Chapter 19: Sirius Conversation

I pulled Sirius aside today and told him we needed to talk. He seemed to pale but nodded and we made our way to the inlet he had shown us ages ago. Once there, I told him that - while I wasn't exactly pleased that he fancied my girlfriend - I understood that it wasn't his fault and he couldn't really control his feelings. I told him that I trusted him, that I know he and Rose would never do anything to hurt me. He seemed relieved that I wasn't mad at him and we spent the rest of the night running about as Fen and Padfoot.

Harry and Leo spent the remainder of the week as well as the weekend debating what spells they should teach next. Leo wanted to jump right in and teach the Reductor Curse – never know when you need to essentially blow something up. Harry was a bit nervous at the thought of teaching them such a destructive spell since there were a few people who couldn't even cast a proper Disarming Charm. Leo conceded the point and they both decided to teach the Impediment Jinx since it was far less likely to hurt someone like the Reductor Curse would.

Leo was in a relatively good mood following their first D.A. meeting and managed to keep it up by avoiding Umbridge at all costs. His cheeriness vanished when he went to her class for their last lesson on Monday. He spent that time doodling on a piece of parchment whilst hidden behind the book he was supposed to be reading. He could feel her bulging eyes boring into him and once more felt the queasy flip in his stomach that usually occurred when he remembered what he had done to her. The guilt he felt about not feeling guilty was starting to weigh more heavily on him now.

When the bell rang for class to end, he was the first to bolt from his seat with a small mumble to his friends that he was going for a walk. He rushed out the door and down the stairs, pushing through the crowd of people on the way to the entrance hall. He slipped through the oak double doors and booked it across the courtyard, over the bridge, and down the lawn to Hagrid's cabin. He paused to inhale deeply before striding into the forest and falling forward into his lion form once he was safely hidden from view.

He gave a shake of his mane, feeling the guilt that had been gnawing at him for almost a week fade away into almost nothing. He stretched lightly before bounding forward, his paws crunching noisily on the leaf-strewn ground. He practised his pouncing, leaping and catching the various mice and spiders that crossed his path before releasing them. He ran into a small cluster of unicorns and playfully chased them around, growing tired after a while when they stayed just out of reach.

He panted heavily before turning northeast, the animal part of his mind instinctively directing him to the closest body of water. After ten minutes of walking, he exited the trees and arrived at the familiar inlet. He paused at the water's edge before bending his head down and drinking deeply, slaking his thirst. He backed away a few paces before laying on his side with a small 'huff', staring into the water.

Once more, his peace was disturbed by the sound of movement behind him. He gave an idle flick of his ear, unconcerned with who or what it might be. Not many could find the inlet on their own and the ones who could already knew he was an Animagus. The forest creatures knew better than to tangle with a lion, though he wagered the centaurs might like the challenge of hunting him. He snorted, resting his head over crossed paws as the sound of pawsteps approached him.

His brow furrowed in confusion when the pawsteps turned into footsteps, now knowing it was an Animagus. Dad? He wondered idly, turning his head slightly and blinking in surprise when he saw it was Sirius. The man grinned brightly at him before sitting beside him and running a hand through the lion's mane.

"Figured I might find you here," Sirius said conversationally. "I used to come here all the time when I wanted to be alone. Spent most of my time as Padfoot, just gazing at the stars and wondering what I was going to do with my life." He paused for a moment. "Though, I wager that's not what you're here for."

The lion remained quiet, simply staring into the water as the stars twinkled back at him.

"Cas told me everything," the man continued. "Apparently you've got the Ministry in an uproar. Fudge is trying to rally them to get you expelled and chucked into Azkaban. Thankfully, most of them are too afraid of what Cas might do to them if they try."

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh while the lion just gave an idle flip of his tail. Sirius frowned at him before turning his gaze to the water and seeming to ponder something. After a moment, he turned back to the lion and quirked an eyebrow up at him.

"You know, it's very hard to hold a conversation when the other person is a lion," the man told him. "If you don't respond, I'm going to think I'm talking to an actual lion. From there, I'll think about the depths of madness I've sunk to when my favourite companion is an overgrown cat."

The lion snorted before shifting and turning into Leo, who hugged his knees to his chest and rested his chin atop them.

