Chapter 17: Mission
Okay I'm finally brave enough to try to outline a Psychonaut mission. It's gonna be as good as I can do. The Psychonauts are secretive for a reason! (I think it's so little kids can't write accurate or similar accounts of their missions)
Cruller had finally started to fit into his surroundings. The real Cruller had found an effective way to keep his alternate personalities in check. Simple enough. Life consisted of mainly experiments and coffee for about a week.
Then.
"Sasha, darling, we have a mission! Get some food, Sasha, you look half-starved, then get packed because we finally have a formal assignment!"
Milla's tone, of course, was excited and happy. It was just a mission. He would have thought that she'd be all mission'd out by now. Apparently, she wasn't.
He got a burger, changed into his Psychonaut uniform, and packed his other Psychonaut uniform and two boxes of cigarettes. He had no way of knowing how long the mission was going to be, and if Milla threw one of the boxes into the lake, like last time, it was nice to know that he'd still be covered.
Milla, of course, just because she was Milla, didn't throw them into the lake. She had done some thinking on that and instead stole them while he wasn't looking and threw them into a dumpster when they got off. She made sure he saw that.
The next day, in a long-forgotten warehouse
I'll go up and search, darling. You stay here and cover me.
Okay.
Of course, she sensed his headache.
Still having withdrawal symptoms?
Yep.
Well, too bad, darling.
And she drifted slowly to the top of the warehouse. Invisibly, of course.
They didn't know that the criminals that they were trying so hard to get were psychic.
With a yell, Milla turned visible. Her concentration was broken, and she recovered it just in time to save herself and Sasha.
She was, however, lying on top of him.
"Oh, uh, I'm sorry, darling," she said, but he could tell that she was trying her hardest to keep from laughing.
It might have been funny if they weren't on a mission.
The easiest way to capture someone was, of course, to stare in their general direction and yell out that you knew where they were. Sasha didn't prefer that way. He had another way that he favored.
Milla, run over to the far door and project yourself running to the other one.
But, darling, ---
Just do it, Milla. No time to explain.
She did. Anyone could detect her, but Sasha…
He grabbed one person and the other zoomed to the door on the other side of the warehouse.
Milla caught him.
They two were taken in for questioning.
Later, in an airplane heading to Psychonauts HQ
"Why did you steal… whoa, twenty pounds of Psitanium from Whispering Rock?
"We didn't steal it. If we take dirt from a park, is that theft?"
"It depends on whether it's a sufficient amount of dirt or not, darling."
"Well, your little park is full of psitanium! What's so wrong with taking a tiny bit?"
"Sasha, darling, that question was for you. I saw you memorizing all of that stuff on the plane."
"You have been charged for theft, possession of hazardous chemicals, and attempted murder."
"What! We didn't murder nobody!"
"You attempted to shoot my partner, Milla, out of the air. If she were less skilled than she is, she would have either broken several of her bones or died."
Milla remembered something. He could feel it. Sure enough, in a very small fraction of a second…
"Oh! And unless you can present us with a Psychic Practices permit, you'll be taken to jail no matter whether you did or didn't steal that Psitanium."
"You have the right to know that your thoughts will now be closely monitored." He had said that, of course. Milla always forgot important details like that.
"Uh, it's at home."
"He's lying, Milla."
"If you can't present it here and now, darling, we still have to arrest you."
"Uh…"
"He never earned it, Milla." Then, turning to the woman who had acted as an accomplice, they questioned her.
"Do you have your permit, darling?"
"Milla, by regulations, you always have to tell them that their thoughts are monitored."
"Oh. I thought we could just let her assume that." Turning back to the woman, she said, "Your thoughts will be monitored until you finish answering some questions. Do you have a Psychic Practices permit, darling?"
"No, I don't. What's it to you?"
"Well, to me it means you'll be locked up, to Sasha here it means that justice will be done, and in the insensitive eyes of the Psychonautics Corps, it means the same thing. Now, if you would kindly tell us where you hid the psitanium?"
"No."
"She's… resisting, Milla."
"I'll help."
He felt her helping him past the woman's armored mind. Inside of the shield, it was all a jumble. The surface thoughts were clear, though. They both pulled out of her mind.
"Okay, darling, you just stay here. The pilot will take you to Psychonauts HQ, where you will be taken to their prison and kept behind mental bars."
Again, she had forgotten an extremely important detail. "You brought the twine?"
"I thought you did, darling. Oh, well, there's usually some over in this little cupboard over here…"
And she found twine.
As the two bound the hands of their captives, they were both thinking of how best to get to the back alley where the psitanium was hidden.
As they floated out of the jet, Milla said, "I think we should go there, get ready to shield, take the bag, and get out of there by levitation."
"Milla, it can't be that simple. They've probably hidden it, or locked it up, or something."
"Apparently, you saw deeper than I did, darling. Do tell."
sigh "Milla, I don't have time to deal with this."
"Too bad, darling, because if you want to do it your way, I'm not going to follow. This is our mission, and we have to work with what we know."
"Milla?"
"Yes, Sasha?"
"That guy behind you is getting ready to throw a stick at you."
She put up her shield.
"Thank you, darling."
"Mmh."
They proceeded to run and shield their way through, and Milla was, as always, perfectly correct. They recovered the bag of Psitanium, got back in the jet, then went to Whispering Rock (it was closer than PHQ) and replanted the psitanium, then took the criminals to the prison at Headquarters. Or, near Headquarters. Whatever. Sasha just wanted to get back to the exact sciences of his lab.
Milla saves the day once again, Sasha is his weird self (I hope – please tell me if anyone's out of character) and I finally tried doing a Psychonaut mission. Plus, I explained one of Milla's memories. Again, FUNNESS!