"Perspectives can change," Yuu repeated. "People can change. But I cannot understand…your change... I cannot correct my error if you…"

His mistake. Not fault. Whatever he had done, it hadn't been planned. It was an accident. I didn't want him feeling that way. I didn't blame him.

"Are you in pain? Was it painful? Did I—"

"No!" I cut off the panicked words, my heart leaping in my chest, wanting to stop causing him pain. Yuu's small round eyes were intently focused on me. I stared back, direct, not looking away. "You did not hurt me Yuu."

I held his gaze. His breathing slowed, but he didn't look away from me for a second.

"Good." The relief was evident in his voice. I reached out with my small hand and touched the side of his eyeglasses.

"I remember wearing glasses." Despite what Yuu said, I couldn't quite get off the topic. It felt as though it were something vital missing from me. "For years. A long time. I remember hating them too. That my eyesight became worse, enough that I had to wear them all the time, not just at school. But I don't need glasses. I don't. There are things I see through the glasses that don't match what I see now."

Small eyes gazed at me on a face still too pale, a jaw just a bit too tense, eyebrows both up and furrowed. I slowly pulled my hand away, tugging it close to my chest, and tucked my chin in. I felt like crying. I'd done wrong. I shouldn't have said that out loud to my older brother. He was hurting because of me. I'd done that.

A large hand cupped over my smaller one that I clutched tightly.

"What things Rin?" There was honesty in his voice past the treble of emotions. And I immediately looked up at him in hearing that shine through. It meant more than I could put into words to hear him speak to me that way. There was no veiled threat laying under his question. Trust. Safety. To do right. Care.

I hugged him. But I choose then not to reveal the sufferings. Of trying to reach out to help what was going on inside of me. Filling the gaping holes and broken cracks with something better. I choose to leave out the pieces of bad. The things that echoed with heart aching despair.

Past life or any other theories I came up with wouldn't stop my older brother wanting to defend me.

"Like a barn full of cows. And fields with hay, soybeans, and corn."

"Corn?" I moved my head away from where it was tucked to his side and nodded. He appeared puzzled at that one, working his way through it. "A field of it? Japan's the largest importer of corn and most of that comes from America. America."

It was? That's kind of neat. That there was a connection between the two and it was personal, I being part of both sides.

Curiosity flickered across Yuu's face along with a different kind of focus settling upon it, his manner of speech shifting. "It was not a milk farm from Hokkaido or Kobe with their beef cattle, was it?"

I hesitated before slowly answering, "No." And then added the correction, fixing that which was part of me. Defined me. In the language best-suited for the subject matter. "Dairy farm. With Holsteins. A small family farm of about 80 head. It's over a hundred if you count the dry cows, steers, yearlings, and calves though."

Eyebrows up, Yuu staggered back a step. I ducked my head and swallowed. Because there was no going back in playing any of this off like a joke to him. Any hope he might have had in my voiced theory of remembering a past life being childhood imaginations or realistic type dreams was shot to pieces. Shot to tatters. Blown to bits.

However one wanted to call the dashed hopes of whatever he thought he did to me. And it leading to something like this. It wasn't a tragic accident, this wasn't like dozens of stories of robberies gone wrong or a terrible road incident. I'm glad I'm not roadkill like some people, but this was a fantastical shove in the face of not-supposed-to-happen and what-do-you-do.

Dread filled his face. Eyebrows pinching over panicked eyes and parted mouth. Stunned at what unquestionably stood baldly before him. Me. With hair. Bald facts of what I said being true, not me being bald. I bit my lip, wanting to claim it a joke and wanting to grab his hand, but I knew it wouldn't fix this. It wouldn't fix his pain. I did this. You did this. Why would you do this to your older brother? He asked, wanted to know, and will be there with me. Together. Idiot. You hurt him. I hurt Yuu.

I rubbed at my eyes, shoulders shaking as I tried not to look at him.

I didn't want to see another person I cared about staring at me with hate filled eyes.

Hard. Cold. Shining with it. Brimming over. Shooting daggers.

Not Yuu.

Not Yuu.

Not him, please.

"Sorry," I said softly not in English, but back to Japanese.

My arm was tugged and the next thing I knew a long arm was wrapped around me. A hand cupped my head, fingers pressing a solid presence against the top of it. For a moment I froze. And then the moment was over. I gripped him as tightly as I could, crying all the harder at the support he gave me when I hurt him. That never happened. It always happened.

"You speak English. Rin. You speak English. Well. It...it has to have been when I grabbed for…" I looked up at him stopping. Yuu shook his head, freeing it of turmoil and disorientation, focusing his direction. "It has to be from me. And the eyeglasses. From me. It is just... Me. I am sorry Rin. I'm so sorry."

It was clear to me, even then, that despite Yuu not liking he'd done something to me, he was awfully relieved to grasp a hold of another explanation. Grasping at the straws. Aiming for the relief that my past life theory could be wrong.

And of course it's now I know why.

It's now I realize how much my change affected him.

How much my words affected him.

