is a pretty inappropriate time for something silly like that, but I'll let it pass. He's not gonna have a lot of time to give the clues because this probably isn't gonna take much longer.
We're in the backyard now and Sid's crying like Mrs. Summers said she was. "Please go away. I am so not in the mood to deal with The Purple Heart Pain right now," the vampire I'm trying not to hate anymore says. Like she always has, she makes liking her impossible. I told her to stop calling me that ridiculing nickname, and yet she still refuses to say 'Ronnie Anne.' It's so stupid!
"The three of us were gonna visit your mom in jail. Would you like to join us?" Richie Rich says to Sid.
"If I wanted to see my mom behind bars, I wouldn't be sitting here, stupid!" Sid shouts. I know what you fans of the show are thinking. That's not something the real Sid would ever say. And you are right. This Sid used to be happy and upbeat like you'd expect, but all of the emotional pain I have put her through since the two of us met has broken her. I suck.
Aaahh! I just heard a horrible noise that made me fall to the ground and cover my ears. But I can STILL HEAR IT! "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" I shout. What is this terrible sound, you may ask? Why, it's a Twelve Is Midnight song, of course. Worst. Band. EVER!
"It's not that bad. Get over it!" Sid shouts at me.
"Why are you playing one of their songs anyway?" I ask. "I thought you didn't care about them anymore," I add.
"It's the ringtone for when my mom calls me because it's a song Yoon Kwan wrote for his wife when they had their first kid," Sid begrudgingly explains. When the sweet relief of her answering the phone finally comes, she turns away from us and puts it up to her ear.
And now my mom's calling me too. What are the odds? "Hi, mom. I just heard you got arrested," I say, without believing that I just did, after answering the phone.
My mom surprises me by saying "Yes, but I have some good news too."
"Okay, good. Give me a second though," I say to her. I'm now walking inside because I can't do this around Sid. I wish I could, but I just can't.
I just realized Lincoln's following me. "You probably don't wanna hear this right now, but I've been really curious about it. Other than Johto, are there any other places that can cause bad luck? For instance, maybe, Bikini Bottom?" asks Lincoln.
"I don't THINK Bikini Bottom is bad luck," I tell him.
"Good," he comments.
I'm in the house now, so now I can talk to my mom. "What's the good news?" I ask her.
"They put me in the same jail cell as Becca- I mean, Sid's mom. Wow. I've already adjusted," my mom mumbles to me. I have no idea what she's talking about so far. "Anyway, we started talking and learned we have a lot in common," she goes on. This is getting weird for me. "We both hate boredom, we both wish you and Sid could get along, and we both suck at raising kids," she says. What on Earth though? She doesn't suck at raising kids. Sid's mom does, but not mine. "The point is Becca and I have been having a surprisingly good time in jail together and now we're friends," my mom concludes.
This makes me suddenly drop my phone and lay down on the floor. "I JUST DO NOT GET THIS FRIENDSHIP STUFF!" I scream. How?! How does this happen?! I keep seeing more and more friendships start instantly and yet then there's me and Sid! I became Lincoln's friend easily, so I should be able to do it again with Sid, but NO!
Speaking of which, Sid just came inside, along with Richie Rich, and she looks shocked. "My mom just told me-" she says until I cut her off.
"That she's friends with my mom?" I ask despite already knowing the answer.
"Somehow, yes," answers Sid.
"This is good though, right?" asks Richie Rich. "If your mothers are friends, that might make it easier to become friends with each other," he goes on. Maybe he's right. Maybe Sid and I should make our dads become friends too. Then we could do the same with my younger sister Gwen and Sid's younger sister Adelaide, but you would know why that one would be much more impossible than the others if you knew Gwen. And Sid doesn't have an older brother, so there's no one to pair Bobby up with. I guess we could pair him up with Mel, but he's a baby. At least that's something. Poor Victoria doesn't get anybody. No, wait. She's the one we could try to make Gwen be friends with since they're both the youngest.
Wait. Wait. What am I doing? I got too caught up in that and thought way too far ahead. We don't even know if the thing with my mom is gonna do anything.
Actually, you know what? I'll bet she and Mrs. Chang didn't even really become friends. I'll bet they're lying to us because they think this might work. It won't. Nothing will! It wouldn't surprise me if they're not even in jail. I appreciate that they wanna help, but their method of doing so is ridiculously stupid.
"Okay, Operation: Winter Blitz has gone completely differently than it was supposed to, so let's just cut to the chase," Lincoln suddenly says. What do you know? We really did have to say the name again. And I like the one Lincoln came up with.
He's now holding the mistletoe above me and Sid's heads. You know what that means. "Well, we gotta hug now," I say to her after a long awkward pause.
"I really don't want to," Sid whines. "But I also don't want Santa to get mad at me for breaking ancient Christmas law, so I guess I have no choice," she adds.
The two of us stand up and look each other in the eyes. I'm suddenly starting to regret this. It had better work. If it doesn't, I am gonna be so mad! And I just said 'I am' again. What is up with that?!
Sid holds her arms out. I do the same. We get up close to one another. We each wrap our arms around the other person. We hold for a few seconds and then release.
"If this were a year or two ago, I would've absolutely loved that," Sid states. "But it happened now, so I felt nothing," she finishes.
"I felt something during the hug," I say. "A desire for it to end," I add. At least Sid didn't bite me. That would've been a great opportunity for her to.
"Then hopefully the thing with our moms works," Sid says.
"It won't have to!" Lincoln butts in. "For I, Lincoln L. Loud of the Y Universe, know a way for you two worst enemies to become best friends!" he exclaims. I think he's gonna actually tell me what his idea is instead of giving more stupid clues. Let's see. "Since Richie here doesn't know why your hatred for one another started, I'll quickly give that little bit of behind-the-scenes exposition. There is an episode of SpongeBob where he calls Patrick and gets him mad at him by annoying him when he's trying to sleep. Anthony Staffenhagen AKA ThePkmnYPerson once imagined a Ronnie Anne and Sid version of that scene for fun. That is how he got the idea to make Ronnie Anne and Sid be enemies instead of friends like they should be," Lincoln explains.
Everything he's said so far has been true. I'd ask what Richie Rich thinks of it or if he even understands what Lincoln's saying, but I'm too excited right now. "I like where this is going!" I exclaim.
"So all we have to do is go back in time and convince Mrs. Puff that she shouldn't have SpongeBob write an essay on what not to do at a stoplight. If he doesn't get that assignment, that scene with Patrick won't happen, and neither will any of the misery Ronnie Anne and Sid have caused each other," Lincoln concludes.
I just ran up to my best friend in the whole wide multiverse and gave him a mistletoe-free hug. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" I say to thank him.
"Well, I can tell you're into the idea," Lincoln says. "What do you think of it, Sid?" he asks.
"I see no flaws with this plan," Sid excitedly answers. She's not being sarcastic. "Unless the fact we don't have a time machine yet counts," she adds.
Richie Rich then says "I've tried to buy one a bunch of times before, but I've never been able to find any."
Sid concludes this story by saying "I would build one, but it would probably take less time if we just wait for the Sid Invention Duel and ask the other Sids from other universes if any of them will let us use theirs."
To Be Continued
In
The Final Chapter
Of
Sid Y's Vlogs