Disclaimer: We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Shen: This took a while 'cause my computer hates me. I don't know why.

Reviews:

WanderingFlame: You forgot how funny it was? U wrote. Smart one isn't so smart is she?

MasterCylinderX: If you love the turkey you're going to love this chapter. UM…maybe.

EGGTRAC: Season 1

Chapter 2: Yusuke Shenron13 & WanderingFlame

Azara and KP walked upon the stage. "Welcome to the second episode of EGGTRAC!" Azara yelled as she fingered the black bow around her neck. "Let's welcome our next victim…err… I mean guest Yusuke Urameshi!" Points to Yusuke whose knocked out and tied to a chair. "KP, will you wake him up."

KP nodded and smirked evilly. "It would be my pleasure." She said as she walked over to the unconscious boy. A fog horn seemed to appear in her hand. "Cover your ears." She said before blowing the fog horn right in Yusuke's ear. The blast blew his hair slightly as he jolted awake.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Yusuke yelled, now fully awake.

"Good morning Yusuke." Azara said nicely.

"Who the hell are you!" Yusuke asked confused.

"I'm Azara and that's KP. Now be quite while we torture you." As she was about to tell how they were going to torture him, Popple the dead yet annoying turkey landed on her head.

Yusuke starred at the turkey. "What the Hell is that thing?" He asked.

KP glared at the chicken, I mean turkey. A shot gun appeared in her hands. "That's Popple the annoying chicken, I mean turkey." She said as she loaded the gun.

"Whoa! Don't shoot while its still on my head! Just because I'm dead, it doesn't mean I like getting shot at!" Azara yelled as she trough Popple on Yusuke's head. "SHOOT IT NOW!"

Yusuke panicked. "NOOO! DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!"

KP aimed for Popple, the annoying chicken…err… turkey.

"DON'T SHOOT DAMMIT! IT'S STILL ON MY HEAD!" Yusuke yelled in panic.

KP smirked evilly and shot Popple dead. He fell off Yusuke's head and Yusuke was fine, just scared shitless. "I never miss my target," she said. She 'accidentally' dropped the still loaded gun. It fired and hit the leg of chair Yusuke was tied to.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" Yusuke yelled as the chair fell over.

Azara blinked. "What were you saying about never missing?" She then whispered to KP. "But he's already dead." Then they watched speechless as Popple stood up zombie like with out a head and began running around stage while bumping into things.

"Shit. That's not normal." Yusuke mumbled.

"Who said I wasn't aiming for the chair?" KP asked while watching the headless chicken…err…turkey run around.

"Someone Save Me From These LUNATICS!" Yusuke yelled, struggling to get loose.

A look of fake hurt appeared on KP's face as she said in a fake hurt voice, "You don't like hanging out with us?" Fake tears came to her eyes.

Azara stuck her head in her arms and wailed. They both cried for 10 minutes before they suddenly stopped. "Too bad we don't care." Azara said rather mean.

Before Yusuke could respond, a fur ball landed on his face and began scratching and pulling out his hair. "Aw, look! Potato likes him." Azara cooed.

KP's eye started twitching at the site of the feline. She grabbed Potato by the scruff of her neck. "I wonder if cats fly," KP asked evilly. She then hurled Potato into the air.

Azara didn't move. Yusuke waved a hand in her face. "Is she okay?" He asked. Azara turned to KP. A few minutes pass. Then she jumped on KP and started strangling her. Azara had a strange glow in her eyes.

"I am not getting involved." Yusuke muttered as he backed away. KP was making gagging noises.

KP made more gagging noises and kicked

Azara off. She sat up gasping for air. "What the Hell is your goddamn problem bitch!" KP asked rubbing her sore neck and glaring at Azara.

Yusuke tried to make it off the stage.

KP held up her hand toward the detective, still glaring at Azara, and said, "Binding Shadows!" Shadows held Yusuke, preventing him from moving.

"GODDAMIT!" He yelled in frustration.

"……" Azara didn't say anything. Instead, she grabbed a bloody butcher knife and began walking towards Yusuke.

Yusuke's eyes widen. "HOLY CRAP, she's lost it. Somebody Save Me!"

"Hmmmm…" KP muttered. She shrugged and a bowl of popcorn appeared along with a comfy armchair. "And the fun begins!" She said and started eating popcorn.

Azara paused and then turned towards KP with a bloody glint in her eye.

KP froze. "SHIT. FUCK. DAMN!" She yelled and ran to the other side of the stage, holding her hands in front of her. "Spiritual Barrier!" She said and a barrier, which not even a ghost can get through, appeared around her.

Yusuke ran up and started pounding on the barrier. "GODDAMN YOU! LET ME IN THERE DAMMIT!" He yelled in panic.

Azara stopped and said in a creepy voice, "You know I can break that with my Shatter Spell. But I will forgive you if you do something." Yusuke looked relieved he wasn't going to be killed…again. "And if you don't I'll send you to heaven and him…" She jerked the knife towards Yusuke. "…to hell." Yusuke and KP gulped.

KP laughed nervously and said, "Now now. No need to get hasty." She received a glare from Azara. She yelled in fear and said, "What do I have to do?"

Yusuke had pissed his pants in fear.

