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Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine.

Hydrogen

I gave a wearisome sigh as the bedroom door closes behind me. I glared for all that I was worth at the fox who is currently shifting through my cabinets.

"Kyosuke?" He asked without even turning towards me as he held up a t-shirt. I sat down to my bed with a huff and crossed my arms before my chest. "It's the first thing that came to my mind okay! Not like you even made an effort to explain." I mumbled. I looked down to my bare feet and wiggled my fingers, fascinated at how small they are now, how small my body parts now are. "I… I don't think the old man believed me." Shit. I wouldn't even believe me. Not with some bull of story like that. I don't know whether I should be happy that the old man entertained the idea of me keeping this freeloader or be angry at the exact same reason.

I already have the feeling that this fox would cause a lot more trouble to my life than he already have.

The said so fox snorted as he poked his nose through my clothing. "I can't understand these humans and their insistence for second skin. Everybody knows what's under there, why hide it?" He looked towards my direction looking disgusted and yet somewhat curious as well.

"Don't throw that all around! It's for protection." I retorted back irritated as I picked up the mess he made and started folding and hanging them back absentmindedly. "Protection?" He made an amused sound at the back of his throat and my eyes almost bugged out when he tore off a pair of pants in half easily. "A lot of protection this would do."

"What the hell are you doing! That's my favorite pair of pants!" I threw a random object towards him instinctively. Not even an hour and he's making my life hell more than it already is. "Anyway, humans have the thing called modesty. Something you demons can't understand ("You're a demon too.")…since you have no problem walking bare ass naked." I ignore his comment and threw him a pair of boxers, dark green shorts and a white shirt. "Put that on will you?" I rubbed my temples as if to chase away the incoming migraine.

I wonder why I even bother. It's not like I even wanted to help him understand.

Riiiip!

I threw my hands upwards in frustration and walked away slamming the door at the same time. I can't handle this shit.


If I ever tried to convince myself that this is still a dream, it would be a loosing battle. In fact it is as if I'm relieving some kind of bad memory. I remembered being bullied at times, half the time because of the children my age who thinks picking on someone is cool and the other half is simply because the people hates me.

Yup, just like home all over again.

"We don't serve your kind in here! Get out!"

That had been the proverbial icing on the cake and had actually been chased out of the grocery store with a broom. It had been like stepping back to a nightmare. The snickers, the glares, the hateful comments had always been too painful to hear, hitting too close to home. It was exactly as it had been like before. Sure, in the following years it had dulled and the hostility against me has dampened as I grew up but it never did dull the ache.

I remember why I hate this place so much. I remember wishing I could just get up and leave and everything would be okay but I never did. I couldn't… no. I was too stubborn. Too optimistic and not…not with who I would leave behind.

The classes at the academy I had almost looked on forward to. The old man did enroll me much earlier than the kids of my age. If I only didn't fail the exams I would have graduated three years early than the rest of the rookie nine. He had also suggested for my brother to join, but the fox didn't want it. No. The fox was already too high and mighty to lower himself playing with human toys. I thought with sarcasm.

It was only the eight lap around the track and already I was wheezing like there's no tomorrow. Sure, I have more stamina than the rest seeing that they look far worse than I am but I didn't expect my state would be this bad.

Must remember that a five year old body does not work the same way as a thirteen year old body does. Must remember, must remember.

As soon as the run ended I collapsed to the ground. I was surprised to find a face towering over mine. I looked at a sweaty brunette where I was sprawled at my back and then started to get up.

"Whoa… Killer run isn't it?"

I nodded at the boy as he grinned and scampered off albeit shakily from exhaustion. I just realize that not everyone was bent on hating me. I was just too wallowed up at my self pity and angst that I didn't realize sooner. I remembered, Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba had always been there for me when I was a kid but I just was too stupid to realize that them being there itself was an act of friendship.

From then on it hadn't been too bad, until one of the students accidentally hit me with a practice shuriken. I had to be rushed at the clinic where the nurse wasn't too gentle in handling my case. I suppressed a groan as the next teacher made us do press ups and the other make us listen as he droned out the importance and the wonderful purpose of algae.

I want to go home. I don't want to be a student anymore. I want to go home!

What? Go home to a pile of rubble and ghosts? Home where the possibility of facing Jiraiya is high?

The urge to cry was astounding, but I managed to rein it in and blinked it off. My heart heavy and full bursting in my chest. This place… whatever it was… was going to be too much to take. If living like this had made me genocidal and suicidal, being back here with the same people I had killed would do the trick.

