Chapter Fifteen: One More Day

When Gibbs woke it was still dark outside. He checked the clock seeing it was just barely five in the morning. He rolled, remembering Nicole had climbed in bed with him a few hours ago, but found the bed empty. He sat up shaking the sleep from his head, before he pulled the covers back and went to the bathroom to change. He pulled on a pair of jeans and his old NIS sweatshirt.

He walked through his house to the kitchen where he turned on the coffee machine, searching for any sign of the eleven year old. He found none. The next stop was the guest bedroom, but that too was empty. He stood a moment in the doorway before turning and heading to the one place he hadn't checked, the basement.

He slowly came down the steps, scanning the room as he went. He spotted her when he was halfway down; she was under his boat lying on her side facing away from him. He quietly came up behind her and watched for a moment before leaning on the boat and looking at her face. She was asleep.

He went back upstairs and poured himself a cup of coffee when the machine was done, before heading back down to the basement. Taking up a seat on the couch he watched Nicole sleep, while sipping his coffee. His head swam with thoughts of her, mixing with thoughts of his dead daughter. His heart was in turmoil as he fought hard to maintain control over the emotions that had been bottled up for so long.

A couple hours passed with Gibbs sitting on the couch, lost in his own mind, while Nicole slept under his boat. She finally stirred, rolling onto her back and rubbing at her eyes. She glanced around the room as her brain slowly came out of the haze of sleep and she remembered where she was. Her eyes landed on Gibbs sitting on the couch, coffee cup in hand, eyes glazed over, staring at her, but not seeing. She could tell he was in a memory.

She slid to the end of the plywood, her movement jarring Gibbs back to the present. She saw the emotion that had been displayed in his eyes quickly evaporate as he realized she was awake. He smiled at her and set the coffee cup down on the table. She came up in front of him slowly, sliding the coffee cup to the side, taking a seat on the table facing him. Her small hands came down on his knees, as he tilted his head to the side swallowing hard.

"Why do you do that?" she asked. Gibbs looked at her confused. He had no idea what she was talking about. He didn't answer her. She locked eyes with him and studied him looking for any sign of emotion.

She got nothing in return from him. He was bottled up, hatches buttoned down tight, as he hid from his own demons. She felt her own fears and pain surfacing again as thoughts of her mother came to her. She didn't know how to speak about them either.

"I never knew my dad," she said finally looking down. She got up and flopped over on the couch leaning against the arm rest, ignoring the plume of dust. Gibbs followed her with his eyes but again said nothing, waiting for her to finish. She was quiet for a while before she continued.

"My mom always told me stories about him though. He died when she was one month pregnant with me. He was a marine, an officer. My mom said he was the best. That he was Recon. I remember her always bragging about him like he was just away on some mission, but he was gone. She never got over it.

"I always wondered what he was really like, so I would ask her. And she would tell me stories about how he never gave up, he never saw anything as impossible. She said he had a slight problem with authority and sometimes got in trouble because of it. I never got to meet him though, and my mom never got over him.

"You asked me why I didn't want to go with the people who were going to take me to foster care. I told you I didn't feel safe with them, but when I met you all the things my mom used to say about my dad seemed to fit you. I think he was a lot like you, Gibbs, I think that's why I…" she didn't finish. She turned her head away from him and stopped talking. Gibbs sat there not knowing what to do. After a long pause of silence she finally looked back at him with tears in her eyes.

"How do you miss someone you never met?" she asked quietly. Gibbs reached over and pulled her to him into a tight embrace. She snuggled closer to him and he softly stroked her shoulder. "I miss my mom, too," she said as fresh tears streamed down her face.

"I know, Kido," Gibbs said softly. "Death is never easy to deal with, specially when you're so young. And I don't think it gets any easier."

"Every time I close my eyes I see the faceless man coming after me, after he hurts my mom," she said in a whisper. "I don't want him to chase me anymore."

"The dreams will pass in time. I know it's hard right now," he said softly kissing the top of her head.

