Chapter 18: Control

Things are a little awkward between Sirius and me now. The other Marauders seem to sense it as they've been carefully avoiding bringing up Rose whenever Sirius is around. Normally, I'd go to Sirius about this sort of problem, but I can't. Can't go to Reggie either since he doesn't approve of me dating a Muggleborn. Don't really have any parents... except Minnie, I guess. So I talked to her and she told me that 'the heart is fickle' and that Sirius would eventually get over it once he found someone he fancied.

Leo stayed at the inlet long after his father had left, ignoring the downpour of rain that pelted down on him not long after his departure. Despite how much he disliked rain, he was grateful for it at this moment. Rain dampened everything – fire included – and he wanted nothing more than to keep the fire within him permanently dampened. His father's words had terrified him more than he had initially let on.

He had accepted on some level long ago that he wouldn't live a very long life – not with the likes of Voldemort hounding his and Harry's every footstep. It was part of why he was so carefree and uncaring of what others thought – life was too short to worry about what others thought about him and he needed to live every day like it was his last. But, hearing that there was a possibility that he could die by his own hand – and so violently too – was a bit more than he could take.

Maybe, if I don't use my powers for a while, I'll be okay. He considered without much hope, staring down at his rippling reflection in the water. Dad did it for almost fifteen years... then again, he was in his Animagus form the whole time. Don't think I'll have that luxury. I have to be human, for Harry's sake... and I can't exactly leave Luna behind either. He sighed, running a hand through his sopping wet hair before shaking his head.

The sound of movement in the trees behind him froze him momentarily. He tentatively sniffed the air, prepared to take out his wand in case it was someone hostile. He blinked in confusion as he recognized the scent: dirigible plums with a faint hint of warm butterbeer and a soft aroma of heather that reminded him of wide-open fields. He didn't turn his head as the person sat beside him, the rain ceasing to fall on them. He glanced up, spotting the faint blue umbrella above them that protected them from the deluge.

"What're you doing here, Luna?" Leo sighed, resuming staring at the water. "How did you find me?"

"Your father found me talking to the thestrals," Luna replied, staring into the water alongside him. "He said you might need some company and had his Patronus show me where to go. He seemed worried."

"Didn't seem like it when he left," Leo grumbled, resting his chin on top of his knees.

"He's not very good at expressing himself," said Luna. "But I can tell he cares for you a lot. It's in his eyes."

"Right," he frowned. "What else did he tell you?"

"Nothing. Just that you shouldn't be alone -"

"That's exactly what I should be," Leo snapped. "People should stay as far away from me as possible before I hurt them... like I did Umbridge."

He could feel Luna staring at him, could feel the prickling anger burning beneath his skin, dying to be free. Don't think about Umbridge. He scolded himself, his fingers tightening on his elbows as he moved his forehead to rest on his knees. It wasn't that he was upset that he had hurt Umbridge... it was more that he was glad. He was glad he had been able to dish out some of the pain she had inflicted on him. That's what upset him.

What kind of person was happy inflicting harm on others? What kind of person wanted to do it again? What kind of person didn't feel guilty almost killing someone? Voldemort. The thought echoed in the back of his mind. Someone as Dark as Voldemort could do things like that... Remus said the wizarding world thinks I could become the next Voldemort... what if they're right? He bit his lip, feeling sickened at the very thought.

He felt a hand lay on his bicep and felt softness lean against his shoulder. He looked up curiously, surprised to see Luna leaning against him. He immediately felt guilty for snapping at her. She was the one person he didn't want to hurt in any way. Harry used to be that person. He mused, looking back over the lake again. And in two months I'll be duelling him with everything I've got... things have certainly changed.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," he sighed, resting his cheek against her head.

"It's all right," she told him. "You have a lot of Wrackspurts in your head right now. The best way to get rid of them is to think positive thoughts."

"Not a lot of those right now," Leo sighed again. "'Specially not when you consider who our Defense teacher is..."

"That's why we have you and Harry," Luna shrugged. "We have you two to teach us things she won't."

"That's not what I -" Leo cut himself off abruptly, shaking his head. "Never mind, it's not important."

"That's not true," she said. "If you mentioned it, it's important to you. If it's important to you, you should talk about it. Like how I do with you."

Leo bit his lip again, hesitant to do so before everything started gushing out. What Umbridge had forced him to do in detention, his suspicions that she had sent the dementors over the summer, her attacking Hedwig and Apollo, her attempts to capture Sirius the previous night. He felt his blood boil just thinking about that particular incident before he rushed on ahead and told what he had apparently done to the woman. He briefly described his father's warnings about his abilities, how he had to keep his emotions in check lest he have a repeat of last night – or even worse. He spoke about not feeling guilty for what he did to the toad, and feeling sick that he had been glad that he had hurt her.

