2. Love letters
Alicia Blade
209 words
Dear Mamoru,
I have this school assignment in which I'm supposed to write a letter of apology to someone, so I'm writing this to you to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're mean and rude and have no social graces to speak of and that your life will be long (because you're such a health nut) and lonely and miserable (because of the aforementioned traits).
All my best,
Usagi
…
Dear Odango,
Why, how sweet of you to think of me. I suppose I owe you an apology, too. I'm painfully sorry that you are an annoying, ditzy girl who will die very young and obese because you've clogged your arteries with so much fat and sugar.
Yours,
Mamoru
…
Dear Mamo-chan,
Your sincerity astounds me. I'm glad that you're concerned about my health and well-being, and should your prediction prove true, I do hope you'll attend my funeral, along with the rest of Juuban and all my distant family and friends—because I'm popular and people like me. Who knows? Maybe you'll even make some extra friends there.
No, you're right, no one could stand you even in mourning.
Love,
Usagi
…
Dear Usako,
I love you too.
Sincerely,
Mamoru
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Dear Baka,
Don't patronize me.
Usagi