"I'm really your favourite?" he questioned, glancing at his uncle out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, you were the first person to believe I was innocent – the first to talk to me like a normal person after ten years of being treated like a criminal," Sirius grinned at him. "I rather think you cemented your place at the top. Don't tell anyone though, don't want them getting jealous. Plus, you know, not really supposed to play favourites."

"... I never really thought about that," Leo admitted. "I never really thought of you as a prisoner. Sure, I knew you were in a prison but... I always just thought of you as my uncle – my hero."

"I'm your hero?" Sirius questioned, feeling quite touched.

Leo nodded.

"You've always been loyal and brave – standing up for your friends and doing what you think is right even when other people wouldn't do the same. You were treated like a criminal but you still smile and laugh and try to help people," the blonde told him. "I always wanted to be like that but..."

"This thing with Umbridge has you down," Sirius surmised.

"Yeah... but not in the way you think," Leo shifted uncomfortably. "I feel guilty... because I don't feel guilty."

"I see..." Sirius trailed off, looking upward. He was quiet for some time, seeming to weigh something in his mind. After a few minutes, he finally spoke again. "I never felt guilty about what I almost did to Snape in my fifth year. Sure, I felt bad about Moony afterwards – knowing what that would've done to him if he had actually bitten Snivellus. But I never felt bad about the greasy bastard himself."

He paused for a moment, not turning to look at Leo as the teen stared at him with open curiosity now.

"I hated – hate – Snape more than I could ever tell you... probably as much as you hate Umbridge," the man continued. "And though I never felt bad about what almost happened... some part of me was upset that it hadn't been worse. I wished that he had been bitten or torn shreds or hurt badly... and that's when I felt guilty. Not because of what I'd almost done, but because of what I wished had been done."

"... Any time I see that toad, a part of me is glad about what I did to her... and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing that I'm happy about causing pain to someone else – even if they deserve it," Leo told him in a quiet voice. "I... I'm worried that I might be going Dark."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, staring upward at the stars.

"I'm sure you've heard this before, but we all have darkness inside us. We all touch it at some point in our lives – Merlin knows your father and I have touched it many times," he finally said. "I used to be afraid when I did something Dark, afraid that I was turning into my family. Cas... Cas had it worse. The Clash... it can bring out the darkest parts of you and bring them to light. You discover your deepest, darkest desires during this time, and some of them truly are dark.

"A lot of people hurt Cas growing up, and he wanted nothing more than to hurt them back, and his powers acted on that want more and more as he tried to suppress those desires. The Clash isn't just an internal struggle for power between you and your abilities, it's a fight between the Light and the Dark inside you. It's that fight that tears Elementalists apart – like it almost did your father."

"How did he stop it?" Leo inquired. "How did he gain control?"

"He did it by surrendering control," Sirius informed him. "He stopped trying to fight who he was and instead embraced it – the good and the bad."

"Easier said than done," Leo snorted.

"I know," Sirius replied, putting a hand on his shoulder and grinning. "But if anyone can do it, it's my favourite nephew."

Leo managed to get through the next few weeks only through the help of Sirius, Luna, and the D.A. meetings. He usually spent his lunches with Luna down in the kitchens and skipped out on dinner altogether in lieu of spending time in the Shrieking Shack or at the inlet with his uncle. Sirius often brought sandwiches that had been made at the Den for them to share and they sat and talked through anything that was bothering the teen at that time.

The D.A. meetings were uplifting, as he never imagined he'd enjoy teaching anyone anything. But, knowing that whatever he and Harry taught them might one day save their own or someone else's life made him feel better than he had in weeks. Neville had successfully disarmed Hermione, Colin Creevey had mastered the Impediment Jinx after three meetings' hard effort, and Parvati Patil had produced such a good Reductor Curse that she had reduced the table carrying all the Sneakoscopes to dust.

Hermione had devised a very clever method of communicating the time and date of the next meeting to all the members in case they needed to change it at short notice, because it would look so suspicious if people from different Houses were seen crossing the Great Hall to talk to each other too often. She gave each of the members of the D.A. a fake Galleon, which Leo admired with great intrigue.