"You have to get me a pet alien (from the movie Alien and AVP) and make him clean the stage." Azara looked at Yusuke. "Cause I am so not cleaning that up."

"How the hell am I supposed to get you an alien?" KP asked. She then looked at Yusuke and said, "That is just plain nasty."

Yusuke blushed and stage hands took him away to change.

"Duh! You go to the alien planet, get an egg, have the creature in the egg latch on to a person's face, and then the baby alien pops out of the chest." Azara rolled her eyes. "Sheesh! What are you? Stupid?"

Yusuke had come back on stage. "Oh, yeah! Everybody knows that." He said sarcastically.

Azara took him seriously. "I know."

Yusuke looked at her strangely and took a step back.

KP sighed. "I'll get it for your B-day ok?" She tried to compromise, not wanting to go after it now.

"Yes, but why wait when you can have it mailed by Fed Ex?" Azara questioned puzzled.

Yusuke and KP stood shocked. "You can have something like that mailed!" He said in disbelief.

"Well duh!" Azara rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, idiots."

KP glared and replied, "Well then why don't you get it yourself!"

Yusuke looked slightly uneasy.

Azara held up the bloody knife as the room grew darker. "You want me to send you to heaven?" She whispered in the creepy voice.

"N…No." Yusuke stuttered. "S…She was j…joking, r…right?" He cast KP a frightened glance.

KP crossed her arms. "Yeah sure. Whatever. I'll get you your alien," she said and stormed off.

Yusuke sighed in relief.

"Good. And while she's gone I'll be torturing you." Azara said with a sweet smile.

Yusuke yelled, "WHAT!" Azara snapped her gloved fingers and Yusuke was on a tilted iron table with ropes tied around his wrists and ankles.

She stood straight like an army general and barked "Heave Hoe and Pull." Then without anyone pulling them, the ropes went in different directions stretching Yusuke.

"And if this doesn't work…" Azara said simply, "…at least you'll be taller."

Yusuke screamed in pain. "STOP IT!" He yelled.

KP was off getting Azara her alien.

"Stop whinnying, it's not like I'm killing you. Oh, wait. I am. Never mind." Azara answered. She saw KP coming back.

KP walked on stage with an innocent look. "Well, I got your alien," She said as she yanked on the leash in her hand. Kuwabara stumbled forward. He had on a collar, his hands were tied, and a muzzle was around his mouth.

Kuwabara glared at KP and yelled, "I AM NOT A GODDAMN ALIEN!"

KP raised an eyebrow and pushed a button on the leash, shocking the moron.

Azara muttered, "The ugliness." And then fainted.

"Wow Kuwabara! You make a great animal!" Mocked Yusuke.

"Shove it Yusuke you Bastard!" Kuwabara screamed.

KP smirked and said, "Bad Kuwabara!" She then shocked him again. Kuwabara screamed in pain as he collapsed to his knees. KP stood over him smirking. She thwacked him on the head with a pen. "Good dog." She said smirking.

"I'M NOT A GODDAMN DOG!" Kuwabara yelled, only to be shocked again.

Azara woke up and saw Kuwabara then screamed. Yusuke pondered. "Damn Kuwabara! Your face is so ugly even dead people are frightened!"

"W…w…what about m…my alien." Azara stuttered.

Yusuke tilted his head, "And we were afraid of her?"

KP sighed and a cute alien appeared in front of Azara. "I thought I'd bring two. One ugly and one cute." KP said.

The alien looked up at Azara and said in a cute voice, "MOMMA!"

Kuwabara looked at the thing with pure hatred, only to be shocked again by KP.

Azara smiled and glomped the 'cute' alien. If you call an acid bleeding, drool dripping, reptile like, long head, and kills people cute. "It's so CUUUUTTTTEEEE!

"You CALL THAT CUTE!" Kuwabara and Yusuke shouted in shock at the same time.

"Duh." Azara rolled her eyes.

"He is cute aint he?" KP said smirking. She shocked Kuwabara for the 3rd time.

"DAMMIT! Stop shocking me!" Kuwabara said angrily.

KP raised an eyebrow and said, "You did NOT just say that." Her red eyed glowed eerily.

Kuwabara trembled and stuttered, "I…I'm s…sorry." He trembled in fear.

KP smirked and her stopped glowing.

"Me thinks," Azara said, "I will call you bone. And the first thing I'm going to teach you is how to hunt."

"Hunt?" Yusuke questioned.

"I just found my two helpers." Azara answered giving both boys a malice full look. "Sick 'em Bone!"

Yusuke and Kuwabara screamed and ran around stage while Bone chased them. "I feel sad," Azara stated. "For the people they protect. I mean they're getting chased by something that doesn't even come up to their knees." She paused. "I think this concludes today's episode. Who should we torture next?"

KP was laughing at the two scared boys. She finally calmed down and said in-between laughs, "How about Kurama?" She kept laughing.

Yusuke and Kuwabara were running all over the stage screaming like little girls. Bone wasn't far behind them.

"Sounds good to me! Take it away announcer!" Azara hollered.

"Tonight's episode was brought to you by Microscythe providing cruel customer service and Spirit Word for letting us torture their detectives!" The Announcer said.

"Uh……yes for 'letting' us." Azara said nervously. KP and her began edging off stage. "Uh……RUN BONE! RUN!" The three dashed off stage.