"Kaito?" Yana's tall head of hair slowly came into view from the door. Cautiously, he peered into the bathroom, voice tinged in concern and uncertainty. His eyebrows rose over droopy eyes as his gaze shifted between us. "You've been gone for a long time, the pasta dish is getting cold and you wanted to be punctual. Did something happen…to your glasses?"
Yuu shifted to look at the taller teen, ruffling at my hair before turning back to me. Fear and panic appeared to have reentered and pinched at his eyes. I gave a tiny squeeze, worried and trying to reassure him. His mouth twitched upwards and he ruffled the top of my head again. "Don't worry about it, Rin. This is on me. Go on ahead. There is a specially made meal going cold, which you insisted upon making."
"A break from our bathroom break," I questioned. At the lines in his face lightening with this quirk of the mouth, I smiled. Much better. It didn't mean I wasn't going to worry about Yuu being worried and try to figure it out too. Not that I'm too sure on what Yuu was doing when I burst in about being treated by him. Making this kind of difficult. But hey, this was Mushiyori City.
Except, not too sure on why that mattered or what it meant.
My breath left from my lungs rapidly, noise exiting through my mouth without my say so. I jerked back, looking for the cause, air burning my eyes. Yana himself drew back in stunned surprise. His hand hovered in the air from where it had just rested on top my head in a copy of my older brother's actions. Copy. The word rattled my brain, the rest of my body already reeling from feeling as though something distantly off and not right penetrated under my skin. And then pulled. Pulled out. Like the click-and-flash of a camera stunning and surprising.
"Little Kaito?" Uncertainty once again flickered across his face, looking back for direction, then back to me. Behind me. Yuu. What did Yana do? What was that, what did he do that my older brother probably knew about with that look? I tensed, ready to defend Yana to him, say I was fine to make sure Yuu didn't remain upset and lose a friend ranking high enough to invite here. Silence followed. Raised eyebrows over those droopy eyes flicked back behind me, furrowing down in returning his sights at me. Yana didn't appear as though he was getting any protective motions directed at him.
What the…?
Not wanting to believe the thought that shot through my head, I skittered quickly away, not looking back at Yuu, afraid to see anything confirmed.
Something was up.
Yuu…approved that?
I nibbled at my pasta slowly at first, mulling it over and watching my older brother. He ate at his plate indiscriminately. No care of tasting it, just automatically moving it to his mouth with no sense of time. Not slow, not fast. Just absently eating it. Yuu's small eyes were trained on the edge of his plate, his mind clearly elsewhere.
Asato was too busy digging into his food after we returned to the table, but once he paused to take a drink he noticed Yuu's distraction and Yana's more alert posture. I looked away and stuffed a far too large bite of my gooey noodles into my mouth. Rude or not, I didn't really want to bring it up again so soon after springing it on Yuu. The lump of what should have been yummy goodness hurt going down.
"I need to get something before we head out." Yuu's voice didn't hold much intonation as he stood upon finishing. Then, he shifted to me and my chest relaxed under his warm gaze. "We might need to write that one down."
I perked up at that. "You liked it then?"
Yuu's mouth cracked upwards and I grinned.
"I'll get the dirty dishes," I declared. And I snatched his empty plate before he had the chance to pick it up. "Go on. I got this. One less thing for you to worry about, right?"
A large hand came up at that, a finger pushing his glasses up as he didn't quite hide his surprise behind the habitual movement. Er, whoops. The words of me doing something for him, not him doing for me or us doing it together, me doing something that wasn't in the handmade and tiny birthday gifts; the words may have been a bit much. I disregarded it.
No matter what Yuu thought he did to me, was holding himself responsible for, I certainly wasn't going to punish him over it. He didn't deserve it. No matter what he thought. He deserved better. Proof was in how much he was blaming himself and frantically, wheels turning all through eating, trying to figure out how to correct it, to figure it out. Always caring for me. I wanted, needed to return the favor. I could see how much what happened earlier in the bathroom was bothering him. If what I did now bothered him, it was more of jolting him out of his thoughts. I hoped.
"Let me do this."
"Cool," Asato said before Yuu could format a response. He shoved his plate toward me and smiled. "I like you kid. Let's get going."
"Rin, Asato."
There was a wince as he stood. A wince not caused by anything physical that I could see. I grinned as he glanced back at me. "Except that," he grumbled. "No one calls me that. No one. Only my mother calls me by my given name. Sometimes."
"I could call you kid," I suggested brightly.
Asato yelped. "That's worse!"
But honestly, I really could call him that. Part of me really could. They were all so much older and so much younger than me. I frowned to myself. It didn't feel right to call any of them that. Remembering my past life, even if it felt as any other part of me, didn't truly make me older in age. Just…more memories packed in?
I caught sight of Yuu's sudden pallor, his eyes widening at me, probably realizing part of me could be older than him. Or perhaps how close my joke hit on what we were talking about earlier. Both? A realization and my slip of referring to things changed.
Something not quite right pulled at me, niggling the back of my mind as I cleaned up. It echoed, like a déjà vu. Not worry for Yuu, which baffled me. I was worried about how he was taking me finally telling him some of what had been going on with me this week. We'd get through this. I felt that most assuredly. I looked over to the closed bedroom door, worried and hoping friends supporting him would help.
But…
But the something not right, tugging at pay-attention-to-this-odd-feeling strands in my head, were like a couple days ago when Yana stumbled over his own two feet. Like when Yana went to tussle my hair earlier in a familiarity more suited for my older brother. Who…may have approved it. The tussle? No, something else, rang through my head twining together with this not right feeling, something's wrong.
Wrong.
Throwing the towel aside, I rushed across the apartment.