"You see the numerals around the edge of the coins?" Hermione said, holding one up for examination at the end of their fourth meeting. The coin gleamed fat and yellow in the light from the torches. "On real Galleons, that's just a serial number referring to the goblin who cast the coin. On these fake coins, though, the numbers will change to reflect the time and date of the next meeting. The coins will grow hot when the date changes, so if you're carrying them in a pocket you'll be able to feel them. We take one each, and when Harry sets the date of the next meeting he'll change the numbers on his coin, and because I've put a Protean Charm on them, they'll all change to mimic his."

Hermione, Leo, and Harry had all agreed that the latter of the three should be the one in charge of the scheduling since Leo would probably forget to tell everyone. He was fine with this. With everything else going on, he didn't really want the responsibility of telling people when they were supposed to meet. Planning lessons was difficult enough.

Harry admitted to both of them that the coins reminded him of the Dark Mark Voldemort used to summon his followers. Leo couldn't help but agree with that remark and was grateful that he didn't have to have anything branded on his arm to join a club. Tattoo's not a terrible idea though. He mused thoughtfully, taking a piece of parchment out of his bag and doodling a few designs.

As the first Quidditch match of the season, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, drew nearer, their D.A. meetings were put on hold because Angelina insisted on almost daily practices. The fact that the Quidditch Cup had not been held for so long added considerably to the interest and excitement surrounding the forthcoming game. Leo, however, couldn't muster up any enthusiasm. As reserve Seeker for Gryffindor, all he really did was sit in the locker room waiting for the match to end – unless Harry was injured and needed to be switched out or something. Seeing as how he'd only ever played one game, Leo figured he may as well tell Angelina he was resigning after this next game.

October extinguished itself in a rush of howling winds and driving rain and November arrived, cold as frozen iron, with hard frosts every morning and icy drafts that bit at exposed hands and faces. The skies and the ceiling of the Great Hall turned a pale, pearly grey, the mountains around Hogwarts became snowcapped, and the temperature in the castle dropped so far that many students wore their thick protective dragon skin gloves in the corridors between lessons.

Leo spent the night before the match in the Shrieking Shack with Sirius, both of them sleeping in their Animagus forms in an attempt to stay warm in the drafty house. He awoke early the next morning with a yawn, stretching lightly before sitting down and scratching behind his ear. Padfoot blinked awake mere moments later, looking around blearily before laying his head back down with a small grunt.

The lion rolled his eyes before standing up and striding out of the room and down the stairs. He stopped in the entry room, looking around at the familiar peeling walls and the half-dusted floor before padding toward the couch. He jumped onto it, turning back into his human form just before he landed. He let out an audible sigh as the right side of his body dangled lazily over the edge of the couch.

He heard the clack of claws on wood and mere seconds later a black furry face appeared in front of him. Leo reached over and scratched the large dog behind the ear, receiving a tail wag in response. Sirius returned to his human form as he threw himself into an armchair.

"So, when're you heading down to the pitch?" the man inquired.

Leo groaned.

"What's the point?" he asked. "All I'll be doing is sitting on a bench listening to the commentary or watching Ron fumble the Quaffle for the hundredth time."

"So, what? Day off?" Sirius suggested, receiving a nod. "Well, the way I see it, everyone'll be at the game, so we could walk around Hogsmeade for a bit. Doubt we'd be noticed at the Three Broomsticks since it's always so packed."

Leo looked thoughtful at this before bolting upright in shock as a thought occurred to him: he had forgotten Sirius's birthday. And Dad's too. He realized belatedly. Guess I'll have to get something for both of them. Christmas is coming up too... He frowned, rubbing his chin in thought.

"Knut for your thoughts, kiddo?" Sirius asked when he had been quiet for some time.

"I'd like to think my thoughts are worth more than a Knut. Quite frankly, I'm insulted you think they're less than a Galleon," Leo informed him, placing his hand over his heart in mock affront and eliciting a snort from the man. "If you must know, I'm beating myself up for forgetting your birthday -"

"Oh don't worry about that," Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "I'd've forgotten it too if Cas hadn't said something -"

"Still, I got Remus something for his birthday, only fair I get you something for yours," Leo argued, continuing on swiftly when Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt. "And I won't take 'no' for an answer. Anything we do – anything you want to get – I'll pay for."

"With the money that's in our shared vault?" Sirius inquired, giving the teen an amused smile.