Akari was far more pleased than I was. I was more baffled and stuck between two different kinds of corrections. She kept talking during lunch about having someone else in the classroom who wrote their name out like she did. Akari had spent her last school year overseas in America, being the exciting transfer student of this year. They started in the fall and not spring, formerly weird to me but more understandable today, which threw her off and behind. The girl kept writting her given name before her family name. First week of school and into this week. Which I had started doing as well.

Thus, Akari being so pleased.

With it being brought to my attention, I was torn between putting my family name first and changing it to roman letters. Correct it this way or that way? I laughed it off with Akari, claiming solidarity. I liked her and all the things she talked about from her year overseas. Tsukiko, Mitsu, Aoi, and a few others chimed in to do the same as well. Akari was real pleased with this. But I was left wondering about my new reactions to her stories abroad, comparing and sympathizing with the things she spoke of now.

"Hey, little Kaito."

I spun about and caught sight of the taller teenage boy, hand raised in greeting. Recognizing him as one of the two friends Yuu had introduced last week, I waved enthusiastically back. Yuu had never brought others to our apartment before then so I was glad to meet them. Before them, he'd always mention people he got on with at the library, never school, always getting along better with the older crowds who admired and assisted him with his essay work. The first friends of Yuu I'd had the chance to meet.

Mitsunari Yanagisawa and Asato Kido would not be forgotten names by me. They were both too much of a big deal. Hanging out together with the little sister shut out of the bedroom, it was great. Sure I got to know all about them on the walk and talking their ears off as I showed them the place, Yuu insured my inclusion, but I heard his suggestion to my book clearly enough. He'd been open enough to grant others an invite to our apartment, I was going to let him have a friend moment like he always let me. Besides. It was Yuu. He'd never block the door shut on me or push me out of the way when I joined for publisher meetings, piping up and into the meeting room from the boring waiting room. I'm always allowed wherever my older brother is. A fact that fills me up much more these days.

And this one had been the nicknamed one Yuu spoke of with more warmth in his voice. Yana. The easier going one with a leisure pace.

Huh. Funny. I'd always thought he looked like a punk before. With his eyes lighting up at the sight of me, his long face was handsome and charming. His choice of hair style and the casual clothes he'd worn the first time I met him didn't really go well with his physical appearance. Without the droopy eyes and being in his school uniform, he looked likely to be asked to model. The hair sticking straight up, complete with shaved sides and racecar haircut, felt more artistic than leaving him looking like a punk. Then again, his punk type hair was what stood out from the group that kidnapped the well-known fight junkie of...

That didn't sound like the friend of my brother I met a few days ago. Who was I thinking of? It had to be someone else I confused him with there. Except dismissing this thought didn't feel right. It sat there, lingering out of my reach of why I thought badly of Yuu's friend.

"Call me Rin," I piped up at him. My previous thoughts of my given and family name must be shining through. I shrugged at the reason and stared expectantly up at him. "You call Yuu by the family name, so you've got to call me by something different so we can tell which of our family you mean. Mom's shorter than Yuu too after all. And Rin is shorter. Short and sweet. Easier to say. What do you say?"

His head tilted with a lopsided smile. "Oh? Hm, hmm. I think I like my version better. You're part of Kaito after all, an important part. Little Kaito fits."

I pouted at him and he laughed in the midst of blowing a bubble with his gum, causing it to pop all over his mouth and for me to crack up into laughter at how silly he looked. More laughter joined ours and we turned to see who it was. Hair scruffy and bleached, it was the other one my brother invited to the apartment. The other one.

I grinned and waved wildly at him. "I burst Yana's bubble!"

"Nice job, kid!" Asato Kido flashed me a grin and thumbs up. Turning to Yana, he smirked. "Got some on your nose."

"Thanks." Yana rubbed at his nose, seeming oblivious to any snickers failing to be covered by my hands. "I can't seem to find it. Where is it on my nose? Can you tell—there's no gum there, is there?" He'd finally looked up at us from rubbing and checking his fingers. We shook our heads. Yana lowered his hand, shoving it into his pants pocket, and smiled. "Good one."

"Call me Rin," I piped up again as I turned with expectant eyes to the other friend of Yuu as we walked onwards.

"Heh." Yana looked back over his shoulder, appearing amused, halting his lazy long strides for us. "You're determined about that aren't you, little Kaito?"

"I thought you were asking to be called by your given name kid. I can call you what Yana's calling you if you prefer it. Little Kaito. It's practically the same thing as saying kid," Asato Kido muttered to himself. "Just longer."

"It's Rin, Asato. Yana gave a much more profound reason than that," I criticized and yanked at the long length of belt not tucked into Asato's pant loops. His eyes went wide, doing a double-take, mouthing his name to himself. Then he twisted his body, spinning on his heel.

"What the hel-eck did you say Yana," he squawked out. "Huh? What did you say?"

Yana tilted his head, droopy eyes staring off into the distance long enough for Asato to be antsy on his feet.

"Don't remember," he said at last.

And Asato threw his hands up in the air with a scream. Something in the air blew past me, invisible and enveloping, freezing me in uncertainty and fear as Asato stormed past me. Like seeing the stair door closed and locked by my mom, trapped upstairs by her anger and away from that anger, not minding the divide until my bladder was beyond waiting. I wanted to pound the door. But there was no door out here to aim at, just tingling fingers as I clutched them one fisted hand on top the other and searched where Asato was to figure out what it could be.