That's the bastard fox's plan. He got sick of listening to my subconscious whine so he sends us both back to make me kill myself and stop it. What a brilliant idea.

I wiped my eyes and sniffed; I squared my shoulders and forced a grin as I trudged back to my apartment. I had a few hours of daylight to spare, might as well spend it at a place I know I won't be chased or thrown a rock into. If living with a half demon, half human is safe…


"So weak." Kyosuke remarked as he prodded my stomach bringing me to the state of wakefulness. I glared at him through my sleepy haze and hit him with a pillow before rolling away and cocooned myself with the covers. Undeterred, he continued on with his ministrations this time with my sides.

I felt my eye twitch each and every time he does that.

"DAMNIT! Stop poking me!" I tied the blanket around his neck threatening to cut his air supply. If he died I wouldn't feel sorry. Really I won't. Okay… maybe a little.

He grinned. "You're practically a living munchkin. Brother, I just don't want you to be this weak and helpless. We are more than humans after all." He poked my still present baby fat in emphasis.

Now why did he have to say that? I slumped at his back and let the blanket free. Despair and guilt eating me up and it's all that bastard's doing.

"What did I do to deserve this?" I mumbled through his shoulder. I felt him pat my head that I knew was fake sympathy; I resisted the urge to bite his fingers off since they would just grow back and the blood would leave undesirable results at my sheets.

"There, there brother. How was your day?"

"Hell." I muttered. I buried my head at my pillow. As always. I sighed and turned my head to his direction giving him a half lidded glare.

He threw a grin which made me frown; he's enjoying the news way too much for my liking. The bastard…

Maybe…I thought to myself as I try to ignore my 'brother's' resumed poking. I'll go back to sleep and wake up back in my weather beaten apartment, in the real world. Please, oh please, let me wake up there. With the piles of charred rocks and psycho Snake bastards, power hungry cults, psycho Uchihas and my own goddamn grief. Even without psycho Uchiha junior, Sakura-chan, Iruka-sensei and Tsunaide-baba.

Without them? Without Team 7, Iruka and Tsunaide? And what will you do when you do manage to go home? How will you face the perverted hermit? And don't forget Sasuke. He'll get curious soon enough.

I clutched the bedcovers tighter and felt my stomach grow queasy at the thought as fast as it came to mind. Sasuke… was the first person who I had recognized was similar to me in some twisted way. That guy was the only one in my peers who treated me with indifference and acknowledged me in his own way by making his own judgments rather than listen what others say.

Though none of his remarks or actions is particularly pleasing, it was… refreshing in screwed up sort of way.

Maybe Sasuke sticking his hand through my chest had been the last straw, so to speak. My death; life snuffed out by that act by someone I respected and aspire to be. I am so pathetic. I'm reduced to this sniveling, cowardly wreck that could not face the world and could not face himself because of the act of complete betrayal.

Congratulations Sasuke. You won hands down. I hope you're happy. I thought dryly.

Thinking about team seven, and the rest made something beneath my chest painful as I felt my heart squeeze. The only people who had acknowledged me died by my own hands.

Well not directly anyway, I'm not that strong but releasing the Kyubbi from my seal pretty sums it up that it's my fault.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it, don't think about it.

The fox finally stopped poking seemingly bored now. Thank you! He stood up and left the room, maybe even the apartment. Probably to terrorize villagers.

Che. Not like I care. He could do whatever he wants, it's not like he's going to be spat upon since he's basically no one.

Iruka-sensei and Old man Sandime would be horrified if they knew how melancholy the supposed to be their genki charge and student turns out to be. Scratch that. Sandaime would be horrified how melancholy I am. It's not like Iruka-sensei actually gave any visible sign he had accepted me yet.

Strangely the thought of them both only made the throbbing dread in my stomach grow. I went back under the covers and curled myself to a ball, pulling my knees to my chest hard as if the pressure in my breastbone would relieve me from my mental anguish, but it didn't.

Darn.

I wouldn't be able to sleep at all so I'll be a wreck tomorrow. Lot it will do with me attending classes.

Whether I wanted it or not, I would always be lying to the old man and probably everybody else about everything. Every time they would call my name and answer, it would be a lie. At this point Sandaime had no idea that there is something wrong. He would still believe that I am the happy, determined, optimistic boy he had housed and protected.

I hate myself even more because of him.