'Just Pause' by XSketch
CLASSIFICATION: V, M/S UST
SPOILERS: 'Triangle'
DISCLAIMER: CC and Fox own 'em - I just like to play with them :)
ARCHIVE: I'd be honoured, but please let me know where it's going.
DEDICATION: To Linda61 and SalXF...Just because they rule :)
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Holy shit, I said it. I really said it. Six years of growing, pent-up feelings for my partner, and I blurt it out now - in a hospital of all places! I don't regret saying it - I came so close to losing her again I knew it was time to tell her before I never got another chance - but something doesn't feel right (aside from the fogginess in my head), something--
She doesn't believe me.
As I stare into the depths of her blue eyes, I see the flicker of doubt there, and whilst I refuse to regret what had to be said, fear grips my heart and senses as tightly as possible.
'I love you.'
I want to shout it out - repeat it over and over again until she believes me - but something stops me and gives me strength to hope her response will be more promising than a slap in the face.
"I love you."
He's staring at me, waiting for me to reply, but there's a brief delay to my response because I'm too busy letting those words wash over my soul. I've had an inkling of his feelings for me for some time now (if I didn't before, what happened in his hallway before the bee stung me several months ago certainly drove the idea home), but the professional, analytical part of me wants to close itself off to this more forward approach he's taking.
He's had a strange experience. He's concussed. He's heavily doped up on Demerol...
That's it: he's drugged! Lucid Mulder would never express that so openly - we've always seemed to have had a silent agreement that our relationship should remain as it is until the right time came to take that next step. Now is not that time.
And yet he's still staring at me, expecting a reply...
It's not the right time, so I can't kiss him, or reply 'I love you, too', but I can't hate him for something he's not responsible for saying or repel him completely when I want the same thing he does, so I say the only thing I can think of.
"Oh, brother."
And as I turn away, I can only hope it's enough to keep him at bay and give us both something to aim for at the same time - a glimmer of hope to build our lives upon, because I really do love him too.
THE END