Chapter 16: Ford Cruller
Cruller comes, stuff happens, and… yeah.
The news was private, but it wasn't like every Psychonaut in the world didn't know by now: Ford Cruller was insane. They were sitting in the main cabin the week before camp started when Milla brought it up. It was the first time the two had ever talked about it.
"So, darling, what do you think of it?"
"Of what?"
"Cruller."
"Oh… that. I think they'd better choose a new leader soon, or else the whole organization will fall apart."
"Oh. What do you think of the new proposal?"
"For what to do with him?"
"Yes, darling, what else would I be talking about?"
"Well, a few minutes ago, I was trying to get you to stop about the decline of bunnies in this area since the bears learned telekinesis, so…"
"Yes, but now I'm talking about Ford, darling. What do you think about the new proposal?"
"I think it's dangerous. Judging from past studies, it is possible that his brain, and consequently his head, could implode."
"Eww! That's disgusting, Sasha!"
"No, it's a fact."
"Well, I think that it would be fun to have him here? Who knows, darling, it might do him some good!"
She got up and left the table.
Milla could be so… difficult, sometimes. The real problem was who to choose as the new head of the World Psychonauts Organization. He had E-mailed his sister. After months of frustration, Milla had forced him to get an E-mail address. He was His sister, who he hadn't seen in about… it was fourteen years now, since he'd seen her. How the time flew by. He had to visit Germany again one of these days.
Anyway, he'd asked her who she thought would be the next head. Her reply was the kind of devilish thing that he had come to expect of her over the ten years when he'd been at home. It went:
Little brother,
Think for once! It's going to be someone who speaks Psych, a senior agent, and a strong leader. I'm guessing one of he Heads of a country. The best I can think of is the Russian Head, but the Panamanian Head is probably a close runner-up! Or maybe they'll choose an American Psychonaut, because at this time your country is lacking both a Head of the Country and a Head of the World. One of your senior agents… That Truman Zanotto guy might be good. Who knows?
Love Always, Mindy.
That, of course, was the translated version. He knew he had to go back to Germany when he started translating German into English, instead of the other way around. As for Zanotto… He was experienced, but certainly not organized enough to manage even one country of Psychics.
The next day, it was all over the Psychic frequencies that Truman Zanotto was Head of the Psychonauts in America. He didn't bring it up with Milla because they always got into arguments over that sort of politics.
"Sasha, before you say a single word about Truman, I want to tell you that I refuse to say anything about my opinion on his election because we'll just start fighting again. And plus, we have to get ready for Cruller. He'll be coming soon. I've arranged for him to have that big, creepy cave in the middle of the camp, okay, darling? I'm not going down there, so you'll have to ask some of the refugee kids to help you. It's like all of my thoughts are echoed and magnified a million times over. But, anyway, I talked it over with Truman, and he said it would be a great idea. I'll be in my lab if you need me, darling. Bye!"
He didn't know why, but somehow, he'd expected to at least be able to say one word before she flew off. How foolish he was. He shoved his hands in his pockets and levitated, only a couple of inches over the ground, towards the main cabin.
Author's note: if I haven't mentioned it yet, some of the kids in Whispering Rock whose families don't accept them don't stay at home to be abused. Instead, they stay at Whispering Rock. Easy enough solution. I imagine Dogan stays there most of the time, or else goes to boarding school.
Anyway…
"Who knows the tunnels and the Psitanium Cave?"
Hands were raised all over the main cabin. It was, after all, lunchtime.
"Who wants to install sleeping quarters in the cave, and make it bigger?"
More hands were raised, mostly by boys. He remembered that, when he was young, he had loved digging tunnels. "Go there, make it suitable for a retired Psychonaut, and try to do it by tomorrow. It would be easiest to do that by shooting."
He floated to a tree stump, into his lab, and back to his experiments.
The next day…
Again Milla had dragged him away from his experiments, this time to meet the insane form of Ford Cruller.
He was wearing overalls and bunny slippers, and holding a broom and spatula in one hand, the oar of a canoe in the other.
"Is this the annual janitors' Christmas meeting?"
Milla, fortunately, was a skilled actress. Sasha couldn't lie for beans.
"No, darling, it's an amusement park. You have to keep it clean, chase off any stray animals, that sort of thing."
"Why isn't there anyone here, then?"
"It's closed, darling, for, um, repairs."
"Hey, where'd you hooligans put my canoe!"
Milla gave Sasha a look that said that it had been a big mistake and she really, REALLY hoped that the psitanium did something to help his sanity.
"I'll, uh, go… see if, it's, uh, ready!" As he had said, he sucked at lying.
"Okay, Bye!"
"Goodbye, Sasha!"
In reality, of course, he was checking to see if the living quarters were decent enough to house this maniac, and if they were secure enough to contain him. One of the little girls, fortunately, was wonderful and fast at that sort of domestic activity, and while she made the bed, she also picked up all of the dust and rubble from the bottom of the cave. He gave her a badge for telekinesis right there and then, and was extremely surprised that she didn't already have one.
Then, he heard the madman's voice.
"Hey! Where am I? And WHAT AM I DOING IN BUNNY SLIPPERS!"
"You have to understand, darling, that you aren't sane. The high concentration of psitanium in this room is the only thing keeping you from switching between your janitor, oarsman, and cook personalities."
"What, are you tryin' to brainwash me or somethin'? I'm the Head of the World Psychonauts Organization, and they'll be here to rescue me soon enough."
"No, you're insane. You got in a psychic duel, and –"
"Duel! I was never in any duel! Except that one… but that was five years ago! My mission after that was a delegation to Italy to talk about new training methods! I remember it!"
"No, darling, this duel was a couple of weeks ago. You don't remember it because your mind was shattered, but you are now, in the eyes of the Psychonauts, insane."
"And Truman Zanotto is Head," Sasha added.
"Well, they don't seem to be doing that well without me. That guy Zanotto, he was one of the best Psychonauts there ever was, but he doesn't have enough experience on organizing people!"
"Yes, we know, darling, but you aren't exactly in the right condition to be Head right now. Plus, he learns quickly. He'll get the hang of it. The first month or so is always the hardest."
That was Milla. Milla the kindhearted, Milla the optimistic, Milla the goddess…
Then he realized that both Milla and ford were staring at him. A smile grew around Milla's face, and she flung herself at him, hugging him.
Milla the energetic, she added, still smiling. Now Ford was staring at the two of them.
"You two can snuggle later. For right now, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING IN BUNNY SLIPPERS!"
Milla released Sasha. "We told you, darling, you aren't sane right now. We'll be working hard to fix that, but all we can do right now is just keep you in the middle of all this psitanium. I'm leaving now, though. All the psitanium is giving me a migrane."
She left, leaving the two guys.
"Will you be okay?"
"Me? Sure."
"Okay."
He left. Back to his lab, where they still hadn't installed a geometric tunnel entrance. If they could find that many identical tree trunks, then why couldn't they build him a square tunnel entrance?
It was one of those things that you forgot about in a matter of seconds. Now, back to his experiments…
Yeah, I think Sasha was a little to talkative in this one. He doesn't seem like the sort of person who would rally people. Or who would have a sister, for that matter.
Anyway, tell me if there's stuff wrong with it. Thanks for all the reviews!