Leo was quiet for a moment, glowering at his uncle.

"Shut up. It's the thought that counts."

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh before they both rose from their seats and climbed out of the window Leo had jimmied open the previous year. They strode down the path to Hogsmeade, pulling the hoods of their cloaks over their heads so they wouldn't be easily recognized. They entered the Three Broomsticks, finding a seat in the corner before Sirius left to go place their order – after Leo had forcefully shoved some coins into his hands first of course.

He returned ten minutes later with a mug of hot chocolate, a pint of butterbeer, a glass of firewhisky, and a large plate of sandwiches (Leo wondered if he'd ever get tired of eating them). Leo eyed the firewhisky before looking up at his uncle with a raised eyebrow.

"Bit early in the day to start drinking, innit?"

"Don't mention it to Remus or your father and I'll let you have some, deal?"

Leo nodded eagerly, curious to know what something called 'firewhisky' tasted like. Sirius looked around covertly before pushing the glass toward him and allowing him to take a sip. A burning sensation flowed down his throat, pooling in his stomach and dispelling the doubts and fear that had been plaguing him for over a month now. He handed the glass back to Sirius, quietly drinking his hot chocolate and feeling much more at ease as they ate their sandwiches.

They departed the Three Broomsticks half an hour later, heading toward Zonko's where Leo bought them both various prank items before they headed off to Honeydukes to raid their food supply – namely, their chocolate. They popped into Gladrag's Wizard Wear, where Leo covertly bought his uncle a pair of socks that screamed when they got too smelly, figuring the man would get a laugh out of them on Christmas.

The next stop was Spintwitches Sporting Needs, where Leo bought a broom-care kit for Ron, some new gloves for Harry, and a practice Snitch for his father. At Tomes and Scrolls, he bought several books for Remus, Hermione, and Draco and at Dervish and Banges he found a necklace with a blue pendant in the shape of a crescent moon that seemed to call to him. Luna'll like it. He decided as he narrowed his eyes, trying to decipher what the small shape inside the moon was.

They brought their purchases back to the Shrieking Shack, depositing them before exiting once more and heading to an open field a fair distance away from the village. There, they worked on duelling and Sirius showed him several new spells to add to his arsenal. After an hour of practice, they went back to the Three Broomsticks for lunch before heading back behind the Shack and turning into their Animagus forms. Padfoot showed him how to hunt, telling him it would be a useful skill to have in case he was stranded out in the wilderness. They never killed anything, but it was still good practice.

They went back to the Three Broomsticks for a final time before heading back and resuming their duelling practice once more. They duelled well into the night, only stopping near midnight where Sirius shooed him back off to the castle, telling him he wanted to know who won the match.

Leo rolled his eyes, shrinking his various purchases and placing them in his pocket before bidding his uncle farewell. He travelled down the tunnel under the Shrieking Shack, exiting the Whomping Willow. He pressed the knot in the trunk, freezing the tree before running forward, slowing only when he was out of the tree's reach. He then stopped suddenly when he saw a welcome sight: the lights in Hagrid's hut were on. He's back. He smiled gleefully.

He lifted his foot, prepared to take a step toward the hut when an unwelcome smell hit his nostrils: Umbridge. He quickly fell forward into the snow, using his wand to change the colour of his cloak to match the terrain around him. He looked up slightly, watching her squat form waddle down the grounds and arrive at Hagrid's hut. He watched her rap on the door and wait. A minute later, Hagrid was revealed, his face hidden in shadow so Leo couldn't clearly see his expression. He didn't even have to strain his hearing to hear her voice.

"So," she said slowly and loudly, as though speaking to somebody deaf. "You're Hagrid, are you?"

Leo scowled to himself, feeling the familiar anger bubble inside him. She strode inside his hut without waiting for a response and Hagrid turned his body away from the door to follow her inside. An idea began to form in the blonde's mind and he shifted into Aslan before striding through the snow quickly, crouching in the shadows of the hut near the door and swivelling his ears to listen better.

"My name is Dolores Umbridge," the toad was saying.

"Dolores Umbridge?" Hagrid said, sounding thoroughly confused. "I thought you were one o' them Ministry — don' you work with Fudge?"