"Your dreams never passed," she whispered softly. Gibbs felt his own tears coming now and he picked his head up and looked at nothing across the room. She was right.

"They change. Become…bearable," he replied with a quiver to his voice, but he knew that wasn't the whole truth either. They still kept him up at night, they still consumed his sleeping hours, and they were still of the dead. They just were not of the brutal nature that makes one wake screaming at the top of their lungs, gasping for air, soaked in terror.

They were quiet now, neither one spoke. Nicole clung tightly to his side as he kept his arm around her shoulders. Her face was buried in his ribcage as he laid his on the top of her head. They took comfort from each other, chasing the dead away for just the slightest of moments. It was now that Gibbs thought about what Jen had said, that he only had one more day with this child before they took her from him. He figured this was the wrong time to tell her that news, instead he remained quiet.

He didn't know how much time had passed since they had sat down on the couch, but finally Nicole broke from him and reached for the remote. She pointed it to the television and started to change channels. Gibbs smiled.

"No CNN, Gibbs," Nicole said as she felt him shifting to reach for the remote. She looked up at him and grinned. He couldn't help but return it, nodding he decided one morning without CNN wouldn't kill him. He then removed his arm from around her and stood up. She looked up at him questioningly and he smiled back at her.

"How about breakfast?" Gibbs asked. She grinned and nodded so he turned and headed up the stairs to the kitchen. She continued to flip channels as there wasn't much on. Gibbs was about done fixing up the pancakes and bacon when he yelled for Nicole to join him in the kitchen. She came up quickly and grabbed the plates from the cupboard and placed them on the table, before getting silverware out of the drawer. Next she filled a glass of orange juice for herself, something she insisted he pick up when they were at the store yesterday and a cup of coffee for him.

Gibbs placed the food on the table and they both ate in silence. It was a comfortable silence and both knew they didn't need to break it. When they were done eating Nicole looked up at him.

"What?" he asked. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I'd like to change my clothes," she said looking down at what she was wearing. It had been two days now since she had changed. Gibbs nodded.

"I'll see if I can get you something," Gibbs said getting up from the table and leaving the room. Nicole went about cleaning up the table, rinsing the dishes and putting the left over food away in the fridge. It was five minutes later when Gibbs came back into the kitchen.

Nicole looked up at him from the sink. She saw the small smile playing on his lips and then turned back to what she was doing. Once she was finished cleaning up the plates she turned back to him.

"Fresh clothes are being delivered," he said.

"Thanks," she replied with a beaming smile.

Half an hour later there was a knock on the door and Nicole came up the stairs and pulled it open. Jen was standing there with a bag in hand, smile on her face. She held it out for Nicole who took it and looked inside. The child beamed up at Jen when she saw her own clothes in the bag.

"Come on in," Nicole said as she turned and headed for the bathroom. Before long she was in the shower while Jen went down the stairs to find Gibbs working on his boat. He looked up when he heard footsteps on the stairs, knowing the person was too heavy to be Nicole.

"Did you get the clothes?" he asked when he saw Jen standing in the middle of the stairs looking down on him.

"Yes. She's in the shower right now," she replied, coming down the rest of the way into the basement. "I talked to Ms. Dumont."

Gibbs stopped what he was doing, dropping the tool to the plywood. He paused a moment controlling the emotions and then turned to face her. "Yeah?"

"They found a home that is willing to take Nicole and help her deal with this tragedy," Jen said softly, watching him for any sign of emotion. Gibbs was a stone façade and nothing escaped.

"When do they come get her?" he asked quietly, feeling the pain internally of losing her. He wasn't sure when he had gotten so attached to the young child, but he knew now that she had a hold of his heart.

"Tonight, they are meeting me at six at NCIS," Jen replied stepping closer to him and reaching a gentle hand out for his arm. He watched as it made contact before looking up at her.

"You want me to bring her there?" Gibbs asked in a flat tone, his eyes cold.

"We can come here for her," Jen said. "Jethro, you knew this was the deal."