"I just... does that make me a monster?" he inquired, his voice full of uncertainty and worry. "Do you think I'm becoming like Voldemort?"

Luna remained silent for a moment, still staring over the water.

"No. I think that feeling guilty about not feeling guilty makes you a good person," she finally said. "She hurt you and the people you care about, it's only natural that you'd want to retaliate. You-Know-Who only hurt people because he wanted to – you did it to protect your loved ones. I think that's what makes you two different. He's filled with darkness and hate – you're filled with passion and love. You two couldn't be more opposite."

"But - the magic I used – it was Dark -" Leo tried to explain.

"Everybody has a little darkness in them," she cut him off. "My mother used to say there are two wolves inside everyone: one Dark - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Light - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. Whichever one wins is the one you choose to feed."

Now Leo went quiet, his brow furrowed in thought as he stared at his rippling reflection.

"Lately, it only feels like I'm feeding the Dark one," he told her.

The hand on his bicep moved over to cover his own hand.

"Then I'll just have to remind you to feed the Light," she informed him.

They said nothing else, instead staring out over the lake as the rain fell down around them. A rumbling in his stomach alerted him that he hadn't eaten all day, prompting Luna to pull him to his feet back in the direction of the castle. Once they entered the forest, Leo took her hand and led her through the dark trees, walking onto the empty grounds ten minutes later. They walked quickly through the rain, crossing the bridge, passing through the courtyard, and entering the entrance hall. Leo dried them both off with the Hot-Air Charm before leading them down to the kitchens since dinner had long since ended.

They ate quietly as the house-elves happily served them, and Leo's mood brightened once he got some chocolate in his body. When they finished eating, he took out the Map – which he always kept on his person – and looked it over. He traced a clear route with his finger before nodding and leading Luna out of the kitchens and up the stairs to Ravenclaw Tower. They stopped at a door that held only a brass eagle knocker.

"Luna..." Leo began, shuffling slightly in embarrassment. "Thanks for tonight. I really appreciate you coming to find me."

"I wouldn't have found you without your dad," she informed him.

"Still... thanks," he gave a small smile.

He kissed her lightly on the lips before bidding her farewell and heading further up the stairs toward Gryffindor Tower. He stopped at the portrait of the Fat Lady, giving her the password before walking into the common room. There, he found Harry sitting in an armchair, looking tired yet thoughtful as he stared at the fire in the fireplace. Hearing Leo's footsteps, he turned his head quickly, looking quite relieved as the blonde approached him.

"We were worried you were expelled," Harry told him.

"It was a near miss," Leo shrugged. "Only got off because Umbridge was illegally tapping the Floo and Dad threatened to go public with it. He managed to convince Dumbles and Minnie that the wards attacked her."

"Oh, that's good, I guess," Harry replied awkwardly. "Did they say anything about her being replaced?"

"She'll be back tomorrow," Leo sighed in irritation. "She had to have her arm amputated otherwise the spell would've killed her. Dad said I burned her from the inside out with a form of Fiendfyre."

"Well, at least you didn't kill her," Harry tried to joke lamely. "Don't reckon she'll be too happy with you. Should probably watch your back in case she tries to do you in."

"Eh, Dad told me how to deal with her, so I'm not too worried," Leo responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Anyway, what're you doing up so late?"

"I was working on my essay for Snape and fell asleep, then Dobby showed up with Hedwig and told me where we could meet for our Defense lessons..."

Leo almost drowned on the way to Herbology the next morning, Draco's scolding over his disappearance the previous day reverberating in his ears as his robes whipped about him. He could hardly hear what Sprout was saying over the hammering of raindrops hard as hailstones on the greenhouse roof. The afternoon's Care of Magical Creatures lesson was to be relocated from the storm-swept grounds to a free classroom on the ground floor and, to him and his friends' intense relief, Angelina sought out her team at lunch to tell them that Quidditch practise was cancelled.

"Good," said Harry quietly, when she told him and Leo, "because we've found somewhere to have our first Defense meeting. Tonight, eight o'clock, seventh floor opposite that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by those trolls. Can you tell Katie and Alicia?"

She looked slightly taken aback but promised to tell the others. Leo absently poked at his stew, not really feeling hungry. He had seen Umbridge enter the Great Hall during lunch, her silver arm gleaming in the candlelight. She glared at him as she strolled to her seat, a look that he only returned dully before returning to his uneaten meal, feeling queasy at the satisfaction that had thrummed through his entire being when he saw the damage he had wrought.

"Least you're making progress with the spell," Draco whispered to him, glancing up briefly at Umbridge.

"Yeah," he shrugged, swirling his stew.