Yana had jerked to a stop himself, then stumbled forward, nearly falling. He shot a look over at Asato, who was grinning proudly, laughing at Yana tripping.

The feeling that had just struck me was gone. I shook my head. Bad feelings that strong were never for something like that. Being able to have a general feel for vibes around me wasn't new for part of me. One picked up on when things were going south real quick when you lived with someone like my mom and her fluctuating emotions. However, those piercing feelings were more...terrifying when I figured out why I had them. Top contenders paired up with a nightly dream I actually remembered when I woke up. Like...

An example failed to make itself clear, pulling away quickly when an image of my mom in the front seat of the van drew its way forward. It was the first time I think I saw her during this week. Things circulating around her, but never seeing her. Like pounding that stair door.

I inwardly reached out at that, trying to help and ease a different sense of terror, pulling up all the best times of my mom and Yuu taking care of me. Spoiling me. Having fun. Fear pushed me away, a sense of obligation and kindness kept the shield up, curiosity and desire slowly let me in, slowly letting the memories of family spill over...even if a hunger inside of me grabbed them up quickly. Persistent pain lingering in the background swelled and faded away. I felt far more at ease than I had in days.

"—plan do you think Master Genkai will think of for the tournament winners? I hope I get the chance to take a hit at her apprentice," Asato said wistfully. "Been itching to try to take a swing at him for a while now. His name is pretty well known on the streets, even here a couple towns over from where he is. Be fun to fight the champ."

She's important. I perked up and quickly caught up with them to listen to what they were talking about. A fight? I suppose Asato was the type to do things like that. He had said when I first met him that one of his favorite things to do was attend big martial arts tournaments. I never asked if he participated. Yuu was always so against that himself, that I didn't think any friends he had would be the kind to seek out fights.

"If you insist on it." Yana shrugged. "I'm not looking forward if there's a swing at me. We'll find out Saturday night at Yojigen Mansion what Master Genkai is helping us plan out to take him down. Kaito's got some ideas already."

"A fight?" I was stunned, dumbfounded at this. "Yuu is helping you and Asato figure out a strategy in a fight?"

Yana's head swiveled down at me and Asato let loose a swear word, before swearing again at realizing he swore in front of me. A little kid. Kid. Pah.

"Strategy. Strategize. It's a battle of noggins, playing it smart." Yana tapped at his temple. "Kido wasn't talking...what's the word for it?"

A dry voice answered. "Literally."

"That's it. Literally."

Recognizing the familiar, unamused voice, I lit up and spun around to see my older brother.

"Yuu!" I bounced over and jumped up on him easily. He shifted his weight for me. Piggybacks were amazing and there was only a short window of opportunity to enjoy them, thus, they screamed every reason to do just that. Plus, just awesome. Growing age and weight were all very good reasons adults gave to not give you a personal ride. And those younger than you insisting a ride as well. But my dad went for as long as possible with his eldest child. I shifted on Yuu, gripping on myself so he didn't have to. "You're on a team?"

"Of sorts," he answered. Yuu's curly haired head turned to look in Yana and Asato's direction. While Yana looked the same as ever, tilted head and spacey faint amusement at the world, Asato swallowed.

"She was walking behind us," he said weakly.

"So Genkai is the coach? What kind of team is it? Who else is on the team with you, Yana, and Asato? When's the first game? Or is it a match? Tournament? I want to go to the first one. Is it this Saturday?"

"It's a closed practice," Yana responded. He shoved his hands back into his pockets, smile tilting up on that tilted head of his. I grinned. Tilted, tilted, tilted. Yana was like a living Leaning Tower of Pisa. Or the landmark Leaning Silo of Oelwein. I'll stick with the tower. It's still leaning strong. The silo took a tumble after about fifty years. "Doors shut. So, closed. Sorry, little Kaito. I think we're meeting up at your place before the practice if it makes you feel any better. You can still see your brother and us."

"Awww! Fine. Oooh! I can make noodles! You've got your pay on the last essay you did, Yuu! Let's get noodles and tuna and this mushroom stuff, it'll taste good, promise! And full of carbohydrates! Good for athletes!"

"Is this one from that Akari girl in your class?"

"You liked the rice," I whined loudly. And Yuu chuckled.

"I didn't say we weren't going to get the ingredients, Rin."

"Yes!" I pumped my fist in the air.

Yana and Asato laughed, Yana easily teasing Yuu about spoiling me as they continued walking and I continued piggybacking. I was younger. The baby of the family. They were supposed to be spoiled. Just not a spoiled brat and Yuu would tell me if I was that. He said I was a younger sister who worked hard and deserved being spoiled. Well, he never said it to me. I heard him telling our mom. It had been some argumentative conversation over him getting me chocolate ice cream. And our dad and him. But Yuu refused to talk about our dad. I poked at Yuu's freckled cheek.

"Saturday is going to be awesome," I declared.

Mentioned
Leaning Silo of Oelwein - An actual thing from Iowa that started leaning in the 60's and finally fell in 2007