Gibbs continued to stare at her with emotionless eyes. They were cold and hard and it made Jen's heart ache. She squeezed her hand softly on his arm before dropping it. He gave her no response. She looked up at the top of the stairs quickly before returning her gaze to him.

"She needs to be in a stable environment right now, Jethro."

"You think I can't provide that for her?" Gibbs spat at her the anger growing in his chest. He was not incompetent; he could care for a child.

"Can you?" Jen asked searching his eyes.

"She's doing just fine right now isn't she?" Gibbs said leaning back against his boat, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What is it that made you connect with her?"

"She feels safe here, Jen, she isn't going to want to leave," Gibbs said ignoring Jen's question. He wasn't ready to say why this girl meant so much to him. He wasn't ready to admit why he would be able to handle her.

"How much experience do you have dealing with an eleven year old girl?" Jen asked shaking her head. "Jethro, maybe it's time to let someone else help her too."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Gibbs said through gritted teeth. He fought hard to keep the emotion running deep inside him from his face. He had all the experience he needed dealing with an eleven year old girl. Memories of Kelly flooded his mind and the pain surged through his body. Small flashes escaped through his eyes and Jen tilted her head to the side as she witnessed the struggle on his face.

"Jethro?" she asked softly not knowing what else to say. He didn't answer her he simply walked around her and headed up the stairs. He couldn't hold the wall up and he didn't want her to see what he was hiding. He wasn't ready to answer her questions, to tell his story, to let the demons run wild in his heart. The dead were chasing him and he needed to run.

Jen followed him up keeping a small distance between them. She could tell he was angry. She could tell he was hurting, but he was trying so hard to hide it all. When they got to the top they could hear the shower still running and Gibbs walked into the kitchen to the coffee machine. He poured himself the last cup and started to drink it. Jen leaned in the doorway of the kitchen and watched him not sure what to say. It wasn't long before they both heard the shower quit. Gibbs shut his eyes tight fighting to shove the memories down. He finally accomplished the task and turned to face Jen.

She noticed he was back to his old self when he turned to her. There was no emotion, no pain, not even any anger on his face. She was worried about him and she was sure it showed on her face. She stepped in the room a little further but then stopped.

"You can tell her she has to leave," Gibbs said before taking another gulp of coffee. He didn't think he could do that task. He wasn't sure he'd be able to say goodbye, knowing how Nicole would react when she finds out she has to leave. Jen nodded but didn't say anything. It wasn't long before Nicole came in the kitchen with a smile on her face. She saw the look on Gibbs' face and knew instantly something wasn't right. She looked up at Jen before looking back at Gibbs. No one spoke and it made her nervous but she didn't push the issue.

"I'll see you at six thirty," Jen said before turning and leaving the house. Gibbs didn't move, he followed her with his eyes until she was out of sight then finished his coffee and placed the mug in the sink. Nicole followed Jen out but didn't say anything. She watched the woman walk out the front door and then stood in the living room waiting for Gibbs. He finally came out to her.

"What's going on?" she asked the worry evident in her voice.

"Nothing, Kido, come on let's watch another one of your movies or something," Gibbs said with a strained voice. Nicole didn't move. She stared at Gibbs with hurt eyes and it made Gibbs tear up. He couldn't pretend with her and he knew it.

"They're taking me away," she said in a barely audible whisper and then the tears rolled down her cheeks. Gibbs felt his own cheeks getting wet as his vision blurred slightly. Nicole rushed towards him and wrapped her small arms around his waist. He kneeled down and her arms moved to his neck and she cried into his shoulder. Gibbs picked her up and took her down to the basement where he sat them both down on the couch.

Another hour passed in silence as Nicole clung to Gibbs. He was lost in memories that he didn't know how to escape. He had never really talked about them to anyone except on occasion with Ducky so many years ago. Something inside him made him start speaking, needing to release some of the pressure that was building.

"You asked me about Kelly," he said softly, his eyes focused on his boat. Nicole shifted so she could look up at him, noticing the pain in his eyes.