"Only case of a past life we know about in—"
"No," Yuu's voice snapped in anger. What was going on? "That's Rin. I—"
My fist hit the door, simultaneously sliding it open with a slam.
"Yuu! Yuu, are you—"
My words completely left me.
The desk chair let out a terrible screech. Yuu hurried to stand and move.
"Rin."
Small eyes, wide and terrified.
Asato swore, scrambling up from where he lounged on Yuu's bed.
"Kaito. Kaito what do you…? Kid you have the worst timing."
"No. She clearly felt something earlier with me. And felt your territory the other day when you tripped me," I said. Not me, not me, not me. I, the other I, the I swimming in clothes far too big, ones of the style Yana preferred and was wearing earlier. That I stared at the I that was me. Yana wasn't missing from the room. Yana was— "Her past life had some sixth sense, but nothing that led to any spiritual energy like we've heard about Kuwabara. There was some dream and feeling about…a plane attack on the Twin Towers? Not bad timing Kaito. She probably sensed my territory again."
Territory.
Spiritual energy.
Sixth sense.
This…this is what Yuu meant. About fantasy things. Perspective. Change.
Mushiyori City. Territories.
"Rin."
Yuu hadn't moved from trying to block my sight of the other I. His small eyes still wide in a refusal to believe. Like he refused to believe when Kurama beat him at his own game.
"She's freaked out by you Yanagisawa," Asato complained and reached over to knock the other me over the head. Yana rubbed his head, giving Asato a sore look before giving me a what-can-you-do shrug of a shoulder. "There. See, nothing weird going on here kid."
I stared. Obviously there was everything weird going on here.
"Rin." Yuu crouched down to put us eye to eye. He pursed his lips for a moment, then spoke, stumbling through the words, what he wanted to say to me.
"I only wanted to…clarify things you told me earlier and if the idea of a past life was a coping method because I am the one who touched your… Yana has…an ability that allows for him to…be you. He has never, I never allowed him to do so before because I am your big brother and I would never, but I needed to… You're my little sister, I…"
He took a breath. "There are people gaining abilities, territories, in Mushiyori City lately. Yana happens to be one of those people and his ability is to copy others. And Kido there, he has found he has an ability for shadows. I was trying to determine, with Yana helping, about your idea of remembering a past life or if it could be a territory or something I…"
They used their abilities to kidnap Yusuke by stepping on his shadow and telling him he had to punch a fake friend. Yana changing back after being my favorite anime character of all time, Kuwabara. The scene of it flooded over me. A glowing punch sending Yana twisting back through the air. Yana, Asato, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and all the rest drawn out for entertainment. A well-loved show of years.
YuYu Hakusho.
There. Here it was. This was the moment I realized where I was. To what happened. If not how.
This moment.
With memories surfacing of a beloved show, any first reactions of Yuu handling a past life idea badly earlier in the bathroom came as less of a surprise. As a fan, I'd know. I'm not exactly the only person Yuu knows who has a past life after all. The person Yuu has always wanted to show up and prove could be defeated. I made the connection right away. But my mind stalled and failed to filter.
A show. Years old. Not based off real life. A whole fictional world.
I stumbled back, mouth gapping as I tried to put those familiar animated versions with the three teenagers in front of me.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong in this world.
Like Kurama.
Yuu's hand slipped lifelessly from my shoulder. "What?"
Oh. Oh. I said that aloud, didn't I?
He was gob smacked. Disbelief and fear and anger and grieving, everything was covered by blankness. A tiny hand reached out for his shoulder and he didn't move. I panicked at the sight of water welling up and making his eyes glassy behind his glasses. He didn't seem the tiniest aware he was on the verge of tears in front of me.
"Yuu? Yuu?"
He remained unresponsive.
"Yuu?"
Yana shifted from behind him. "Uh, hey Kaito?"
"I thought you were relieved about finding out the truth of what was going on with us. Of why your classmate was so, you know, with the test scores and how he is with everyone," Asato said. He fidgeted on his feet, but pressed on, hopeful. "So isn't this good to—"
"Minamino? Minamino," Yuu spat. I yanked my hand back, terrified of this sudden reaction. It wasn't like my older brother at all. The anger and fingers curling into fists that shook. A body that shook. Violence hummed under his skin, rising up in waves.
Asato skittered back, his small mouth and eyes going wide. On the other side, Yana tilted closer. "Hey. Kaito. Take a breath and—"
"He stole the place of a soul, he should die! He should be dead! He stole it! And there were no consequences! Everything comes out smelling roses for Minamino, for that bastard! School and coming out on top! Everything goes his way, nothing and no one holding him accountable! He comes out above everything I work so hard for! At school! Being favored! Family! He offered his life to save someone he loved and survived, none the worse when he got her back! And I risked my existence, my soul…"
He crumpled, rear landing harshly onto the floor, hunching over crooked knees. Asato looked even more freaked out at the sight of Yuu in the fetal position. Despite freezing up, I wrapped myself around where he was curled up. Muffled, his voice quivered, breaking off with thick sobs. "I risked… Threw my very being… I gave up everything that ever was me to fix what I did. I lucked out with Master Genkai, but… Rin. You have to live with it. With what I…"
Pressing his head tighter against his knee, hunkering down, his eyeglasses bent haphazardly and then tumbled through the air. They clattered beside where I clutched Yuu for all he was worth. All I could do was hold him and stare at the glasses I'd snitched off his face less than a half hour ago. Ages ago. Upright, but upside-down, with a temple arm half folded in. Droplets and fog covered the lenses. Covered it, as shown by the light of the room.
Tiny fractured rainbows twinkled up at me.