He hadn't told his friends about what his father had told him the previous day, not wanting them to worry or panic. Luna and the Marauders knew – Leo was certain his father would've told his friends – and that was more than enough.

"... I'm starting to miss the obnoxiously cheerful Black," Draco rolled his eyes. "So what if you burned her arm off? I'm sure your dad or your uncle would've done the same. Stop being so depressingly morose."

Leo bristled slightly at this, giving the pale blonde a mild glare and refusing to talk to him for the rest of lunch and all through dinner. Instead, he ate dinner in the kitchens with Luna, feeling distinctly more cheerful now that he didn't have Umbridge leering at him. At close to eight, they made their way to the seventh floor, stopping at a highly polished door next to the tapestry containing Barnabas the Barmy's foolish attempt to train trolls for the ballet. He opened the door, raising an impressed eyebrow.

The walls were lined with wooden bookcases and, instead of chairs, there were large silk cushions on the floor. A set of shelves at the far end of the room carried a range of instruments such as Sneakoscopes, Secrecy Sensors, and a large, cracked Foe-Glass. Many people were already sat in cushions, and Leo escorted Luna to one before jogging to the front where Harry, Ron, Draco, and Hermione stood.

"Nice little rebellion we have here," he said, jerking his thumb behind him.

"I think it's a pretty nice turnout," Hermione smiled broadly. "We still need a leader, though..."

"Well, if he's all right with sharing the spotlight, Harry and I can both lead," Leo shrugged.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Harry replied, seeming relieved that he wouldn't have to make every decision on his own now.

"I was hoping we could vote on it," Hermione frowned.

"It'd be a bit redundant considering they're teaching us, Granger," Draco rolled his eyes. "Obviously, they've been elected without having it put to a vote."

"Great, so we're in charge," Leo said with a touch of impatience. "Shall we get this show on the road or are we waiting for a few more?"

Harry shook his head and the other three ran over to claim various cushions. Leo and Harry shared a brief conversation on what they should cover first and decided it would be best to start with the basics and see what they knew before moving on to anything complex. They both turned to face the others, who slowly began to settle down and cease their conversations once they noticed the cousins were ready. Leo gave Harry a nod, signalling him to start. He looked startled at first before taking a step forward.

"Well," said Harry, slightly nervously. "This is the place we've found for practices, and you've — er — obviously found it okay —"

"It's fantastic!" said Cho, and several people murmured their agreement.

"It's bizarre," said Fred, frowning around at it. "We once hid from Filch in here, remember, George? But it was just a broom cupboard then..."

"Hey, Harry, what's this stuff?" asked Dean from the rear of the room, indicating the Sneakoscopes and the Foe-Glass.

"Dark Detectors," said Harry, stepping between the cushions to reach them. "Basically they all show when Dark wizards or enemies are around, but you don't want to rely on them too much, they can be fooled..."

"Instead, you should rely on your own instincts and your own judgement," Leo stated once Harry had trailed off, garnering everyone else's attention. "You shouldn't count on objects to tell you what's evil or who your enemy is – you should know. Knowing who your enemy is is the first step to beating them."

"The next step is defending yourself," Harry added, striding back to stand beside Leo. "To that end, we -" He noticed a raised hand. "What, Hermione?"

"I think we ought to have a name," she said brightly, her hand still in the air. "It would promote a feeling of team spirit and unity, don't you think?"

"Can we be the Anti-Umbridge League?" said Angelina hopefully.

"Like the enthusiasm, but Umbridge isn't the only person we're learning to defend ourselves against," Leo replied with an amused smile.

"How about the Ministry of Magic Are Morons Group?" suggested Fred.

"I was thinking," said Hermione, frowning at Fred as Leo laughed, "more of a name that didn't tell everyone what we were up to, so we can refer to it safely outside meetings."

"The Defense Association?" said Cho. "The D.A. for short, so nobody knows what we're talking about?"

"Yeah, the D.A.'s good," said Ginny. "Only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it?"

There was a good deal of appreciative murmuring and laughter at this. Leo looked thoughtful. He didn't really want to be in Dumbledore's Army, but it would be quite a laugh to form a rebellion named after the thing Fudge was afraid of. He exchanged a look with Harry, noting he seemed to like the idea.

"All in favour of the D.A.?" said Hermione bossily, kneeling up on her cushion to count. "That's a majority — motion passed!"

She pinned the piece of paper with all of their names on it on the wall and wrote DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY across the top in large letters.

"Brilliant, now that that's taken care of," Leo began, clapping his hands together. "We've decided that, for the first lesson anyway, we should start with the basics – see what we'll have to work with."

"We're going to start with Expelliarmus, you know, the Disarming Charm -" Harry continued.