"And you told me about her," she said giving him an out. He tore his attention from the boat and looked down at the child next to him. He slowly nodded before continuing.

"I told you she was my daughter and that she was gone forever," Gibbs said. Nicole nodded but didn't say a word. She waited for him to continue, giving him the choice to go on or opt out. "She was twelve. I was working a case for NCIS. I'd been an agent for seven years. Things…went wrong on the case. The man…we were chasing a man that was abducting children from Naval bases.

"We were close to catching him. He knew we were on his trail," Gibbs continued, his voice low, shaky, and full of pain. Nicole was sitting still next to him, watching him, her eyes wide. "He took my daughter."

Gibbs had to stop as the pain in his heart escaped from the binds he had placed on it and it rocketed through his entire body. The tears blinded him and his throat wouldn't let his voice come out. Nicole's own tears were tumbling down her face as she wrapped her small arms around him and held onto him tightly. It was a while before Gibbs regained control and continued.

"He taunted me, called me, told me he had her. We did our best to find her. I didn't sleep for…I don't even remember how long it was. When we found her she was still alive. I went in after her, just like he wanted me too. He used her to lure me into his trap. "I went after him in a blind fury, and he was ready. I took a bullet to my shoulder, knocking me down. It was then that he…" Gibbs stopped again looking up at the ceiling taking in a deep shaky breath. Nicole had her eyes closed now as she bit at her lip, tears blinding her, feeling his pain.

"Took her life," Gibbs finished in a whisper. He looked down at Nicole and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. She pressed herself into his chest and held onto him. "I didn't grieve well. With the bullet I was not on active duty, I neglected those around me. I didn't notice the pain my wife was in. She left me too. Took too many pills."

After that they were both quiet as the ghosts danced around them. Gibbs felt exhausted after telling a story he hadn't repeated in years. He didn't know how much more he could handle as the memories replayed that fateful moment of him looking up after taking the bullet in the ball of his shoulder, rendering his right arm useless, his body going into shock, a feeling of numbness and cold engulfing him. He had just enough consciousness to look up, as the man who he was chasing killed his daughter in front of him.

Gibbs fell asleep holding Nicole on the couch as exhaustion finally overtook him. He dreamed of that day, trying to move, trying to stop the bullet, the knife, the death. He knew what was going to happen, the same movie played over and over, with no stop button on the remote. He was startled awake when he felt a hand grip his shoulder.

Opening his eyes he saw Nicole sitting next to him on the couch looking at him. He took a breath and squinted at her trying to clear the fog. She held his cell phone out to him as the ringing registered in his mind. He took it nodding and slowly stood from the couch.

"Gibbs," he said roughly into the phone. Tony noticed the strain but decided not to mention anything this time.

"Ah, it's Tony, Boss," he said instead trying to cover the concern in his voice. Gibbs chose to ignore it.

"Tell me you got something," Gibbs said noticing his throat was dry, he looked around for something to drink finding a can of grape pop he looked at Nicole who held it out to him. He smiled and accepted it taking a swig before handing it back to her.

"Yeah, this Captain Lariman owns a 2004 Buick LaCrosse and is in Norfolk. He went in a couple days ago and stays to the end of next week week. Training for a tour in Iraq," Tony said.

"This the mystery guy?"

"We think so. Fits in with motive if he is, plus he owns a dark sedan and he's close enough to town that he could have driven over and done it."

"You need to do anything more there?"

"Nope, we ran down the numbers on the phone records. Mostly just case related calls and the rest were fielding legal questions from people on base. Nothing on the payphone we haven't found anything on that one."

"Get back to DC, find this Lariman guy and see what you can come up with," Gibbs said sounding tired.

"Already booked the tickets, Boss."

"Keep on it and keep me informed," Gibbs said before ending the call and tossing the phone on the table. He looked at Nicole who gave him a smile. He decided he needed a shower and made his way upstairs to the bathroom.

TBC…