"I was Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, yes," said Umbridge. "I am now the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher —"

"Tha's brave of yeh," said Hagrid, "there's not many'd take tha' job anymore —"

"— and Hogwarts High Inquisitor," said Umbridge, giving no sign that she had heard him.

Aslan bared his teeth, suppressing a growl. She could at least have the decency to let him speak or respond to him. He was feeling less guilty about not feeling guilty by the second.

"Wha's that?" said Hagrid.

"Precisely what I was going to ask," said Umbridge, eliciting a frown from the lion as he wondered what she was talking about.

"Oh," said Hagrid, and Leo could detect a faint note of panic in the man's voice "oh, tha' was... was Fang. He broke a mug. So I had ter use this one instead."

"I heard voices," Umbridge said quietly.

First sign of madness.

"I was talkin' ter Fang," said Hagrid stoutly.

"And was he talking back to you?"

"Well... in a manner o' speakin'," said Hagrid, sounding uncomfortable. "I sometimes say Fang's near enough human —"

"There are three sets of footprints in the snow leading from the castle doors to your cabin," said Umbridge sleekly.

Aslan heard a small gasp from within the cabin, eliciting a small frown from him. He opened his jaws, inhaling deeply as he scented the air. He smelled parchment, the faint musk of a deer, and various aromas that reminded him of a warm meal. Hermione, Harry, and Ron. Fresh too. They must still be here... under the cloak, perhaps? He considered before coming back to the conversation, realizing he had missed bits of it.

"What has happened to you? How did you sustain those injuries?" Umbridge was saying.

Injuries?

"Oh, I... had a bit of an accident," Hagrid said lamely.

"What sort of accident?"

"I-I tripped."

"You tripped," she repeated coolly.

Leo immediately resolved to give Hagrid lessons on how to lie better.

"Yeah, tha's right. Over... over a friends broomstick. I don' fly, meself. Well, look at the size o' me, I don' reckon there's a broomstick that'd hold me. Friend o' mine breeds Abraxan horses, I dunno if you've ever seen 'em, big beasts, winged, yeh know, I've had a bit of a ride on one o' them an' it was —"

"Where have you been?" asked Umbridge, cutting coolly through Hagrid's babbling.

"Where've I...?"

"Been, yes," she said. "Term started more than two months ago. Another teacher has had to cover your classes. None of your colleagues has been able to give me any information as to your whereabouts. You left no address. Where have you been?"

How is that any of your damn business? Leo seethed.

"I — I've been away for me health," Hagrid said.

"For your health," said Umbridge. "I see."

"Yeah," said Hagrid, "bit o' — o' fresh air, yeh know —"

"Yes, as gamekeeper fresh air must be so difficult to come by," said Umbridge sweetly.

"Well — change o' scene, yeh know —"

"Mountain scenery?" said Umbridge swiftly.

Aslan froze, curious if she knew where he had been. No... she's no Death Eater, how could she...? His eyes narrowed and an angry snarl almost escaped him as a thought occurred to him. The whole world knows he's half-giant. Sirius said she was basically a racist, she's probably assuming he went off to be with the rest of his 'savage kind'. He came back a moment later to realize he had, once again, missed part of the conversation.

"You ought to know too that as High Inquisitor it is my unfortunate but necessary duty to inspect my fellow teachers. So I daresay we shall meet again soon enough," Dumbitch was saying.

"You're inspectin' us?" Hagrid echoed blankly.

"Oh yes," said Umbridge softly. "The Ministry is determined to weed out unsatisfactory teachers, Hagrid. Good night."

The door opened, spilling light onto the dark, snow-covered grounds. She closed the door behind her with a snap and stood on the stoop for a moment. Aslan bunched his haunches, every instinct in him screaming at him to pounce and scare the life out of her. He tamped the urge down with some effort, recalling that his friends were in the hut still and Hagrid had no clue he was an Animagus. That crossbow's dangerous. He recalled, sinking his claws into the snow in an effort to keep himself rooted more firmly to the ground.

A second later, she turned and strode back toward the castle, prompting the lion to relax and return back to his human form. He stared at the cabin for a moment before shrugging and walking back toward the castle at a much slower pace so as not to run into Umbridge. I have a feeling Hagrid won't last too long. He sighed forlornly.