"Oh please," said Zacharias Smith, rolling his eyes and folding his arms. "I don't think Expelliarmus is exactly going to help us against You-Know-Who, do you?"

"Well, if you think you know better, how about a little duel?" Leo inquired, suppressing a grin. "If you can beat me, we'll do whatever spell you want. If I win, you shut your trap and let us teach. Deal?"

Smith looked startled before he sneered and rose to his feet, taking his wand out of the pocket of his robes. At once, Leo flicked his own wand out and pointed it at him.

"Expelliarmus!" he quickly shouted.

Smith's wand flew from his hand only to be caught by Leo, who twirled it boredly with his left hand. Smith stared at him, stunned while the Weasley twins snickered and everyone else looked impressed.

"Now, how are you supposed to duel without a wand?" Leo grinned before looking at everyone else. "Expelliarmus can end a duel before it even begins. A disarmed opponent is an opponent who's lost." He paused, recalling his duel with Padfoot. "But just because they're disarmed doesn't mean they'll stop fighting. You have to be prepared for anything." He tossed Smith back his wand. "Can we continue?"

Smith sat down, looking frustrated while everyone stared at Leo and Harry with excitement.

"Okay," said Harry, "I reckon we should all divide into pairs and practice."

Everybody got to their feet at once and divided up. Neville and Draco were left partnerless and so decided to pair up with each other. Leo stared around at everyone, quirking an eyebrow upward when he saw a few of them get into various stances he recalled seeing at Lockhart's duelling club three years ago.

"Don't worry about formalities and stances," Leo instructed. "Forget all the rubbish Lockhart taught you. Voldemort and his followers won't care about being polite and following rules, and neither should you."

"Right — on the count of three, then — one, two, three —" Harry called out.

The room was suddenly full of shouts of "Expelliarmus!": Wands flew in all directions, missed spells hit books on shelves and sent them flying into the air. Glancing around Leo thought they had been right to suggest that they practice the basics first; there was a lot of shoddy spellwork going on; many people were not succeeding in disarming their opponents at all, but merely causing them to jump back a few paces or wince as the feeble spell whooshed over them. He exchanged an exasperated look with Harry and received one in return.

They split off to walk around the room and check on how everyone was doing. Cho was doing quite well disarming her friend – Marietta he would later be told. He wasn't too surprised, given they were a year above him. He gave them a short nod before continuing onward, weaving between pairs. It came as little surprise to him when he saw Draco lazily disarming Neville, stopping only when Leo suggested he let the boy practice.

Neville cast the Disarming Charm, and Draco's wand gave a little wiggle but remained in place when the Slytherin gripped it tighter. Neville looked disappointed but brightened immensely when Leo told him it was good for a first try and to just keep practising. A high-pitched whistle interrupted him, and he turned to see Harry with a whistle in his hand.

"That wasn't bad," said Harry, "but there's definite room for improvement." Zacharias Smith glared at him. "Let's try again..."

Everyone resumed what they were doing, and Harry made a gesture to Leo from across the room saying they should switch sides. Leo gave a small nod and moved to the other side of the room, watching in fascination as Ginny continuously disarmed her opponent with skill and finesse he had rarely seen. Bloody hell. I know I joked to Harry that he should marry her, but I think that joke just turned serious. He lingered for a moment before moving on to watch Hermione disarm Ron, who grew increasingly frustrated each time he lost his wand.

"Guess it's a good thing we decided to start with the basics," Leo chuckled.

Ron scowled at him as he went to retrieve his wand again. Hermione, however, was beaming. Leo rolled his eyes. Course she's pleased. Her idea's working out and she managed to convince me to join in. It'd be a surprise if she wasn't this chuffed. He mused, watching as she looked down to check her watch before looking up at him in mild alarm.

"Do you realize what time it is?"

"Uh, night time?" Leo frowned, wondering if this was a trick question.

She stared at him in disbelief before shaking her head and looking around for Harry.

"Hey, Harry," she called to him from the other end of the room, "have you checked the time?"

Harry looked down at his watch before immediately blowing his whistle and striding over to Leo. Everybody stopped shouting, "Expelliarmus!" and the last couple of wands clattered to the floor.

"Well, that wasn't completely awful," Leo stated, the corners of his lips twitching when he noticed a few expressions of mild irritation. "But we can do better. Practice the spell on your own when you can and we'll resume again next week. Same time, same place?"

"Sooner!" said Dean Thomas eagerly and many people nodded in agreement.

Angelina, however, said quickly, "The Quidditch season's about to start, we need team practices too!"

"Let's say next Wednesday night, then," said Harry, glancing at Leo who nodded in confirmation, "and we can decide on additional meetings then... Come on, we'd better get going..."